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‘Siesta Key’: Episode 9.

All piled into Alex;s house, of course…

Whoop! We’re another episode into this (assumingly) fictional drama. The TV guide, and my DVR showed no title for this episode, which was really disheartening. Come on, MTV!

Anyway, let’s get into it! Right off the bat, Juliett and Kelsey are going at it since Juliett took it upon herself about Kelsey and Alex hooking up in last week”s episode. Basically, Juliett says she’s not sorry for telling him the TRUTH – but thanks for stopping by!

Pauly Paul is still recovering from his trip to jail and Alex’s dad is giving him a lecture about where his life is going – because he’s going to keep ending up in jail. However, Pauly Paul says he doesn’t really want to quit smoking weed – instead, he learned not to put it in his car. Mmmkkay.

Later, Chloe and Kelsey are working together and talking about the issue with Juliett. Chloe doesn’t back down and is all, well what do you expect? Your actions have consequences… Yikes.

The group gathers at the beach, and this is where Juliett and Garrett start to get a little closer and he asks her on a date. Nooooooo…

Meanwhile, Madisson and Brandon are getting a little closer and are just about ready to have “the talk”. But Alex is having a difficult time letting her go… He was openly flirting with her at a BBQ, right in front of Kelsey.

Alex and Pauly Paul visit Chloe at work, and she is not happy to see them. Pauly Paul invites her to come to his “Summer in Siesta Key” concert, and Chloe fires back with, “And WHY would I want to do that?” She continues to shut them down with why she is upset and also adds a little bit of, “I do have to work, I’m not a trust fund baby…”

BOOM.

Garrett and Kelsey seem to be getting along great on their date, and she asks him to go to Pauly Paul’s concert with her. He says yes, even though Kelsey is going to be there. Oh boy…

At the concert, even Chloe arrives, and everyone is wondering if Juliett and Garrett really like each other, or if both of them are just out for revenge.

Despite being told twice how the mic works, Pauly Paul didn’t listen and messed up the audio to his songs. He ended up running to his car and crying… And walking off when his friends tried to offer him comfort and assure him he still did a good job.

Chloe convinces him to come back inside and have some fun, so he does. Meanwhile, Kelsey confronts Garrett outside about him kissing Juliett right in front of her, and he’s all “Well at least I waited until after we were broken up to do anything!”

Buuurrnnn….

I have a feeling we’re nearing the end of the season, so this should be an interesting wrap up in these next few episodes (I’m not sure how many are left.

Guess we’ll just have to wait and see!

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‘Siesta Key’: ‘Garrett Gets a Girl’.

Garrett is SO fine!

You guys. I have been dreading and looking forward to this episode of “Siesta Key” the entire week. I do NOT want Garrett to get with Juliett!

Ugh, ok let’s get into it. At the start of the episode, Alex is helping Kelsey at work while Chloe packs her stuff to move into her own apartment. Chloe was planning to have a party and Kelsey is worried about seeing Garrett there… So Alex suggests he and Kelsey skip the party and go line dancing instead.

Later, Madisson and Kelsey are talking and Madisson says she saw her and Alex kissing. Kelsey admits it, but says she doesn’t know if she should tell Garrett or not. Madisson says she doesn’t owe him that since they’re broken up, but Kelsey knows this will be the end of her and Garrett. For good.

Back at the mansion, Pauly Paul is in the slammer. Alex asks his dad to bail him out, and his dad agrees to, but ONLY because he doesn’t have a father or a mother. And he’s waiting until morning to do it.

Brandon invites Madisson over to his studio and plays a song for her, and it’s basically about fucking hoes. She’s not really impressed… But it sounds fantastic, if I say so. She tells him people will probably enjoy the softer side…

Brandon brings up her ex, and she tells him that Grant asked her to come to New York, but she likes Brandon… So he was relieved by that.

Meanwhile, Pauly Paul gets bailed out and Alex’s dad picks him up and is like WHAT ARE YOUT HINKING?

Pauly Paul says he’s been locked up 10 times and he doesn’t have anyone over him to tell him right and wrong. Eehhhh…

Chloe is getting ready for her party with Juliett, and Chloe says she didn’t invite Alex because she’s still upset about his comments he made in Bimini. Go girl!

Chloe’s party is at the pool and Garrett rolls in with flowers like a gentleman. Garrett is talking to Juliett about how he’s moving on and ANYWAY he’s busy making his personal training website, and if Juliett wanted to be in a video, then ok. She does. And then she drops the bomb that actually Kelsey is on a date with Alex right now.

Bluhla-bluhla-bluhla!!!

At the line dancing bar, Kelsey and Garrett are laughing and dancing and seemingly having a perfect time. And then he walks off and talks to another chick.

Word eventually gets back to Kelsey that Juliett and Garrett are into each other, so that basically serves as her justification for seeing Alex. It’s a giant catch 22 because their using each other to see other people.

Juliett just keeps drilling it into Garrett’s head that yes, Kelsey and Alex hooked up WHILE they were dating, after the gala. This gets Garrett so worked up that he calls Kelsey, tells her she’s full of shit, and says they can’t even be friends anymore.

NOOOOOOO!!!

The interesting thing here is that in the last episode, Kelsey completely DENIES she and Alex hooked up after the gala. But when Garrett asks her straight out on the phone, she doesn’t give him an answer and that’s what sets him over the edge.

Ugh! In the preview for next week’s episode, it looks like Juliett and Kelsey finally have a face-off, right after Garrett and Kelsey make out in Kelsey’s company. Ouch.

Yeeeeeep! Until next week…

(Re)Watching: ‘ALF’.

Of course ALF reads the newspaper!

Hey there! I’m hoping this blog post (along with that funny picture) cheers you up on this Monday that seems to have come way too soon. I kept seeing Instagram posts yesterday about how sad everyone was that Monday was arriving soon – so do I feel this way because Instagram told me, too, or do I feel this way and then it was on Instagram? It’s the chicken or the egg theory!

