After I cooled off from being royally reject by Eddie, I went back on my word and started talking to Austin again. To be honest, I don’t know or recall why or how it happened, but I have a ton of journal entries to prove it.
March 21, 2007:
I am still upset about the Austin thing, but I can’t pinpoint why. I guess my feelings are hurt because when my friends found out Austin and I were talking again, they were skeptical—warning me that all Austin wanted from me was sex, But I gave him the benefit since I do care for him and I didn’t think him and I had a relationship like that. But when he got pissed when I said no, it made me feel like he’s just been buttering me up this entire time. I honestly thought we’d been hanging out because he enjoyed my company, not to sleep with me. Now I just don’t know. Of course, Austin and I haven’t talked since then. I’m sure he’s embarrassed, but I do expect an apology. I don’t know what to think anymore. I thought I was really into him when we were together, then he dumped me and moved on quickly. Now we talk, but today we aren’t talking. What am I supposed to do with someone who clearly doesn’t respect me? I can’t even have a friend like that. I hope this doesn’t get blown out of proportion…I don’t want him to graduate and move away without a better understanding of why this happened. Austin may not even realize what he did wrong, which is a problem in itself. I just don’t know why I feel so bad about the whole thing; I didn’t do anything wrong. I certainly wasn’t going to sleep with him out of guilt and I made it clear I wasn’t going to sleep with him at all. Austin has made it obvious he can’t handle sleeping with me when we aren’t together. For that reason alone, I didn’t want to sleep with him. The worst feeling is knowing the person you just slept with regrets it. I always rag on Austin for hanging out with whores—but maybe that’s why he expected sex so easily. For the past month, Austin has been telling me he enjoys my company, he likes me, and drunkenly admitted to loving me, but how can he honestly feel that way, but act completely different? It makes me question his motives. I guess I’ll see what happens if and when he tries to contact me. I’m sure we could use a break anyways.