After Halloween, the anger portion of my grief set in. The lovely Facebook showed me pictures of Adam in a frat boy costume. He was with a girl who was dressed as a pirate wench. She is now his wife. Although I had declared my single status on Facebook, I wasn’t an idiot—Adam hadn’t met […]
MoreWhen I flew back to Louisiana, I had just as much trouble as I did getting to Indiana. My luggage was lost, again. And I could tell something was very off with Adam. I hadn’t talked to him all day, and even when I called him to tell him I made it home safely, he […]
MoreWhen I returned to LSU for the fall semester of my junior year, I was on a high. I was in love with someone who loved me. When I left Indiana, we were certain we could make it work, despite the 14 hours between us. I was confident in our relationship, feeling like it was […]
MoreAfter the night in Adam’s dorm over winter break, and returning to LSU for the spring semester, I was ready to go home and see my friends for the summer. Sheena and I were headed out for a typical summer night—out to a lake house. This was a friend’s family’s lake house—a notorious hotspot for partying […]
MoreHey there! I’ve spent a long weekend with my dad, who came into town for his 50th birthday and the football game of the year: LSU vs. BAMA. It was his first time in Tiger Stadium, and we got to cheer on the Tigers to victory! A really great game to see. We spent the […]
MoreAs close as Adam and I were, I never saw much of him during school breaks. Over the summer, Adam and his family spent time at their lakeside cottage in Michigan. During Christmas break, he was either closing the cottage or traveling to visit other family members. From the outside, his family looked perfect. Adam’s […]
MoreHe arrived at her house in his black Sunfire. The sunroof was open, letting the evening sun pour into the gray interior. He was the first one in our grade to get his license and a car, dubbing him the official driver. His friend was in the passenger’s seat, waiting for my girlfriend and I […]
MoreMy latest entry was the last of my story [for book one anyway}. I sifted through piles of notes, postcards, journal entries, pictures and even paycheck stubs to gather my thoughts and jog my memory of those things, which happened years ago. Although parts of it were difficult to go back and examine, I knew […]
MoreWhen Thanksgiving actually came around, I didn’t see or talk to Austin despite us being in the same city. I spent time with a man I was casually dating. Months passed and I distanced myself from Austin—the more time went on, I realized just how wrong he was for me, but I hadn’t had my […]
MoreIn late October 2007, Austin and I got into a pretty heated fight (big shocker, I know). He was coming into town for Thanksgiving the following month and I told him it would be a good time for us to meet each other’s parents—my mom was coming in town to cook with me and he […]
MoreOctober 7, 2007 {9:34 p.m.}: I’ve been feeling better about the AJ situation since we talked about things. When we talked, we never really got anything solved, but at least I learned Austin didn’t mean most of what he said and he was just trying to get a reaction out of me. There is still […]
MoreSeptember 30, 2007: Been a long time since I’ve been here. Been writing some on my computer—but I’ve reached that point where I really need to just WRITE. Last night, I cried for the first time over a fight Austin and I had over two weeks ago. I left for work and was coming home […]
MoreAJ, Hey you! Just wanted to say thanks for another great weekend. I have fun with you whether we’re out or just at home…because you’re that cool. I’m looking forward to another visit soon. I know things might sucks now but I am certain time will help in a decision that will be the best […]
MoreI was on my way to Los Angeles for the first time ever, and I was alone. I’d flown alone many times before, but never to a place where I didn’t know anyone. I’d never been further west than Chicago. I boarded my plane, headed to LAX, and felt pretty relaxed on the large flight. […]
MoreAugust 14, 2007 {9:59 a.m}: It seems airport writing has become my thing—or maybe just airports in general. I’m here in Texas on my way to Los Angeles, finally! So much has happened since I wrote last. Seriously last week was such a roller coaster. Gabe and Nik and Evan ALL contacted me so my […]
MoreJuly 25, 2007 {10:40 p.m.}: Okay, so yesterday I had a bit of a meltdown. For starters, I really hadn’t talked to Austin much since I got home from Dallas. So of course I assumed he would never talk to me again. Everything he was doing I was applying it to my fear and I […]