I was feeling REAL lucky on Friday because my boss let me leave at 2, said thanks for kicking ass, and I ran out of there to take a nap (what I wild one I am). I got up early on Saturday to ship an Etsy order and head to a volunteer event with the Homeless Period Project of Austin. About 60 of us worked together to make 3,309 period packs for homeless women. This month, all of the packs go to help Hurricane Harvey victims, but usually the packs go to homeless shelters in Austin. I had a blast – and offered up my Jeep to haul the packs to the storage unit south of Austin.

After that, I was spent and yes, took another nap. I was a tired girl! Aside from that, I finished reading a book and started another, did some cooking (I even made vegan, all-natural “Snickers”), made a few pieces of jewelry for the shop, and watched the Emmy red carpets (I am obsessed with Kristin Cavallari).

But – today, I wanted to talk about “ALF”! About a month ago, I saw that a TV channel was showing episodes of “ALF” each night. I’m not sure how I came across this AWESOME news, but I’m pretty sure it happened because I watch “Mary Tyler Moore”, so I’m sure the commercial was during an episode.

I watched “ALF” as a kid, and even have season one on DVD, but I haven’t seen this show in so long. Just in case you’ve never seen it, here’s the scoop from Wikipedia:

ALF is an American sitcom that aired on NBC from September 22, 1986, to March 24, 1990. The title character is Gordon Shumway, a friendly extraterrestrial nicknamed ALF (an acronym for Alien Life Form), who crash lands in the garage of the suburban middle-class Tanner family. The series stars Max Wright as father Willie Tanner, Anne Schedeen as mother Kate Tanner, and Andrea Elson and Benji Gregory as their children, Lynn and Brian Tanner. ALF was performed by puppeteer Paul Fusco, who co-created the show with Tom Patchett. Produced by Alien Productions, ALF originally ran for four seasons and produced 99 episodes, including three one-hour episodes that were divided into two parts for syndication, totaling 102 episodes.

The takeaway there – no one ever calls him Gordon! Everyone calls him ALF. Anyway, I set my DVR to record each episode, and I’ve come to realize just how freaking AWESOME this show is. Yes, it was funny when I was a kid – I mean he’s a pretty cute alien, wears funny clothes, and is constantly chasing the cat around in hopes of eating it.

But watching it now, there’s so many jokes and references I wouldn’t have gotten until I was an adult. ALF is a pretty sharp, witty thing, and he’s not the kindest houseguest – despite the fact that he literally crashed into this family’s life. He nearly eats them out of house and home, is constantly having to be hidden, and is often finding himself in his own set of trouble (usually because he’s trying to make money or contact life on his planet, Melmac).

But this show is so funny and lite – it’s a perfect escape from, well, basically everything else out there right now. As far as I can tell, they’re playing the episodes in chronological order, so that’s an added bonus. I’m just saying, if you need something to watch… I believe it’s on Hulu, too.

Any good, lite shows you’re watching? This TV junkie is always looking for new (and old) things to watch!

‘Siesta Key’: ‘Messy Messy Kelsey’.

Oh, Kelsey…

Hey, hey! I’m so sorry for not posting yesterday – I planned on posting at lunch, and then work got crazy busy and I just couldn’t. But hey, I’m here today and there was a new episode of “Siesta Key” last night!

But before we get into the episode, I couldn’t help but wonder what may have happened to Alex’s family’s mansion in Siesta Key during Hurricane Irma this weekend. I hopped directly to the source: @Alex_Kompo on Instagram – take a look at his stories if you are curious.

It appears there are several trees down and plenty of flooding, but his castle on the water is perfectly fine – with no damage from what I could see. Hmm. Naturally.

Ok, let’s get into it!

The group is back from the Bahamas and Chloe really took Alex’s comment about her weight to heart. So, she’s meeting with Garrett so he can help her work out. Damn – he looks good. Plus, he’s so sweet and is all, “You know you’re not overweight.”

Chloe asks him if he’s talked to Kelsey and he says he got a text from her and didn’t respond – then Chloe tells him that Kelsey and Alex went on a date. Seriously, that’s a freaking SNAKE right there!

Apparently, everyone is working out now, because there’s like a weird montage of Alex lifting weights and Juliette conducting a yoga session on her back patio? I don’t know.

Garrett meets Kelsey at a coffee shop, and it’s awkward right from the start. He’s all, “I’ve been SUPER GOOD.” He confronts her about the dinner date and Kelsey says she’s “sick” of all these rumors, and tells him there’s “nothing” between her and Alex.

She also fails to mention that during the game they played, they were flirting MAJOR and that Alex ended up with his shirt off. But she also reminds Garrett that they’re not together, so dates are a reality.

Meanwhile, Madisson goes out to eat with her ex. He obviously still wants her, and is visibly upset when she tells him that she met someone new. He’s all, “You know there are plenty of engineering jobs in New York…”

Later, Juliette Facetimes Alex to “talk about what happened in Bimini.” Alex pretty much thinks there’s nothing that really happened – they hooked up because they were in the same house, duh. Juliette says they need to end whatever this is because she’s not going to be “available” to him.

Madisson’s mom throws a BBQ, and Brandon comes… and so does Madisson’s ex, and it’s a little awkward for everyone involved. Alex is there, too, so it’s basically ALL of Madisson’s baggage in a single area! The three guys are talking to each other, visibly sizing each other up, and Alex is (of course) being a huge dick.

But Madisson is talking with Kelsey and says she’s having mixed feelings about her ex and Brandon. She later tells Alex that she’s considering the move to New York – um, what? No girl.

Brandon heads out of the party early and tells Madisson she seems “close” with Grant. Madisson seems upset and is like, “What? I hope everything is ok, call me” and then later tells her ex that she’s missed him.

And thennnnnn she sees Kelsey and Alex kissing in the pool.

Not to spoil anything but next week’s episode is called “Garrett Gets a New Girl” and from the previews, it looks like it’s Juliette. Lord!

Before I head out – I did post 7 (yes, SEVEN) new items on my Etsy shop yesterday (including a tassel necklace and pom pom earrings). I’ve been busy! Check them out and tell me what you like; or what types of things you’d like to see in the store.

‘Siesta Key’: ‘Juliette’s Bahama Drama’.

That eyeliner tho…

Hey hey! Don’t you just love 3-day weekends? Sure, it’s a little shitty that we have to be back at work today, but it’s already TUESDAY?! Although, I feel like tomorrow I’ll think it’s Thursday and just be really disappointed overall.

