I know I’m probably one of ten people still watching reruns of “Jersey Shore”… so, when MTV announced an answer to our prayers for new material, I was pretty excited! That answer is none other than “Floribama Shore”.
“Floribama Shore” is supposed to be similar to “Jersey Shore” in that cast members are filling up a single house in Panama City Beach, Florida, but are locals from the Floribama Coast.
Having been to Floribama a handful of times, I can testify that its known for its uncanny ability to embrace the tacky side of Americana, while also celebrating the fruits of summer and beach life in the form of denim cutoffs, cold bear at any hour, and bare feet at all times.
And so, MTV has rounded up a cast of locals to celebrate this portion of the country and likely, humiliate them and everyone they know for our complete enjoyment. Here’s how MTV describes the show:
Set in the Florida Panhandle along the beach that stretches all the way to Alabama, Floribama Shore is the story of eight young adults who come to spend the summer in the hottest beach town on the Gulf Coast, Panama City Beach, to party it up and put the real world on hold for just a little bit longer. But each is armed with incredible life experiences and standing at a crossroads, whether it’s ending a relationship, tasting independence for the first time, or trying to escape the past.This coming of age story captures the very real thrill and angst of being young and trying to figure out the future with a group of people you’ll come to call family.
So, the cast!
There’s Aimee, who might be my favorite so far. She’s from Alabama, admits to always going barefoot and never getting a pedicure, and she is NOT going to play games. She’s a spitfire and I’d imagine we’ll see a fight with her at some point this season.
There’s Candace, who, so far, is pretty quiet. She seems to be the old soul of the bunch, but I’m not counting her out of any shenanigans just yet. Next is Codi, who has been quiet so far… And then there’s Gus, who is pret-ty full of himself, and I don’t think he’s ever been rejected. This is already causing drama in the house.
Okay… Jeremiah. He’s the pretty boy, and although a few of the ladies love his looks, his attitude is not attractive. I’m not a fan of him as a person, but his douche-baggery is much-needed for a show like this.
Kirk has yet to say much, so we’ll see what happens with him. But finally, there’s Kortni and Nilsa, who are friends and both Panama City Beach locals. Kortni fires off episode one by pissing the bed, and Nilsa is a flirtacious force to be reckoned with!
So far, there’s been two episodes of the show, which airs Mondays at 10/9 central (although they aired one episode on Sunday night…).
It’s good stuff, y’all!
Whoop! We’re another episode into this (assumingly) fictional drama. The TV guide, and my DVR showed no title for this episode, which was really disheartening. Come on, MTV!
Anyway, let’s get into it! Right off the bat, Juliett and Kelsey are going at it since Juliett took it upon herself about Kelsey and Alex hooking up in last week”s episode. Basically, Juliett says she’s not sorry for telling him the TRUTH – but thanks for stopping by!
Pauly Paul is still recovering from his trip to jail and Alex’s dad is giving him a lecture about where his life is going – because he’s going to keep ending up in jail. However, Pauly Paul says he doesn’t really want to quit smoking weed – instead, he learned not to put it in his car. Mmmkkay.
Later, Chloe and Kelsey are working together and talking about the issue with Juliett. Chloe doesn’t back down and is all, well what do you expect? Your actions have consequences… Yikes.
The group gathers at the beach, and this is where Juliett and Garrett start to get a little closer and he asks her on a date. Nooooooo…
Meanwhile, Madisson and Brandon are getting a little closer and are just about ready to have “the talk”. But Alex is having a difficult time letting her go… He was openly flirting with her at a BBQ, right in front of Kelsey.
Alex and Pauly Paul visit Chloe at work, and she is not happy to see them. Pauly Paul invites her to come to his “Summer in Siesta Key” concert, and Chloe fires back with, “And WHY would I want to do that?” She continues to shut them down with why she is upset and also adds a little bit of, “I do have to work, I’m not a trust fund baby…”
Garrett and Kelsey seem to be getting along great on their date, and she asks him to go to Pauly Paul’s concert with her. He says yes, even though Kelsey is going to be there. Oh boy…
At the concert, even Chloe arrives, and everyone is wondering if Juliett and Garrett really like each other, or if both of them are just out for revenge.
Despite being told twice how the mic works, Pauly Paul didn’t listen and messed up the audio to his songs. He ended up running to his car and crying… And walking off when his friends tried to offer him comfort and assure him he still did a good job.
Chloe convinces him to come back inside and have some fun, so he does. Meanwhile, Kelsey confronts Garrett outside about him kissing Juliett right in front of her, and he’s all “Well at least I waited until after we were broken up to do anything!”
I have a feeling we’re nearing the end of the season, so this should be an interesting wrap up in these next few episodes (I’m not sure how many are left.
Guess we’ll just have to wait and see!
You guys. I have been dreading and looking forward to this episode of “Siesta Key” the entire week. I do NOT want Garrett to get with Juliett!
Ugh, ok let’s get into it. At the start of the episode, Alex is helping Kelsey at work while Chloe packs her stuff to move into her own apartment. Chloe was planning to have a party and Kelsey is worried about seeing Garrett there… So Alex suggests he and Kelsey skip the party and go line dancing instead.
Later, Madisson and Kelsey are talking and Madisson says she saw her and Alex kissing. Kelsey admits it, but says she doesn’t know if she should tell Garrett or not. Madisson says she doesn’t owe him that since they’re broken up, but Kelsey knows this will be the end of her and Garrett. For good.
Back at the mansion, Pauly Paul is in the slammer. Alex asks his dad to bail him out, and his dad agrees to, but ONLY because he doesn’t have a father or a mother. And he’s waiting until morning to do it.
Brandon invites Madisson over to his studio and plays a song for her, and it’s basically about fucking hoes. She’s not really impressed… But it sounds fantastic, if I say so. She tells him people will probably enjoy the softer side…
Brandon brings up her ex, and she tells him that Grant asked her to come to New York, but she likes Brandon… So he was relieved by that.
Meanwhile, Pauly Paul gets bailed out and Alex’s dad picks him up and is like WHAT ARE YOUT HINKING?
Pauly Paul says he’s been locked up 10 times and he doesn’t have anyone over him to tell him right and wrong. Eehhhh…
Chloe is getting ready for her party with Juliett, and Chloe says she didn’t invite Alex because she’s still upset about his comments he made in Bimini. Go girl!
