I ended up rewriting the letter and giving it to Austin on our last night together, in Baton Rouge.
June 13, 2007{11:42 p.m.}:
Okay so I just got home and into bed from saying goodbye to Austin. Needless to say, I cried my eyes out—ugly girl style.
The night was awkward and short. We didn’t meet each other for dinner until 8 and then we went back to his place and he was in bed, asleep by 10.As I laid there, with him asleep I couldn’t help but get upset for two reasons:
1. I took off work to see him tonight and he wanted to sleep?
2. Why do I think that way?
I am convinced I just wanted everything I can’t have. When I’m at work I want to be home. When I’m at home or with someone I feel guilty for not being at work.
Tonight was the last night I’ll see Austin for who knows how long and all I could do was be mad that I was “wasting” my time laying there.
WTF?
Why couldn’t I just be content laying there with him for one last time?
I’m stressed.
I hate saying bye to people and I’ve had to say bye to too many great people during the past month. It really blows.
It’s hard to say what will happen with Austin and I since we’ve never been this far apart. I don’t know if he’ll really call me or really want me to visit him once he gets there.
Who knows! I guess we’ll find out together…
Anyways, I should get some sleep if I can.
Love,
Holly Ann
PS. I’m so glad I wrote that letter. I left it by his bed since he was basically asleep when I left. I’m sure he’ll read it tomorrow.
Later!
HP
The Bitter Lemon 