A Meltdown.

July 25, 2007 {10:40 p.m.}:

Okay, so yesterday I had a bit of a meltdown. For starters, I really hadn’t talked to Austin much since I got home from Dallas. So of course I assumed he would never talk to me again. Everything he was doing I was applying it to my fear and I finally broke down. I thought about what the fuck I would do without Austin. What if we never talked? I really don’t think I can do that again. He is such a big part of my life—even though we are so far apart. He is my best friend. So there I was, sitting on my couch, moping, thinking about how miserable I’d be without him. Finally we talked and we just hadn’t talked because he’s been really busy at work. He gets so stressed out…when I’d explained how scared I was, he reassured me that’s not what was going to happen. So on the ride home from work…I was listening to “In Repair.” I really think that’s what I’m going through. I want to move on so bad…but my heart won’t let me. I have so much built up baggage and I think that’s why we fight sometimes. I am so terrified of getting close to him, it’s like I’m going through all the motions, but I’m scared to put my heart in it. I know we could be good together if I just shake these fears. Anyways, I haven’t figured it all out yet. I need to go to some work, I’ll be back soon.

Love,

Holly Ann

PS. Thought this was cool: “Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy, and celebration. The hummingbird’s delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life’s sweetest creation.”—Papyrus

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