But alas, another episode of “Siesta Key” is upon us, and the gang is headed to the Bahamas!

Kelsey is headed with the group to the Bahamas, but without Garrett since they’re on a break. The group is staying in a giant house together, so this will be interesting…

Juliette is among the group as well, and she’s getting used to seeing Kelsey sidling right up to Alex. Chloe is sharing a room with Juliette and is quick to tell her that Kelsey and Alex hooked up after his gala.

In fact, she says, Amanda was looking for her phone after the party and knocked on Alex’s closed bedroom door. Supposedly, he answered the door butt-naked, and when Amanda peeked into the room, Kelsey was in the bed naked, as well.

Here we goooooo.

At dinner, Juliette is back to her dumbass ways and says she doesn’t know how to eat edamame. Lord have mercy on this child.

Pauly Paul must be fresh off a line of the good stuff because he’s asking Kelsey what’s up with her and Garrett? Who ended it? Why did it end? Who are you going to hook up with while you’re here?

Later, he’s having a heart-to-heart with Juliette and he tells her Kelsey and Alex definitely like each other… Juliette is all, “Really? What do I do?”

Meanwhile, Brandon and Madisson are getting a COUPLE’S massage (!) and Brandon is like moaning through the entire thing, and says, “This is better than sex.” Come on, bro.

Chloe and Kelsey are at the spa and Chloe asks her what’s up with her and Alex. Kelsey admits they have a fun chemistry, but that’s all it will ever be. When Chloe confronts her about what happened after the gala, Kelsey says nothing happened… but no one is believing that.

But later… Alex asks Kelsey to go to dinner “as friends”… really?

At the dock, Amanda confronts Kelsey about what happened after the gala. Amanda straight up calls her a liar, and Kelsey says she did go into his room to change into dry clothes. But nothing happened. Srsly?

Alex takes Kelsey out to dinner and he tells everyone he’s taking her out because she’s the new girl. During dinner, they reiterate how they are just friends… but Kelsey calls bullshit on his relationship with with Juliette.

While everyone else is eating dinner, they are ALL talking about Kelsey and Alex. Madisson swears they are just friends but everyone else is all NO, NOPE…

After dinner, Kelsey has a drinking game for her and Alex, and immediately he ends up with his shirt off. Eventually, the whole group joins in… and the next morning, Juliette is in Alex’s bed with him. Now what?

As the gang is packing up, Kelsey says she’s ready to go home but she’s afraid she might have blown it with Garrett. GURL.

Now I cannot wait to see what he says… next week!

‘Siesta Key’: ‘Madisson’s Avenues’.

Pauly Paul, Kelsey, and Brandon.

Hey, hey! Trump is on his way to Texas and this state is flipping him the bird – the memes on Twitter are worth a look if you need a laugh. Anyway, I won’t get into politics… let’s get into last night’s episode of “Siesta Key”!

The episode picks up right where last week left off, Garrett has ditched Kelsey at the 20’s party, so she jumps into the pool with Alex and Madisson and Brandon. Later, she follows Alex into the house… and the production makes it look like something happened.

At Garrett’s house, he’s telling his brother what happened the night before. Meanwhile, Alex heads to the beach with Chloe, Amanda, Brandon, Pauly Paul, Madisson, and Kelsey… and Garrett shows up! Whoooooo!

Amanda and Chloe take a stroll on the beach, and Chloe tells Amanda she’s disappointed in her for hooking up with Alex, and for the dismissive way she acted at the party last night.

Later, Brandon asks Madisson on a date.. and I’ll admit, it’s kinda cute!

Juliette is at home sipping water by the pool, and she’s talking to her friend Hannah like, “I’m not going to act like he didn’t hook up with Amanda.” And Hannah just keeps saying, “Yeah… yeah… yeah.”

Kelsey and Garrett have a lil walk on the beach and it really just seems like things aren’t working out. Kelsey apologizes for the way the night went down and Garrett apologizes for leaving the party. He says they’ll talk about it the next day.

Later, Alex suggests the gang go to Bimini, and everyone agrees even though Pauly Paul has a court date for getting caught with weed.

Brandon takes Madisson on their date and they order some tropical blended drinks… and he’s all charming and it’s sweet. And they KISSSSSSSS!!!

Garrett and Kelsey talk the next day and he tells her he’s not going to the Bahamas. She admits she was flirting with Alex after the party, and Garrett suggests they go on a break. OUCH.

Madisson is heading to visit her mom, and she mentioned to her sister that visiting her mom makes her nervous. Madisson tells her mom that her dad is hosting a graduation dinner and she should come – her mom declines.

At Madisson’s dinner, everyone is so dressed up and Madisson’s dad is grilling Brandon, but he’s taking it well. Alex’s mom makes an awkward comment about how Madisson used to “tutor” Alex and shit, does Brandon give The Glare to Alex.

The next day, the entire gang gets together to go on Alex’s boat. Even Kelsey joins…without Garrett. Everyone asks where he is and she says they’re on a break. Alex looks happy to hear this and everyone is NOT surprised.

Juliette is “shocked” to see Brandon and Madisson together, and is all “Who else hooked up after the party?” And just then… Alex and Kelsey are in the water together… Yikes.

And the SAGA continues!! We’ll see what happens next week!

‘Siesta Key’: ‘Alex’s Kingdom’.

The saga continues…

Every week I continue to be SHOCKED that this show is still on television. Here we are, again, so let’s get into it!

The episode kicks off with Chloe asking Alex if he really slept with Amanda. He admits it, shockingly, and Chloe is just liiiike, hey could you let me know when you sleep with my friends? And Alex is all, “Well, I don’t plan on it happening AGAIN.”

Already, Amanda has ruined things with Brandon before they even got started, so at least Chloe may have THAT to hang on to (I mean can this chick catch a break?).

Juliet stops by Alex’s house and he tells her that he hooked up with Amanda “a few weeks back”, and shockingly, Juliet is pissed and stands up for herself. Then she’s all, “Bye. I’ll see you. Maybe. I don’t know.”

Later, Kelsey seems pretty bummed about the conversation she had with Garrett.