Chloe’s party is at the pool and Garrett rolls in with flowers like a gentleman. Garrett is talking to Juliett about how he’s moving on and ANYWAY he’s busy making his personal training website, and if Juliett wanted to be in a video, then ok. She does. And then she drops the bomb that actually Kelsey is on a date with Alex right now.
At the line dancing bar, Kelsey and Garrett are laughing and dancing and seemingly having a perfect time. And then he walks off and talks to another chick.
Word eventually gets back to Kelsey that Juliett and Garrett are into each other, so that basically serves as her justification for seeing Alex. It’s a giant catch 22 because their using each other to see other people.
Juliett just keeps drilling it into Garrett’s head that yes, Kelsey and Alex hooked up WHILE they were dating, after the gala. This gets Garrett so worked up that he calls Kelsey, tells her she’s full of shit, and says they can’t even be friends anymore.
The interesting thing here is that in the last episode, Kelsey completely DENIES she and Alex hooked up after the gala. But when Garrett asks her straight out on the phone, she doesn’t give him an answer and that’s what sets him over the edge.
Ugh! In the preview for next week’s episode, it looks like Juliett and Kelsey finally have a face-off, right after Garrett and Kelsey make out in Kelsey’s company. Ouch.
Yeeeeeep! Until next week…
Hey, hey! I’m so sorry for not posting yesterday – I planned on posting at lunch, and then work got crazy busy and I just couldn’t. But hey, I’m here today and there was a new episode of “Siesta Key” last night!
But before we get into the episode, I couldn’t help but wonder what may have happened to Alex’s family’s mansion in Siesta Key during Hurricane Irma this weekend. I hopped directly to the source: @Alex_Kompo on Instagram – take a look at his stories if you are curious.
It appears there are several trees down and plenty of flooding, but his castle on the water is perfectly fine – with no damage from what I could see. Hmm. Naturally.
Ok, let’s get into it!
The group is back from the Bahamas and Chloe really took Alex’s comment about her weight to heart. So, she’s meeting with Garrett so he can help her work out. Damn – he looks good. Plus, he’s so sweet and is all, “You know you’re not overweight.”
Chloe asks him if he’s talked to Kelsey and he says he got a text from her and didn’t respond – then Chloe tells him that Kelsey and Alex went on a date. Seriously, that’s a freaking SNAKE right there!
Apparently, everyone is working out now, because there’s like a weird montage of Alex lifting weights and Juliette conducting a yoga session on her back patio? I don’t know.
Garrett meets Kelsey at a coffee shop, and it’s awkward right from the start. He’s all, “I’ve been SUPER GOOD.” He confronts her about the dinner date and Kelsey says she’s “sick” of all these rumors, and tells him there’s “nothing” between her and Alex.
She also fails to mention that during the game they played, they were flirting MAJOR and that Alex ended up with his shirt off. But she also reminds Garrett that they’re not together, so dates are a reality.
Meanwhile, Madisson goes out to eat with her ex. He obviously still wants her, and is visibly upset when she tells him that she met someone new. He’s all, “You know there are plenty of engineering jobs in New York…”
Later, Juliette Facetimes Alex to “talk about what happened in Bimini.” Alex pretty much thinks there’s nothing that really happened – they hooked up because they were in the same house, duh. Juliette says they need to end whatever this is because she’s not going to be “available” to him.
Madisson’s mom throws a BBQ, and Brandon comes… and so does Madisson’s ex, and it’s a little awkward for everyone involved. Alex is there, too, so it’s basically ALL of Madisson’s baggage in a single area! The three guys are talking to each other, visibly sizing each other up, and Alex is (of course) being a huge dick.
But Madisson is talking with Kelsey and says she’s having mixed feelings about her ex and Brandon. She later tells Alex that she’s considering the move to New York – um, what? No girl.
Brandon heads out of the party early and tells Madisson she seems “close” with Grant. Madisson seems upset and is like, “What? I hope everything is ok, call me” and then later tells her ex that she’s missed him.
And thennnnnn she sees Kelsey and Alex kissing in the pool.
Not to spoil anything but next week’s episode is called “Garrett Gets a New Girl” and from the previews, it looks like it’s Juliette. Lord!
Before I head out – I did post 7 (yes, SEVEN) new items on my Etsy shop yesterday (including a tassel necklace and pom pom earrings). I’ve been busy! Check them out and tell me what you like; or what types of things you’d like to see in the store.
Hey hey! Don’t you just love 3-day weekends? Sure, it’s a little shitty that we have to be back at work today, but it’s already TUESDAY?! Although, I feel like tomorrow I’ll think it’s Thursday and just be really disappointed overall.
But alas, another episode of “Siesta Key” is upon us, and the gang is headed to the Bahamas!
Kelsey is headed with the group to the Bahamas, but without Garrett since they’re on a break. The group is staying in a giant house together, so this will be interesting…
Juliette is among the group as well, and she’s getting used to seeing Kelsey sidling right up to Alex. Chloe is sharing a room with Juliette and is quick to tell her that Kelsey and Alex hooked up after his gala.
In fact, she says, Amanda was looking for her phone after the party and knocked on Alex’s closed bedroom door. Supposedly, he answered the door butt-naked, and when Amanda peeked into the room, Kelsey was in the bed naked, as well.
Here we goooooo.
At dinner, Juliette is back to her dumbass ways and says she doesn’t know how to eat edamame. Lord have mercy on this child.
Pauly Paul must be fresh off a line of the good stuff because he’s asking Kelsey what’s up with her and Garrett? Who ended it? Why did it end? Who are you going to hook up with while you’re here?
Later, he’s having a heart-to-heart with Juliette and he tells her Kelsey and Alex definitely like each other… Juliette is all, “Really? What do I do?”
Meanwhile, Brandon and Madisson are getting a COUPLE’S massage (!) and Brandon is like moaning through the entire thing, and says, “This is better than sex.” Come on, bro.
Chloe and Kelsey are at the spa and Chloe asks her what’s up with her and Alex. Kelsey admits they have a fun chemistry, but that’s all it will ever be. When Chloe confronts her about what happened after the gala, Kelsey says nothing happened… but no one is believing that.
But later… Alex asks Kelsey to go to dinner “as friends”… really?
At the dock, Amanda confronts Kelsey about what happened after the gala. Amanda straight up calls her a liar, and Kelsey says she did go into his room to change into dry clothes. But nothing happened. Srsly?
