Hey, hey! It has been a bit of a doozy of a week – so bad I almost had to go out and buy myself a bottle of wine, but I didn’t, because 1. I’m too lazy, and 2. I’m really serious about not messing up my “sleep study” (please read Tuesday’s post for clarity). Either way, I’m happy we’re on the downside of the week, and coasting right on into the weekend.
Which means one thing: A new episode of “So Cosmo” was on last night! The episode starts with Diandra and Evan on a D-A-T-E – she gets a helicopter to take them over the city. Seriously? THIS is the type of shit I need to be doing? Where have all the cowboys gone?
It was super romantic until Evan was all, “Is there a Mile High Club for helicopters?”
Meanwhile, Tiffany has a girlfriend over for a little champagne and she just casually has the “Cosmo Karma Sutra” book on her coffee table, because it’s “pretty”. So the ladies are flipping through the book and they get to talking about guys they’ve dated and it comes up that Tiffany actually went through a recent breakup with a guy she thought was “the one”.
In work news, Adam got a great opportunity to shoot the “Tips and Sips” shoot – remember, it’s the spread about manicures inspired by cocktails? Basically he is flipping the fuck out over it, and trying to get help from other coworkers and they are having none of it.
Later, there’s a Facebook Live event where Evan has his shirt off and is holding a puppy (I mean, dear God). The readers are allowed to ask questions and of course, they want to know if he is single. He says Diandra wants to keep things secret, so yeah, he’s single! And heeereeee we gooooo.
The day of the “Tips and Sips” shoot, and Adam is really nervous to show his skillz in front of Leah. And right off the bat, the first look he chose is just too much (think: red sequined jumpsuit with Sangria-inspired nails).
But as the shoot continues, his style picks are right on-point. Leah tells him he did a great job, and he’s really, really relieved. Yay!!
At Diandra’s apartment, her friend is over, and she also invites Evan over, and her girlfriend is like freaking OOOUT over how how Evan is. He does seem flattered that Diandra has at least told one of her friends about them.
At a work event, Diandra gets a text from Evan – a pic of him with his shirt off and damn it looks FWINE – and Tiffany happens to be looking over her shoulder and sees the picture. Naturally, she freaks out and starts asking a ton of questions about what happened in Miami. Diandra plays coy and is now afraid she’s going to be labeled as “The office slore”. Well, yeah. Probably so.
Another night at the office, I’m not sure how, but Diandra and Tiffany are having glasses of wine at their desks, and Tiffany tells Diandra this story about how she ran into her ex- the ex – the night before. I guess he left Tiffany and got married right away, then divorced soon after and already had another girlfriend – who he was with when he ran into Tiffany. Yikes.
Later, a second coworker tells Diandra that she knows about Evan and Diandra needs to “watch out” if she’s thinking of dating someone at work. Diandra says she loves her job, but she also doesn’t want to sacrifice a relationship, but she stands Evan up for their next date, and man does he look sad. Like, real sad.
She eventually tells him they need to cool it because she can’t handle people at work talking about it. And he is sad! Like it seems really sad – I didn’t even know guys cared, at all. So… this has kind of got me hooked because obviously the episode was over after that. Next week, y’all! It goes down!
Howdy! So… I totally tuned into “So Cosmo” late because I forgot to record it, was not willing to wait until it aired again at midnight, and was clearly REALLY busy eating quinoa to even check my life. So, I missed the first 15 minutes. Apologies.
When I tuned in, Evan is now officially hired and he attends his first staff meeting with Joanna – there is still talk about her leaving, but I’m assuming she didn’t walk out that same day as she had said she would in the previous episode.
Evan invites Diondra to lunch, but she declines even though she knows it would probably be innocent. She is determined to set the boundaries on this relationship (we’ll see about that).
Evan later strikes up a meeting with Danielle, who is the editor of the fitness department. They are going over the workout he is thinking of for the issue, and Diondra sees this through the window and is getting pretty jealous. So naturally, she busts in to see what’s happening. Lord.
Later, Tiffany throws a decent fit over clear hangers. The rack must have clear hangers. Not black ones. Okay?
Meanwhile, the head Beauty Editor, Leah, is really worried about the new editor coming in. She has worked with other magazines before when this has happened, and every time, the editor has cleaned house and brought in an entirely new staff.
So, apparently Joanna did announce who the new editor would be, and the team is seeing her -Michelle – while they are out at fashion week. Awkward!
Leah finally meets with Joanna to talk about her concerns. Joanna basically tells her to just stop worrying about it, do the best she can and stop crying.
But all the while, Fashion Week goes off swimmingly, and things are all pretty good in Cosmo world. In the previews for the next episode, it’s more drama between Evan and Diondra, making me think that THIS is going to be the main storyline for the season. Ugh.
But hey, who’s watching with me next week?!
A few months ago, I was listening to the “Happier” podcast hosted by Gretchen Rubin and her sister Elizabeth Craft. In each episode, they offer a tip you can try at home that might make your daily life a little happier.
In one episode, their tip was to “Imitate a spiritual master”, basically someone you can look to for guidance, or perhaps someone that can inspire you when you need a little push. I’d never really though about having a spiritual leader, but Elizabeth said hers was Barbra Walters.
Uh, yes! I’d always thought it would have to be someone like Ghandi or the Dalai Lama (both would be fantastic spiritual leaders).
Ever since then, I’ve been thinking about who my spiritual masters are, especially in these times – I have a feeling I’m going to be looking to them a lot. So, I made a list:
“Hamilton” creator and performer Lin-Manuel Miranda was the FIRST person I put on my list of spiritual masters. Frankly, he’s so freakin’ awesome, I think I could have a list of JUST him.
Yesterday, the Oscar nominations were announced, and Miranda is nominated for Best Original Song. Not only is it just another thing that makes him cooler, but it puts him closer to something only few can dream of: an EGOT – a rare title one gets after winning an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, and a Tony. Damn.
As mentioned in a New York Times article, “Mr. Miranda has two Grammys, one for the cast recording to his 2008 Broadway musical “In the Heights” and another for his smash hit “Hamilton.” He has personally won three Tony awards (and his musicals have collected many more). He won an Emmy for his work on the music and lyrics at the 2013 Tony award show.”
So why is Miranda one of my spiritual masters? Aside from being a wildly talented writer and performer that I can look up to, what I look up to most about him is his attitude. He’s willing to speak openly about his political views, but remain positive on a daily basis.
Seriously, when you’re in need of guidance, just go to his Twitter feed @Lin_Manuel and get a dose of sunshine.
I first heard of Ms. Issa Rae on the HBO series “Insecure”, which premiered in the fall of last year. I pretty much loved the pilot episode and couldn’t get enough of it after that. Little did I know that Issa was more than just an actress on the show.
