‘Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club’: DOUBLE recap!

Since I was on vacation last week, I missed Monday night’s episode of “Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club” I mean, I’ve made it this far, can’t stop now. So, I’m offering up a DOUBLE recap, starting with last week’s episode and then onto last night’s finale!

“Mike Takes it Too Far”

The beginning of the episode quickly reminds us that Billy kissed Sara on the boat, and although she doesn’t regret what happened, she doesn’t want Lindsay and Panos to know because she’s afraid they will think she’s not serious about her possible job with Lindsay.

Panos calls the hosts to tell them the cast of “Jordy Shore” (the UK’s version of “Jersey Shore”) is coming to the club. Panos is pretty pumped because he loves the show, plus the cast can bring lots of attention to the club.

Brent didn’t go home like he said he would (kinda sad about that) and most of the hosts head out for the night — Sara and Jonitta stay home.

The group is out and drinking… and Billy is dancing and kissing someone at the club. Everyone sees and is wondering what his motives with Sara are… ugh. Brent is all, “Now Sara looks even WORSE!”

The next day, Billy and Sara are heading to work and he wants to go ahead and tell her what happened the night before. We will see if he actually does.

Panos assigns Mike, Aristotle, and Alex to their cabana, but Mike sees this as a challenge since one of the cast members says she doesn’t like bisexual men. Here we go…

He also makes a big deal about having dinner with Lindsay the following night — that there will be envelopes involved. He says the brand is expanding fast and they need people for social media, to plan events, and to bartend, but they can only take four. Umm… what?

The rest of the hosts are heading out for the day and Gabi slips and says that “All of the guys” were making out with girls at the club the night before. Everyone is disappointed, but Sara still doesn’t know.

However, Kyle starts getting frustrated with Brent because he seems SO excited that Billy messed up. At the end of the day, Sara is going to be hurt and no one should be happy about that, right?

The “Jordy Shore” cast arrives and immediately starts taking shots. Meanwhile, Billy pulls Sara to the side and tells her what happened at the club. She doesn’t seem so upset but she immediately wants to know if Brent saw.

Panos is watching the entire thing and later asks Billy what happened. Panos knows that Lindsay is going to be pissed that Sara’s only focus seems to be on the guys, not the brand.

Mike is trying SO hard to flirt with Sophie and win her over just because she said she doesn’t like bisexuals. Mike decides to crank things up a notch and throws in some body shots and oily massages with the “Jordy Shore” cast… Panos trusts the hosts, so he heads out with Lindsay so they can talk about who to keep around.

Back at the cabana, Mike somehow ends up taking his pants off, and serving bread out of his ass. No joke, I can’t believe I just typed that.

A manager from the club arrives and tells Mike it’s a public beach, with families around. That manager calls Lindsay and Panos and tells them Mike is naked with crackers in his ass and everyone is taking pictures.

Obviously, Lindsay is pissed. Mike doesn’t seem too worried, but at this point, he doesn’t know that Lindsay knows.

Back at the villa, the group is expecting the “Jordy Shore” cast members over for dinner. While they wait, Brent confronts Sara about how she’s doing, and even though he’s being pretty nice, she calmly just says she’s ready to go home.

Sophie and Nathan arrive two hours late and immediately start bashing the food and breaking some things in the house. The roommates are not amused, and Brent calls them out.

The next day is the last day at the beach house and everyone is packing. They are all wondering who will stay and who will go. They arrive at the club for work and have a meeting with Panos.

He says they get to use the cabanas for the day and be taken care of by the staff. Mike’s picture isn’t on the cabana list. Mike asks where his photo is and Panos tells him to pack his things and leave.

… And the episode ends.

“Lindsay’s Final Four”

The finale kicks off right where we left… at the meeting with Panos. Everyone is pretty shocked, and most of them verbally disagree with Panos. Mike leaves still not really understanding why he got fired.

Brent is, of course, not being sympathetic about it and the housemates are upset to see Mike go. However, they are all ready to take full advantage of the cabana for the day. Brent continues being Brent, and steals the bottle of alcohol from the girls and gives it to the hosts.

The girls are mad so Brent buys a bottle of tequila for them and wants to make a big presentation out of it, where Kyle brings him out on his shoulders. This results in a decent argument, and Brent doesn’t understand why — but he wants to look like the hero and Kyle isn’t having it.

Regardless, Brent makes a show out of his bottle with sparklers and all of the girls are impressed. Brent thinks Kyle is jealous (of course), but it’s not that. Panos takes note that every single day, there is a problem with Brent.

On the car ride back, Brent is verbally poking Kyle, saying he’s wasting the opportunity and calls him a bitch. Kyle says they’ll handle it when they get out of the car… and when they do, Kyle punches Brent in the throat.

Naturally, Lindsay and Panos catch wind of it and Lindsay arrives at the villa. She questions Brent about what happened, and she tells him he messed up. And then she fires Kyle after an annoying round of questioning.

Everyone heads to the FINAL dinner and Lindsay chooses Jonitta, Gabi, Billy, Aristotle, and Brent. Geez.

I can’t believe I watched this ENTIRE season only to have Brent make it! Ughhhh…

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