“When a guy’s really into you, he’s coming upstairs.”
It was a simple line that Carrie Bradshaw’s then-boyfriend, Jack, delivered to her friend Miranda when she asked for feedback on a date she recently had.
That episode of “Sex and the City” originally aired in July 2003, and sparked an entire movement in dating and pop culture.
He’s just not that into you.
It became a wildly popular book, a movie, and was referred to in other TV shows such as “Gossip Girl” and “Californication”, among others.
It was one of the first times we’d been force-fed the truth, and frankly, it became the answer for every dating question.
No call back? No second date? No meeting the parents? No ring? Easy. He’s just not that into you.
But, just because we suddenly had an answer to all of the shady palm trees we were sitting under, it didn’t make the news that much easier to swallow.
I mean, come on, who hasn’t been the “Gigi” in a relationship a time or two? Okay, so I’ve never served chips at a guy’s party, but I’ve bent over backwards for jerks on the regular.
We already get it, you’re just not that into us. Trust me, this has happened to me more times than I can remember.
But the question now becomes, what should you do to get over it?
Start by looking at yourself instead of the other person. How, or why, did you get wrapped up in someone who doesn’t realize how awesome you are?
Instead of viewing this person as an asshole, give them thanks for putting you on the fast-track to self-discovery.
Next, accept the fact that you can’t change this person, and stop wishing you could. I know, that’s a lot to ask.
But speaking from experience, I know it’s easy to wish that he/she would eventually see the light and come around.
Just stop. Wishing you could change someone or that they would change is just a waste of precious energy (Tracy Chapman sang it best) that you could spend on something, or someone, else.
If this person is not into you, then it’s time for you to focus on what you really want. Perhaps it’s what you want in a relationship, or what you’re looking for in this life (let’s go big).
Next, look within and recognize that you deserve someone who knows your worth.
Instead of making a list of all the things you wish for in a partner, make a list of how you want a partner to treat you in certain situations.
And finally, remember all of the progress you’ve made just after one person wasn’t into you.
It is very rare that a person who rejects you won’t return to check up on what they’ve missed out on. So, when this person comes back, stand your ground!
Even Mr. Big came back around, but Carrie had already packed her bags for Paris. Remember? And she was outside her apartment in that fabulous coat, screaming, “I don’t live here anymore!”
Okay, so eventually she got back with Big because The Russian was horrible. But that is not my point.
My point is, you don’t need to be with someone who’s just not that into you. Don’t even spend another second thinking about them.
Maybe by the time they see their mistake, you’re just not that into them.