After graduating from Stanford and attending the New York Film Academy, Issa had started to build her reputation as a screenwriter and a video producer. She created a series on YouTube, “Awkward Black Girl”, that has more than 200,000 subscribers.
She later turned her web series into a book (which I am currently on a waiting list for at the library), and it quickly became a New York Times bestseller. And then HBO came a-knockin’ and she actually was given a budget to turn her YouTube series into a hit on network television.
She da-bomb! Yeah, I just said that. She’s beautiful, hilarious, and sharp as hell – I cannot help but look up to this woman.
“It’s a bit cliche, but you can’t go wrong by writing what you know. Even if you’re a horrible writer, your own knowledge and experience is unrivaled. Nobody knows what you know like you know what you know. The way you see things is pretty unique.” – Issa Rae
I know I can’t be the only one that’s basically looking to comedian and host of “The Daily Show”, Trevor Noah to guide us through the next four years. I’ve limited my new coverage to 10 minutes of “TODAY” each morning, and then leave it up to Trevor to pick up the pieces each night before bed.
Born in South Africa, Noah comes from a very interesting background which he talks about in his book, “Born a Crime“, and serves as a lense for his unique sense of humor.
One of my biggest concerns in the coming years is how the press is going to handle it all (aside from that whole nuclear thing). We need journalists who are going to be blunt, and check the President on everything. And Noah just so happens to do it with a laugh.
“We get angry about the small things sometimes, I feel, so that we feel like we’re doing something, so that we don’t have to tackle the big things. And it’s fine; let people do that. But I’m not gonna now change because of that. You know? Like, the worst thing that happens to me is you don’t like me. And then what?” -Trevor Noah
I didn’t really get the craze surrounding Anna Kendrick until I read her memoir, “Scrappy Little Nobody” last week… and I loved it. Of course, she was awesome in”Pitch Perfect”, but I had no clue she’s been working her little butt off since she was 12!
Not only does she have drive, but she’s hilarious, humble, and has a “take it or leave it” attitude when it comes to men and dating, which is just the kind of advice I need from a spiritual master.
“Maybe I am stepping up in the world. Pretty soon I’m going to be 30 and making dope carrot soup and will have my sh-t together.” – Anna Kendrick
JohnJay Van Es
I can’t have a list of spiritual masters without including JohnJay Van Es, co-host of the best radio show ever, “JohnJay and Rich”.
While I know cohosts of the show, Rich and Kyle, would get a big kick out of my trusting of JohnJay with my spiritual guidance, but I’ll explain. I started listening to the show years ago, during a time when my job was pretty rough.
I found daily solace in listening to their jokes, phone pranks, and the simple chatter of small problems. Little did I know, I was about to lose my job, and when I did, I kept listening to the show. It was sometimes the only thing I looked forward to each day.
Years later, I am still listening every day, and I love laughing along with JohnJay as he tells the stories from his insane life. He’s also the creator of a kindness movement, LoveUp, which promotes random acts of kindness of all sizes, each and every day. It’s changed how I look at the world, and I can’t thank him enough.
There you have it! I’d love to know who your spiritual masters are these days – who knows, maybe I’ll add them to my list!
I don’t know if it’s just me, but I’m so excited about this being a new year, I feel so fresh and rejuvenated, and overall I’m just ready to really tackle my life and my dreams in a way I haven’t felt before.
When I got my first day job, I remember my coworkers were always so shocked at how much I had going on in my life outside of my job – at times I was bartending at night, I was always maintaining my boxing regimen, I wrote and published books, kept up with this blog, taught my blog classes, and did freelance editing work.
There were times I hated being so busy, but the truth is, when things are slow, I really don’t know what to do with myself. I may ALWAYS have a life like this, and that’s how I like it (within reason, of course).
In reality, I’ve sought activities and side jobs outside of my 9-5 job because there was always something my day job was missing. And I think no matter what job you have, it won’t be perfect. Even if I was being paid enough by simply keeping up with this blog, I would still be at the dance studio every night, I’d still be attempting to learn how to write a screen play, and I’d still be doing freelance.
My struggle is really staying focused on my passion, which is writing. Period. I always want to be writing and want to be perfecting my craft. And in order to be a great writer, I have to be a great reader. So, aside from finding quality time to write, I’ve got to find time to read! It’s the great balancing act.
Now, I’m not sure if any of you are working on tackling a passion project this year, and there are many methods out there that can help you get things done, but I came across one way that sounded interesting: the 90-90-1 rule.
The 90-90-1 rule is this: for the next 90 days, spend 90 minutes first thing in the morning, on your 1 passion project. Sounds cool, right?
I would consider myself a morning-ish person. I always get up earlier than necessary so I can have extra time to get ready or to write, or whatever I need to get done. So the 90-minute thing would probably work for me each morning. But maybe you’re an afternoon person, or a night owl – I say do it whenever you feel your mind is going to be the best for whatever your passion project is.
Several weeks ago, John Mayer (swwooooon) was on Facebook Live doing a Q&A session before releasing his first single off an upcoming record. He was answering a fan’s question, about what I don’t remember, but he told the person something along the lines of, “Go too far with it…go crazy…those are the people that succeed.”
Preach! It takes a lot of time, and work, and guts to succeed, and that’s why some of the most successful people (whomever you consider that to be) are probably a little weird – because they are SO passionate about what they do.
I have this daily struggle of being super regimented in order to “succeed” at my day job – go to bed early, get a good night’s sleep, work through lunch, work late, etc. But then the weekend rolls around and I’m dead tired, and I have to cram all of my leisure reading and blog writing into two days, and it hardly works.
I have always wanted to live a life that’s full of variety – where every day feels a little bit different. Maybe it means, going to a coffee shop before work instead of just drinking from my little coffee maker, or maybe it means checking out a new place to eat lunch, or even just staying up late on my couch on a Monday night to finish reading a good book, at the risk of being groggy at work the next day.
The latter sounds more fun, right? If you’re tackling your passion this year, I’d love to know what method you’re using, or how you’re planning to go about it. Let’s support each other as we work to live our dreams!
Hey, hey! I am back at the office today, and wow is that whole come-down after Christmas ROUGH. It’s like this month-long build up for a single day and then, it’s over. It’s honestly how I imagine me meeting John Mayer for the first time, only on a 16-year scale, with devastating disappointment (don’t tell him I said that though).
The good news is, there’s another long weekend on the horizon, so there’s that to look forward to – wow, my life isn’t pathetic or anything.
But! I did get some reading done over my lil Christmas break, and I’m really excited to talk about Blanche’s Book Club’s latest read, “The Pioneer Woman: Black Heels to Tractor Wheels” by Ree Drummond.