The fact that Amanda and Alex hooked up is the BIGGEST story of this episode… and I’m really not sure why. Possibly because Alex keeps telling everyone.

Chloe and Juliet… is it Juliet or Juliette? Or do I care? Anyway, they are talking about it and finally Chloe asks what we’re all thinking: “Do you really think you’re not going to hook up with Alex again?” And she has nothing to say because SHE WILL.

Meanwhile, Alex is planning to host a party at his house that will benefit kids with autism (his brother and sister have autism). Good job.

Everyone is talking about how Kelsey is on the verge of breaking up with Brandon… and Alex is eyeing her for a rebound hookup. Ugh!

It’s the day of the party, and they are really sprucing things up at Alex’s house. Madison is helping him and asks him if Juliet AND Amanda RSVP’d – of course they did…

At the party, Chloe tells Alex that Kelsey and Garret are having issues…oh, Lord.

It honestly seems like Brandon is hitting on Madison, then straight up asks her out, and she’s all, uh, what about Amanda? Looks like she’s getting left in the dust.

When Amanda arrives at the party though, all the guys are like DAAAAAAMN. Then Juliet says she needs to go talk to her (meanwhile, we all wish this would end in a fight).

It’s rather calm, and Amanda swears she’s not with Alex, AT ALL.

Later, Alex gives a big speech about why he threw the party and basically everyone is all about him. Kelsey takes him outside and it’s like… romantic. NO. No!!!!!! I really like Garret, and not Alex!

Then, Alex invites her to stay and go swimming… and she’s all “you should open up more”… oh my GOD.

Later, Juliet is all, OMIGOD you guyz, I am so proud of myself for showing up and forgiving Amanda and being the bigger person, now can we just go? And they’re out.

Garret tells Kelsey he’s leaving because she’s not hanging out with him, and it seems super rough. He tells her she’s been with Alex the whole night and he doesn’t want to talk to her… and he leaves. Nooooooooo…

And then the episode is over. From the looks of next week’s episode, it does NOT look good for Garret and Kelsey. Ugh.

Some of my Etsy items!

PS. I opened up an Etsy Shop yesterday!

I have been wanting to do some serious crafting, and I finally had the time to make some things that I really liked.

I’ve been making earrings, and decided to list them after so many people reached out and asked me about them.

Right now, I have 8 fun styles listed, but am already working on more, so keep an eye out!

All of the styles are $15 or under and I’m offering FREE shipping in the US.

Although I have specific colors listed right now, I’m always happy to customize items or make new things just for you. Check it out!

‘Siesta Key’: ‘Kelsey’s New Crew’.

Another installment of ‘Siesta Key’.

Let me just start this by saying I’m writing this after having just gotten home from WINNING “Saved By the Bell” trivia! After years and years of watching the same episodes on repeat, I finally have something to show for it: $1oo in giftcards, fools! Okay, I owe a lot of it to my teammate, but we kicked BUTT.

Anyway, onto “Siesta Key”! The teaser is making it look like Kelsey is going to join the gaggle of whores going after Alex. She’s out to lunch with Chloe and basically shit-talking the gift he got her for their anniversary. Ugh.

Alex Facetimes Madison and apologized for talking so rudely to her at the bonfire. Later, Chloe is out to lunch with her mom and they’re talking about how “great” summer is in Siesta Key? Umm really, cause you literally JUST had surgery for getting your face beat in. It cannot be that great.

Later, some of the group joins Alex on his boat and I can’t help but wonder if it’s the same boat he’s committed all these crimes on. Ew.

Amanda is on the boat, in a thong, and she’s basically all over every guy, because of course. In his defense though, Alex encourages her to squash her beef with Chloe and she says she will (maybe in the season finale).

Later, Alex is “teaching” Kelsey how to drive the boat and you can tell Garrett is jeaaaaalllous.

Next, Madison (I realized I’ve been spelling her name wrong this entire time, it’s Madisson) is prepping for her interview with Alex’s dad’s company. But basically right when she walks in, the guy tells her she really has nothing on her resume compared to the other candidates. Awesome.

Then, Chloe is visiting with a therapist and is telling her about the altercation she had with Amanda. The therapist tells her to consider the role of alcohol in the fight, and how she reacts to situations. Chloe also tells the therapist that her father is aggressive and has been in and out of jail – she has never met him.

Kelsey and Garrett are paddleboarding and she is talking about how much fun she had on the boat the day before – and he’s not really into it. I’ll admit, this scene was a little sad – I felt bad for Garrett. He was like, “Alex has a lot of money and I’m sure he thinks he can just do whatever he wants and date whoever.” Aww… Kelsey reassures him she’s not interested in Alex, but the entire situation is just weird.

Back at Alex’s house, he finds out he’s been waitlisted for law school. So… yeah.

At Juliette’s she’s recovering from having her wisdom teeth removed. She says she’s under the influence of pain killers, yet she seems exactly the same as how we’ve seen her all season. Hm.

Alex and Madisson meet up and talk about their recent failures, and Alex says he is dead-set on wanting to be a lawyer because he likes the water and “that shit costs money”, so he’s going to work his ass off, be a lawyer, retire, and then own a marina.

Umm, ok. I feel like law is a job you actually have to have a passion for and not just want money, but I could be wrong. Two, how is someone BREAKING THE LAW going to get into law school and be successful? Is this a thing?

Juliette finally gets to hang out with Alex again, and they are trying to work out a meeting between Amanda and Chloe.

Juliette agrees to meet up with the two of them to try and mediate. Chloe immediately starts crying and apologizes for her part – basically, her mouth. Amanda apologizes, too, and says she wants to move on from it, but she still has to see it to believe it.

Aaaaand then the fact that Brandon wants Amanda comes up, and shockingly, Chloe is cool with it. Wow. WAY TO GO LADIES!

Butttt then Pauly Paul shows up at the bar during Chloe’s shift and he tells her about Amanda hooking up with Alex. And thisssss goes over poorly.

Next week? It’s another party at Alex’s! Go figure!!!! I’ll see you then…

‘Siesta Key’: We Need to Talk About Chloe.

And it’s back for episode 2.

We left this shit show last week with Chloe FaceTiming Alex and showing him her face, which had clearly been beaten in.

As I guessed, Amanda kicked her ass for being a lil bitch when it comes to Brandon. And just like that, their friendship is over and I’m sure this cat fight is going to last alllll summer.

Chloe was all, “She hasn’t even, like, texted me to see if I’m OK!!” No shit, she HATES you!!!!

Obviously, this episode is going to focus on 2 things: Chloe’s face getting beat, and Madison v. Juliette. Basically, recap over.

Madison and Kelsey are at lunch and Kelsey says, “I want to see what Florida is all about.” Umm Florida is all about RETIREMENT.

Later, Alex says Madison didn’t know him when he “had all this” *rolls eyes*, which I assume is basically his way of stating that she’s the only decent person/non-gold digger ’round these parts.

Mind you, it’s about this time Juliette gets her hair wet again, and I’m beginning to think she’s confident in this look. No, girl. Just no.

After the break, there’s a fantastic side-by-side of Amanda in a thong at the bikini contest while Brandon watches, and Chloe being wheeled out of the hospital after surgery. Like really, that’s fucked up.

Later, Garrett says he’s trying to think of something to do for him and Kelsey’s 6-month anniversary… but in the last episode Kelsey said they just met on Tindr. What gives MTV? Get a new script editor!

Madison confronts Alex about his promiscuity last summer with Juliette – and he’s all, “Uh, it wasn’t Facebook official!”

Later, Chloe shows her face in public and props to this girl with her two black eyes, sipping on margaritas!

Instead of taking her somewhere nice like he planned, Garrett takes Kelsey to the beach for a picnic… and she’s pretty ungrateful honestly. Shocker. He gave her a jar of 365 hand-written notes… and she gave him a giant bag of pistachios. Not kidding.

He brings non-alcoholic cider and sliced cheese, and Kelsey constantly makes comments about how this would be waaaaayyy different if they were at a restaurant. For someone who moved to Florida to care for her mother, she a biiiiiitch. Yea?

Brandon is hosting the next party, and Chloe doesn’t want to see Amanda. Obviously. Girl, you’re better off sitting at home, alone, watching episodes of “Laguna Beach”. Trust me on this one.

It’s the night of Brandon’s party, and as soon as Juliette shows up, Madison starts guzzling whatever is in her red cup. Meanwhile, Chloe is tucking herself into bed and she totally has one of those touch-lamps from the early 90s.

At the bonfire party, Alex is his usual self -playing Juliette and Madison right in front of each other’s faces. After Alex calls Madison a “Bow down queen”, Kelsey tells her to move on.

Outside of filming, news has surfaced that Alex allegedly shot and killed a hammerhead shark while fishing. Killing marine life in Florida is illegal. Alex posted video of a fisherman lifting a shark partially out of the water, and shooting it, and then later deleted the video from his Instagram feed. The video is currently under investigation as a petition is circulating calling for those involved in last week’s “shark dragging” incident to be arrested.

Obviously, I’ll await the news to see if he’s guilty or not, but I know one thing is for sure: this kid is a privileged asshole.

So, yeah, we’ll see what happens next week…

‘Siesta Key’: ‘Romeo and Juliette’.

The premier of MTV’s “Siesta Key”.

In anticipation of what MTV is calling “Laguna Beach 2.0”, the network aired old episodes of “Laguna Beach” and “The Hills” all weekend and I was in heaven! They were also promoting the shit out of “Siesta Key”, and it worked – I was real pumped to see this episode.

That is until I saw the “Siesta Key” watch party had been cancelled after public outrage due to one of the cast members being involved in a “shark dragging” incident that killed a shark. Umm, what? Here’s the report from the Herald Tribune:

Reaction to the show from local residents led to the creation of a “Boycott Siesta Key MTV” Facebook page that pointed to an apparent connection between cast members and a man who allegedly dragged a shark to death behind his boat.

Well that’s just great. Here’s another little nugget of information for you (also from the Herald Tribune):

The show’s main cast member is Alex Kompothecras, son of Gary Kompothecras, the chiropractor best-known in these parts for founding the 1-800-ASK-GARY legal and medical referral service. “Siesta Key” originated from a pilot financed by Kompothecras.

So, that’s why we’ve seen all the previews of Alex’s family home, which is huge and covered in enough gold to rival President Trump. After doing a little more digging, it appears there was the video of the shark dragging, along with some pictures on social media of men (covered in blood) that are allegedly friends with some of the “Siesta Key” cast. The video and photos are currently under investigation.

The premier episode still rolls on and I’m still reviewing it as planned. Obviously, I do not condone killing innocent animals, especially in a way of suffering. Hopefully, the investigation will result in those men being punished appropriately (i.e. being dragged behind a boat).

Anyway, the show must go on!

The episode starts by introducing every cast mate: Alex – the “king of the crew” – who I’m guessing is also going to be a shithead. He’s dating Juliette. Chloe is the bitch. And SHE has a crush on Brandon. Kelsey is the new girl in town, and is dating Garrett – who isn’t a part of THE CLIQUE.

Aparently Alex cheated on Juliette last summer with Madison – his ex. Lordy.

What continues is some slo-mo cheesy shit.

Alex and Juliette are on a date… and he’s an idiot. He’s about to turn 22, has graduated, so this is his self-proclaimed “big one”.

And Juliette wore stilettos to the boardwalk, so she’s one of those chicks. Ugh.

Madison flies into town, and everyone is warning him that she thinks it will be back to business as usual.

The ladiessss are all gathered somewhere, and they’re all O M G Juliette went on a date with Juliette. These chicks are basic AF and it’s on an entirely new level.

Madison shows up at Alex’s and he greets her with a bottle of Veuve and 2 flutes. They sit on the beach and catch up… and Alex is all, “I heard everything’s bigger in Texas.”

She asks him if he has a girlfriend and he’s all, “Nope” – even after he JUST told Juliette he was cool being with just her.

Kelsey and Chloe “work” at a bar – it’s pretend work – we all knew “Laguna Beach” and “The Hills” were scripted and MTV is not even playing with this one. It’s fake as hell. Kelsey says she met her boyfriend Garrett on Tinder, which I’m sure is also a lie.