Alex takes Kelsey out to dinner and he tells everyone he’s taking her out because she’s the new girl. During dinner, they reiterate how they are just friends… but Kelsey calls bullshit on his relationship with with Juliette.
While everyone else is eating dinner, they are ALL talking about Kelsey and Alex. Madisson swears they are just friends but everyone else is all NO, NOPE…
After dinner, Kelsey has a drinking game for her and Alex, and immediately he ends up with his shirt off. Eventually, the whole group joins in… and the next morning, Juliette is in Alex’s bed with him. Now what?
As the gang is packing up, Kelsey says she’s ready to go home but she’s afraid she might have blown it with Garrett. GURL.
Now I cannot wait to see what he says… next week!
Hey, hey! Trump is on his way to Texas and this state is flipping him the bird – the memes on Twitter are worth a look if you need a laugh. Anyway, I won’t get into politics… let’s get into last night’s episode of “Siesta Key”!
The episode picks up right where last week left off, Garrett has ditched Kelsey at the 20’s party, so she jumps into the pool with Alex and Madisson and Brandon. Later, she follows Alex into the house… and the production makes it look like something happened.
At Garrett’s house, he’s telling his brother what happened the night before. Meanwhile, Alex heads to the beach with Chloe, Amanda, Brandon, Pauly Paul, Madisson, and Kelsey… and Garrett shows up! Whoooooo!
Amanda and Chloe take a stroll on the beach, and Chloe tells Amanda she’s disappointed in her for hooking up with Alex, and for the dismissive way she acted at the party last night.
Later, Brandon asks Madisson on a date.. and I’ll admit, it’s kinda cute!
Juliette is at home sipping water by the pool, and she’s talking to her friend Hannah like, “I’m not going to act like he didn’t hook up with Amanda.” And Hannah just keeps saying, “Yeah… yeah… yeah.”
Kelsey and Garrett have a lil walk on the beach and it really just seems like things aren’t working out. Kelsey apologizes for the way the night went down and Garrett apologizes for leaving the party. He says they’ll talk about it the next day.
Later, Alex suggests the gang go to Bimini, and everyone agrees even though Pauly Paul has a court date for getting caught with weed.
Brandon takes Madisson on their date and they order some tropical blended drinks… and he’s all charming and it’s sweet. And they KISSSSSSSS!!!
Garrett and Kelsey talk the next day and he tells her he’s not going to the Bahamas. She admits she was flirting with Alex after the party, and Garrett suggests they go on a break. OUCH.
Madisson is heading to visit her mom, and she mentioned to her sister that visiting her mom makes her nervous. Madisson tells her mom that her dad is hosting a graduation dinner and she should come – her mom declines.
At Madisson’s dinner, everyone is so dressed up and Madisson’s dad is grilling Brandon, but he’s taking it well. Alex’s mom makes an awkward comment about how Madisson used to “tutor” Alex and shit, does Brandon give The Glare to Alex.
The next day, the entire gang gets together to go on Alex’s boat. Even Kelsey joins…without Garrett. Everyone asks where he is and she says they’re on a break. Alex looks happy to hear this and everyone is NOT surprised.
Juliette is “shocked” to see Brandon and Madisson together, and is all “Who else hooked up after the party?” And just then… Alex and Kelsey are in the water together… Yikes.
And the SAGA continues!! We’ll see what happens next week!
Let me just start this by saying I’m writing this after having just gotten home from WINNING “Saved By the Bell” trivia! After years and years of watching the same episodes on repeat, I finally have something to show for it: $1oo in giftcards, fools! Okay, I owe a lot of it to my teammate, but we kicked BUTT.
Anyway, onto “Siesta Key”! The teaser is making it look like Kelsey is going to join the gaggle of whores going after Alex. She’s out to lunch with Chloe and basically shit-talking the gift he got her for their anniversary. Ugh.
Alex Facetimes Madison and apologized for talking so rudely to her at the bonfire. Later, Chloe is out to lunch with her mom and they’re talking about how “great” summer is in Siesta Key? Umm really, cause you literally JUST had surgery for getting your face beat in. It cannot be that great.
Later, some of the group joins Alex on his boat and I can’t help but wonder if it’s the same boat he’s committed all these crimes on. Ew.
Amanda is on the boat, in a thong, and she’s basically all over every guy, because of course. In his defense though, Alex encourages her to squash her beef with Chloe and she says she will (maybe in the season finale).
Later, Alex is “teaching” Kelsey how to drive the boat and you can tell Garrett is jeaaaaalllous.
Next, Madison (I realized I’ve been spelling her name wrong this entire time, it’s Madisson) is prepping for her interview with Alex’s dad’s company. But basically right when she walks in, the guy tells her she really has nothing on her resume compared to the other candidates. Awesome.
Then, Chloe is visiting with a therapist and is telling her about the altercation she had with Amanda. The therapist tells her to consider the role of alcohol in the fight, and how she reacts to situations. Chloe also tells the therapist that her father is aggressive and has been in and out of jail – she has never met him.
Kelsey and Garrett are paddleboarding and she is talking about how much fun she had on the boat the day before – and he’s not really into it. I’ll admit, this scene was a little sad – I felt bad for Garrett. He was like, “Alex has a lot of money and I’m sure he thinks he can just do whatever he wants and date whoever.” Aww… Kelsey reassures him she’s not interested in Alex, but the entire situation is just weird.
Back at Alex’s house, he finds out he’s been waitlisted for law school. So… yeah.
At Juliette’s she’s recovering from having her wisdom teeth removed. She says she’s under the influence of pain killers, yet she seems exactly the same as how we’ve seen her all season. Hm.
Alex and Madisson meet up and talk about their recent failures, and Alex says he is dead-set on wanting to be a lawyer because he likes the water and “that shit costs money”, so he’s going to work his ass off, be a lawyer, retire, and then own a marina.
Umm, ok. I feel like law is a job you actually have to have a passion for and not just want money, but I could be wrong. Two, how is someone BREAKING THE LAW going to get into law school and be successful? Is this a thing?
Juliette finally gets to hang out with Alex again, and they are trying to work out a meeting between Amanda and Chloe.
Juliette agrees to meet up with the two of them to try and mediate. Chloe immediately starts crying and apologizes for her part – basically, her mouth. Amanda apologizes, too, and says she wants to move on from it, but she still has to see it to believe it.
