Houston Airport II.

August 14, 2007 {9:59 a.m}:

It seems airport writing has become my thing—or maybe just airports in general. I’m here in Texas on my way to Los Angeles, finally! So much has happened since I wrote last. Seriously last week was such a roller coaster. Gabe and Nik and Evan ALL contacted me so my past was blowing up in my face. I got a job offer at Duvic’s bartending and Guess offered me a job also—I accepted both, but have yet to work out the details. I finally talked to Sheena which was great, but I have loosed ties with Angela and Joscelyn. It sucks, but at the same time it’s just stress I don’t need right now. This past week, I’ve really had a shift in the way I feel for Austin and my thoughts on moving to Dallas.

Everything all started when my mom came to Baton Rouge to help me move. Angela sent me some texts saying she was depressed and that her parents felt moving to Los Angeles was a bad decision—that she shouldn’t go because she needs to stop screwing up her life. Needless to say, I was pissed. So I told my mom about it and she starts freaking out, saying why does it matter because I shouldn’t be moving anywhere just to be with someone and I need to find a job and do my own thing. So of course then I was pissed because I couldn’t even explain my side to her. I don’t like the idea of moving somewhere again where I know no one. So I call the only person left: Austin. Needless to say, he didn’t make anything better. He said to go with what my mom said because it’s more important what you do from 9-5 then what you do afterward. He said if there were people he knew in Dallas then he would be miserable because he works so much and would never get to go see them. Basically, right then I decided to stop looking for jobs in Dallas. I guess after we saw each other he would take things more seriously—that if I moved to Dallas it wouldn’t be just for work, it would be for him. I talked to Laurie about it and she said she just wouldn’t put herself in that position. I agree. I feel like now, if I moved there, Austin would just be like, “oh cool there’s someone I know here.” It would be different if the opportunities there were the same as elsewhere, but they really aren’t—maybe in Austin, Texas but not in Dallas. I know there’s PR anywhere, but not for music. I’ve also noticed Austin isn’t hesistant to tell me about going out and the girls he meets. It sucks because I think my next trip to Dallas needs to be my last. If I keep going there it’s going to be harder to get away from Austin and his bullshit. I think, like always, I am trying to make him out to be someone he isn’t. I’d really like to tell him why I stopped looking for Dallas jobs, but I don’t think I’ll ever get the chance, simply because we never have talks like that. I guess if he doesn’t care—then he doesn’t care—and we all know i can’t make someone care. My only hope is that things in Los Angeles go well and Josh thinks I’ll work out, so I can at least work toward something. BRB—these people are annoying me.