October 21, 2006 {12:03 a.m.}
Well here I am in this trusty heartbreaking journal of mine. First, it was Adam, then Austin, and now it’s Eddie. So we went to Indiana over fall break…and before and during the trip I was under the impression we both really liked each other. Both of us always told each other how much we liked each other. We were seeing each other and talking to each other and usually spending the night with each other everyday. I haven’t seen Eddie in almost two weeks—since we got back from the trip. We’ve only talked on the phone twice. I don’t want to accuse Eddie of anything because I honestly have no idea what’s going on. But that’s the part that’s killing me. Of course I jump to conclusions and assume he’s spending all of his time with someone else, but at the same time I feel like he wouldn’t do that to me…and if so, why? I thought things were going so well? When we do talk on the phone it’s somewhat superficial. I hinted at “why haven’t we talked?” But he just keeps telling me he is busy. I can only go off what he tells me but I always believe that you’re never too busy to call someone. Like why couldn’t he call me while he’s driving somewhere or send me a text during work or class—like he USED to! Ugh, guys are so lame! I hate chasing after him because it doesn’t really give me any satisfaction. I feel very unwanted and unattractive.
I really thought he was different.
However, I’m afraid that if I give up and stop calling, he’ll just give up too and think I don’t care and I do. I don’t want to let him get away…but at the same time—shouldn’t he be worried about me getting away too? Yes!
CALENDAR OF EVENTS
Sunday, October 8—3 texts from Eddie, I reply
Monday, October 9—I call once, send 1 text, he replies, I don’t
Tuesday, October 10—I call, leave a message
Wednesday, October 11—Nothing.
Thursday, October 12—I text.
Friday, October 13—Nothing.
Saturday, October 14—Nothing.
Sunday, October 15—Nothing.
Monday, October 16—Nothing.
Tuesday, October 17—I call, he calls, I text, no reply
Wednesday, October 18—Nothing.
Thursday, October 19—He texts, he calls, I send 2 texts, I call 😦
I really wanted to have a serious talk with him tonight, which is why I picked up the journal. I just can’t decide if it’s necessary to make the effort, and try to get him to meet me.
I think it’s safer for me to back off.
I do feel like something is wrong, but I also feel like I’ve made enough of an effort.
So—no more calls! It’s going to be hard…but oh well.
I need someone who’s going to want me!
I will see what happens this weekend. I’m sure I’ll be back in here when he doesn’t call me.
225.802.9722
Love,
Holly Ann
The Bitter Lemon 