Aaaaand then the fact that Brandon wants Amanda comes up, and shockingly, Chloe is cool with it. Wow. WAY TO GO LADIES!
Butttt then Pauly Paul shows up at the bar during Chloe’s shift and he tells her about Amanda hooking up with Alex. And thisssss goes over poorly.
Next week? It’s another party at Alex’s! Go figure!!!! I’ll see you then…
We left this shit show last week with Chloe FaceTiming Alex and showing him her face, which had clearly been beaten in.
As I guessed, Amanda kicked her ass for being a lil bitch when it comes to Brandon. And just like that, their friendship is over and I’m sure this cat fight is going to last alllll summer.
Chloe was all, “She hasn’t even, like, texted me to see if I’m OK!!” No shit, she HATES you!!!!
Obviously, this episode is going to focus on 2 things: Chloe’s face getting beat, and Madison v. Juliette. Basically, recap over.
Madison and Kelsey are at lunch and Kelsey says, “I want to see what Florida is all about.” Umm Florida is all about RETIREMENT.
Later, Alex says Madison didn’t know him when he “had all this” *rolls eyes*, which I assume is basically his way of stating that she’s the only decent person/non-gold digger ’round these parts.
Mind you, it’s about this time Juliette gets her hair wet again, and I’m beginning to think she’s confident in this look. No, girl. Just no.
After the break, there’s a fantastic side-by-side of Amanda in a thong at the bikini contest while Brandon watches, and Chloe being wheeled out of the hospital after surgery. Like really, that’s fucked up.
Later, Garrett says he’s trying to think of something to do for him and Kelsey’s 6-month anniversary… but in the last episode Kelsey said they just met on Tindr. What gives MTV? Get a new script editor!
Madison confronts Alex about his promiscuity last summer with Juliette – and he’s all, “Uh, it wasn’t Facebook official!”
Later, Chloe shows her face in public and props to this girl with her two black eyes, sipping on margaritas!
Instead of taking her somewhere nice like he planned, Garrett takes Kelsey to the beach for a picnic… and she’s pretty ungrateful honestly. Shocker. He gave her a jar of 365 hand-written notes… and she gave him a giant bag of pistachios. Not kidding.
He brings non-alcoholic cider and sliced cheese, and Kelsey constantly makes comments about how this would be waaaaayyy different if they were at a restaurant. For someone who moved to Florida to care for her mother, she a biiiiiitch. Yea?
Brandon is hosting the next party, and Chloe doesn’t want to see Amanda. Obviously. Girl, you’re better off sitting at home, alone, watching episodes of “Laguna Beach”. Trust me on this one.
It’s the night of Brandon’s party, and as soon as Juliette shows up, Madison starts guzzling whatever is in her red cup. Meanwhile, Chloe is tucking herself into bed and she totally has one of those touch-lamps from the early 90s.
At the bonfire party, Alex is his usual self -playing Juliette and Madison right in front of each other’s faces. After Alex calls Madison a “Bow down queen”, Kelsey tells her to move on.
Outside of filming, news has surfaced that Alex allegedly shot and killed a hammerhead shark while fishing. Killing marine life in Florida is illegal. Alex posted video of a fisherman lifting a shark partially out of the water, and shooting it, and then later deleted the video from his Instagram feed. The video is currently under investigation as a petition is circulating calling for those involved in last week’s “shark dragging” incident to be arrested.
Obviously, I’ll await the news to see if he’s guilty or not, but I know one thing is for sure: this kid is a privileged asshole.
So, yeah, we’ll see what happens next week…
In anticipation of what MTV is calling “Laguna Beach 2.0”, the network aired old episodes of “Laguna Beach” and “The Hills” all weekend and I was in heaven! They were also promoting the shit out of “Siesta Key”, and it worked – I was real pumped to see this episode.
That is until I saw the “Siesta Key” watch party had been cancelled after public outrage due to one of the cast members being involved in a “shark dragging” incident that killed a shark. Umm, what? Here’s the report from the Herald Tribune:
Reaction to the show from local residents led to the creation of a “Boycott Siesta Key MTV” Facebook page that pointed to an apparent connection between cast members and a man who allegedly dragged a shark to death behind his boat.
Well that’s just great. Here’s another little nugget of information for you (also from the Herald Tribune):
The show’s main cast member is Alex Kompothecras, son of Gary Kompothecras, the chiropractor best-known in these parts for founding the 1-800-ASK-GARY legal and medical referral service. “Siesta Key” originated from a pilot financed by Kompothecras.
So, that’s why we’ve seen all the previews of Alex’s family home, which is huge and covered in enough gold to rival President Trump. After doing a little more digging, it appears there was the video of the shark dragging, along with some pictures on social media of men (covered in blood) that are allegedly friends with some of the “Siesta Key” cast. The video and photos are currently under investigation.
The premier episode still rolls on and I’m still reviewing it as planned. Obviously, I do not condone killing innocent animals, especially in a way of suffering. Hopefully, the investigation will result in those men being punished appropriately (i.e. being dragged behind a boat).
Anyway, the show must go on!
The episode starts by introducing every cast mate: Alex – the “king of the crew” – who I’m guessing is also going to be a shithead. He’s dating Juliette. Chloe is the bitch. And SHE has a crush on Brandon. Kelsey is the new girl in town, and is dating Garrett – who isn’t a part of THE CLIQUE.
Aparently Alex cheated on Juliette last summer with Madison – his ex. Lordy.
What continues is some slo-mo cheesy shit.
Alex and Juliette are on a date… and he’s an idiot. He’s about to turn 22, has graduated, so this is his self-proclaimed “big one”.
And Juliette wore stilettos to the boardwalk, so she’s one of those chicks. Ugh.
Madison flies into town, and everyone is warning him that she thinks it will be back to business as usual.
The ladiessss are all gathered somewhere, and they’re all O M G Juliette went on a date with Juliette. These chicks are basic AF and it’s on an entirely new level.
Madison shows up at Alex’s and he greets her with a bottle of Veuve and 2 flutes. They sit on the beach and catch up… and Alex is all, “I heard everything’s bigger in Texas.”
She asks him if he has a girlfriend and he’s all, “Nope” – even after he JUST told Juliette he was cool being with just her.
Kelsey and Chloe “work” at a bar – it’s pretend work – we all knew “Laguna Beach” and “The Hills” were scripted and MTV is not even playing with this one. It’s fake as hell. Kelsey says she met her boyfriend Garrett on Tinder, which I’m sure is also a lie.