MoreJuly 22, 2007 {9:22 p.m.}: New journal, I know. Here I am, in Houston waiting for my next flight into New Orleans. I just finished my weekend with Austin in Dallas. I had so much fun with him and I definitely was so sad to leave him. Of course, I was wrong about so many […]
MoreJuly 10, 2007 {12:59 p.m.}: OK, so I don’t have my fucking journal, I’m at Starbucks and pissed at Austin AGAIN! This is the third time in three days. We talked yesterday when we definitely should not have. He was being a dick because I didn’t call him when he wanted me to. So when […]
MoreJuly 7, 2007{8:30 p.m.}: Okay, once again it’s been awhile since I’ve been here. I’m 22 now! School and work have been really taking up my time and energy…I’ve been really stressed. My geology grade sucks, I can’t seem to get ahold of the concepts and time is running out. But since I’ve been so […]
MoreJune 14, 2007 {11:24 p.m.}: Well, it’s been exactly two weeks since you’ve heard from me: A LOT has happened! But…first thing is first. I cried on my drive home from work tonight. I’ve cried so much this summer. The saddest part is, I can hardly pinpoint why I cry, not because I don’t have […]
MoreJune 14, 2007 {10:52 p.m.}: Well, I’m home and in my own bed…it’s Austin’s last night in Baton Rouge. I guess he read my letter this afternoon because when I got home from work there were roses on my doorstep (3 red, 2 pink). There was also a thank you card with it and he […]
MoreI ended up rewriting the letter and giving it to Austin on our last night together, in Baton Rouge. June 13, 2007{11:42 p.m.}: Okay so I just got home and into bed from saying goodbye to Austin. Needless to say, I cried my eyes out—ugly girl style. The night was awkward and short. We didn’t […]
MoreA month later, Austin was celebrating his graduation from LSU. To celebrate, we went out to dinner at the same place we had our first date. I gave him a gift—a pair of silver Prada sunglasses, along with a card: Congrats, Austin! I know you’ve been waiting and ready to graduate for a long time […]
MoreAfter I cooled off from being royally reject by Eddie, I went back on my word and started talking to Austin again. To be honest, I don’t know or recall why or how it happened, but I have a ton of journal entries to prove it. March 21, 2007: I am still upset about the […]
MoreI tricked him into being my boyfriend. One morning before class began, I took a ring I’d gotten in one of those clear plastic bubbles and placed it in my mailbox. The mailboxes were in our classroom; merely constructed of cardboard shaped into rectangles. I’d put a tag on the ring: “To Holly, From Andy.” […]
MoreI didn’t see or speak to Eddie in months. In January, when I returned back to Baton Rouge after winter break, Kirk and Nicole and I went shopping in the mall. Kirk walked by American Eagle and saw Eddie inside. We went in as a group and messed up a few shirts, acting like we […]
MoreOctober 21, 2006 {12:03 a.m.} Well here I am in this trusty heartbreaking journal of mine. First, it was Adam, then Austin, and now it’s Eddie. So we went to Indiana over fall break…and before and during the trip I was under the impression we both really liked each other. Both of us always told […]
MoreThankfully, the spider was in plain sight when my dad came down the stairs. He killed it, I said thanks and tucked myself back into the air mattress. The next morning, I woke Eddie up, we ate breakfast with my dad and we were off to lunch with Angela and her mom. I remember lunch […]
MoreThe next morning, Eddie and I drove to Ohio to visit my dad and his girlfriend. We got to their house in time to head to the river for the annual balloon festival—a beautiful sight to see all of the colorful hot air balloons lined up along the water at sunset. There was food and […]
MoreEddie was ready to meet my parents. We’d been seeing each other for two months, but it felt like a year. Since we both had fall breaks coming up with school, Eddie suggested we drive back to the midwest and meet everyone. I was ecstatic! I called my family and told them Eddie and I […]
MoreIn September, I went to an LSU game with a few of my girlfriends. We thought it would be a great idea to wakeup early and throw back a few mimosas, since it was an afternoon game. But the alcohol and the heat made for a very unpleasant mix. So I went home early, and […]
MoreI stayed at Eddie’s that night, and when I left in the morning, I was pretty sure he would never call me again. I didn’t know the status of his girlfriend, and it definitely didn’t help that he was my manager. So I tucked it away in my mind as a great night, and left […]