We can also just get this out of the way: Alex is ugly. Like come ON MTV, you gave us Stephen Coletti, can you give us a better lead character than Alex the freaking Ogre?

Alex and Brandon come to the bar, and Alex is all eyeing Kelsey up and down. He invites her to his birthday party and ta-da, she’s free. Because why would a bartender be free on a Saturday?

Everyone is just SEW excited for Alex’s birthday party, because WHAT girl is he going to choose to be all over him?

Later, Kelsey is getting ready for the party, and she’s talking about her and Garrett like they’ve been together for two YEARS instead of two weeks. Weird.

But then she walks into that fucking party like a BOSS BITCH and everyone stares because there’s finally someone hot with a personality.

This makes Juliette super nervous and she drunkenly bites Alex’s face and is all OMG ITS SOOOO NICE TO MEET YOU. I’m over her already.

Juliette appraoches Madison and it’s like so much teeth in one scene… “Would you like, let me know if he hits on you, that’d be like, cool.”

Thx.

Later, Alex literally tosses Juliette over his shoulder and heads to the bedroom. And Madison runs and cries on the beach like a punk ass.

At the end of the episode, it shows pictures of Chloe with her face bashed in and bloody, so we’ll get that conclusion next week.

Honestly, this is a failure. This show is pretty bad, and it’s definitely NOT even close to “Laguna Beach” or “The Hills”. Watching Twitter during it was my only saving grace…

The Bitter Lemon’s Summer TV Guide!

It’s gonna be a good summer.

I sort of hate myself for promoting sitting inside all summer and catching up on TV, but it’s been a solid 106 degrees here in Austin, and even the coolest pool isn’t going to get me outside for much longer than i have to be. So, yeah, I’m watching TV this summer – especially the junky stuff – and I’m not ashamed! Who’s with me?!

“Insecure”, season 2 (HBO) – Comedy

I was completely blown away by season one of “Insecure”, and have been fangirling over lead actress and writer, Issa Rae, ever since. Here’s the scoop from HBO.com:

Modern-day black women are usually portrayed as strong, confident and “flawless.” But Issa and Molly are definitely not “killing it.” These best friends must deal with their own real-life flaws as they attempt to navigate different worlds and cope with an endless series of uncomfortable everyday experiences.

Created by Issa Rae and Larry Wilmore, the comedy series Insecure explores the black female experience. Rae stars as Issa and Yvonne Orji stars as Molly. Over the course of the season, Issa attempts to figure out what she wants out of life and how to take control of it, while fumbling her way through this journey. Molly, a corporate attorney who appears to have everything together professionally, struggles inside as she looks for external ways to fix her life.

Meanwhile, Issa’s boyfriend, Lawrence (Jay Ellis), who has fallen victim to complacency, works to get his own act together. Frieda (Lisa Joyce), Issa’s overeager white co-worker, whose enthusiasm is both annoying and endearing, is at the crux of Issa’s racial frustrations at work.

I. AM. SO. EXCITED. Plus! With a new season of “Insecure” comes a new batch of the “Insecuritea” after show podcast – yes!

Premiers Sunday, July 23 @ 10:30 pm EST.

“A Night With My Ex” (Bravo) – Reality

Basically, this show had me with the title. I mean, there’s not an ex I would want to spend a night with, so you’ve already got me curious. Here’s the scoop from TVguide.com:

The 10-episode season follows 11 former couples who agree to spend one night alone in an apartment together — no producers, only cameras rigged to catch their every move. Seeing each other for the first time since their breakup will bring up unexpected reactions in the exes, including shocking confessions, crazy fights, intense hook-ups and some wild twists we thought only existed in Shondaland. There are even marriage proposals and a pregnancy reveal!

And unlike in the real world, the exes have nowhere to hide once they enter the one-bedroom apartment. Whatever goes down, the former couple will be forced to deal with their unresolved issues without any interruptions, distractions or, of course, any privacy.

Tuesdays @ 10 pm EST.

“I Hart Food” (Food Network) – American Food 

I’m pretty excited for this show after seeing Hannah Hart on her YouTube show, “My Drunk Kitchen”. Now she’s got her own series! Here’s the description from the Food Network Blog:

Hannah Hart has over five-million followers on social media, a killer sense of humor, a passion for food and this summer, she’s taking a flavor-filled journey to some of the country’s favorite regional food spots in the new Food Network series I Hart Food. In the six-episode series, food enthusiast Hannah follows her appetite to discover incredible local dishes and awesome conversations. From investigating Santa Fe’s fiery fixation with green and red chilies to catching New England lobsters with her bare hands in Portland, Maine, Hannah’s food adventures explore every angle of these local specialties and the stories behind them.

Premiers Monday, August 14 @ 10 pm EST.

“Phelps vs. Shark” (Discovery) – Competition

Yep, you read that correctly. Swimmer Michael Phelps is racing a great white shark to kick off “Shark Week”, and I cannot help but watch. They’re pegging it as “The battle for ocean supremacy”, because obviously that’s a thing. I was picturing it as a literal race in the ocean, but then I realized how stupid a thought that was, given that a shark doesn’t know how to race. Right? Whatever. I’m still watching it.

Airs Sunday, July 23 @ 8 pm EST.

“Shahs of Sunset”, season 6 (Bravo) – Reality

This has got to be one of my favorite Bravo shows and I’m so happy it’s back! Asa is pregnant, which means MJ is throwing her all KINDS of shade. Mike is living single, while GG is supposedly healed, and Reza is happily married. It’s sure to be a solid season with this group!

Sundays @ 8 pm EST.

“Million Dollar Matchmaker”, season 2 (WETV) – Dating 

You may remember matchmaker Patti Stanger from her 8 seasons on Bravo as the “Millionaire Matchmaker”. She moved to WETV, but is still serving up the same fierce attitude, along with brilliant matchmaking. Here’s the scoop from Deadline.com:

The series, featuring matchmaker Patti Stanger as she helps her toughest clients find true love, reached 12.4 million total viewers in its first season. In season two, Stanger takes over the west wing of the exclusive Luxe Hotel in Los Angeles. Each week, two of her hardest-to-match clients will check in for a week-long stay, hoping to leave with the love of their life.

“Patti’s no-nonsense approach to love and dating struck a chord with WE tv viewers, and we can’t wait to have her back on Friday nights in an all-new location with new millionaires, using her brand of tough love to help her clients find true love,” said Marc Juris, president of WE tv. “In the world of love and relationships, there simply is no equal to Patti Stanger, and we are thrilled to have her as part of the WE tv family.”

Premiers Friday, August 4 @ 10 pm EST.

“Flipping Out”, season 10 (Bravo) – Reality

I hate to love Jeff Lewis, but come on! Plus, let’s face facts, Zoila is my favorite person on this show. I can’t believe we’re going into season 10, which means I’ve spent 1/3 of my life watching this show… Here’s the description from BravoTV.com:

Yes, things are just as cray cray for Jeff Lewis and his Flipping Out crew when the series returns this August. Life looks a little different for the designer on Season 10. In addition to making homes beautiful and some employee drama, he’s about to become a father — and impending parenthood is way more stressful than he and partner, Gage Edward, could ever have imagined.

Premiers Thursday, August 17 @ 9 pm EST.

“Life of Kylie” (E!) – Reality 

I stopped watching “The Kardashians” two years ago – not for any moral reasons, I was just sort of over it – but I cannot turn away from this new little branch of show. I know. I’m terrible. Here’s the gist of it, from Deadline.com:

The eight-episode half-hour show will follow Jenner as she navigates her life as entrepreneur, fashion designer, author, social media star and CEO/founder of Kylie Cosmetics. The show also will document her personal life, including spending time with her close friend Jordyn Woods.

Premiers Sunday, August 6 @ 9 pm EST.

“Siesta Key” (MTV) – Reality, Drama

If “Scripted drama” were a thing, I’d call this that, because it’s been advertised as a show for people who liked “The Hills”. I did not like “The Hills”…I fucking LOVED “The Hills”. So, “Siesta Key” has big shoes to fill, okay!? Here’s the scoop from Variety.com:

“Siesta Key” follows a group of seven longtime friends in the Sarasota, Fla., area as they graduate from high school and through their reunion back home in the summer following freshman year in college. This time around, the storytelling in “Key” aims to dive deeper into the emotional lives of the key players rather than the frothier approach of past MTV serials. “Key” and other shows on MTV’s summer slate are laser-focused on reflecting the way teens and twentysomethings live today. That means the cameras capture how much of those lives play out on social media.

Premiers Monday, July 31 @ 10 pm EST.

‘Southern Charm’: Reunion, part II.

The conclusion of the ‘Southern Charm’ reunion.

Hey y’all! We picked right back up where we left off last week, with Kathryn being absolutely insane but backing off after Thomas was shaking with rage and threatening to take her down via court + judge.

Jennifer is too kind and still says she would be friends with Kathryn, even after all the crap they’ve been through.

They have Jennifer leave and bring out Whitney. Andy says a lot of the viewers enjoyed seeing Thomas embrace his role as a father and Thomas says he is moving to a kid-friendly neighborhood.

Andy brought up a question from the audience about the incident earlier in the season where Shep accused Landon of bragging about hanging out with billionaires. Landon said it was a situation (between the billionaires) where she felt sexually threatened.

Oddly, Kathryn and Landon call a truce – and they say it’s genuine. Kathryn believes Thomas used Landon as a weapon against Kathryn. And then they admit they went to a wedding together, but not “together”, just that weekend. OMGGGGGG.

Then, Chelsea comes on! She talks about what happened between her and Shep, and she says she wishes she would see more of “sober” Shep. They also go over the moment where Shep supposedly grabbed Chelsea… and Austen’s face is priceless (eyes rolled back into his damn head).

A viewer asks a question about Landon flirting with Austen in Key West, and Landon plays her usual line, “Oh, that’s just my personality!” And Kathryn jumps right in with, “Here we go again, when you ‘didn’t’ do anything wrong…” Landon is like oh, this is just pointing to your insecurities, and Chelsea is all, “Oh honey I sure as hell ain’t insecure” BWAHAHAHA.

Then they start talking about the boys’ night where Austen confronts Shep, and the guys agree Shep acts like he’s entitled. But before we know it, they’re all accusing each other of being drunk assholes. Naturally.

Andy says he can’t help but notice the FIRE between Kathryn and Thomas; and they admit there will probably always be something between them. Andy asks if there’s ever any chance of them getting back together, and they basically say no… but who knows!

That’s basically the end, but they DO talk about Shep’s new show, “Relation Shep” (which would explain his Instagram handle). They show a preview for it, and it’s sort of like “The Bachelor”, only with Shep. Eh… I dunno…

Oh hell, we all know I’m going to watch it! What did y’all think of this reunion? I liked part one better, but I just love this show all around!

‘Southern Charm’: Reunion (part 1).

‘Southern Charm’ reunion, part 1.

You guys… or should I say y’all? I have been looking forward to the “Southern Charm” reunion since the season started – because the reunions are the best part, right? Right from the jump, Bravo gave us a few clips that just look insane, but of course I’m sure they will be spread over two, if not three parts of a reunion.

The first few moments of the reunion are, of course, introductions, and we confirm that Cameron is pregnant – which I already saw in actual news, but still. We also find out that Craig has PASSED the bar exam! What?!

They started to scratch the surface on Craig and Naomi before the first break, and Shep basically said, “Well if your significant other can’t call you out, who can?”

After the break, Naomi is on the couch! She expanded upon being complicit with Craig’s lies last season. She said she didn’t regret showing the world that they fight, and also didn’t regret apologizing to Craig.

This rolled over into Kathryn and Thomas’ relationship, and a quick back-and-forth between Landon and Kathryn. And at about this time, I realize Whitney either isn’t on the couch or he just hasn’t said shit yet.

Austen was on the hot seat next and admitted he’s no longer working in the beer business. He also talked about his story about his sister and said that fans of the show were very comforting him when he told it.

They also talked about his relationship with Chelsea (she’s also not on the couch), and this rolled over into talking about Shep’s alcohol issues. He said when he lived downtown, he would have 60 people over at his house each night by 3 am, and around 20 people at the house at 6am. Uh, seriously??