We can also just get this out of the way: Alex is ugly. Like come ON MTV, you gave us Stephen Coletti, can you give us a better lead character than Alex the freaking Ogre?
Alex and Brandon come to the bar, and Alex is all eyeing Kelsey up and down. He invites her to his birthday party and ta-da, she’s free. Because why would a bartender be free on a Saturday?
Everyone is just SEW excited for Alex’s birthday party, because WHAT girl is he going to choose to be all over him?
Later, Kelsey is getting ready for the party, and she’s talking about her and Garrett like they’ve been together for two YEARS instead of two weeks. Weird.
But then she walks into that fucking party like a BOSS BITCH and everyone stares because there’s finally someone hot with a personality.
This makes Juliette super nervous and she drunkenly bites Alex’s face and is all OMG ITS SOOOO NICE TO MEET YOU. I’m over her already.
Juliette appraoches Madison and it’s like so much teeth in one scene… “Would you like, let me know if he hits on you, that’d be like, cool.”
Later, Alex literally tosses Juliette over his shoulder and heads to the bedroom. And Madison runs and cries on the beach like a punk ass.
At the end of the episode, it shows pictures of Chloe with her face bashed in and bloody, so we’ll get that conclusion next week.
Honestly, this is a failure. This show is pretty bad, and it’s definitely NOT even close to “Laguna Beach” or “The Hills”. Watching Twitter during it was my only saving grace…
In early June, I was flipping stations on Sirius XM, and came across a song called “Location” by Khalid. I immediately liked the beat, so I kept it on, and I was blown away. I wrote down the song title in my phone so I could look for it on iTunes later.
Well, later turned out to be on my flight back from Indiana, and I listed to this track on repeat for longer than I’d like to admit. I love it! Even after I bought the rest of the album, this track remains to be one of my favorites.
I don’t wanna fall in love off of subtweets so
Let’s get personal
I got a lot of cool spots that we can go
Tell me what’s the move and I got you
I’m only acting like this ’cause I like you
-“Location” by Khalid
I quickly purchased another track (“Keep Me”), and after listening to it for hours, I bought the rest of the “American Teen” album, which serves as Khalid’s debut. And yes, he’s a teenager (19), singing words that are well beyond his years.
I’m a little late to the game here – the album was released at the beginning of March this year, and it’s getting rave reviews (rightfully so). I haven’t felt this way about an album in awhile – and by “this way”, I mean, I listen to it constantly.
I like listening to albums the way they were intended: in the order of the tracks on the album, before I start mixing things up. And this one, I listen to in my office, my car, I listen in my kitchen when I’m cooking dinner, and I listened all through the Dallas airport. It’s incredible.
Some of my favorite tracks, aside from “Location” are “Shot Down”, “Keep Me”, “American Teen”, and “Another Sad Love Song”.
I must be honest, I have a lot of pride
But I’m broken inside
I guess this sounds like another sad love song
I can’t get over how it all went wrong
But, I let the words come together
Then, maybe I’ll feel better
-“Another Sad Love Song” by Khalid
MTV named Khalid their Artist to Watch for the month of July, and they’ve been playing video clips of him, including an acoustic performance of a popular track, “Young Dumb & Broke” (watch it here). And here’s some of what the New York Times had to say about the album:
That’s an almost universal teen conundrum, something Khalid acknowledges throughout this song with constant use of “we” and “our” (“We don’t always say what we mean,” “This is our year”). He’s sketching a generational mood, and drives the point home when at the end of the song, the digital shimmer falls away and, backed by only an acoustic guitar, a group of young men — high school friends from back in El Paso — bark-sing Khalid’s chorus. It’s a campfire singalong, a signifier of tactile humanity for a singer who knows how technology both redeems and corrupts.
“American Teen” is a promising amalgam of bedroom art-soul and 1980s new-wave pop maximalism, and a union of lonely-boy mirror gazing with a sense of larger cultural purpose. It most vividly recalls the promise embedded in the soundtracks of John Hughes films — that an outsider’s story might in fact be the thing that can unify and move millions.
Some of the songs have an upbeat undertone to them, but overall it’s a pretty chill album. I hope you guys will check it out – if not, I’d love to know what you’re listening to right now!
I sort of hate myself for promoting sitting inside all summer and catching up on TV, but it’s been a solid 106 degrees here in Austin, and even the coolest pool isn’t going to get me outside for much longer than i have to be. So, yeah, I’m watching TV this summer – especially the junky stuff – and I’m not ashamed! Who’s with me?!
“Insecure”, season 2 (HBO) – Comedy
I was completely blown away by season one of “Insecure”, and have been fangirling over lead actress and writer, Issa Rae, ever since. Here’s the scoop from HBO.com:
Modern-day black women are usually portrayed as strong, confident and “flawless.” But Issa and Molly are definitely not “killing it.” These best friends must deal with their own real-life flaws as they attempt to navigate different worlds and cope with an endless series of uncomfortable everyday experiences.
Created by Issa Rae and Larry Wilmore, the comedy series Insecure explores the black female experience. Rae stars as Issa and Yvonne Orji stars as Molly. Over the course of the season, Issa attempts to figure out what she wants out of life and how to take control of it, while fumbling her way through this journey. Molly, a corporate attorney who appears to have everything together professionally, struggles inside as she looks for external ways to fix her life.
Meanwhile, Issa’s boyfriend, Lawrence (Jay Ellis), who has fallen victim to complacency, works to get his own act together. Frieda (Lisa Joyce), Issa’s overeager white co-worker, whose enthusiasm is both annoying and endearing, is at the crux of Issa’s racial frustrations at work.
I. AM. SO. EXCITED. Plus! With a new season of “Insecure” comes a new batch of the “Insecuritea” after show podcast – yes!
Premiers Sunday, July 23 @ 10:30 pm EST.
“A Night With My Ex” (Bravo) – Reality
Basically, this show had me with the title. I mean, there’s not an ex I would want to spend a night with, so you’ve already got me curious. Here’s the scoop from TVguide.com:
The 10-episode season follows 11 former couples who agree to spend one night alone in an apartment together — no producers, only cameras rigged to catch their every move. Seeing each other for the first time since their breakup will bring up unexpected reactions in the exes, including shocking confessions, crazy fights, intense hook-ups and some wild twists we thought only existed in Shondaland. There are even marriage proposals and a pregnancy reveal!
