This has been on my mind a lot lately – here’s how it started. I was listening to a podcast (big shocker, I know), and they were talking about how important it is to date someone that has the same needs in a partner as you do.
Let me explain. If I remember correctly, the podcast was doing a sort of “Dear Abby”-type format, so they were answering a listener’s question about a dating issue. Their advice to the listener was to be true to yourself and date someone that’s got the same outlook on life as you.
For example, the host explained that he is very close to his sister, and he dated someone that viewed their sibling relationship as competition, and it caused a huge problem in their relationship. So, he challenged the listener to come up with a “Top 4 List” – or a list of those couple of things that are non-negotiable/that someone you’re dating must understand or else it won’t work out.
Despite ALL of the thinking I’ve done on dating over the last 14 years, this is something I’ve really never considered. Sure, I have things I’d like to see in a significant other – honesty, trust, blah, blah – but I’ve never thought about these in terms of, uh, tangible things, I suppose? I’m at a loss for words here.
Anyway; here’s what I’m thinking for my Top 4 List:
- Family & Friends – I’m really not close with my family, aside from my mom (who I talk to pretty much every day), however, family and my friends are really important to me. If you date me, my family and friends come with it, like it or not, and you probably better like it. On the flip side, I have always wanted to date someone that had a big family, who is willing to let me be a part of theirs, too! I think it’s really important when a guy has friends that have stuck by him for years; if it’s just new friends all the time, that’s a red flag.
- Career Ambition – Goals are good, and I really think it’s unattractive when a guy is just in a job because it’s a job. Have some dreams; be good at what to do and strive to be better. This does not mean I’m looking for a workaholic; been there, done that, and it straight sucks. See: #4. I have drive and I need someone who, at the very least, respects that, so they’d understand if something at work came up and I had to attend/put out the fire, etc.
- Passion Outside of the 9-5 – My day job is one thing, but my passions outside of work are another thing. I love going to dance, at least three times a week – it burns calories, it’s fun, and it makes me feel good. I also write this blog, five days a week. In the past, I’ve dated guys who do not find these things important; sometimes they’ve said they’re silly, but these are like air to me. So, I’m not going to skip dance to have an early dinner date, and I’m not going to not write a blog post because of something you want from me. Ain’t happening. I think because I’ve dated guys that have wanted me to stop going to the gym or stop blogging, I associate dating with having to give up the things I love. And I’m not willing to do that.
- Understands the Importance of Having Fun – Like I said, I’m not looking to date a workaholic; I am definitely of the mindset, work hard, play harder. I want someone who understands that balance. I work when there’s work to be done, and I also think relaxing is just as important as working. I like to binge on TV shows, check out new restaurants, and go to hockey games. Hell, as you’re reading this, I’m on my way to the beach for Hangout Fest for three days. And you know what? I paid for my entire trip with money from freelance gigs – jobs I’ve completed on the weekends or late at night in order to spoil myself this weekend. It’s the first vacation I’ve taken this year, and it’s very much needed. I need a guy who understands that, and will have fun with me, instead of judging me for it.
So, there you have it, my Top 4 List. I’m sure these may change as the years pass and I continue to be a singleton. But I’d love to hear your list as well – and it can be more or less than 4, but… not too long!
The Bitter Lemon 