Houston Airport.

July 22, 2007 {9:22 p.m.}:

New journal, I know. Here I am, in Houston waiting for my next flight into New Orleans. I just finished my weekend with Austin in Dallas. I had so much fun with him and I definitely was so sad to leave him. Of course, I was wrong about so many things. I ended up really loving Dallas when I thought I wouldn’t really care. The whole trip was just a reality check. I thought I wasn’t really going to be excited to see Austin or even sad to leave him, but I definitely was. I still can’t pinpoint what it is, because we definitely have our moments—the good and of course the bad. I’m so proud of Austin for moving somewhere new, finding a great job and a nice apartment. I am already trying to figure out when I can get back to Dallas. We did so many fun things. Before I went on the trip, I was so worried about having a talk with him to clear things up. I was so worried about figuring out what the big picture was…why does he really want me to move there? Why does he call me? How does he truly feel? Doe he love me? Does he want to marry me? But instead of having this talk with Austin, my time in Dallas answered most of these questions on their own. I may not know if he loves me or wants to marry me but I don’t think he would do all those things for me if he didn’t sincerely care for me.

The thing is the distance really sucks. We miss out on doing the little things together. Just thinking about how much fun we had this weekend—we could be having that every weekend if we were near each other.

But we used to be in the same city and we didn’t spend much time together…

Of course, not every long-distance relationship can be “real” in that aspect. I feel like a lot of long-distance relationships are based on missing each other. Often the time spent together is short and blissful since both partners have missed each other for so long.

But I think a few things have changed about Austin. He was really sweet. He paid for everything and made me dinner. He opened doors for me.

Maybe this is just another thing that I have to leave up to time. Time will tell if LA is right for me. Time will tell if Austin and I are meant to be with each other. If I lose Austin, of course I will be devastated. But I have to remember that it all boils down to reason. No matter what happens I can remember this weekend as a really great, fun time. It definitely was no a waste and hopefully I can go back soon!

In other thoughts, I’m stuck at this airport. I was supposed to leave at 9:05 to get back to New Orleans by 10. Well now my plane is set to leave at 10:45, putting me in Louisiana around 12. I really hope it’s not raining there because I still have to drive home. Fuck. I’ve been in Houston since 7:30…giving me plenty of time to think about airports. These places really are filled with so many different emotions. The people going somewhere new are anxious and excited, unless, they’re going some place they don’t want to be—say a business trip or a funeral. But there are also those in love, maybe newlyweds. There are those stuck in long-distance relationships, the visit is always so fun and exciting, you can’t wait until it ends and you can be with that person. But once it ends you wish it never did in the first place. Since it’s Sunday, I’m guessing the others here in Houston aren’t on business.

I wonder where they are going though. This whole airport thing reminds me of a John Mayer song, “Wheel.” I have noticed a lot of people here reading the new Harry Potter book during the trip since it came out yesterday.

I got Austin some cards when I went looking for a notebook and pen. I got him one that says “thanks” and the front has a giant frog wearing rain boots and holding flowers. I’m going to send that one out tomorrow. The other one I got is sweet. I will probably send that one out at the end of the week. There is a possibility that a lot of the things I want to tell Austin, but don’t know how or want to hear his immediate reaction—I could tell him through writing. Maybe in the Thank You card I could say—thanks and that I was so glad I went. And in the sweet card I could write about how confused I am now because Dallas showed me something I didn’t expect to see.

Fuck. It’s seriously only just passed 10—I really hope this flight doesn’t get delayed any longer…because I am really ready to be home. It’s bad enough that I had to leave Austin…now I have to sit in this shit-ass-airport.

Well I might be back later.

Love,

Holly Ann

GROCERY LIST

milk
bread
peanut butter
cereal
chips
rice
soup
veggies
chicken
muffin pan
pineapple

July 22, 2007 {11:00 p.m.}:

Ok, so I’m finally on my flight to New Orleans. It’s two hours late…putting me back in Baton Rouge at 1 a.m. Oh well at least it’s soon and I can just go to bed as soon as I get there. I wanted to get in here and write out Austin’s cards before I did the final drafts. The first one I will send is the thank you…

Austin—

Just wanted to say thanks again for inviting me to Dallas. I had a great time with you—better than I could have imagined. I’m so glad I came, it was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. Dallas impressed me and I’m hoping to make it back soon.

Miss you even more than before.

Love,

Holly Ann

THE SWEET CARD

AJ,

In my mind, it played out as follows: I’d arrive in Dallas, see you, have some fun. We’d talk and decide that the distance blows. I’d leave, unimpressed with the city and maybe wonder what would become of this relationship of ours. Because, after all, I was going to LA.

I was wrong. Instead, I really liked Dallas and was again reminded of how much I love spending time with you. I don’t know what’s in store for me in LA…nor do I know what’s in store for us. But I do know I won’t rule out Dallas any time soon.

Hang in there!

Love,

Holly Ann

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s