And unlike in the real world, the exes have nowhere to hide once they enter the one-bedroom apartment. Whatever goes down, the former couple will be forced to deal with their unresolved issues without any interruptions, distractions or, of course, any privacy.
Tuesdays @ 10 pm EST.
“I Hart Food” (Food Network) – American Food
I’m pretty excited for this show after seeing Hannah Hart on her YouTube show, “My Drunk Kitchen”. Now she’s got her own series! Here’s the description from the Food Network Blog:
Hannah Hart has over five-million followers on social media, a killer sense of humor, a passion for food and this summer, she’s taking a flavor-filled journey to some of the country’s favorite regional food spots in the new Food Network series I Hart Food. In the six-episode series, food enthusiast Hannah follows her appetite to discover incredible local dishes and awesome conversations. From investigating Santa Fe’s fiery fixation with green and red chilies to catching New England lobsters with her bare hands in Portland, Maine, Hannah’s food adventures explore every angle of these local specialties and the stories behind them.
Premiers Monday, August 14 @ 10 pm EST.
“Phelps vs. Shark” (Discovery) – Competition
Yep, you read that correctly. Swimmer Michael Phelps is racing a great white shark to kick off “Shark Week”, and I cannot help but watch. They’re pegging it as “The battle for ocean supremacy”, because obviously that’s a thing. I was picturing it as a literal race in the ocean, but then I realized how stupid a thought that was, given that a shark doesn’t know how to race. Right? Whatever. I’m still watching it.
Airs Sunday, July 23 @ 8 pm EST.
“Shahs of Sunset”, season 6 (Bravo) – Reality
This has got to be one of my favorite Bravo shows and I’m so happy it’s back! Asa is pregnant, which means MJ is throwing her all KINDS of shade. Mike is living single, while GG is supposedly healed, and Reza is happily married. It’s sure to be a solid season with this group!
Sundays @ 8 pm EST.
“Million Dollar Matchmaker”, season 2 (WETV) – Dating
You may remember matchmaker Patti Stanger from her 8 seasons on Bravo as the “Millionaire Matchmaker”. She moved to WETV, but is still serving up the same fierce attitude, along with brilliant matchmaking. Here’s the scoop from Deadline.com:
The series, featuring matchmaker Patti Stanger as she helps her toughest clients find true love, reached 12.4 million total viewers in its first season. In season two, Stanger takes over the west wing of the exclusive Luxe Hotel in Los Angeles. Each week, two of her hardest-to-match clients will check in for a week-long stay, hoping to leave with the love of their life.
“Patti’s no-nonsense approach to love and dating struck a chord with WE tv viewers, and we can’t wait to have her back on Friday nights in an all-new location with new millionaires, using her brand of tough love to help her clients find true love,” said Marc Juris, president of WE tv. “In the world of love and relationships, there simply is no equal to Patti Stanger, and we are thrilled to have her as part of the WE tv family.”
Premiers Friday, August 4 @ 10 pm EST.
“Flipping Out”, season 10 (Bravo) – Reality
I hate to love Jeff Lewis, but come on! Plus, let’s face facts, Zoila is my favorite person on this show. I can’t believe we’re going into season 10, which means I’ve spent 1/3 of my life watching this show… Here’s the description from BravoTV.com:
Yes, things are just as cray cray for Jeff Lewis and his Flipping Out crew when the series returns this August. Life looks a little different for the designer on Season 10. In addition to making homes beautiful and some employee drama, he’s about to become a father — and impending parenthood is way more stressful than he and partner, Gage Edward, could ever have imagined.
Premiers Thursday, August 17 @ 9 pm EST.
“Life of Kylie” (E!) – Reality
I stopped watching “The Kardashians” two years ago – not for any moral reasons, I was just sort of over it – but I cannot turn away from this new little branch of show. I know. I’m terrible. Here’s the gist of it, from Deadline.com:
The eight-episode half-hour show will follow Jenner as she navigates her life as entrepreneur, fashion designer, author, social media star and CEO/founder of Kylie Cosmetics. The show also will document her personal life, including spending time with her close friend Jordyn Woods.
Premiers Sunday, August 6 @ 9 pm EST.
“Siesta Key” (MTV) – Reality, Drama
If “Scripted drama” were a thing, I’d call this that, because it’s been advertised as a show for people who liked “The Hills”. I did not like “The Hills”…I fucking LOVED “The Hills”. So, “Siesta Key” has big shoes to fill, okay!? Here’s the scoop from Variety.com:
“Siesta Key” follows a group of seven longtime friends in the Sarasota, Fla., area as they graduate from high school and through their reunion back home in the summer following freshman year in college. This time around, the storytelling in “Key” aims to dive deeper into the emotional lives of the key players rather than the frothier approach of past MTV serials. “Key” and other shows on MTV’s summer slate are laser-focused on reflecting the way teens and twentysomethings live today. That means the cameras capture how much of those lives play out on social media.
Premiers Monday, July 31 @ 10 pm EST.
It’s been a LONG time since I’ve done an edition of “Celeb Crush”! Truthfully, I’ve been doing a little work behind on the scenes on the blog, trying to figure out the best things to write and where the future of this thing is going – don’t worry, it’s not going anywhere, I’m just working through some identity crisis.
But there are so many times when I’m writing a post or coming up with ideas on what to write and I get so inside my head wondering, “Does ANYONE even care about this?” And then I remember that it really doesn’t matter, because this is my blog, and some days we talk about serious things and some days – like today – we just need the fun, lite stuff to keep us going.
So, Charlie Puth. I did not give this guy a lick of attention until… well, until he had the song with Selena Gomez, “We Don’t Talk Anymore“, because I was feelin’ some kinda way about that song! It was hitting almost too close to home, but not to the point where I couldn’t listen to it. I loved it.
Still though, I wasn’t entirely certain just who this guy was. And then he was on “The Voice”, serving as one of the mentors for (my favorite) Alicia Keys. And I was sitting on my couch thinking, “Okay, he is cute!” Even his voice is just so hot. I can’t.
So, WHO the heck is this Charlie Puth guy? According to Google, he’s 24 (turning 25 on December 2), and can thank YouTube for the rise of his success. His debut was on “See You Again”, written, produced, and co-performed with Wiz Khalifa in tribute to Paul Walker. WHOA.
