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‘Siesta Key’: ‘Kelsey’s New Crew’.

Another installment of ‘Siesta Key’.

Let me just start this by saying I’m writing this after having just gotten home from WINNING “Saved By the Bell” trivia! After years and years of watching the same episodes on repeat, I finally have something to show for it: $1oo in giftcards, fools! Okay, I owe a lot of it to my teammate, but we kicked BUTT.

Anyway, onto “Siesta Key”! The teaser is making it look like Kelsey is going to join the gaggle of whores going after Alex. She’s out to lunch with Chloe and basically shit-talking the gift he got her for their anniversary. Ugh.

Alex Facetimes Madison and apologized for talking so rudely to her at the bonfire. Later, Chloe is out to lunch with her mom and they’re talking about how “great” summer is in Siesta Key? Umm really, cause you literally JUST had surgery for getting your face beat in. It cannot be that great.

Later, some of the group joins Alex on his boat and I can’t help but wonder if it’s the same boat he’s committed all these crimes on. Ew.

Amanda is on the boat, in a thong, and she’s basically all over every guy, because of course. In his defense though, Alex encourages her to squash her beef with Chloe and she says she will (maybe in the season finale).

Later, Alex is “teaching” Kelsey how to drive the boat and you can tell Garrett is jeaaaaalllous.

Next, Madison (I realized I’ve been spelling her name wrong this entire time, it’s Madisson) is prepping for her interview with Alex’s dad’s company. But basically right when she walks in, the guy tells her she really has nothing on her resume compared to the other candidates. Awesome.

Then, Chloe is visiting with a therapist and is telling her about the altercation she had with Amanda. The therapist tells her to consider the role of alcohol in the fight, and how she reacts to situations. Chloe also tells the therapist that her father is aggressive and has been in and out of jail – she has never met him.

Kelsey and Garrett are paddleboarding and she is talking about how much fun she had on the boat the day before – and he’s not really into it. I’ll admit, this scene was a little sad – I felt bad for Garrett. He was like, “Alex has a lot of money and I’m sure he thinks he can just do whatever he wants and date whoever.” Aww… Kelsey reassures him she’s not interested in Alex, but the entire situation is just weird.

Back at Alex’s house, he finds out he’s been waitlisted for law school. So… yeah.

At Juliette’s she’s recovering from having her wisdom teeth removed. She says she’s under the influence of pain killers, yet she seems exactly the same as how we’ve seen her all season. Hm.

Alex and Madisson meet up and talk about their recent failures, and Alex says he is dead-set on wanting to be a lawyer because he likes the water and “that shit costs money”, so he’s going to work his ass off, be a lawyer, retire, and then own a marina.

Umm, ok. I feel like law is a job you actually have to have a passion for and not just want money, but I could be wrong. Two, how is someone BREAKING THE LAW going to get into law school and be successful? Is this a thing?

Juliette finally gets to hang out with Alex again, and they are trying to work out a meeting between Amanda and Chloe.

Juliette agrees to meet up with the two of them to try and mediate. Chloe immediately starts crying and apologizes for her part – basically, her mouth. Amanda apologizes, too, and says she wants to move on from it, but she still has to see it to believe it.

Aaaaand then the fact that Brandon wants Amanda comes up, and shockingly, Chloe is cool with it. Wow. WAY TO GO LADIES!

Butttt then Pauly Paul shows up at the bar during Chloe’s shift and he tells her about Amanda hooking up with Alex. And thisssss goes over poorly.

Next week? It’s another party at Alex’s! Go figure!!!! I’ll see you then…

‘Siesta Key’: We Need to Talk About Chloe.

And it’s back for episode 2.

We left this shit show last week with Chloe FaceTiming Alex and showing him her face, which had clearly been beaten in.

As I guessed, Amanda kicked her ass for being a lil bitch when it comes to Brandon. And just like that, their friendship is over and I’m sure this cat fight is going to last alllll summer.

Chloe was all, “She hasn’t even, like, texted me to see if I’m OK!!” No shit, she HATES you!!!!

Obviously, this episode is going to focus on 2 things: Chloe’s face getting beat, and Madison v. Juliette. Basically, recap over.

Madison and Kelsey are at lunch and Kelsey says, “I want to see what Florida is all about.” Umm Florida is all about RETIREMENT.

Later, Alex says Madison didn’t know him when he “had all this” *rolls eyes*, which I assume is basically his way of stating that she’s the only decent person/non-gold digger ’round these parts.

Mind you, it’s about this time Juliette gets her hair wet again, and I’m beginning to think she’s confident in this look. No, girl. Just no.

After the break, there’s a fantastic side-by-side of Amanda in a thong at the bikini contest while Brandon watches, and Chloe being wheeled out of the hospital after surgery. Like really, that’s fucked up.

Later, Garrett says he’s trying to think of something to do for him and Kelsey’s 6-month anniversary… but in the last episode Kelsey said they just met on Tindr. What gives MTV? Get a new script editor!

Madison confronts Alex about his promiscuity last summer with Juliette – and he’s all, “Uh, it wasn’t Facebook official!”

Later, Chloe shows her face in public and props to this girl with her two black eyes, sipping on margaritas!

Instead of taking her somewhere nice like he planned, Garrett takes Kelsey to the beach for a picnic… and she’s pretty ungrateful honestly. Shocker. He gave her a jar of 365 hand-written notes… and she gave him a giant bag of pistachios. Not kidding.

He brings non-alcoholic cider and sliced cheese, and Kelsey constantly makes comments about how this would be waaaaayyy different if they were at a restaurant. For someone who moved to Florida to care for her mother, she a biiiiiitch. Yea?

Brandon is hosting the next party, and Chloe doesn’t want to see Amanda. Obviously. Girl, you’re better off sitting at home, alone, watching episodes of “Laguna Beach”. Trust me on this one.

It’s the night of Brandon’s party, and as soon as Juliette shows up, Madison starts guzzling whatever is in her red cup. Meanwhile, Chloe is tucking herself into bed and she totally has one of those touch-lamps from the early 90s.