I’ve had this book on my list for awhile, but I sort of forgot about it until I stumbled upon it at the library when I was looking for something else. I couldn’t put off reading it any longer; I figured I could probably use a good (and TRUE) love story in my life. Here’s the scoop from Amazon.com:
Wildly popular award-winning blogger, accidental ranch wife, and #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Pioneer Woman Cooks, Ree Drummond (aka The Pioneer Woman) tells the true story of her storybook romance that led her from the Los Angeles glitter to a cattle ranch in rural Oklahoma, and into the arms of her real-life Marlboro Man.
I came across Ree, or “The Pioneer Woman”, for the first time on Food Network, and I came to absolutely love watching her show, “The Pioneer Woman”. She lives on a gorgeous ranch in Oklahoma, and she makes fairly simple (yet delicious) dishes for her family and friends. I’ve made her enchiladas many times, and they never fail to delight!
Her husband, Lad, makes some appearances on the show, and he is very handsome, and he seems really genuine and kind. So, I wasn’t surprised when I read this book and heard the many times she described him as such, only she referred to him as the “Marlboro Man”.
In fact, the book reflected what I assume to be her real-life personality, because it was just how she acts on the show. However, true fans of this Pioneer Woman may have been just as surprised as I was to learn that she was once a big city gal, living in Los Angeles, working in corporate America, drooling over high-end designer clothes, and spending her nights out guzzling martinis. Who would have thought?!
But she did, until her life took an unexpected turn and she ran into this Marlboro Man one night in her home town. A month later, they went on a date… and they’ve basically been inseparable ever since. This is really a love story that touched my heart; one that I really needed to read.
One theme that’s brought up a lot in this book is something I’m still learning and trying to understand about love: that it doesn’t matter how much you embarrass yourself, how silly you are, whether or not your mascara is perfect, or in Ree’s case, just how much you sweat through a gorgeous suit, the one you’re meant to be with is still going to LOVE you.
I’m really glad I got to read this lesson in this way – because Ree’s story is really beautiful, and the way she tells it is sometimes laugh-out-loud funny.
Another cool part about the book is that, of course, Ree talks a lot about food! While it doesn’t quite explain how she got involved in her cooking blog and her show, she discusses the meals she made for Lad when they were dating – many of which she flubbed due to nerves, or simply because she wasn’t an experienced home cook yet.
The back of the book contains recipes for most of the recipes she mentioned, but one stuck out to me the most – the Tagliarini Quattro Formaggi from Intermezzo in West Hollywood. Since angel hair is my FAVORITE form of pasta, I knew I was going to have to replicate this dish… so don’t be shocked if you see it on my social media feed in the near future. But, just in case you want to make it, too, here’s the recipe:
INGREDIENTS: 1 cup of heavy cream, 1 pound of tagliarini or angel hair pasta, 2 tablespoons of butter, 1/2 cup of grated fontina cheese, 1/2 cup of grated parmesan cheese, 1/2 cup of grated romano cheese, 4 ounces of goat cheese, salt and pepper to taste, 1/4 teaspoon of ground nutmeg, and 1 garlic cloved, halved.
DIRECTIONS: warm the cream in a saucepan over low heat. Prepare the pasta according to package direction, but undercook it just a little so it’s al dente. Drain the pasta and return to the pot and add butter. Next, add the warm cream, and all of the cheeses. Stire gently, allowing the cheese to melt and coat the noodles. Add salt and pepper to taste, and add the nutmeg. Stir to combine. Rub the bowls you’re serving in with the garlic, before scooping the pasta into the bowls. Yum!
The next book Blanche’s Book Club will be reading is “A Man Called Ove” by Fredrik Backman. Read it with us by following and chatting right here on the blog or on social media @OrangeJulius7. Happy reading, y’all!
Oh here we are, another week down, another Friday is upon us! Is it just me, or has this week been ROUGH? I I am hoping to get in some quality rest this weekend – I’m exhausted.
But in the meantime, I am happy to share the latest read from Blanche’s Book Club! It’s “One True Loves” by Taylor Jenkins Reid. I stumbled upon this one online – I believe I saw it on some sort of list, and saved it for a rainy day. When I found it in the library, I read the back of it, and was HOOKED. Here’s what it says:
From the author of Maybe in Another Life—named a People Magazine pick—comes a breathtaking new love story about a woman unexpectedly forced to choose between the husband she has long thought dead and the fiancé who has finally brought her back to life.
In her twenties, Emma Blair marries her high school sweetheart, Jesse. They build a life for themselves, far away from the expectations of their parents and the people of their hometown in Massachusetts. They travel the world together, living life to the fullest and seizing every opportunity for adventure.
On their first wedding anniversary, Jesse is on a helicopter over the Pacific when it goes missing. Just like that, Jesse is gone forever.
Emma quits her job and moves home in an effort to put her life back together. Years later, now in her thirties, Emma runs into an old friend, Sam, and finds herself falling in love again. When Emma and Sam get engaged, it feels like Emma’s second chance at happiness.
That is, until Jesse is found. He’s alive, and he’s been trying all these years to come home to her. With a husband and a fiancé, Emma has to now figure out who she is and what she wants, while trying to protect the ones she loves.
Who is her one true love? What does it mean to love truly?
Emma knows she has to listen to her heart. She’s just not sure what it’s saying.
Does that not sound SO GOOD?! Not only was I excited to check this one out, but I saw a few other titles from this same author and read their descriptions, as well, and they all sound just as great. Don’t you love it when you find a new author to binge-read?
Once I got started, it was really easy to get into, and the story moves rather quickly, while still providing enough detail to image the scenes.
I loved that the story was a bit adventurous – I mean her husband was lost at sea, for godssake – but it really makes you think about how something like that would make you feel. Who would you choose? Once I got about 3/4 of the way through the book, I was really curious who she would end up with.
No spoilers here – but I’d definitely recommend this book if you’re into a little romcom. There’s a few wintry scenes if you’re looking for something relative (bbbrrr!).
The next book the book club is reading is “The Pioneer Woman: Black Heels to Tractor Wheels — A Love Story“. Read it with us and shoot me a note on social media @OrangeJulius7 to get the conversation started!
I’ll be in the kitchen, baking this weekend, and generally trying to stay warm. I’m also hoping to get some rest, lots and lots of rest. Happy Friday, y’all!
Hellllooo! How was your weekend? Mine was… eventful in an unexpected way. I spent a majority of my Saturday running errands – mostly for Christmas presents – which was hectic, and to top things off, it was cold and rainy. I came home around 6, got things put away, and settled into bed to watch “Orange is the New Black”. I was about 5 minutes in when Blanche comes running into my room, chasing a mouse.
Yep, a real mouse. With a tail.
Longtime readers may recall this exact thing happened to me last holiday season – you can read about that incident right here.
Last year, after screaming bloody murder and finding refuge standing on the back of my couch, I coaxed myself into my car, drove to the nearest Walgreens, and bought all the traps they had. I set them that night, and then locked myself, and the cat, into my bedroom, in hopes the traps would solve the issue.
I never saw the mouse, or any mouse, again until Saturday night, when one ran through my bedroom, heading toward my Christmas tree, which is in the living room. I said nothing, grabbed my keys, went to Walgreens, set the traps, and locked us back into the bedroom.
Apparently, we’ve got a new holiday tradition. Holly, Blanche, and the Christmas Mouse. Look for it in Barnes & Noble, nationwide November 2017.
Despite being terrified the mouse was going to jump out at me, much like the squirrel in “Christmas Vacation”, I spent Sunday cleaning, wrapping gifts, and watching Christmas movies.
And of course, I was counting down the hours until the premier of “Mariah’s World”! Sooooo who else watched it? Let’s get into this recap.
The show started off with what I assume was a preview of what’s to come on this 8-part “event”… and in this 3-minute series of clips, I had no freaking clue what was happening. There were so many different people, lots of arguing, and lots of audio from “Fantasy” on repeat.
Right off the bat, we’re taken to Italy, where Mariah is vacationing on her yacht, which is across the water from her then-fiance’s yacht. I noticed immediately how vocal Mariah is about material things. It’s not enough that she’s on a lavish yacht, wearing diamonds, as she’s about to jump in the ocean, but she has to say it outloud that she’s wearing a dress and diamonds and is about to jump into the ocean.
I don’t know why this surprises me, but it certainly does, and it’s kind of annoying. She acts like she’s new money, when sure, she came from nothing, but that was many, many years ago (not a knock to her age, but rather a nod to how long she’s dominated the industry).
The residency in Las Vegas has just wrapped, and for some reason, Mariah’s assistant Stella, is scheduling a 27-stop European tour, that’s going to start in just two weeks – around the same time as her wedding.
So there’s lots of scrambling, lots of yelling on the phone, even a bridal fitting (super awkward), and eventually, Stella hires a person named Molly, who seems to have no experience as an assitant, yet she’s going to work on this European tour.
Seriously, HOW DOES THIS SHIT HAPPEN?
But nonetheless, that’s not the high point of the episode. Instead, it’s the first side of Bryan Tanaka – one of Mariah’s dancers, but also her now boyfriend.
Bask in the shady palm trees, my friends.
Like, let’s lay this out, because in the show, she’s PLANNING a wedding with James Packer. But during these dance rehearsals, she is ALL about some Tanaka.
Here’s my other odd observation. Why are the dance rehearsals held in her home? Better yet, why doesn’t she have a rehearsal space in her home? She’s literally practicing beside a pool table, and then when they go to rehearsal, there’s no real equipment – she’s using a water bottle as a mic, and they’ve set up gymnastic mats and plywood as a makeshift staircase.
Did anyone get the memo that it’s a Mariah CAREY reheasal?? That just seems odd to me. She doesn’t strike me as the kind of person to cut corners, but shit.
By the end of the episode, Mariah has pushed back the wedding, strictly in the name of the tour, and she’s a whopping 3-hours late to rehearsal.
This… should be an interesting 8 weeks, folks.
Many years ago, there was a great blog called 2 Birds, 1 Blog, and one of the writers, Meg, used to do “State of The Meg” every so often to write about all the random things happening in her life. It was sort of like the Presidential State of the Union, only obviously way more informative. If you’re looking for a good laugh, go back and read the blog in its entirety. There hasn’t been a post in years, but you’ll laugh your ass off, and given the way 2016 has happened, my guess is you could use a good laugh.
I’ve had a lot on my mind lately (perhaps moreso than usual), and with no real plan on how to address it, I’m doing what all writers do and stealing Meg’s format. But it’s a tribute, because she is fantastic.
So anyway, I briefly mentioned that over Thanksgiving, I had a mild anxiety attack. This is not totally out-of-the-ordinary for me, but it’s been awhile since I had one. Although there are tons of things that can cause anxiety, I know I’ve been feeling stressed over a mix of things including (but not limited to) money, my job, my health, the holidays, and my car.
Well, I am really happy to say that I FINALLY got my damn Jeep fixed. After visiting four dealerships, and being on waiting lists since September, I found a place 20 miles away that fixed my car in less than two days, provided me with a rental car, and honored my Jeep warranty. Luck was definitely on my side, and I’m feeling much better now that the ordeal is over. Seriously, why do things like that have to be SO difficult?
There’s also been something else on my mind, and I’m sort of embarrassed to admit it, but who’s reading this, anyway?
In the spring, I wrote a 6-part series about a…well, I’d say relationship, but I suppose fling is the more appropriate term for what it was. Anyway, the whole thing is still just really bothering me.
The blog series really pissed this guy off, even though I still don’t understand why. I really don’t. They didn’t say anything bad about him; but I suppose he was embarrassed to have people find out that we hooked up (even though I did change his name, and others involved).
He begged for me to remove the posts, and/or stop posting them, and had a friend threaten to sue me over it. I never wrote the posts to hurt anyone, but I also couldn’t agree with him bullying me into removing them – so I never did.
And you know what? His life went on, and he is okay, and he still has a job, and owns a new house, and is probably happily in a new relationship.
In my brain, I know I didn’t do anything wrong. But everywhere else… I feel pretty messed up over the entire thing. I still feel really betrayed by what he did to me prior to me even writing the posts, and then he’d told me that if I stopped publishing the posts, we could go on being friends.
Since I didn’t do what he asked, he’s cut me out entirely. I tried reaching out to him months ago; I wasn’t ready to apologize, and I still am not sure if that’s really in my heart. But, we’d been friends for like, half our lives. Is this really the end of that?
Obviously, he ignored my call and later blocked my messages, and has blocked me on all social media. Even his friends told me he probably will never talk to me, ever.
Sure, I’ve cut people out before… but it was like… when they wanted to kill me. Is what I did really worth that type of punishment? I don’t know.
And that’s the fucked up part. It’s like, I really feel like I just nailed myself onto Karma’s bad side by blogging about what happened between us. Even though it really is what happened between us, and that’s what this blog is: my life, unedited (for the most part). I’ll be even more honest here; there were some things I purposefully left out of the blog posts because I knew they would be hurtful, and I wasn’t trying to do that.
Some days, I really wish he would reach out to me and we could just resolve this and say, hey we could all use someone to lean on and let’s just call it even and wish each other the best. But other days, I know I was just standing up for myself and sharing an experience that happened to me, and he just happened to read it, so fuck it.
But this whole feeling of “fuck it” – I’mma do me… it’s only empowering for a few seconds, because I feel like a person that spends their life saying “Do you” or “I’ll just do me”, ends up in a deserted cabin, alone in the mountains eating canned soup a la the “Dexter” series finale.
Amirite? Like obviously we can’t all just do ourselves or we’d be a globe full of loners.
And hey, part of this mass of thoughts about this situation are because it’s the holidays, and last year around the holidays, we were actually talking and spent New Year’s Eve together. So, please send cases of booze to Austin, Texas in preparation for this NYE party of 1, because I’ll be fucking miserable.
I know, I KNOW you’re saying, but Holly, just get with someone else! And sure, there are days I think of that, too. Like okay, it’s time to stop this whole bitter gig and give a little. But then I hear stories from my girlfriends about dates they’ve been on – stories of bird carcasses hidden in kitchen drawers, “hang outs” instead of actual dates, and hour-late arrivals.
And then I cut myself another slice of chocolate pie, loosen my drawstring pants, and say, “Fuck it, I’mma do ME”. Because, no.
But the truth on that matter is, I am not mentally equipped to move from guy to guy. I have done that, and it ended very poorly for me. It’s taken me years to learn that I have to give myself time, no matter how long the fling or how serious, I need time.
If I don’t allow myself time, I’ll pick a guy out of needs that aren’t fit and I’ll end up more hurt than I am now. And that’s not a place I want to be.
On the good side of things, obviously I have a future in placing my head on other people’s body in photographs, so I can probably make a career change in 2017.
I’ve still been listening to podcasts like they’re going out of style, and I’ll have another roundup of my latest favorites for you in the next few weeks. But today I wanted to focus on one in particular, “Happier” with Gretchen Rubin. So far, I’m about 2o episodes in and I couldn’t help but take note of what I’m hearing because there’s so much good stuff in each episode.
Let me start by explaing who Gretchen Rubin is. She came into my life, and probably many others, when she published her book on happiness, “The Happiness Project”, which explored habits the average person could take in order to improve their general state of happiness. I really loved this book and got a lot of takeaways from it that I still apply to my life, years later.
So, when her next book was released, “Happier at Home”, I snatched it right up. But truthfully, it seemed like she was starting to make up rules about ways to live extravagantly, just to “be happy”. I took a break from Gretchen after that.
Until I stumbled upon this podcast, as it is always listed in the iTumes Top 100 list. So, I took a listen, starting at episode one.
The show is hosted by Gretchen, who is by now a “Happiness Expert” ontop of being a bestselling author. Gretchen’s sister Elizabeth serves as the cohost, and she’s also a TV writer living in LA (SO jealous). She serves as a good other half to the show because she’s more neutral to the rules of happiness, and she’s a regular person with a job, a husband, and a kid – so hearing her side of the happiness theories balances out Gretchen’s sometimes over-the-top approach.
Each episode is only 20 minutes long, so it’s easy to fly through them. The episode layouts are all the same: they begin with a “try this at home” tip, which is a little task that’s supposed to make your life happier. This is my favorite part of the show, as I like to see if these tips would make my life better. Here are some of the tips they’ve suggested in the episodes I’ve listened to:
- The 1-minute rule
- Set an alarm for bed
- Keep a one-sentence journal
- Embrace good smells
- Do a power hour
- Treat yourself like a toddler
- Give warm hellos and goodbyes
- Treat yourself!
- Make the positive argument
- Indulge in a modest splurge
- Stop reading a book if you don’t like it
- Dedicate space to shrines
- Imitate a spiritual master
- Have an exact space for everything
One of the best suggestions is the “1-minute rule”, which basically suggests that if a task takes less than 1 minute, you just do it. For me, this is simply picking up my kitchen or living room at the end of the day so when I wake up, I don’t see a pile of crap right when I’m getting my cup of coffee. It’s easy, but it makes a big difference.
The Power Hour, on the other hand, is setting aside one hour a week, or maybe it’s per month, where you do tasks that you’ve been putting off – such as hanging that picture that’s been leaning against the wall or changing that lightbulb which requires the big ladder.
“Treat yourself like a toddler” is an interesting one, which highlights the idea that we look out for children and make sure they have everything they need, but we often don’t do that for ourselves. For example, making sure we get enough sleep, are dressed for cold weather, or eating a nourishing meal. Basically, be extra nice to yourself!
Aside from these “Try at home” tips in the beginning of the episode, there is usually a happiness lesson that takes up a majority of the remaining time, followed by a listener question, which is always interesting.
You can check out the podcast here, I know I’m going to keep listening and collecting these tips in hopes of living a happier life… to some degree.
At the beginning of the month, I got an email with the subject line that read: Does a day job mean giving up on my dreams?
It was an email newsletter from Marie Forleo, an entrepreneur and motivational speaker (named as the thought leader of our generation by Oprah) whom I’ve been following for the last two years.
The body of the email talked about the problem of a specific person, who had been trying to make a business work, but wasn’t quite making enough money to pay the bills. But if she took a regular job, would that mean tossing out her dreams?
There was a video attached, because if you follow Marie, you know she truly excels in front of the camera. What followed was an hour-long (free) training called “How to Get Anything You Want”.
I listened immediately.
Before I go any further, I’ll explain that I’ve toyed with this idea of “Dream vs. Career” for pretty much the last 10 years of my life. I have always either worked two jobs, or had a job and freelance on the side, or had a job and wrote this blog on the side… all because there was something my day job wasn’t fulfilling in me, whether it was enough money or the social environment or creative freedom, something was missing.
And things are finally getting to the point where I’m not sure how much longer I can go just imagining my dreams. It’s time I got off my ass and actually made them a reality.
So, Marie’s training came to me at a great time. She started off by talking about how everyone has dreams, but not many people actually attempt to go after them because they’re so afraid of failure (totally me).
Realizing your dreams; even just writing them down on a piece of paper in a hidden drawer, makes them real, and puts yourself out there. So, the first step is gathering that courage to define your dreams.
As silly as it sounds, this may be the most difficult part for me. Why? Because I have SO many dreams. I don’t want to let any of them go, even though I know I can’t live them all. I want to live in Los Angeles AND New York and not at the same time; I want to go to London; I want to take an Alaskan cruise; I want to write for Vulture or The Cut; I want to write a made-for-TV screenplay; sometimes, I just want to choreograph dances for the local high school pom squad and other days I want to have a guest spot with the Laker Girls. I kind of want to go to culinary school, or maybe just write a TV series, all until John Mayer finally swoops me up and I can just live Montana cabin life and write his blog for him.
I know, I sound like a crazy person. So, I’m still working through step one (I’m using my holiday weekend to get some of my thoughts organized). Overall, though, I know I want to empower and motivate others, and I know I want to do that through my writing and through teaching others how to write and publish their own blogs, to get the fulfillment that I have gotten.