According to Wikipedia, his eyebrow is scarred from a near-fatal dog bite incident. Clearly, he’s a badass. And, random fun fact, when he was in 6th grade, he went door-to-door selling his Christmas album “Have a Merry Charlie Christmas”, which he recorded and produced, and made $600.
His YouTube channel, Charlie Vlogs, was where he got his following, and he used the medium to post cover songs, including Sia’s “Chandelier”, comedy videos, and behind-the-scenes coverage.
At the beginning of this year, he released his debut album, “Nine Track Mind“, which peaked at number 6 on the Billboard 200.
Although he’s a talented singer and performer, I definitely think he’s found his success behind the scenes – writing, recording, and producing, which is respectable. I am looking forward to what comes next from him!
In other music news, John Mayer is releasing his first single off his upcoming album (expected to drop in 2017). The new single, “Love on the Weekend” will be released TOMORROW!!!
I’m not the only Mayer fan freaking out – it’s been more than two years since we’ve heard anything new from the guy. So, I’m anxious to hear what the sound will be – will it be an evolution of the Montana John we’ve gotten on the last two albums, or something new? I’ll be sure to report back.
Speaking of new albums, when are we going to get something new from Justin Bieber? He’s had two new songs out, “Cold Water” and “Let Me Love You”, which are both awesome, so does this mean there’s a new album on the horizon? I haven’t seen any news on the topic, but I’m keeping my eyes open on this one.
What music are you currently listening to, or looking forward to? I am always looking for more things to put into my ears, so let me know!
Whew! Another crazy week is in the books, y’all – and I’m exhausted! I’ve got a semi-busy weekend ahead at the Austin Film Festival, but am looking forward to some quality time on the couch and perhaps a movie. I have a decent stack of books I’ve been wanting to read, so maybe I can make a dent there.
But first, the Book Club’s latest read! It’s “Sweetbitter” by Stephanie Danler, which I heard about on a podcast. It sounded like the book about restaurant life I’ve always wanted – the gritty truth about that lifestyle, while featuring the beautiful side of it: learning about the finer foods and wine. Here is the book’s description from Amazon.com:
Twenty-two, and knowing no one, Tess leaves home to begin her adult life in New York City. Thus begins a year that is both enchanting and punishing, in a low-level job at “the best restaurant in New York City.” Grueling hours and a steep culinary learning curve awaken her to the beauty of oysters, the finest Champagnes, the appellations of Burgundy. At the same time, she opens herself to friendships—and love—set against the backdrop of dive bars and late nights. As her appetites sharpen—for food and wine, but also for knowledge, experience, and belonging—Tess is drawn into a darkly alluring love triangle that will prove to be her most exhilarating and painful lesson of all.
Stephanie Danler deftly conjures the nonstop and purely adrenalized world of the restaurant—conversations interrupted, phrases overheard, and suggestions below the surface. Evoking the infinite possibility of being young in New York with heart-stopping accuracy, Sweetbitter is ultimately about the power of what remains after disillusionment, and the wisdom that comes from experience, sweet and bitter.
So… as you can see from the description, this book was not what I’d originally planned. It was more about her relationships and sexcapades than it was about food, wine, and life as a waitress in New York City.
I’ll be honest here, this book hit a little too close to home. And because of that, it was difficult for me to get through. I’ve worked as a waitress, and in different forms of food service, and I’ve also worked as a bartender.
This book brought me right back to that world, which can be very dark at times. It’s an industry all its own, and there’s the people you work with who are right in that same world, and there’s the people you meet at the bar/restaurant.
There’s often drugs, heavy drinking, late nights, and early afternoons; there’s shift drinks, and meals from the chef and tip share and shift work. I had some great times in the industry, but I can’t say I would ever go back. So, I’m proud of myself for finishing this one.
It was well-written, there’s no doubt about that, it just wasn’t surrounded with food like I’d hoped – I was looking for another round of “No Reservations”-style writing. But, if the restaurant world, and the relationships that come with it interest you – this is your book!
The next book Blanche’s Book Club will be reading is “All The Bright Places” by Jennifer Niven. Want to read it with us? Simply message me via social media @OrangeJulius7, comment here on the blog, or shoot me an email at Holly@thebitterlemon.com and let’s chat it up! I love talking books.
In other news, is anyone watching the latest season of “Real World”? I know, I’m like, way too old for this, but I couldn’t help myself. It started Wednesday night and… it. is. so. good. Juicy! I’m telling you, DVR it, save it for the winter months, and when you’re snowed in, turn that shit on. Good stuff.
Okay – have a fantastic weekend everyone! I’ve got another batch of fun stuff lined up for next week, so I’ll see you right back here on Monday!
Last night, there was a fresh episode of “Chesapeake Shores”, plus the VMAs – so I made tacos for the occasion (beef and bean with hatch chili cheese), and prickly pear margaritas. It was a nice little Sunday night.
Episode 3 of “Chesapeake Shores” picked up right where last week left us – with Abby right in the middle of her custody battle. Abby wants to stay in Chesapeake Shores longer (because who works?), but her ex husband isn’t really a fan of this idea.
She meets up with Trace and quickly tells him they should NOT have kissed the other night – she said she can’t pretend like she’s “16 again”. Ugh.
Abby’s dad stops by Trace’s house and asks him what happened between him and Abby? Trace explains that they were together 16 years ago, and he thought they were going to get married one day (aawwww).
“Somewhere along the line, Abby started ignoring herself,” Trace says. When he is talking to her dad, he seems piiissssed.
Abby’s brother seems a little weary of Abby staying in town, because of the custody battle. He is helping her with the paperwork so she can try and get full custody instead of the kids having to go back and forth.
As they are going over the paperwork, Conner quickly accuses her of trying to get with Trace JUST to improve the way she looks on paper to the court. Naturally, this does not go over well and she storms out of the house.
Trace is at the park and Abby’s dad and brother are playing basketball. They ask Trace to join in and Abby’s brother basically tries to beat the shit out of him – it’s actually kind of an intense scene that shocked me. Hallmark is pushing it!
Later, Trace rides his motorcycle to a mural painted on the side of a building. The painting is of a woman who is standing on the beach looking out at the water, at sunset, her arms outstretched. And it’s signed by Abby.