At the bonfire party, Alex is his usual self -playing Juliette and Madison right in front of each other’s faces. After Alex calls Madison a “Bow down queen”, Kelsey tells her to move on.

Outside of filming, news has surfaced that Alex allegedly shot and killed a hammerhead shark while fishing. Killing marine life in Florida is illegal. Alex posted video of a fisherman lifting a shark partially out of the water, and shooting it, and then later deleted the video from his Instagram feed. The video is currently under investigation as a petition is circulating calling for those involved in last week’s “shark dragging” incident to be arrested.

Obviously, I’ll await the news to see if he’s guilty or not, but I know one thing is for sure: this kid is a privileged asshole.

So, yeah, we’ll see what happens next week…

‘Siesta Key’: ‘Romeo and Juliette’.

The premier of MTV’s “Siesta Key”.

In anticipation of what MTV is calling “Laguna Beach 2.0”, the network aired old episodes of “Laguna Beach” and “The Hills” all weekend and I was in heaven! They were also promoting the shit out of “Siesta Key”, and it worked – I was real pumped to see this episode.

That is until I saw the “Siesta Key” watch party had been cancelled after public outrage due to one of the cast members being involved in a “shark dragging” incident that killed a shark. Umm, what? Here’s the report from the Herald Tribune:

Reaction to the show from local residents led to the creation of a “Boycott Siesta Key MTV” Facebook page that pointed to an apparent connection between cast members and a man who allegedly dragged a shark to death behind his boat.

Well that’s just great. Here’s another little nugget of information for you (also from the Herald Tribune):

The show’s main cast member is Alex Kompothecras, son of Gary Kompothecras, the chiropractor best-known in these parts for founding the 1-800-ASK-GARY legal and medical referral service. “Siesta Key” originated from a pilot financed by Kompothecras.

So, that’s why we’ve seen all the previews of Alex’s family home, which is huge and covered in enough gold to rival President Trump. After doing a little more digging, it appears there was the video of the shark dragging, along with some pictures on social media of men (covered in blood) that are allegedly friends with some of the “Siesta Key” cast. The video and photos are currently under investigation.

The premier episode still rolls on and I’m still reviewing it as planned. Obviously, I do not condone killing innocent animals, especially in a way of suffering. Hopefully, the investigation will result in those men being punished appropriately (i.e. being dragged behind a boat).

Anyway, the show must go on!

The episode starts by introducing every cast mate: Alex – the “king of the crew” – who I’m guessing is also going to be a shithead. He’s dating Juliette. Chloe is the bitch. And SHE has a crush on Brandon. Kelsey is the new girl in town, and is dating Garrett – who isn’t a part of THE CLIQUE.

Aparently Alex cheated on Juliette last summer with Madison – his ex. Lordy.

What continues is some slo-mo cheesy shit.

Alex and Juliette are on a date… and he’s an idiot. He’s about to turn 22, has graduated, so this is his self-proclaimed “big one”.

And Juliette wore stilettos to the boardwalk, so she’s one of those chicks. Ugh.

Madison flies into town, and everyone is warning him that she thinks it will be back to business as usual.

The ladiessss are all gathered somewhere, and they’re all O M G Juliette went on a date with Juliette. These chicks are basic AF and it’s on an entirely new level.

Madison shows up at Alex’s and he greets her with a bottle of Veuve and 2 flutes. They sit on the beach and catch up… and Alex is all, “I heard everything’s bigger in Texas.”

She asks him if he has a girlfriend and he’s all, “Nope” – even after he JUST told Juliette he was cool being with just her.

Kelsey and Chloe “work” at a bar – it’s pretend work – we all knew “Laguna Beach” and “The Hills” were scripted and MTV is not even playing with this one. It’s fake as hell. Kelsey says she met her boyfriend Garrett on Tinder, which I’m sure is also a lie.

We can also just get this out of the way: Alex is ugly. Like come ON MTV, you gave us Stephen Coletti, can you give us a better lead character than Alex the freaking Ogre?

Alex and Brandon come to the bar, and Alex is all eyeing Kelsey up and down. He invites her to his birthday party and ta-da, she’s free. Because why would a bartender be free on a Saturday?

Everyone is just SEW excited for Alex’s birthday party, because WHAT girl is he going to choose to be all over him?

Later, Kelsey is getting ready for the party, and she’s talking about her and Garrett like they’ve been together for two YEARS instead of two weeks. Weird.

But then she walks into that fucking party like a BOSS BITCH and everyone stares because there’s finally someone hot with a personality.

This makes Juliette super nervous and she drunkenly bites Alex’s face and is all OMG ITS SOOOO NICE TO MEET YOU. I’m over her already.

Juliette appraoches Madison and it’s like so much teeth in one scene… “Would you like, let me know if he hits on you, that’d be like, cool.”

Thx.

Later, Alex literally tosses Juliette over his shoulder and heads to the bedroom. And Madison runs and cries on the beach like a punk ass.

At the end of the episode, it shows pictures of Chloe with her face bashed in and bloody, so we’ll get that conclusion next week.

Honestly, this is a failure. This show is pretty bad, and it’s definitely NOT even close to “Laguna Beach” or “The Hills”. Watching Twitter during it was my only saving grace…

The Bitter Lemon’s Summer TV Guide!

It’s gonna be a good summer.

I sort of hate myself for promoting sitting inside all summer and catching up on TV, but it’s been a solid 106 degrees here in Austin, and even the coolest pool isn’t going to get me outside for much longer than i have to be. So, yeah, I’m watching TV this summer – especially the junky stuff – and I’m not ashamed! Who’s with me?!

“Insecure”, season 2 (HBO) – Comedy

I was completely blown away by season one of “Insecure”, and have been fangirling over lead actress and writer, Issa Rae, ever since. Here’s the scoop from HBO.com:

Modern-day black women are usually portrayed as strong, confident and “flawless.” But Issa and Molly are definitely not “killing it.” These best friends must deal with their own real-life flaws as they attempt to navigate different worlds and cope with an endless series of uncomfortable everyday experiences.