MoreAfter work, we went to a restaurant just across the street from American Eagle. We ordered beers—I got mine on draft and he made a weird comment about how draft beer was cheaper and wondered if that’s why I got it. No. During our conversation, it came out that I had a male roommate. I […]
MoreAs part of my Lifelong Project, each week I am supposed to reflect on the work I’ve done and look at my assignments for the week ahead. Well, I’m way ahead of the plan I created, which is good, but I need to do some evaluating before I move along any further and become unorganized. […]
MoreSo, Eddie had a girlfriend. He never talked about her, but I had put the clues together at left it at that. One Sunday night, I joined a few of my sorority sisters and their boyfriends at this bar that overlooked a swamp. It was at the end of a short pier, and basically stood […]
MoreIn August, A&F was cutting my hours, so I looked elsewhere for work. Naturally, I decided to go to the dark side and put in an application at American Eagle. When I went to drop off my completed application, there was a hot guy working the counter. His name was Eddie. I dropped off my […]
MoreJuly 24, 2006 {1:00 pm} Okay, so here I am again back in the journal writing about what I know best: how someone else has broken my heart. It’s been nearly 8 months since I was here writing about my issues with Adam. Today, it’s Austin. Yesterday, he told me he doesn’t have an emotional […]
MoreMy 21st birthday was in July. Around work, I heard rumors that Austin was trying to set up a surprise party for me. So, when he invited me to dinner one night, I was fairly certain it was going to be a party. I got ready and drove to his place. Where there was no […]
MoreI managed to survive my time at work, even when Austin was around. He wasn’t dating anyone else, and neither was I. In June, he told me he wanted to take me to the Marc Broussard concert that I’d bought him tickets for when we were still together. I liked Marc Broussard, but I wasn’t […]
MoreAustin and I didn’t go on many dates before we decided to be exclusive. Our first two dates went very well, and I remember wondering if things were moving too fast. I didn’t know if I was really ready for another relationship—I was still feeling the baggage from Adam. But I felt like Austin and […]
MoreI agreed to go to dinner, despite Austin’s very lame attempt at asking me. We were in the stockroom, trying to reorganize clothes, when Austin came in complaining about a recent date he went on. The girl he went with worked at A&F with us, just like all of the girls Austin took on dates. […]
MoreOf course, after I got rid of my physical baggage from my relationship with Adam, it took months before he was out of my mind. At the time, sorting through my emotions was one of the most difficult things I had to go through. But looking back on it now, it was just one step […]
MoreA few weeks later, I spent my first Thanksgiving away from home. It was such a hassle to travel back to the midwest for such a short trip, that I was happy when a sorority sister invited me to her family’s Thanksgiving dinner. However, I was worried that all of my high school friends would […]
MoreAfter the journal entries, and after Halloween, the anger portion of my grief set in. The lovely Facebook showed me pictures of Adam in a frat boy costume for Halloween. He was with a girl who was dressed as a pirate wench. She is now his wife. Although I had declared my single status on […]
MoreRemember when my laptop had “an incident with gravity” more than a week ago, and it had to go for a stay at the Apple Genius Bar? Well it’s back, better than ever, and I’m so glad to have it. When I dropped it off at Apple two Sundays ago, I was certain they were […]
MoreAs you can tell from a few of those previously posted columns, things were going pretty well with Adam and I, even though we were 15 hours away from each other. When I got back to school in August, for the fall semester, I booked a flight to visit Adam for my Fall Break—basically a […]
MoreAfter the night in Adam’s dorm over winter break, and returning to LSU for the spring semester, I was ready to go home and see my friends for the summer. That was when Sheena and I nearly got arrested. No more than a few weeks after that, Adam invited me over for dinner at his […]
MoreI wrote this column for the LSU newspaper. It’s about my relationship with Adam. It was published about two weeks before he dumped me. Relationships with Holly A. Phillips {published Tuesday, September 27, 2005} I miss my single-self. My single-self is laid-back, strong and independent. But I lost her somewhere in the midst of my […]
