My best friend and I were sipping wine, while letting clay masks harden on our faces, and we got to talking about guys we’ve slept with.
She said someone she knew had slept with 80 guys, and I was shocked at first, but then I started thinking about my own number.
Before I ever had sex, I just assumed I would only sleep with one, maybe two, men in my whole life.
Of course, I was clueless and had a Polly-Anna view of how my love life was going to go down.
My sex life started off innocently enough. I lost my virginity at 20, to my then-best friend, and we were in love.
That was 10 years ago, and I’ve gone to bed with way more than two men since then.
In college, I was really worried about my “number.” I felt like I was racking them up quicker than I should’ve been.
My roommate at the time had just gone through a bad breakup and was going through her “fun” phase that all of us tend to have.
I remember her telling me that my number was no one’s business but mine, but she also had a trick for whittling it down if I felt that guilty about it.
“I don’t even count the guys if there was a condom involved,” she said.
Hey, whatever works (this is a judgment-free zone).
While I won’t reveal my number totally, I’ll say it’s less than 20.
So, if you do the math, it’s been 10 years since I lost my virginity, which makes that approximately two new partners a year – give or take.
Meh, not bad, I guess.
After a quick Google search, I found a calculator on Slate.com that asked for my gender, age, and the number of sexual partners I’ve had since I turned 18.
I typed in my number, and it said I’ve slept with more people than 88 percent of my peers.
The information following was taken from a survey of 13,000 in 2014 that said millennials, on average, slept with 8 people in their lifetime.
I called my friend to dish my “sex calculator” results, and essentially tell her that, according to Slate.com and this survey, I was a slut.
She then wondered if it was because most people were married before 30; many people we know were married before 25.
It’s a valid point.
If I’d married the person I was dating at 25, my number would certainly be lower (although it still wouldn’t be 8).
The truth is, it’s all relative. It depends on you, the situation with that person, what you’re going through in your life… or it could just be relative to who you’re talking to.
I’m really not bothered by my number. In fact, until I plugged it into the calculator, I thought it was kind of low.
So, yeah, I’ve slept with people. Surprisingly, I’ve never even had a one-night stand. Which means that every person I chose to be intimate with was someone I cared for on some level.
But I think it’s a good rule to not stress about your number. It’s only your business, and it’s not something that needs to be shared.
In fact, outside of medical purposes, it’s not something I’d lose sleep over keeping track of.
After all, my number certainly isn’t going to get any lower.