Created by Issa Rae and Larry Wilmore, the comedy series Insecure explores the black female experience. Rae stars as Issa and Yvonne Orji stars as Molly. Over the course of the season, Issa attempts to figure out what she wants out of life and how to take control of it, while fumbling her way through this journey. Molly, a corporate attorney who appears to have everything together professionally, struggles inside as she looks for external ways to fix her life.

Meanwhile, Issa’s boyfriend, Lawrence (Jay Ellis), who has fallen victim to complacency, works to get his own act together. Frieda (Lisa Joyce), Issa’s overeager white co-worker, whose enthusiasm is both annoying and endearing, is at the crux of Issa’s racial frustrations at work.

I. AM. SO. EXCITED. Plus! With a new season of “Insecure” comes a new batch of the “Insecuritea” after show podcast – yes!

Premiers Sunday, July 23 @ 10:30 pm EST.

“A Night With My Ex” (Bravo) – Reality

Basically, this show had me with the title. I mean, there’s not an ex I would want to spend a night with, so you’ve already got me curious. Here’s the scoop from TVguide.com:

The 10-episode season follows 11 former couples who agree to spend one night alone in an apartment together — no producers, only cameras rigged to catch their every move. Seeing each other for the first time since their breakup will bring up unexpected reactions in the exes, including shocking confessions, crazy fights, intense hook-ups and some wild twists we thought only existed in Shondaland. There are even marriage proposals and a pregnancy reveal!

And unlike in the real world, the exes have nowhere to hide once they enter the one-bedroom apartment. Whatever goes down, the former couple will be forced to deal with their unresolved issues without any interruptions, distractions or, of course, any privacy.

Tuesdays @ 10 pm EST.

“I Hart Food” (Food Network) – American Food 

I’m pretty excited for this show after seeing Hannah Hart on her YouTube show, “My Drunk Kitchen”. Now she’s got her own series! Here’s the description from the Food Network Blog:

Hannah Hart has over five-million followers on social media, a killer sense of humor, a passion for food and this summer, she’s taking a flavor-filled journey to some of the country’s favorite regional food spots in the new Food Network series I Hart Food. In the six-episode series, food enthusiast Hannah follows her appetite to discover incredible local dishes and awesome conversations. From investigating Santa Fe’s fiery fixation with green and red chilies to catching New England lobsters with her bare hands in Portland, Maine, Hannah’s food adventures explore every angle of these local specialties and the stories behind them.

Premiers Monday, August 14 @ 10 pm EST.

“Phelps vs. Shark” (Discovery) – Competition

Yep, you read that correctly. Swimmer Michael Phelps is racing a great white shark to kick off “Shark Week”, and I cannot help but watch. They’re pegging it as “The battle for ocean supremacy”, because obviously that’s a thing. I was picturing it as a literal race in the ocean, but then I realized how stupid a thought that was, given that a shark doesn’t know how to race. Right? Whatever. I’m still watching it.

Airs Sunday, July 23 @ 8 pm EST.

“Shahs of Sunset”, season 6 (Bravo) – Reality

This has got to be one of my favorite Bravo shows and I’m so happy it’s back! Asa is pregnant, which means MJ is throwing her all KINDS of shade. Mike is living single, while GG is supposedly healed, and Reza is happily married. It’s sure to be a solid season with this group!

Sundays @ 8 pm EST.

“Million Dollar Matchmaker”, season 2 (WETV) – Dating 

You may remember matchmaker Patti Stanger from her 8 seasons on Bravo as the “Millionaire Matchmaker”. She moved to WETV, but is still serving up the same fierce attitude, along with brilliant matchmaking. Here’s the scoop from Deadline.com:

The series, featuring matchmaker Patti Stanger as she helps her toughest clients find true love, reached 12.4 million total viewers in its first season. In season two, Stanger takes over the west wing of the exclusive Luxe Hotel in Los Angeles. Each week, two of her hardest-to-match clients will check in for a week-long stay, hoping to leave with the love of their life.

“Patti’s no-nonsense approach to love and dating struck a chord with WE tv viewers, and we can’t wait to have her back on Friday nights in an all-new location with new millionaires, using her brand of tough love to help her clients find true love,” said Marc Juris, president of WE tv. “In the world of love and relationships, there simply is no equal to Patti Stanger, and we are thrilled to have her as part of the WE tv family.”

Premiers Friday, August 4 @ 10 pm EST.

“Flipping Out”, season 10 (Bravo) – Reality

I hate to love Jeff Lewis, but come on! Plus, let’s face facts, Zoila is my favorite person on this show. I can’t believe we’re going into season 10, which means I’ve spent 1/3 of my life watching this show… Here’s the description from BravoTV.com:

Yes, things are just as cray cray for Jeff Lewis and his Flipping Out crew when the series returns this August. Life looks a little different for the designer on Season 10. In addition to making homes beautiful and some employee drama, he’s about to become a father — and impending parenthood is way more stressful than he and partner, Gage Edward, could ever have imagined.

Premiers Thursday, August 17 @ 9 pm EST.

“Life of Kylie” (E!) – Reality 

I stopped watching “The Kardashians” two years ago – not for any moral reasons, I was just sort of over it – but I cannot turn away from this new little branch of show. I know. I’m terrible. Here’s the gist of it, from Deadline.com:

The eight-episode half-hour show will follow Jenner as she navigates her life as entrepreneur, fashion designer, author, social media star and CEO/founder of Kylie Cosmetics. The show also will document her personal life, including spending time with her close friend Jordyn Woods.

Premiers Sunday, August 6 @ 9 pm EST.

