October 7, 2007 {9:34 p.m.}:
I’ve been feeling better about the AJ situation since we talked about things. When we talked, we never really got anything solved, but at least I learned Austin didn’t mean most of what he said and he was just trying to get a reaction out of me. There is still a lot to be fixed with us, but I don’t think I need to necessarily be talking to him to get myself through it. It really feels good just to get an answer and to have a say in the way things are going. To spread the blame more evenly, I’ve been thinking of some things that could be of some use…
There is obviously a major disconnect between the things Austin and I do, or think we do, for each other. I can’t seem to understand and/or appreciate the things Austin does for me. And vis versa, which in turn, creates a large problem.
Austin and I both have very different goals in life. Most of the time, those goals don’t seem to involve each other or even things that connect with each other—work, location, children, religion.
Right now, I am trying to really amp things up on the job hunt so I can do some meaningful traveling. I just have to learn, by staying busy, that I can and will get over this. By “this” I mean Austin. It’s not even about finding someone better, it’s just what is right for me. I really can’t worry about teaching Austin a lesson or try to prove a point to him—it isn’t going to happen. Just because it doesn’t happen doesn’t mean I’m doing something wrong, it’s just not the type of person he is. Austin claims that we are “friends” and I’d like for it to be that way. I am not going to tell him we can’t talk or anything like that, I will just have to use my own judgement. I still haven’t saved his number back into my phone and I think I’m going to keep it that way. I hope we do talk some, but it’s going to be different. And no more Dallas!
“Done with broken people, this is me I’m working on”
-John Mayer
The Bitter Lemon 