Marie talked next about a woman who really wanted to write a book and have it be published. But as soon as she wrote this goal down and committed her life to making it happen, life got in the way BIG TIME for her. She had family problems, and major financial problems… basically all signs pointing to “no!” But, she kept on and wrote her book. And once it was finished, she sent it to publishers. And they, too, told her NO. Even the publisher that eventually told her yes, told her to keep her day job because she wouldn’t see enough money from the book.
That woman, of course, was J.K. Rowling, and the book was the first installment of Harry Potter. And look how that turned out!
Now I know, we can’t all turn out like Ms. Rowling, but I have always loved that story. Anyone can make their dreams come true, and Marie was using that story to say that once you absolutely commit to something, it can happen.
That’s why you have to make your goal as specific and concrete as possible (again, not easy). Because once you fully commit to this goal, other goals have to take a backseat (heart = broken).
So, if you’re feeling me and doing this exercise, you get a clean piece of paper and write down your dream. “What I really want is…”
And it doesn’t have to be something career-related. It could be a project at home; losing weight; running a marathon; learning a skill; traveling to an exotic place; saving money, etc. Whatever you truly want!
Once you define what you want, write the WHY. And while I know I’m still defining my wants, I know the why. I need creative freedom and fulfillment, and I don’t want to necessary be strapped by the daily office grind.
Next, make a list of all the excuses you’re going to tell yourself as to why you can’t achieve your goal – such as, “I can’t afford it”, “There’s not enough time”, or “I live in the wrong city”.
Next, debunk all of those excuses with a solution. According to Marie, time and money are the top two excuses we use on ourselves, and they can be solved if we just try. The time one is definitely one I’ve heard a lot from other people over the years – when I had a second job or wrote books or maintained this blog, my coworkers would say they didn’t understand how I had the time.
But time is the great equalizer; we all have 24 hours in a day. And yes, I know Beyonce and Oprah have full staffs to keep their empires going, but you control how you spend YOUR 24 hours. Do you spend it researching, reading, at the gym, etc. doing what you have to do to reach your goals, or do you spend it sleeping?
If you can’t find ways to solve your potential excuses, there’s a chance you just don’t want it bad enough. And that’s okay, time to seek the next dream! Because if you want it, you will make the time. Use this as a way to become more self-aware; see how many times you tell yourself you can’t, and then look at your list of solutions to keep things moving.
And finally, you’ve got to keep the faith. Be your biggest cheerleader, and be ready to pick yourself up when the course changes, because it will.
So, all of that to say, that this has what’s been on my mind for the last few weeks. I’m 100% certain you’ll be hearing more about it, because I’ve got to put my dreams into the universe if I think they’re ever going to become real.
I’d love to know about your dreams. Maybe you’re living them already, and how did you get there? How do you keep yourself going? I’m ready to jump into a supportive community right away!
But first, turkey (amirite?).
Happy Thanksgiving week! I’m hoping, for your sake, that you’re reading this from the comforts of your bed, a plane, a train, or perhaps your childhood home as you’re gearing up to celebrate the tastiest of holidays. I will be at the office this week, until the end of business on Wednesday, anyway. However, The Bitter Lemon will still be serving up fresh content just for you, ALL week, just in case you need a getaway from it all!
While I am pretty much never excited for Monday’s arrival, I do love me some Sunday night TV. We are just two episodes out from the season finale of HBO’s “Insecure”, and it could not be more bittersweet.
Will Issa’s lie blow up in her face in front of Daniel, Lawrence, Molly, AND all of her coworkers and kids in tonight’s episode? Will Lawrence leave her for the job in Santa Monica at the season’s end? How will HBO leave us hanging in anticipation for season two (which was confirmed by HBO last week)?
At the start of the episode, Issa is shopping for a dress for her office fundraiser with Molly. Molly seems shocked that Issa even cares – but it seems Issa has taken on a new attitude, “Give all the fucks” instead of none.
She claims she wants to work/care for her man, and her job. Molly seems skeptical.
Later, Molly runs into an old friend from school. It seems as if this friend didn’t have it all together back in the day, but now she’s all cleaned up. The friend says she can thank therapy, and it’s obvious Molly’s wheels are turning.
When she tells Issa about it, Issa says maybe therapy wouldn’t be a bad idea, just to have someone to talk to. Molly seems pretty pissed by this idea, and confirms that she does NOT need therapy.
Meanwhile, Lawrence is on his interview for the tech job, and he appears to be nailing it, so much so, that he gets a job offer right on the spot. He comes home and tells Issa, and she is really excited for him. He seems excited too, until he starts telling her that his app was already ahead of the company’s that he got the job for. So, maybe he should ditch the job and continue working on his app.
Issa is obviously deflated by this idea, and tells him he can always keep working on the app on the side. While Lawrence verbally agrees, it sort of appears he feels Issa is not fully supportive of his dreams.
At the fundraiser, Issa looks great, and so does Lawrence, and just as he’s announcing to her coworkers about his new job, Issa sees Daniel walk in. Molly runs to him to see if she can diffuse the situation. Daniel assures her he’s there “for the kids”.
When Issa confronts him, he wants to know why she tossed him to the side; didn’t their night together mean something? “You were just an itch I needed to scratch,” she tells him. Ouch. And with that, he walks out of the fundraiser and runs into Lawrence while waiting on the valet. Although the two don’t speak much, it’s obvious Lawrence knows something happened between him and Issa.
Inside the party, one of Issa’s coworkers offers to buy Molly a drink and she rudely shuts him down, sending Issa into a tizzy. The two get into a pretty brutal argument, putting it all out there: that Molly can’t get a guy because she’s too picky, and that Issa doesn’t even deserve Lawrence. Molly storms off, with a giant “Fuck you, Issa”, and ends up on Jared’s doorstep AGAIN. Only this time, he slams the door in her face.
Issa’s boss is pleased with her work and sends her home with a bottle of champagne. But when she walks in the door, Lawrence immediately asks her who Daniel is and if she fucked him. When she is slow to respond, the fight breaks out, leaving Lawrence storming out of the apartment and Issa, alone.
END OF EPISODE! Next week is the finale! Although I hated to see this week’s episode end this way, it’s the only way it could end. Issa wasn’t going to get away with what she did, and honestly, such is life, right? Just when you think everything is on the up-and-up, something falls in the shitter. And I cannot wait to see how this season wraps up!
Before I forget, I’m sending out the Thanksgiving edition of “Fresche Squeeze” – The Bitter Lemon’s email newsletter tomorrow morning. Are you signed up to get it? If not, sign up here, and now!
Hey, hey! What a week this has been, right? I honestly wasn’t sure I was going to have a book review for you guys today because I’ve been recovering from a cold all week, and given the Tuesday night depression, I really just wanted to soak in my bathtub and cry until… well, until the next presidential election.