“Siesta Key” (MTV) – Reality, Drama

If “Scripted drama” were a thing, I’d call this that, because it’s been advertised as a show for people who liked “The Hills”. I did not like “The Hills”…I fucking LOVED “The Hills”. So, “Siesta Key” has big shoes to fill, okay!? Here’s the scoop from Variety.com:

“Siesta Key” follows a group of seven longtime friends in the Sarasota, Fla., area as they graduate from high school and through their reunion back home in the summer following freshman year in college. This time around, the storytelling in “Key” aims to dive deeper into the emotional lives of the key players rather than the frothier approach of past MTV serials. “Key” and other shows on MTV’s summer slate are laser-focused on reflecting the way teens and twentysomethings live today. That means the cameras capture how much of those lives play out on social media.

Premiers Monday, July 31 @ 10 pm EST.

‘Southern Charm’: Reunion, part II.

The conclusion of the ‘Southern Charm’ reunion.

Hey y’all! We picked right back up where we left off last week, with Kathryn being absolutely insane but backing off after Thomas was shaking with rage and threatening to take her down via court + judge.

Jennifer is too kind and still says she would be friends with Kathryn, even after all the crap they’ve been through.

They have Jennifer leave and bring out Whitney. Andy says a lot of the viewers enjoyed seeing Thomas embrace his role as a father and Thomas says he is moving to a kid-friendly neighborhood.

Andy brought up a question from the audience about the incident earlier in the season where Shep accused Landon of bragging about hanging out with billionaires. Landon said it was a situation (between the billionaires) where she felt sexually threatened.

Oddly, Kathryn and Landon call a truce – and they say it’s genuine. Kathryn believes Thomas used Landon as a weapon against Kathryn. And then they admit they went to a wedding together, but not “together”, just that weekend. OMGGGGGG.

Then, Chelsea comes on! She talks about what happened between her and Shep, and she says she wishes she would see more of “sober” Shep. They also go over the moment where Shep supposedly grabbed Chelsea… and Austen’s face is priceless (eyes rolled back into his damn head).

A viewer asks a question about Landon flirting with Austen in Key West, and Landon plays her usual line, “Oh, that’s just my personality!” And Kathryn jumps right in with, “Here we go again, when you ‘didn’t’ do anything wrong…” Landon is like oh, this is just pointing to your insecurities, and Chelsea is all, “Oh honey I sure as hell ain’t insecure” BWAHAHAHA.

Then they start talking about the boys’ night where Austen confronts Shep, and the guys agree Shep acts like he’s entitled. But before we know it, they’re all accusing each other of being drunk assholes. Naturally.

Andy says he can’t help but notice the FIRE between Kathryn and Thomas; and they admit there will probably always be something between them. Andy asks if there’s ever any chance of them getting back together, and they basically say no… but who knows!

That’s basically the end, but they DO talk about Shep’s new show, “Relation Shep” (which would explain his Instagram handle). They show a preview for it, and it’s sort of like “The Bachelor”, only with Shep. Eh… I dunno…

Oh hell, we all know I’m going to watch it! What did y’all think of this reunion? I liked part one better, but I just love this show all around!

‘Southern Charm’: Ain’t No Thang Like a Chicken Wing.

The ‘Southern Charm’ season finale!

Helloooo! I know I’m nearly a WEEK late on my “Southern Charm” recap – I did watch it last Monday night while I was in Indiana, and missed being able to write about it immediately after. But it’s finally here!

You may recall at the end of the previous episode, Landon’s behavior toward Kathryn pretty much shocks the group and that’s where things were left off. The whole scene triggered something in Thomas, and now he’s convinced Landon was just into social climbing, and he’s completely turned off. Relationship = over.

This means that whole beginning scene in the season was a DAMN waste! Argh, Bravo!

On the other hand, there’s Chelsea and Austen. After Austen stood up for Chelsea with the whole Shep shebang, there’s clearly a question in the air about where they stand. Even though Chelsea says she doesn’t want a relationship, they stayed in the same room in Key West, took morning swims together, and seem to be getting along awfully nicelyyyy…

The entire question really comes to a head in one of the final scenes of the season – where Shep has another lady on his lap. Boy is Chelsea FUMING! She confronts him afterward, saying he made her look like a fool, and he’s all, “Well you’re the one who said you didn’t want a relationship.”

So she eats her words and they are officially together. Aw!

Meanwhile, Craig and Naomi are still on the rocks. They have yet another pretty rocky conversation, and it almost looks as if they’re going to break up… but they don’t. However, I am really curious to see where they are at once the reunion airs.

In the end, there were two things that stuck out in this episode: 1. The group spends an entire evening riding around Key West on mopeds, which sounds like no big deal, but it looks hilarious.

Dani faints at a bar and half of the group panics and calls 911, while the other half are out on the town and they speed off to the hospital on their mopeds. It was funny, trust me.

The other thing was that things between Kathryn and Thomas start to get so good… that she tells him she feels the urge to kiss him, so they kiss! By the time the final party rolls around, the entire city knows about it and just CANNOT deal.

Naturally, when the episode ends – we’re left not knowing where they stand. So much reunion fodder!

‘Southern Charm’: A Tribe Called Key West.

Kathryn is… NOT… stirring up trouble?

Hey, hey! I feel like the episodes of “Southern Charm” just keep getting better and better, and after seeing the previews for this week’s episode, I was reallllly looking forward to things completely blowing up in Key West for Cameron’s birthday.

So, here we go!

At the opening of the episode, Craig has enlisted his cat Gizmo to help him make baby clothes for Cameron’s birthday, after the psychic told her she was going to have a child within the year.

At Chelsea’s house, Shep comes over – again- uninvited. He apologizes for basically attacking her in the bar, and making her feel cheap. He tries to explain that he acts withdrawn because he likes her, which is obviously ridiculous.

Later, Kathryn comes over to Cameron’s house to talk about the upcoming trip. Cameron admits she sees this trip as a “last hurrah” because she is considering having a child. After a quick heart-to-heart, Kathryn tells Cameron about the trip we’d all heard about on the last reunion – when Thomas took Landon on the 3-day trip he’d planned for Kathryn.

Hmm!

At Craig’s, Naomi admits she doesn’t really want to go on the trip because of how bad of a place she’s in with Craig. She even says if they both go on the trip, she might not be with him when they get back.