Kathryn is up next, starting with her checking into rehab shortly after last season’s reunion. Andy asked Landon why she said Kathryn went to rehab to “find her next victim” (LOLz), and Landon said there were pics posted on Instagram of Kathryn with a guy in Malibu with a Maserati. Ha!

She then says that the rehab was from weed, not cocaine and alcohol, like all the reports said. Weird. Sadly, though, she said she doesn’t have a very big support system.

And then Landon starts crying (dear God).

And THEN Kathryn says Jennifer lied under oath… COMMERCIAL.

Jennifer is on the couch upon return (!), and has a positive update on her son. Then Andy starts in on what happened last reunion, with that damn handkerchief. When Andy asked about Jennifer’s testimony, she pipes up, “I’m not under your gag order”. YAS GIRL. YAS!!!!!

Kathryn then continues to say actually there are questions about Jennifer’s baby daddy. W T actual F????

This builds and tumbles into a conversation about how one night, and YEAR ago, Thomas slept on Jennifer’s couch after a night of partying. Kathryn says no, he was in her bed, and shit blowwwwwws up – saying, “If you keep on, the judge knows everything…”

He is shaking and basically says, I signed an order to keep the truth quiet, but if you keep on, I promise you, it will not be pretty.

DAMN.

And then the episode is over, and we have to wait until part II next week! Arrgggghhh!

‘Southern Charm’: Ain’t No Thang Like a Chicken Wing.

The ‘Southern Charm’ season finale!

Helloooo! I know I’m nearly a WEEK late on my “Southern Charm” recap – I did watch it last Monday night while I was in Indiana, and missed being able to write about it immediately after. But it’s finally here!

You may recall at the end of the previous episode, Landon’s behavior toward Kathryn pretty much shocks the group and that’s where things were left off. The whole scene triggered something in Thomas, and now he’s convinced Landon was just into social climbing, and he’s completely turned off. Relationship = over.

This means that whole beginning scene in the season was a DAMN waste! Argh, Bravo!

On the other hand, there’s Chelsea and Austen. After Austen stood up for Chelsea with the whole Shep shebang, there’s clearly a question in the air about where they stand. Even though Chelsea says she doesn’t want a relationship, they stayed in the same room in Key West, took morning swims together, and seem to be getting along awfully nicelyyyy…

The entire question really comes to a head in one of the final scenes of the season – where Shep has another lady on his lap. Boy is Chelsea FUMING! She confronts him afterward, saying he made her look like a fool, and he’s all, “Well you’re the one who said you didn’t want a relationship.”

So she eats her words and they are officially together. Aw!

Meanwhile, Craig and Naomi are still on the rocks. They have yet another pretty rocky conversation, and it almost looks as if they’re going to break up… but they don’t. However, I am really curious to see where they are at once the reunion airs.

In the end, there were two things that stuck out in this episode: 1. The group spends an entire evening riding around Key West on mopeds, which sounds like no big deal, but it looks hilarious.

Dani faints at a bar and half of the group panics and calls 911, while the other half are out on the town and they speed off to the hospital on their mopeds. It was funny, trust me.

The other thing was that things between Kathryn and Thomas start to get so good… that she tells him she feels the urge to kiss him, so they kiss! By the time the final party rolls around, the entire city knows about it and just CANNOT deal.

Naturally, when the episode ends – we’re left not knowing where they stand. So much reunion fodder!

‘Southern Charm’: A Tribe Called Key West.

Kathryn is… NOT… stirring up trouble?

Hey, hey! I feel like the episodes of “Southern Charm” just keep getting better and better, and after seeing the previews for this week’s episode, I was reallllly looking forward to things completely blowing up in Key West for Cameron’s birthday.

So, here we go!

At the opening of the episode, Craig has enlisted his cat Gizmo to help him make baby clothes for Cameron’s birthday, after the psychic told her she was going to have a child within the year.

At Chelsea’s house, Shep comes over – again- uninvited. He apologizes for basically attacking her in the bar, and making her feel cheap. He tries to explain that he acts withdrawn because he likes her, which is obviously ridiculous.

Later, Kathryn comes over to Cameron’s house to talk about the upcoming trip. Cameron admits she sees this trip as a “last hurrah” because she is considering having a child. After a quick heart-to-heart, Kathryn tells Cameron about the trip we’d all heard about on the last reunion – when Thomas took Landon on the 3-day trip he’d planned for Kathryn.

Hmm!

At Craig’s, Naomi admits she doesn’t really want to go on the trip because of how bad of a place she’s in with Craig. She even says if they both go on the trip, she might not be with him when they get back.

Landon is questioning whether or not she should go, because of Kathryn. Lord. Thomas is encouraging her to go, basically saying, she’s my baby-mama and she’s not going anywhere, so get used to it.

Later, Austen and Chelsea are heading over to Austen’s parents’ house for dinner (awwww). But after she met with Shep, she’s acting like things are cool with Shep and that things didn’t exaaaactly happen the way she mentioned.

And basically mid-conversation, they pull up to the family home, and have to plaster on some smiles before going inside for dinner. Naturally, Chelsea is winning the parents over, which has Austen fretting since now he doesn’t know where they stand.

The gang heads to Key West – even Kathryn, along with Naomi AND Craig, and Chelsea and Austen get separate rooms. Shit.

Finally, it’s the scene they keep playing on the previews where it’s Landon against Chelsea and Cameron – as they defend Kathryn and question Landon about the trip she took with Thomas. She still denies that anything happened, says she had her “own wing” of the house, and that Kathryn made the whole thing up.

Please, girl.

At dinner, Landon is sure to sit very far away from Thomas, and Kathryn orders a margarita, which I find strange considering she is in drug recovery??

Oddly though, everyone is getting along great, and Kathryn even apologizes to Whitney and he returns the favor. At Whitney’s suggestion, Landon tells Kathryn she wants to move on from the past and just let it go. W O W.

It’s actually so good, that it’s shady. Landon is hugging her and being all, “As women we’re all each other has…” and even Thomas is left questioning her motives. He suggests her apology to Kathryn was self-serving, in order to advance her agenda.

…And next week is the SEASON FINALE.