But, I am feeling better on all fronts, and last night, I cozied up with my book and a mug of cinnamon tea and I finished it around 9 pm. A win all around!
If you recall, the Book Club’s latest read, “The Regulars” by Georgia Clark was on my Fall Reading List – I immediately added it to my queue at the library and just picked it up a few weeks ago. I was looking forward to reading it, but I didn’t expect to enjoy it quite as much as I actually did. Here’s the scoop from Amazon.com:
Best friends Evie, Krista, and Willow are just trying to make it through their mid-twenties in New York. They’re regular girls, with average looks and typical quarter-life crises: making it up the corporate ladder, making sense of online dating, and making rent.
Until they come across Pretty, a magic tincture that makes them, well…gorgeous. Like, supermodel gorgeous. And it’s certainly not their fault if the sudden gift of beauty causes unexpected doors to open for them.
But there’s a dark side to Pretty, too, and as the gloss fades for these modern-day Cinderellas, there’s just one question left:
What would you sacrifice to be Pretty?
Wildly irreverent, blatantly sexy, and observed with pitch-perfect wit, The Regulars is fresh “compulsive reading from a bright new voice” (Brenda Bowen, author of Enchanted August) in fiction, perfect for fans of Jennifer Close and Kevin Kwan.
Sounds like a fun story, right? And it is. What I initially loved about this book was its ability to combine something I think most people wonder – what would it be like to be perfectly pretty? – with a bit of fantasy: a potion that makes average women modelesque and gorgeous for seven days.
Sure, fiction is fiction, but this was fantasy that we have probably wished for at one time or another, with a bit of realism, sex, and even humor (there are parts of this book that are laugh-out-loud funny).
Naturally, this book ties things off in a pretty little lesson, but it’s not cheesy or silly, it’s nice, and I believe it would be a realistic outcome, if we were all given this same chance of beauty and physical perfection.
I was surprised to learn that this is Clark’s debut adult novel (she’s previously published YA novels), and I’m already excited to see what she’s got up her sleeve – I would definitely pick up another book of hers, and would not be surprised if we saw these same characters in another storyline. It would be fantastic!
I am happily recommending this book to any lover of female fiction, or anyone looking for a tiny escape.
The next book Blanche’s Book Club will be reading is “Orange is the New Black: My Year in a Women’s Prison” by Piper Kerman. I haven’t watched any of the Netflix series because I wanted to read the book first! I am so, so excited to read this one, and you know I’ll be reporting the scoop right here next week.
Want to read it with me? I’d love to hear from you! Simply leave a comment on this blog, or find me on social media @OrangeJulius and let’s chat about it. After all, it’s the non-committal book club!
What is everyone up to this weekend? I am happily doing a whole-lotta nothin’ after six weeks of dance rehearsals, five weeks of teaching my blog class, and two weeks of volunteering, I am going to RELAX this weekend! I will probably do some reading, catch up on my DVR goodies, and do some cooking (I’m thinking enchiladas).
Happy Friday, all – have a great weekend and I look forward to seeing you right back here on Monday!
Over the last few years, cyber bullying has been on the rise, given that since nearly everyone has a smartphone and/or a tablet, it’s much easier to pester someone behind the comfort of a screen. Cyber bullying happens in school, for kids of nearly all ages, and it happens to adults – celebrities often talk about all of the negative things people message them.
But it’s not just happening to children and celebrities. In fact, I’d venture to say that it happens to anyone who’s willing to put themselves out there, online.
As a blogger – I’m coming up on my 10 year anniversary of – I’ve been putting myself out there A LOT. In fact, even before I had a blog, I worked for years as a newspaper columnist, and that was also a vulnerable situation.
During my years as a writer and as a blogger, I’ve encountered many people who want to cut me down based on various things: the way I look, the way I write, my opinions, my actions, etc.
In college, I had a “confrontation” with someone via MySpace. She didn’t send me messages, really, but instead she posted messages about me to her page. The messages were threatening, so I contacted police. She was a fellow LSU student, so when the police looked into her personal email account, they said she had contacted several people she knew to help her harm me physically.
I only saw her once in public during that time – and she threw ice at me. But I quickly left the area and made it home safely.
In the years since I’ve had this blog, I’ve come across many people who leave comments or send me messages saying they disagree with what I’m saying. And hey, that’s okay. We all have opinions and reasons for why we are the way we are – and isn’t diversity what makes this world such an interesting place?
But it’s when those messages turn nasty, that things go dark. Sometimes, I’ve had people completely lash out at me over something I wrote. Most of the time, it’s just a one-time occurrence; I said something that really struck a chord and then it’s over the next day when I post something new.
But, there are other times when a bully just keeps coming back. I have one such bully who is tricky in many regards. She, or he, has been willing to leave many nice comments from time to time, and has also entered in (and won) many of my giveaway contests – including a free week of organic meals from Green Chef and the opportunity to take my blog class for just $1.
But other times, this person says pretty harsh things about the way I write, my opinions, and in general, attacks my personality.
All of this is totally allowed. I am a firm, FIRM believer in our right to freedom of speech, but I’m not a fan of using it to cut people down, just for the sake of being mean. While this person doesn’t claim to be anonymous, I’m not sure if they sign using their real name or email address – another stipulation of this online world. Essentially, I have no idea who this person is.
Over the past year, she got so mad at me, she took to my online blog class and left it a very harsh review. If she really took the class, and hated it, then by all means, leave an honest review. But, as the course instructor, I can see which students are at which points in the course, and she hadn’t even taken it yet.
She was commenting on things she didn’t know, just to give my class a 1-star rating, which affects the course’s potential to make money.
After this, I reached out to her via email. I wanted to know, really, what I did to make her hate me so much. After all, sure, we disagree on a few things, but that’s okay. I played fair when she entered my blog giveaways and tried to just appreciate her as a reader who challenged me in the way I thought.
But, she never wrote me back. Instead, she just kept leaving nasty comments on my blog – and I decided to immediately put them in the digital dumpster.
Here’s a little known fact about me: words are hurtful. And I have put EVERYTHING out there on this blog – I’ve lost a job over it; I’ve had fights with friends; I’ve been threatened to be sued by my family; I’ve dissed exboyfriends… and all of this personal stuff is difficult and therapeutic all at once to put out there, but it makes me vulnerable.
And when someone calls me a cow or says I’m a bad writer or self-absorbed… I just want to hide under my bed. And I don’t know if that feeling will ever change.
The scary thing is… dealing with a cyber bully is difficult. You can’t call the police over someone who simply hurts your feelings or ruins your online business reputation. In fact, I don’t even know this person’s name or location – yes, I can see IP addresses, but there are IP blockers and scramblers that can disguise their location.