Landon is questioning whether or not she should go, because of Kathryn. Lord. Thomas is encouraging her to go, basically saying, she’s my baby-mama and she’s not going anywhere, so get used to it.

Later, Austen and Chelsea are heading over to Austen’s parents’ house for dinner (awwww). But after she met with Shep, she’s acting like things are cool with Shep and that things didn’t exaaaactly happen the way she mentioned.

And basically mid-conversation, they pull up to the family home, and have to plaster on some smiles before going inside for dinner. Naturally, Chelsea is winning the parents over, which has Austen fretting since now he doesn’t know where they stand.

The gang heads to Key West – even Kathryn, along with Naomi AND Craig, and Chelsea and Austen get separate rooms. Shit.

Finally, it’s the scene they keep playing on the previews where it’s Landon against Chelsea and Cameron – as they defend Kathryn and question Landon about the trip she took with Thomas. She still denies that anything happened, says she had her “own wing” of the house, and that Kathryn made the whole thing up.

Please, girl.

At dinner, Landon is sure to sit very far away from Thomas, and Kathryn orders a margarita, which I find strange considering she is in drug recovery??

Oddly though, everyone is getting along great, and Kathryn even apologizes to Whitney and he returns the favor. At Whitney’s suggestion, Landon tells Kathryn she wants to move on from the past and just let it go. W O W.

It’s actually so good, that it’s shady. Landon is hugging her and being all, “As women we’re all each other has…” and even Thomas is left questioning her motives. He suggests her apology to Kathryn was self-serving, in order to advance her agenda.

…And next week is the SEASON FINALE.

‘Southern Charm’: Boys Gone Wild.

Austen!

Episodes of “Southern Charm” and “Southern Charm Savannah” sure do perk up my Mondays! Especially after last week’s episode of Shep’s epic downfall, I was ready for last night (I also made vegan tacos, and those were pretty good, too).

The episode kicks off with Cameron seeing what Chelsea is up to, and it turns out, she’s helping Kathryn pick out outfits for a photo shoot and asks Cam to come along – this should be interesting.

Later, JD meets up with Thomas for a drink, and they have a little chat about Kathryn and the kids. Thomas admits she is a “difficult woman to resist”, but then tells JD about his walk with Landon. JD admits that Kathryn may not be too excited about this matchup – understatement of the year!

Over at Landon’s, her dad comes to pick her up and take her to see a property. During the car ride, he looks like he would rather be ANYWHERE else in the world, with just about ANYONE. Once they get to the property, her father says he needs someone to be on the property every day and if she does it, she’d make up to $200,000. But she basically says no, because she wants to work on her website. Lord.

Cameron heads over to Shep’s and she’s a little frightened by the fact that it’s noon, he’s dressed, and his house is clean. They have a conversation about Chelsea, and Cameron tries to convince him that she’s NOT seeing Austen (lies). Shep says he’s not scared of getting hurt, but he’s scared of hurting someone else.

Chelsea and Kathryn start shopping for outfits – Kathryn says she needs to market herself as a “JCrew Bitch”, which she is not – Uh, yeah, no shit! When Cameron shows up, Kathryn could give a flying fuck. While Kathryn is trying things on, Cameron says her birthday is coming up and she would like everyone to come on a trip to Key West, including Thomas – which Kathryn says she’s fine with (buut will she be fine with Landon kissing all on Thomas).

Later, Austen comes to visit Chelsea at work and she tells him that Shep tried to kiss her multiple times the night before, and also said that her and Austen are a “joke”. Needless to say, Austen is pissed, and already made plans to go have drinks with Shep that night. Hmm…. here. we. goo….

Austen meets up with Craig first and tells him what happened between Shep and Chelsea. Then, Whitney comes in… and later, Shep arrives. Immediately, Shep goes in for the digs against Austen. Austen reminds Shep of what he did, and Shep thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Shep also says Austen must not be dating Chelsea because neither of them will “admit it.” Then Shep just blames the entire thing on Cameron.

The next day, Kathryn is scheduled for her photo shoot, and Chelsea is helping her with her hair. Thomas brings the kids by, and it’s actually really sweet. But when it’s time for Thomas to take the kids home, Kensie has an absolute fit… it’s bad.

Later, Naomi and Craig are back in therapy… and it doesn’t appear things are getting any better. He even starts yelling to the point the therapist has to tell him to stop.

…And next week’s episode looks even more firey, y’all!

‘Southern Charm’: The Hangover.

Finally, The Scene!

After the way we left last week’s episode, I was really looking forward to last night’s chapter! Naturally, things kick off with Saint’s birthday party, where Kathryn does decide to go. Everyone is pretty happy to see her there, and she actually gets along with Thomas.

However, Patricia still has her sights set on Thomas and Landon getting together. So, she tells Thomas he should go to Landon’s house one evening and take her on a walk – because that is what they did in the days of courtship, and it worked.

So… drumroll… we finally get to see THE SCENE they showed us in episode one! Thomas goes over to Landon’s house – she’s actually in the midst of figuring out her website/magazine naming crisis – and he brings her a rose (to which she merely says, “For future reference, Orchids are my favorite” – ugh), and asks if she would like to take a walk. She does, and so does her little dog, Charlotte.

Even though I don’t like Landon, I will admit, this is pretty cute. Remember, in last week’s episode, when she said all she wanted was for someone to take her and Charlotte on a walk? Well, ask and you shall receive!

So, they walk to a nearby lake, and this is when Thomas says something along the lines of, I know you have a lot at stake, but why not just give it a shot? And then we see what we didn’t see before – Landon admits she DOES have a good time when she’s with him, and at some point, she’s going to have to stop punishing him for Kathryn. And so, they agree and skip off to get a bottle of wine.

Later, Shep stops by Chelsea’s house unannounced, and he really seems to be having a puty party for himself. They have a few beers, and he’s audibly asking her, “What was I thinking, giving you up?” He’s realizing just how chill she is, and that he needs to change his lifestyle and maybe become a one-woman guy.