Abby’s father questions his don about the incident at the park, and at first he denies it, saying he just plays “like that”. Turns out, he’s pissed about a lot of things – he wants to know the real reason why their father brought them all back to Chesapeake Shores. What were they supposed to discover? He’s referencing some sort of family event that hasn’t been revealed yet.
His father asks him to leave the town and head back to New York.
Later, Trace gets a phone call and all you can hear is his side of the conversation – he says it’s good news, but then later says “that’s not such a good idea for either of us.” HMM. In last week’s episode, he got bad news – could it be a former love?
Conner leaves, and so does their mother (she heads back to the city), and Trace ends up at Abby’s (family) home. They are swinging on the porch and it’s soooo “Full House”. The very last scene of the episode is Abby’s dad, sitting in his car in front of the mural, and he looks emotional.
They show the previews for next week and it looks intense – a woman from Trace’s past returns (just as I suspected!), and Abby’s family gets a call – something has happened to Dillon (the military brother).
Whew… could be a rough one!
The MTV VMAs
As for the MTV Video Music Awards… let’s just say I’m really glas I recorded it, because I fast-forwarded through a ton of it. I mean what was with them having like 5 hosts? There was way too much talking.
Rihanna opened the show with a really, really lame performance. She didn’t even try to sing; she was attempting to dance to a track – and the dance moves weren’t shit: step-ball-change, a step-ball-change. No girl.
Arianna Grande though? I’m not even really a fan of hers, but the child was dancing on a stationary bike! She was obviously singing to a track, but her performance was really good.
And then Calvin Harris won the award for best male video for his song “This is What You Came for” featuring Rihanna… and he thanked pretty much everyone MINUS Taylor Swift, who wrote the damn song! Shaaaaaade under those palm trees.
Taylor Swift didn’t even go to the awards because, well, she wasn’t nominated, and MTV gae Kanye West 4 minutes to do whatever he wanted. I understand Swift not wanting to be there for that, but isn’t she always the crazy one in the front dancing like an idiot? Why not show all your Swifties’ squad that you can stand up to Kanye – I mean, he’s the one that did you wrong, right? Or maybe you are a liar… heheh.
Kanye spoke for a few minutes and it made very little sense, per usual. He premiered his new video; which was… different.
Nick Jonas performed “Bacon” in a diner, which was pretty cool. Soo… most of you probably know that I’m not a huge fan of Beyonce, but I have to say… her performance was FIRE. I mean, there was so much emotion there – I was kind of scared to go to bed afterward. It was fantastic – take note Rihanna.
And then, Britney performed shortly after, and I hate saying it, but it was weak. The dancing was okay, but there were these like weird shadow hands in the background, and she was wearing this yellow outfit. I just couldn’t get into it.
So yeah, I pretty much went to bed after that. Better luck next year, MTV!
As nerdy as it sounds, my weekly trips to the library continue to impress me. Last weekend, I was searching through the DVDs looking for season 3 of “Girls” – the only season that U-Verse On Demand refuses to show, but I successfully found it (and watched it), and then I just started wandering to see what else I could find.
I was pleasantly surprised to find that they have nearly all the seasons of “The Wire“, “The Wonder Years“, and “The West Wing” (apparently I was hanging out in the Ws for awhile)…so now you know what my fall lineup looks like.
I also stumbled across “A Piece of Work” starring Joan Rivers – which is a documentary I’ve been wanting to see for years! This documentary follows Rivers in the year of her 75th birthday. It was released in 2010, and it was filmed during the year right before Rivers went on “The Apprentice” (and later won). From Google:
This revealing documentary follows the life and career of Joan Rivers, a veteran comedienne arguably more known for her extensive plastic surgery than for her talent. The film explores her early years in the comedy industry and touches on her longtime professional relationship with Johnny Carson, who is one of many celebrities featured, along with George Carlin, Phyllis Diller, Kathy Griffin and Rivers’ own daughter and frequent screen partner, Melissa Rivers.
I have always been a fan of Joan Rivers – but I realized how little I knew about her as I watched this movie. I didn’t realize that she was basically blacklisted from NBC by Johnny Carson, and her appearance on “The Apprentice” was basically her first time back. Her being blacklisted is also the start of a downfall he couldn’t handle, and he ultimately committed suicide.
Rivers’ career, like probably most comics or entertainers, has seen its ups and downs, and at the start of the documentary, Rivers and her team are trying everything they can to fill her schedule. As we all know by now, her schedule gets booked – and fast.
Of course, watching this documentary was bittersweet as we know how Rovers’ story ultimately ends. And the saddest part? In the movie, she talks a lot about how “getting old” has been the biggest struggle in her career, which is essentially why she got all the plastic surgery, and that’s how she reached her end.
Sad – but hey, the documentary had a happy ending! In all honesty, it was interesting to watch (although I love documentaries) and is definitely worth watching if you are a Rivers fan, or just a fan of comedy.
But there’s something else I’ve been watching…
Unlocking the Truth
This docuseries, “Unlocking the Truth”, started on MTV last Wednesday, hosted by Ryan Ferguson, who was recently released from prison after serving 10 years for a murder he didn’t commit. Now he’s working with a team of lawyers and investigators to help others who may be in similar situations.
The series focuses on three cases, and dives into the stories of each – and they are riveting as hell. So far, the two episodes have scraped the surface of two cases (from MTV.com):
- Michael Politte was 14 years old when was arrested for the murder of his mother Rita Politte. She was found dead in her home after being hit with a blunt object and then set on fire. Michael is now serving a life sentence in the same prison in which Ryan spent eight years of his life.
- Kalvin Michael Smith was 26 years old when he was convicted of assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill and robbery for attacking pregnant Jill Marker. He has served 18 years of his 29-year sentence. Kalvin’s case has garnered the attention of many people in his town, and a “Free Kalvin Smith” movement has started in the city of Winston-Salem.
Y’all. This shit is so good! And finally, let’s not forget that the MTV Video Music Awards are on Sunday night, and I probably wouldn’t care if it weren’t for BRITNEY. We’ve all forgiven her for that one year when she opened and, well, she clearly wasn’t ready. Instead, let’s recall the good years. Here’s a personal favorite:
Followed closely by, of course:
…And that was 15 years ago. SHE LIVES, y’all – Britney lives! I am really excited to see what she pulls out for this performance. Anyway, I hope you all have a fantastic weekend – thanks for sticking with me this week, and I’ll be right back here on Monday!