Half of My Heart.

I wrote this column for the LSU newspaper. It’s about my relationship with Adam. It was published about two weeks before he dumped me.

Relationships with Holly A. Phillips {published Tuesday, September 27, 2005}

I miss my single-self.

My single-self is laid-back, strong and independent. But I lost her somewhere in the midst of my newfound relationship.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t miss being single. However the “attached Holly” just isn’t as fabulous as my single-self.

Now, I’m flimsy. I get jealous easily, over-analyze situations and sometimes, I even cry.

Yuck.

I know, it sounds crazy but I’m not alone. These feelings are where those annoying phone conversations of, “Who were you out with last night?” come from.

My boyfriend knows what my single-self is like, and he hasn’t complained about my new attitude yet. However, I’m still trying to kill the beast before she gets any bigger.

There’s no reason for me to act this way and frankly, I don’t know why I do it.

I have no reason to question my boyfriend’s behavior. And honestly, I think he’d enjoy my old way of thinking—I know I would.

I have to blame it all on former relationships.

There’s always one person you should’ve questioned more and maybe you would have avoided heartbreak.

Of course, that’s no reason why my current love should have to suffer.

I told him last night I was sorry for being such a dramatic girl. Then, of course, he reminded me, “I like you because you are a girl,” and “you’re only doing it because you care.”

But, I’m not sure that’s it. I’m struggling between being laid-back and being too lax. I want my beau to have his freedom, but also to know I have standards.

Notice how men hardly ever question women. It isn’t because they trust us more or because they don’t care. It’s because worrying doesn’t solve anything.

Eventually, my ultimate goal is to get back to my single-self, but keep my relationship. Until then, my boyfriend will just have to be a man and put up with my bad habits.

Ladies, if you find yourself in my shoes—hang in there.

Our single-selves will come back; it just takes time and a little work from the men.

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