She’s not buying it, but he tells her he has an appointment with Cam in the morning to make an offer on a beach house. Apparently, his current downtown home is the cause of all the partying… right.

But, in the morning, he never shows for his appointment. He also doesn’t answer any of Cameron’s texts or calls, so she drives over to his house to find his front door unlocked, and his house a complete wreck (think: frathouse the day after a home football game). And there Shep is, fully dressed in khakis and a polo, still asleep at 1:30pm.

He says he’s okay, and that this is the reason he needs to move… but the whole scene is pretty grim. As Craig points out, Shep doesn’t have any accomplishments, no girlfriend… all he has is money.

Yeesshh. Next week looks like another serving of Naomi vs. Craig – not to mention a little bit of a blow up between Shep and Austen. Whoop!

‘Southern Charm’: Guess Who’s Coming to Lunch.

Had to use this picture with that awesome lamp in the corner!

Howdy! I hope everyone had a fantastic, fun holiday weekend – I sure did! I know I probably say this after every three-day weekend, but I truly believe that’s how long ALL weekends should be. It’s a much better balance, no?

Anyway, last night was another episode of “Southern Charm”, so let’s get into it!

The episode kicks off with various members of the cast making calls and plans – and even Craig gets an email saying he’s satisfied his writing requirement for law school… meaning, he graduated! What?!? He Skypes his parents and they are pretty stoked, of course.

But when Craig asks Naomi to dinner to tell her the news, she is pretty harsh on him, saying this was a bigger relief for her than it was for him. She admits she was starting to lose faith in him, and this helps to restore it. Yeeesh.

She asks him if he’s going to take the bar exam, and he says, yes, OBVIOUSLY. But the tone is suuuuper negative.

Later, Cameron and Chelsea meet up at Home Goods to do some shopping. Cameron tells Chelsea about the previous night, which was the Sari dinner party. In particular, she tells her about how Kathryn came up in the conversation. Chelsea tells Cameron about when Kathryn came in to get her hair cut, and she was nervous after all of the things she’d heard about her.

Shep calls Cameron to apologize about how he spoke to her at the Sari party, and invites her to join him for lunch with Kathryn and some of their other friends. Needless to say, Cameron is a little uneasy about this idea.

Then, Landon is getting ready to go out to dinner with Thomas, and she tells her friend she wants to talk to him about what everyone has been saying about the two of them: that they should get together. She also admits she knows if she “said yes” to him, she could have anything she wanted. #GoldDigger

At dinner, Landon continuously is making Thomas blush, and it’s a little cute!

Shep heads to a restaurant where he meets Craig and Kathryn for lunch, and they order drinks while they wait for Cameron. Cameron picks up Whitney and they head to the lunch – Cameron seems nervous. But as she walks up to the table with Whitney, Kathryn asks “What the fuck?”

Everyone compliments Kathryn on how she looks, and Cameron says she wants Kathryn to feel supported. Kathryn tells the group she wrote Thomas a letter, and is hoping to get to a place where she can co-parent with him.

Later, Austen and Craig head out for some golf. Austen tells Craig about how jealous Shep has been about him and Chelsea. Then, Shep shows up at Chelsea’s salon needing a haircut. He also kind of grills her about Austen. Shep is all about them hanging out and even asks her to have a glass of wine with him right THEN. She says no.

Landon is out with… some guy… and she’s having drinks because she found out she can’t name her online magazine Roam anymore, because it turns out, there’s several OTHER websites named that. What? She didn’t do her research and if she doesn’t change it, she’ll get sued. But she also starts getting upset over her age; the fact that her eggs are “drying up”; and she starts crying when she realizes she has never had a boyfriend who will walk the dog with her…in the last 12 YEARS.

Kathryn meets JD’s wife (I think) for coffee and cake, and she brings a letter from Thomas that basically says he would like it if they could be friends and invites her to the birthday party for their son. Will she go? We will sseeeeee – because the episode is over!

Also, I did a little catching up on “Southern Charm Savannah”… and it is GOOD stuff. Last night was the fourth episode, and although it’s different than the original “Southern Charm”, it’s very entertaining.

‘Southern Charm’: Sari, Not Sari.

Patricia’s Sari party.

Man, yesterday was a pretty cool day. I kicked things off at the doctor’s office for an annual exam, and was brave enough to go ahead with blood work for the FIRST time ever in my life!

Then when I went to pick up my prescription, I thought it was going to be about $200 with my new insurance… and it was $0. And my doctor gave me two months’ worth of samples. Yes! And then I ran home and turned on “Southern Charm”, of course. Let’s get into it!

The episode kicks off with Naomi and Craig at couples’ counseling. Honestly, I was shocked at how horribly this went. They were arguing, yelling at each other, and calling each other names right in front of the counselor. I kinda feel like their relationship is coming to an end, but I feel like they’re the kind that just stays in it to win it, so we’ll see.

Later, Landon is out with Austen. They’re at some hole-in-the-wall bar and Landon is wearing lumberjack flannel and drinking Mich Ultra. They seem pretty chummy, but of course Landon keeps bringing up Austen’s “girlfriend”, Chelsea. Austen isn’t so sure what their status is given the conversation they had in last episode, after their night in the cabin.

And then Shep shows up wondering what the hell is going on – he’s pretty sure there are sparks flying between Landon and Austen, but I think he’s actually trying to start trouble.

Then, Thomas and his dad have a meeting to go over some of the residential projects Thomas has taken over. While Thomas’ dad has a rich history in politics, he’s taken on renovating Charleston properties in his later years, and now many of his children are taking over to help.

Out on another date, Austen and Chelsea head to a trampoline park that looks pretty serious. They make it through a few of the obstacle courses and they start talking about their families. Austen says he has a younger sister that he’s close to, which is surprising because she is 9 years younger than him. Chelsea asks, why did his parents wait so long, and did he ever ask them?

He says, well I actually already know. He then confesses to Chelsea that he had an older sister, who was 10 when he was 7. And basically… she fell off the side of a mountain during a family vacation. Like, for real. I almost burst into tears.