MoreDuring winter break of my sophomore year, I was making notes for a relationship column I was writing. I wanted to write about Adam. Here is the notebook page I kept: Holly A. Phillips 1.8.05 Column idea: Adam makes the move. One of my best friends, Adam is finally coming onto me. Several of my […]
MoreLooking back, it’s difficult for me to say exactly when my friendship with Adam melted into a relationship, with full-blown feelings. But since it’s my responsibility to figure it out, I would say it all started in Adam’s dorm room. ‘Twas the night before winter break at Indiana University. I drove into town, heading home […]
MoreIt’s difficult for me to pinpoint the first time I realized I wanted to write a book. And it’s a pretty weird thing to tell someone when they ask what I do in my spare time {what spare time?}: “I’m writing a book.” It’s a hefty project, but so far, I’m enjoying the journey. In […]
MoreThe summer before my junior year in college, I was 20 years old. I was home in Indiana for a few months, and Sheena and I were headed out for a typical summer night—out to a lake house. This was Evan’s family lake house—a notorious hotspot for partying in high school. Once we arrived, it […]
MoreI never saw much of Adam during school breaks. Over the summer, Adam and his family spent time at their lakeside cottage in Michigan. Over Christmas break, he was either closing the cottage or traveling to visit other family members. From the outside, his family looked perfect. Adam’s dad worked for one of the largest […]
MoreI keep a giant, expandable folder of notes, journal entries, cards, ticket stubs, and all things that might jog my memory as I attempt to write this book. Over the next few weeks, my assignment is to write and organize all of my “Adam” information—my first love. I can hear the singing from the angels […]
MoreWhen I started this blog a week ago, I was behind on my Lifelong Project schedule. However, since I have been writing more for the blog (which in turn means writing more for the memoir), I was actually ahead of schedule by a week. But then something horrible happened. My laptop fell off my bed, […]
MoreThe summer before my junior year I was hanging out with the usual group—Jon and Adam, when we went out to the Marina. We met up with Rachel and a few of her girlfriends. It was the last night of the summer and we were determined to do something memorable. Boys being boys, they wanted […]
MoreI was at my friend Michelle’s house after school. She called her friend Jon to see if he wanted to hang out and he said he’d be over to pick us up. He arrived in his black Sunfire—complete with sunroof. His friend Wil was in the passenger’s seat. We drove off, on our way to […]
MoreMain topics: Adam Austin Eddie 1. Adam 2. Austin 3. Eddie 4. Austin Things for later (book II): Hank Matt B. Matthew Matt C.
MoreAfter looking at my timeline, and some notes I had from my relationship with Austin, I was able to go a little deeper with that first timeline I posted. Here goes: April 20, 2006: Austin sends me postcards from his class trip to the west coast. July 24, 2006: Austin regrets our physical relationship. March […]
MoreIn mid-August, the summer after I graduated high school, I packed my little blue Daewoo to its gills and began the drive to my new home in Baton Rouge, La. While I had dreamed of this day for months, it was difficult to leave my hometown and all of my friends. However, 14 hours in […]
More“Psst…hey,” I whispered. “So, do you think he had sex with his ex-girlfriend?” “Umm, maybe if they dated for a long time,” Sheena said. “You’re right, I will ask him later.” We were sitting in a glorified shed my boyfriend Zach called the Tiki Hut, due to its string of palm tree lights draped from […]
MoreAside from writing a book, it has become a dream of mine to be published in The New York Times’ Modern Love column—I know, I really have some hefty dreams here. I’ve written and submitted two columns, both of which I am proud of, but I am still working toward my goal. I came across […]
MoreIt’s time to add a little juice to this machine! Over the year, one thing I HAVE been doing is creating a timeline of things that happened in my life — some of them pertain to “How to Make Lemonade,” others don’t. This is me accepting the fact that my memory sucks, so how am […]
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The Bitter Lemon 
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