Giving Up.

When Eddie didn’t call me the following day, or days after that, I knew it was the Adam situation all over again. I was confused and heartbroken.

But unlike my relationship with Adam, Eddie and I were always open with each other. It was clear how much we liked each other’s company. But if that was the case, why hadn’t I heard from him?  We were seeing each other, talking to each other and usually spending the night with each other everyday. I hadn’t seen Eddie in almost two weeks—since we got back from the trip to Indiana.

We’d only talked on the phone twice. I didn’t want to accuse Eddie of anything because I honestly had no idea what was going on. But that was the part that was killing me. Of course I jumped to conclusions and assumed he’s spending all of his time with someone else (ahem, Paige), but at the same time I felt like he wouldn’t do that to me.

I thought things were going so well, but when we did talk on the phone it was somewhat superficial. I hinted at “why haven’t we talked?” But he just kept telling me he was busy. I could only go off what he told me but I had always believed that you could never be too busy to call someone. Before our trip to Indiana, he would call me between work and school, but something had changed. I didn’t want to chase after him because it didn’t give me any satisfaction. I felt very unwanted and unattractive.

I really thought he was different.

However, I was afraid that if I gave up and stopped calling, he would just give up too and think I didn’t care and I did. I didn’t want to let him get away, but at the same time—I felt like he should be worried about me getting away, too.

Over the next two weeks, I called and sent him text messages—only some of them were returned.

I really wanted to have a serious talk with him, but he was ultimately ignoring me. I just couldn’t decide if it was necessary to make the effort, and try to get him to meet me.

If I learned anything from my breakup with Adam, I thought it was safer for me to back off.

I felt like something was wrong, but I also felt like I’d made enough of an effort. So I made the same attempt at not contacting him, like I did with Adam.

I needed someone who was going to want me!

I didn’t see or speak to Eddie for months. In January, when I returned back to Baton Rouge after winter break, My roommates and I went shopping in the mall. We walked by American Eagle and saw Eddie inside. We went in as a group and messed up a few shirts, acting like we were looking around.

Eddie walked over to us.

“Can I help you guys find something?” he asked.

“Nope,” I said.

And with that, he turned around, without acknowledging that we knew each other, that we’d slept together, that we’d even talked.

I knew Eddie had gotten back with Paige—my worst nightmare. Their situation was typical. Boy treats girl like crap, girl crawls back to him in tears. Boy gets huge ego.

At that point in my life, I’d never gotten back with an ex-boyfriend.

I knew people didn’t change, but I also understood a relationship was an investment. It was easy to go back with an ex because of the comfort.

Fortunately, I didn’t have that problem. I despised my ex-boyfriends because they were all just like Eddie—good at lying and putting on a sweet facade. I knew my relationship with Eddie was over, forever.

It was over for a reason.