Later, Chelsea and Kathryn have an interesting conversation when Chelsea cuts and styles Kathryn’s hair. Kathryn says she wrote Thomas a letter, and says she will always love him, she misses him, and if she saw him, she’d just want to give him a hug. Uh, whatttt??

At Patricia’s, she’s hosting a party to honor her friend who helped with the Sari line (which features dog prints), and to remember their trip to India. While the group struggles to follow the strict rules at the table – no talking politics, religion, or sex – they certainly dressed the part.

And then the special guest arrives: a psychic. When Craig gets in the chair, the psychic says law is his passion, and that he will pass the bar within the next year. Everyone gets their turn in the chair, but all of the answers from the psychic seem a little toooooo perfect.

That is, until Whitney brings up Kathryn and a huge fight breaks out between everyone in the group. It’s basically last season’s reunion all over again. And that’s the end of the episode, naturally! It’s looking like next week’s episode is as equally riveting, with Kathryn back in the picture… dun, dun, DUN!

‘Southern Charm’: Foul Play.

Oh Craig…

The night’s episode kicks off with Kathryn heading over to JD’s house, where she finds out that Jennifer invited Thomas to her Sip n’ See, but not Kathryn… and she acts SHOCKED. Uh, girl you accused her of having an affair with Thomas, among being a blatant cold shrew to her about her son!

Meanwhile, Shep gets up and jogs over to Whitney’s house, as he’s still on his health kick. Shep says he wants to take the gang on a guided quail hunt, so that should be interesting.

Later, at Criag and Naomi’s, the two attempt to talk about what happened in the previous episode. Craig still doesn’t think anything he did was wrong, They continue to go in circles, so Naomi says she won’t talk about it any longer until their is a couples’ counselor in the room.

On Patricia’s porch, Landon stops by for a rum slushie, and Pat is wearing a kimono with chauncey printed all over it. Pat is giving Landon some love advice, and she’s quietly pushing Thomas into the picture. Landon admits she is proud of the father Thomas has become but she doesn’t want to be involved in all of the baby mama drama. Speaking of Thomas, he’s getting his kids ready to go with Kathryn for the weekend.

The group is heading out of town for the hunting trip, and naturally the lodge is GORGEOUS. Whitney jumps right into his hunting outfit which had me rolling laughing, as he looked like the Lorde of the manner, or even Benjamin Button. Ha!

Chelsea is living her dreams with all the guys dressed to the nines and her, carrying her own gun. She tells Austen she wishes he was more into trucks and guns… and then he walks into the field and gets the most kills of the day.

That night, Thomas arrives (once the hunt is over as he cannot hold a firearm per his conviction), and Austen and Chelsea seem like two peas in a pod. So, is it a coincidence that Shep starts drinking again? Nope.

Over dinner, and after, the group proceeds to get completely HAMMERED, so much so that even I was laughing while watching. But, it’s all fun and games until Austen and Chelsea head off to their cabin alone… dun, dun, dun…

So, they slept together, and in the morning, they’re having some pretty cute pillow talk. Chelsea says something about how they’re on the same page, but her page is “nothing serious”, and Austen admits he’s feeling a sense of attachment toward her post-sex. Awwww man – I kind feel bad for him!

It should also be noted that I’ve started recording “Southern Charm Savannah”, but I haven’t watched any of the episodes yet. I’m just not sure how it could be better than the original…

‘Southern Charm’: To Liver and Die in Charleston.

Shep and Cam.

Can I just say that Monday nights are pretty awesome – I’ve got two of my favorite dance classes to take, and then I come home to some great TV, plus there’s that whole feeling that at least Monday is over. Right??

I was extra excited to see last night’s episode after last week’s craziness with Craig and Naomi. So, let’s get into it. At the top of the episode, Shep’s doctor calls and tells him the results of his labs. Turns out he has an elevated enzyme in his live and needs to cut back on the drinking, and will be tested again in two to three months.

At another house, Cameron is waiting on Craig (typical). She’s showing him some investment properties so he can fulfill one of his many dreams! Turns out, he’s pretty picky about what he wants in a rental home, and Cameron asks him if Naomi is supportive of this financial decision. He says he can’t continue to do things JUST for her, or else he’ll come to resent her.

Meanwhile, Patricia is at the pool with Chauncey and Whitney stops by and tells her about the conversation he had with Thomas about dating. Patricia suggests Landon as a possible match for Thomas, and of course, she decides she should host a casual dinner party and she can seat Thomas next to Landon (how Charleston of her).

Then, Chelsea and Austen go on another date – beer tasting (perfection). They get to talking about Shep and Austen tells Chelsea that Shep was a little disappointed that he was the last to know about the two of them talking. However, Austen assures Chelsea that he’s squashed it and he has no questions about it, and he does not feel like he violated Bro Code.

Remember last week, when Cameron had the witch doll made for Shep? Well, she takes him out to dinner: a table for Cameron, Shep… and Mama Estelle (Cam’s doll). She explains to Shep that she had a doll made for him because she was going to cast a love spell on him but she’d since changed her mind. So, she gave him the doll and said he could use it when he met someone worth falling in love with.

Later, Patricia’s is putting the final touches on her dinner party, and she says, “With these kids, I can just go to Costco and buy all the liquor.” Seriously? I would PAY to see Patricia in a Costco. The dinner party goes fine, but it doesn’t seem like any crazy sparks are flying. However, Thomas sniffs out that it’s a setup pretty early in the evening.

Meanwhile, Craig is on the sewing machine, embroidering tiny images of his cat, Gizmo, onto pillowcases. Naomi is not impressed by this at all, and when Craig casually mentions that he put an offer in on a house, she’s not really interested in that, either.

Later, Shep joins Kathryn for his first ever yoga class, as he continues his journey to detox. He’s struggling pretty hard throughout the class, but afterward tells Kathryn that he’s trying to see what it’s like not to drink every night. There’s a few clips of Shep at home, taking vitamins, and making a fruit smoothie in a Vitamix. He then calls his mom and says, “I just made a smoothie!” …It’s probably one of the cutest TV moments, ever.

