Detox Your Dating: Day 6.
Ok – day 6! Today is all about the “Top ingredients for a high-quality man”. This is exactly what I need to see. Denise has a list of just SOME of the ingredients of a high-quality man, and they are:
- His actions will always speak louder than his words. High Quality mens’ words and actions are congruent.
- High Quality men will want to connect with you in the most personal way. Texting is the lowest form of communication.
- He has had at least one long-term relationship.
- He doesn’t trash talk his exes and takes responsibility with what his part was for the break-up.
- Attitude that they can make things happen in their lives…not that life just happens to him.
- Consistency is key. He does what he says he’s going to do.
- Has a steady job and a string of logical choices and progression in his career.
- Willing to delay having sex without getting angry or making you feel guilty (it doesn’t mean they don’t try to have sex…).
- They are able to control their emotions–they don’t exhibit extreme bouts of anger, jealousy, and depression.
- They don’t profess their undying love to you right away. High quality men know they are a catch and are looking to see if you add value to their life.
…Yep, pretty much never dated a man that fit any of these things.
Day 5 Challenge: Top ingredients of a High Quality Man
Denise shares the Five F’s Formula (which I’ve never heard of). Here it is:
Friends: You want a man that can be your best friend, right? Does he have friends? Is he a bridge burner or relationships keeper? How does he treat them? Are his friends kind and respectful towards you?
Family: Pay attention to his relationship with his family. Consider it a red flag if he doesn’t have one at all. While there are extenuating circumstances, you want to see that your future husband knows how to resolve conflict and repair relationships when conflict.
Finance: Finance is a leading cause of divorce. It doesn’t matter if you’re poor or rich; it’s how he handles his money that matters. Is he responsible? What does his spending and saving habits look like?
Future: Pay attention to his ambitions and vision for his future. Does he have a clear plan for his future? Does he has a history of several career changes and is still searching for what makes him happy? Men often rely on their career for confidence and you want a confident man. It’s not about how much he makes but that he is strong and confident in what he does.
Faith: Do you share the same faith and beliefs? At the end of the day, the last thing you want to argue about is what you consider to be the source and foundational principles of life.
Homework: Share an example of a man you dated and tell us how which one of the Five F’s you wish you had explored or made more important. Do you seem to be dating men who have most of the Five F’s, but have a pattern of lacking one of the above? If so, which one?
I definitely don’t look at finance, future, or faith enough. I’ve dated men before that seem to be on top of their money, but it has always made me nervous in the past because I don’t want to be married to someone that is strict about what I spend my money on. But obviously, I can see both sides of this – my last relationship was with a man who had terrible finance issues and was stealing money from his job.
Future… this is one that makes me really nervous. I almost feel like I CAN’T have an opinion about this because I don’t have a clear future. Do I have goals? Yes. Ambition? Yes. But I don’t have a clear plan.
Rarely have I ever cared if I’m with someone where we share the same faith and beliefs. It sounds crazy writing it out, but it’s true! I recently had an experience where I realized the importance of this when I got into an emotional argument with someone over politics. I know politics aren’t faith, but these are at the core of my beliefs.
…Day 6… I have work to do.
Posted on August 24, 2017, in The Squeeze and tagged beliefs, blog, blogger, dating, faith, high quality men, Holly A. Phillips, life, love, relationships, single, The Bitter Lemon, thirty, values. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.