It’s tricky, and no matter how much you tell yourself you can handle it, or you’ll just toss the comments in the trash, you still see them. It’s not fun.
I’d honestly feel a little better about people who leave rude comments on my blog, if they had a blog. I have never seen someone leave a mean comment, who links to their blog. If you’ve got so much to say, start a blog!
But, I know it’s not about that. It’s a personal attack for a reason I usually don’t know. I will say, that it gets a little easier over the years, but it will probably never be emotionless. Suffering from an online bully? Here’s some advice from the official Help Guide:
- Unplug from technology. Taking a break from your computer, tablet, iPod, video games, and cell phone can open you up to meeting new people.
- Find others who share your same values and interests. You may be able to make friends at a youth group, book club, or religious organization. Learn a new sport, join a team, or take up a new hobby such as chess, art, or music.
- Share your feelings about bullying. Talk to a parent, counselor, coach, religious leader, or trusted friend. Expressing what you’re going through can make a huge difference to the way you feel, even if it doesn’t change the situation.
- Boost your confidence. Exercise is a great way to help you feel good about yourself, as well as reduce stress. Punch a mattress or take a kick boxing class to work off your anger.
About six months ago, I wrote a series of posts about an ex. Although I changed his name, he got very (very) upset when people thought they knew who I was talking about. Even though the posts didn’t say anything negative about him, he was embarrassed (for reasons I’m still unsure of), and he went to great lengths to try and get me to take down the posts and/or stop posting them.
He threatened to sue me, told other people to threaten to sue me, and even made up lies about potentially losing his job (even writing a fake email from his boss) to try and get me to take down the blogs. And yes, it was a difficult decision to make: do I please someone I once had a friendship with, or do I continue to write about my life?
I chose the latter and paid for it emotionally – pretty sure there’s a giant group of people in my hometown with voodoo dolls of me (explaining my severe back pain and frequent headaches), but that is the risk I took. I’d be lying if I said I felt good about it, even all these months later, but it was my choice and I did what I could to write about the events and not the person.
It always helps me to just remind myself that I write this blog for me; and I’m not perfect. This blog is the story of my life and everything in it, and it’s not always pretty, not always agreeable, and maybe it’s not even good. But It’s never about that. It’s just a place for me to be me. And if you’re going to attack me for that, then yes, your shit is going in the trash.
Last year, The New York Times’ weekly column, Modern Love, featured a piece by Mandy Len Catron and her look into a study by psychologist Arthur Aron that revolved around 36 questions that supposedly, if answered by two people looking into each other’s eyes, would lead to love.
The writer, tried this, and is now married to the person she shared her answers with that night.
Now, I know I’m not doing this correctly, but I always wondered what the questions in the study were and if it would work. I’m super skeptical that these questions would lead me to anything, or anyone special, but hey, let’s see.
So, below are the questions and my answers – unless the question is not applicable to me as I sit here on my couch with my cat Blanche.
Here we go:
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
Living or dead? It would have to be the fabulous Jackie Collins. She lived a life of glamour, while capturing my two favorite things: Hollywood and writing. Okay, and scandal, too. And she did it with grace and style.
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Yes. Not in a household name type of way, or in a way that was dangerous, but I have always wanted to be well-known for my craft, whether it’s because I’m a great writer or a cool blogger, a fantastic podcaster (yet to come) and film writer (coming soon), that type of thing. As a creative, I feel like you have to be well-known in some way if you expect to pay bills while doing what you love.
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
I suppose it depends on the type of phone call I’m making. If it was a really professional call, say an interview for an article I’m working on, I would definitely prepare for that call. But if I was calling a friend, no. I am a firm believer in being yourself, no matter what.
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
I always say I want to do nothing, or just sleep, but at the end of each day, I like feeling productive. The perfect day would involve all things creative – whether it’s a great meal, perfect drinks, or a great concert. I love expression and I’m energized by talent in many forms.
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
Uh, probably today? I always sing to myself or to my cat. I sometimes sing cover songs or make up songs on the fly. I wish my life was a musical.
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Definitely the mind, even though this is something I am always working on. I am much more aware of my age now, at 31, and I know it’s only going to get worse as I get older. My body, well, I’m just hoping that’s something I’m not worried about at 90. I’m not worried about it now, mostly.
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
Breath in my lungs. I feel very lucky to have even lived this long and am terrified I’ll die before I’ve accomplished anything I really wanted to. I am fearful of illness or injury, and I’m grateful to be healthy.
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
My father was very tough on me as a child, and although I’m sure it instilled work ethic in me – I wish I had the chance to just be a kid sometimes. And I know if he read this he would disagree completely.
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
What path to take – career-wise.
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
So. Many. Things. Write another book, move to California, travel the world, write a movie, record a podcast. Why not? Fear.
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
Moving out of Indiana at 18.
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
My most treasured memory is being on Pensacola beach in a lounge chair at the end of summer. I had my bare toes in the white sand, I was reading a Nicholas Sparks’ book, and I was drinking a beer. Pure heaven.
18. What is your most terrible memory?
Anytime I’ve had to say goodbye to someone good.
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
Yes, I would change my day-to-day life to actually get somewhere, or accomplish one of those dreams I’ve dreamed about for so long.
20. What does friendship mean to you?
Friendship means the world to me. I don’t have much of a family, so my friends are often all I have. There are times I feel like I barely even have friends – and when I do, it’s only a few, who mean everything.
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
Love and affection to me means romantic love and affection, and this hasn’t played a part in my life in a very long time. I worry that it’s been so long, that I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I don’t even have a desire anymore to have a partner.
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
Not very. My family isn’t very close, and I’ve always felt some of them were even pretty cruel to one another. I’ve had family members call me fat, try to sue me, and make fun of me for my job. I do not feel my childhood was happier than most people’s.
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Great. My mom is my best friend. We’ve had down points, but I feel like we’ve resolved it, and talk every day. I really appreciate the relationship we have.
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
Everyday, little moments.
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
Quality time is really important to me.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
Ugh, there are so many. I peed my pants at school in second grade. I also threw up during art class in elementary school. I screwed up during a dance recital and my dad laughed at me. I honestly feel like I did a lot of things kids do, but either got in trouble or was laughed at by my family.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
A few months ago, at work. By myself… hmm… Saturday.
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
Donald Trump becoming president, and mass shootings.
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
I probably owe people some apologies. But I haven’t come to terms with it yet.
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
My framed picture of a dear friend and I. I had a very deep connection with this person and I believe he watches over me by way of the photo.
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
My mom. Because I talk to her every day, and she’s really my only family. She knows pretty much everything about me.
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
…So that’s it. Have you ever asked anyone all of these questions? How did it turn out? Would you ever ask anyone these questions?