Speaking of parents, Austen has dinner with his parents, and they are REALLY fired up about him starting a business. They don’t see his work as a beer salesman as anything serious; they want him to settle down, get married, and have a 9-5, and they really want him to make a business plan to show them he’s getting serious. Whoa.

And finally, the gang heads to Jennifer’s sip and see, where Thomas and Landon are flirting pretty heavily, and Naomi and Craig continue their fighting in front of everyone. Basically, she’s calling him out on his bullshit and he sees it as her not being loyal…which doesn’t really make sense.

But at the end of the episode, it doesn’t look like things between them are getting cleared up anytime soon, because she leaves the party without him. Bloop, bloop! Guess we’ll find out next week!

‘Southern Charm’: Craig of All Trades, Master of None.

I cannot get enough of this show!

Yay for Monday night TV! When the episode starts, Cameron is heading to a witch’s house…no seriously. She admits she was into white magic as a kid and has remained interested, so she picks out and purchases a voodoo doll to keep evil spirits away.

But let’s face facts, we are here for the drama between Shep and Austen, which I now realize I’ve been spelling his name wrong all along. Apologies.

So, the boys are playing basketball, and basically Chelsea comes up in conversation. Austen admits he’s seeing her, and Shep tries to play it cool but says Austen should have “let him know.” Austen is all, so I have to check in? No.

Meanwhile, Whitney and T-Rav meet for drinks and T-Rav admits that he can’t attract the right women because of his baggage with his baby mama. Well, well, well…

Later, Katherine calls Jennifer to see if she wants to get lunch. Basically she wants to rip her because she thinks her and Thomas got together.

Katherine is cold from the start, and Jennifer asks for clarity. Katherine is still pissed that Thomas passed her a handkerchief at the damn show reunion! Jennifer reminds her that she gave birth to a baby that very well could have died.

Pas Jennifer is sitting there, telling Katherine about her child’s brain surgery, crying… Kat is an ice COLD bitch.

At Craig’s house, he’s amped because he bought a sewing machine, and it arrived. Seriously what the hell? When he calls Naomi to share the news, she’s less than thrilled. I wonder why!?

Later, he’s legitimately sewing a tiny shirt…using the pedal barefoot.

At T-Rav’s, he pours himself a little cocktail, and calls Landon to ask her out to dinner. She has plans so she suggests lunch… Which Thomas says is the friend zone. He agrees on the phone but hangs up and throws it…ha!

Then, Shep takes himself to the doctor for a checkup, and the doc suggests not drinking for a week…. Uhhh… We will see how that goes.

Later, Craig cooks dinner for Naomi, and while eating it, he tells her that he’s looking to buy a rental property buy the end of the week and he also signed papers for his clothing line. LOLZ.

Naturally, Naomi is visibly pissed and tried to spell it out for him, that he can’t do all of these things at once if he ever hopes to pass the bar exam.

He then tells her that she’s acting dumb. Oohshitttt. The episode basically ends there but from the looks of next week’s episode, the fight isn’t over. Yowza!

‘Southern Charm’: Shepwrecked. 

Chelsea is at the center of the Shepwreck.

Shew! I made it back from a fantastic trip to Las Vegas – I’m writing this from my bed at 11pm, having just gotten home and showered.

Naturally, one of the first things I’m doing upon arrival is watching tonight’s (last night’s if you’re reading this on Tuesday) episode of “Southern Charm”.

Polo match. Austin picks up Chelsea. He asks her if there’s anything going on between her and Shep. She says they made out but he’s an idiot (huh?).

At the match, everyone thinks it’s a little awkward seeing Austin and Chelsea on a date. Agreed.

T-Rav’s kids are there and Craig gets offended when he doesn’t give the children proper attention. Craig then proceeds to tell everyone that he’s leaving because Thomas “ignores his kids”.

The next day, Shep is realizing his 37th birthday is in a few days. He asks Whitney if Chelsea was at the polo match. Whitney confirms that Shep indeed has competition.

Meanwhile, Austin has already made drink plans with Chelsea and he’s telling a friend maybe he did break Bro Code. The friend says no, that Shep isn’t the guy that’s likely to care. Yikes.

On the date, Austin and Chelsea are having some pretty serious conversation – from having kids to one-night stands. She seems to be getting pretty drunk, and Austin suggests they go back to his place. The scene cuts before she answers, but it shows Shep calling her the next morning asking if they can meet up soon – she agrees.

Shep also called Landon to invite her to his birthday party… So that should be interesting.

Later, Naomi and Cameron go to get their nails done and Naomi confesses that she feels like it’s her fault Craig hasn’t taken the bar exam because she has created a safe space at home where he doesn’t have to talk about difficult things, such as why he hasn’t taken the exam yet. Cameron thinks Naomi will leave soon if Craig doesn’t get his act together.

Shep visit Chelsea at her work – a hair salon – and she cuts his hair. He asks her about Austin, and although she’s coy about it, Shep can tell something is up between them.

For his birthday, the gang joins a bunch of Shep’s friends on a boat that Whitney dubs the “SS Tart” – which literally made me laugh out loud.

Cameron grills Chelsea about her feelings for Shep vs. Austin – and she says she felt more emotion when she kissed Austin. She says she can’t get over how much of a player Shep is. Fair enough.

Cameron tells Shep what the deal is and he says he knows Chelsea’s hesitation is because of his reputation as the “town bicycle” – LOLZ. Although he denies his status, he proceeds to flirt with every girl on the boat except Chelsea. So, looks like she was right.

Meanwhile, Whitney and T-Rav are talking about Landon, and T-Rav admits he likes her body. They call Landon over and she says, yes she is attracted to Thomas, because they like a lot of the same things, but it’s all of the baby mama drama that turns her off.

But perhaps from that little snippet in the first episode, she will get over it and they will date. Only time will tell!