July 10, 2007 {12:59 p.m.}:
OK, so I don’t have my fucking journal, I’m at Starbucks and pissed at Austin AGAIN! This is the third time in three days. We talked yesterday when we definitely should not have. He was being a dick because I didn’t call him when he wanted me to. So when I said I’d let him go so he could work, he got pissed. It made me remember why we broke up and why I wasn’t always happy during our relationship. My plan was to ignore him today, but of course I didn’t. I told him I was excited about my interview at Duvic’s tomorrow—a job I’ve wanted for a long time now—and he says, “Oh my God, why would you want to work there? It’s trashy.” What the fuck? I am noticing a trend with Austin that he just can’t be happy for me. So then I unleashed on him saying that I wasn’t even going to answer the phone today because he was such a dick to me yesterday. He, naturally, claimed he wasn’t and that I needed to chill out because I was just being a bitch. I said I was sick of hearing him complain about how much he hates talking on the phone because if he doesn’t want to call me then DON’T CALL ME! He said I should realize how much he wants to talk to me since he still calls even though he hates talking on the phone. I said I didn’t want him to do anything he didn’t want to do, so he said he’d let me go and that was the end of that.
My best solution for this is to lower the amount of time we talk…significantly.
-Not today, not tomorrow.
-Probably not until saturday
-Because I have other shit to worry about. This should not be one of them.
Well I need to get to work now.
Later…
Holly Ann
July 19, 2007 {4:32 p.m.}:
Been awhile! I’m in the middle of cleaning the condo and moving into Kirk’s today! I have also been packing for Dallas 🙂 Things with Austin have still been rocky, but I am excited—I think we just need to see each other. I had a long talk with Minh yesterday about Austin and he was stressing me NOT to sleep with him and instead talk to him about how I feel (that I think we’re both just waiting for him to find someone else). Mihn says I am just that girl that Austin “can’t have” so that’s why he keeps persisting. who knows—I’m just going to go to Dallas and have fun. I’m really going to try not to analyse everything while I’m there. I need a fun weekend away and that’s just what I’m going to do!
I’m going to see Meriwether tonight with Laurie which should be fun! I bought so many new things for my trip that will be great for LA, too! I bought a new Nine West suitcase and a new dress and a new nightgown. Anyways, I just hope Austin and I don’t fight and I hope we don’t have a sad goodbye. I think this trip will be telling of our relationship and what’s going to happen in the future.
Talk soon!
Holly Ann
The Bitter Lemon 