‘Mariah’s World’: Mimi’s Anniversary.

Happy New Year! Can you believe it? 2017 is finally here! I wokeup yesterday around 10, and while I was getting my morning coffee going, my smoke detectors blessed me with a glorious ring because their batteries were low! It took me a solid 16 minutes to drag out my ladder and at least get the noise down to a tolerable chirp until I could get to the store.

I then went to the store (I had to get my bean soup prepped first) in my pajamas and slippers and bought batteries and a Cherry Coke Zero. I didn’t even know that existed! I love Cherry Coke, but only allow myself such a treat on very rare occassions. So, I can honestly say my first negative experience of the year was totally overruled by a great one.

So, on to last night’s episode of “Mariah’s World”… well, first, let’s talk about Mariah’s performance on New Year’s Eve. I’ll be honest, I didn’t watch any of the countdown specials – instead I was watching a marathon of “Tiny House Nation”, which we can talk about at a later time. But, I first heard about poor Mariah’s performance while watching Kim Zolciak’s SnapChat feed.

When I checked Twitter yesterday, it was allll I could see. Oh, boy. So, I watched a video of it… if you want to see it, you can Google it. I mean, it wasn’t as terrible as what I expected. Is it a shock to know she was planning to lip sync the performance? Not at all. I’m not really sure what the right way to handle something like that would have been – I actually thought she handled it pretty well.

Having now watched half the season of “Mariah’s World”, I can say two things about Ms. Carey: 1. she has surrounded herself with many people who don’t really know what they’re doing, and 2. When they mess up, she fires them.

So, I can assure you, that whomever had the bright idea to skip the soundcheck on that performance is probably job hunting today.

Anyway, onto last night’s episode!

So, it’s Mariah’s birthday, but she calls it an “Anniversary”, and the staff wants Tanaka to jump out of her anniversary cake.

But before this happens, Stella’s assistant Molly, decides to dress up as the Easter bunny and she looks ridiculous and scary, simultaneously.

Mariah’s anniversary falls on Easter, and to commemorate the day, she’s wearing a rose mini dress that’s completely beaded. Because why not?

Meanwhile, Tanaka is feeling pretty nervous about jumping out of Mariah’s cake – which very oddly makes me nervous about it, too.

At the gathering, Mariah agrees to prank-call Molly, and she instantly picks up a fantastic Jersey accent. Mariah tells Molly to pick up mozzerella sticks, and asks her what she’s wearing. It’s actually pretty funny; probably just because Molly was squirming.

So, they load Tanaka into this cake… where he waits for at least an hour and is sweating as he waits for Mariah. But then he jumps out of it and is like “Magic Mike” up in there – I think Mariah blushed a little.

But, everyone in the room is starting to feel awkward… because remember, she’s engaged.

Later, Stella’s kids get sick and Molly is nowhere to be found, because she’s out getting a tattoo of “the globe emoji” to remind herself how lucky she is to have the job.

Needless to say, Stella is piiiissssed and we all know what happens then. She ended up firing Molly, but it was no easy task, mainly because she wouldn’t come out and say it and I wondered if it was for unemployment reasons. Stella just kept saying, “I think this job is just too demanding for you…”

Awkward.

In the preview for next week’s episode, it appears things are getting heated between Mariah and Tanaka, and there is also talk of the wedding… oh man.

In other news, much of America has one decision to make today: whether or not to watch the season premiers of “The Bachelor” or “Celebrity Apprentice”?

Let’s start with “The Bachelor”. I used to LOVE watching “The Bachelor”! I also liked watching “The Bachelorette”, but not as much as “The Bachelor”. I stopped watching it a few seasons back, though, for many reasons. For one, I was getting pissed off that the main contestant always picked someone that just wasn’t right.

It was also becoming painfully obvious that the season was more scripted, and very fake. I mean, why was there no diversity in the people on the show? Not only in terms of culture or race, but I felt like even the women contestants were all the same – they all had great jobs or trust funds, they were all unbelievably gorgeous, and I noticed during the hometown visits, they all came from happy families that lived in large homes. Only recently did I see a divorced family featured on the show.

And in a way, all of that made the show appealing. I get it – pretty people make great TV. But come on, now!

The other thing that’s really tough about “The Bachelor”, is the time committment. Every episode is two hours long, and sometimes there are additional specials and tell-all epsiodes – it’s a huge time suck. So after you’ve invested 35 hours into the show and your person doesn’t pick the one you’ve been rooting for all along, yeah, you want to throw your case of wine at the television.

The latest season, season 21 (can you BELIEVE that?!) of “The Bachelor” premiers tonight, featuring Nick Viall as The Bachelor. Here’s the season preview:

Wow, ABC sure made him look like the coolest guy at the party, didn’t they? But Nick Viall is probably the least cool guy that has ever been featured on this TV show. Here’s why:

We first met Nick on “The Bachelorette” during Andi Dorfmann’s season. He won her over with handwritten poems and he even made it to the final two, but he was dumped.

And then we were #Blessed when he appeared on the “After the Final Rose” special and told the entire country that they slept together in the Fantasy Suite – BASTARD!!! It was horrid.

Then the little weasel appeared on yet another season of “The Bachelorette”, when Kaitlyn Bristowe was the main contestant. Little did the audience know they’d been chatting online before she began filming the show, so he swoops in mid-season, and is all “Hey dudes, I’m about to win this bitch”.

So, he joins the cast, sleeps with Kaitlyn, makes it to the final two, and then gets DUMPED. So, he gets an invitation to appear on “Bachelor in Paradise”, where he makes his comeback, and chooses not to propose to his girl on the show. And ta-da, now he’s The Bachelor.

Will you be watching “The Bachelor” this season? I don’t think I can stomach it, but we’ll see.

The other show premiering tonight is “Celebrity Apprentice”, which used to be hosted by our now-President Elect, so the new host, Arnold Schwarzenegger, will be taking over. Le sigh.

I have ALWAYS been a fan of “Celebrity Apprentice”. I have loved it for the celebrities it features, the challenges they have, and I loved the slight inside look at the Trump family and their business. Of course, this was before I knew how gross he was.

But now, I still know Trump is a producer on the show (weird), and I am not really a fan of Arnold. So… do I watch? Here’s the promo: