Let the editing begin.

Hello readers! My chapter, “Checking Out” was the final chapter of my book—that’s right, I’ve completed writing the rough draft of How To Make Lemonade! It feels really weird saying that…but at the same time, it feels great. I wrote it months before the deadline I assigned myself, which is beyond me, really. Now that […]

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Checking Out.

In late October, Austin and I got into a pretty heated fight (big shocker, I know). He was coming into town for Thanksgiving the following month and I told him it would be a good time for us to meet each other’s parents—my mom was coming in town to cook with me and he was […]

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Broken People.

AJ, Hey you! Just wanted to say thanks for another great weekend. I have fun with you whether we’re out or just at home…because you’re that cool. I’m looking forward to another visit soon. I know things might suck now but I am certain time will help in a decision that will be the best […]

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That Feeling.

Toward the end of July, I had a bit of a meltdown. I hadn’t really talked to Austin much since I got home from Dallas. So I assumed he would never talk to me again. Everything he was doing I was applying it to my fear and I finally broke down. I thought about what […]

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One-a-Days

Before my trip to Dallas, Austin and I got into another fight. We talked on the phone one day when clearly, we should not have. He was being a dick because I didn’t call him when he wanted me to. So when I said I’d let him go so he could work, he got pissed. It […]

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Misery Loves.

Shortly after my 22nd birthday,  school and work were really taking up my time and energy, and I was really stressed out over my summer school classes. But since I was so busy, I didn’t have much social time. Most of my girlfriends had boyfriends or didn’t have time or money to go out, which often […]

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Wave Goodbye.

After Austin graduated, I went on vacation to St. Thomas with my mom and best friend. Austin was still in Baton Rouge looking for jobs. In mid June, I spent three days and nights with Austin. Thursday night was the first time we saw each other since I got back from St. Thomas. I really […]

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Back to Texas.

After I cooled off from being royally reject by Eddie, I went back on my word and started talking to Austin again. Naturally, when my friends found out Austin and I were talking again, they were skeptical—warning me that all Austin wanted from me was sex, but I gave him the benefit since I cared for […]

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Giving Up.

When Eddie didn’t call me the following day, or days after that, I knew it was the Adam situation all over again. I was confused and heartbroken. But unlike my relationship with Adam, Eddie and I were always open with each other. It was clear how much we liked each other’s company. But if that […]

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My Music.

Once we arrived in Indiana, it was late. We got to my mom’s house, she met Eddie, and I showed him to my room where he could sleep. The next day, we had plans to meet up with Sheena for dinner, drinks, and hopefully hop over to a comedy club. We had plans to meet […]

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Trail Mix.

In September, I went to an LSU game with a few of my girlfriends. We thought it would be a great idea to wakeup early and throw back a few mimosas, since it was an afternoon game. But the alcohol and the heat made for a very unpleasant mix. So I went home early, and […]

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Olive Street.

After work, we went to a restaurant just across the street from American Eagle. We ordered beers—I got mine on draft and he made a weird comment about how draft beer was cheaper and wondered if that’s why I got it. It wasn’t. During our conversation, it came out that I had a male roommate. […]

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Stupid Hat.

I managed to survive my time at work, even when Austin was around. He wasn’t dating anyone else, and neither was I. In June, he told me he wanted to take me to the Marc Broussard concert that I’d bought him tickets for when we were still together. I liked Marc Broussard, but I wasn’t […]

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Love Letters.

Austin and I didn’t go on many dates before we decided to be exclusive. Our first two dates went very well, and I remember wondering if things were moving too fast. I didn’t know if I was really ready for another relationship—I was still feeling the baggage from Adam. But I felt like Austin and […]

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Fish in the Sea.

I was in the stockroom at work one Saturday, trying to reorganize clothes, when Austin came in complaining about a recent date he went on. The girl he went with worked at A&F with us, just like all of the girls Austin took on dates. His general complaint was a blanket fear of never finding […]

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I Spy.

After Halloween, the anger portion of my grief set in. The lovely Facebook showed me pictures of Adam in a frat boy costume. He was with a girl who was dressed as a pirate wench. She is now his wife. Although I had declared my single status on Facebook, I wasn’t an idiot—Adam hadn’t met […]

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Right Down the Middle.

When I returned to LSU for the fall semester of my junior year, I was on a high. I was in love with someone who loved me. When I left Indiana, we were certain we could make it work, despite the 14 hours between us. I was confident in our relationship, feeling like it was […]

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The Sunrise.

After the night in Adam’s dorm over winter break, and returning to LSU for the spring semester, I was ready to go home and see my friends for the summer. Sheena and I were headed out for a typical summer night—out to a lake house. This was a friend’s family’s lake house—a notorious hotspot for partying […]

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Back to the Grind.

Hey there! I’ve spent a long weekend with my dad, who came into town for his 50th birthday and the football game of the year: LSU vs. BAMA. It was his first time in Tiger Stadium, and we got to cheer on the Tigers to victory! A really great game to see. We spent the […]

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The Darker Side.

As close as Adam and I were, I never saw much of him during school breaks. Over the summer, Adam and his family spent time at their lakeside cottage in Michigan. During Christmas break, he was either closing the cottage or traveling to visit other family members. From the outside, his family looked perfect. Adam’s […]

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The Start of it All.

He arrived at her house in his black Sunfire. The sunroof was open, letting the evening sun pour into the gray interior. He was the first one in our grade to get his license and a car, dubbing him the official driver. His friend was in the passenger’s seat, waiting for my girlfriend and I […]

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New Chapter.

My latest entry was the last of my story [for book one anyway}. I sifted through piles of notes, postcards, journal entries, pictures and even paycheck stubs to gather my thoughts and jog my memory of those things, which happened years ago. Although parts of it were difficult to go back and examine, I knew […]

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Too Late.

When Thanksgiving actually came around, I didn’t see or talk to Austin despite us being in the same city. I spent time with a man I was casually dating. Months passed and I distanced myself from Austin—the more time went on, I realized just how wrong he was for me, but I hadn’t had my […]

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Turkey Day.

In late October 2007, Austin and I got into a pretty heated fight (big shocker, I know). He was coming into town for Thanksgiving the following month and I told him it would be a good time for us to meet each other’s parents—my mom was coming in town to cook with me and he […]

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Broken People.

October 7, 2007 {9:34 p.m.}: I’ve been feeling better about the AJ situation since we talked about things. When we talked, we never really got anything solved, but at least I learned Austin didn’t mean most of what he said and he was just trying to get a reaction out of me. There is still […]

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Doesn’t Mean Anything.

September 30, 2007: Been a long time since I’ve been here. Been writing some on my computer—but I’ve reached that point where I really need to just WRITE. Last night, I cried for the first time over a fight Austin and I had over two weeks ago. I left for work and was coming home […]

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Back From Dallas.

AJ, Hey you! Just wanted to say thanks for another great weekend. I have fun with you whether we’re out or just at home…because you’re that cool. I’m looking forward to another visit soon. I know things might sucks now but I am certain time will help in a decision that will be the best […]

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City of Light.

I was on my way to Los Angeles for the first time ever, and I was alone. I’d flown alone many times before, but never to a place where I didn’t know anyone. I’d never been further west than Chicago. I boarded my plane, headed to LAX, and felt pretty relaxed on the large flight. […]

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Houston Airport II.

August 14, 2007 {9:59 a.m}: It seems airport writing has become my thing—or maybe just airports in general. I’m here in Texas on my way to Los Angeles, finally! So much has happened since I wrote last. Seriously last week was such a roller coaster. Gabe and Nik and Evan ALL contacted me so my […]

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A Meltdown.

July 25, 2007 {10:40 p.m.}: Okay, so yesterday I had a bit of a meltdown. For starters, I really hadn’t talked to Austin much since I got home from Dallas. So of course I assumed he would never talk to me again. Everything he was doing I was applying it to my fear and I […]

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Another Fight.

July 10, 2007 {12:59 p.m.}: OK, so I don’t have my fucking journal, I’m at Starbucks and pissed at Austin AGAIN! This is the third time in three days. We talked yesterday when we definitely should not have. He was being a dick because I didn’t call him when he wanted me to. So when […]

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Just Wondering.

July 7, 2007{8:30 p.m.}: Okay, once again it’s been awhile since I’ve been here. I’m 22 now! School and work have been really taking up my time and energy…I’ve been really stressed. My geology grade sucks, I can’t seem to get ahold of the concepts and time is running out. But since I’ve been so […]

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Two Weeks.

June 14, 2007 {11:24 p.m.}: Well, it’s been exactly two weeks since you’ve heard from me: A LOT has happened! But…first thing is first. I cried on my drive home from work tonight. I’ve cried so much this summer. The saddest part is, I can hardly pinpoint why I cry, not because I don’t have […]

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Sparkle Card.

June 14, 2007 {10:52 p.m.}: Well, I’m home and in my own bed…it’s Austin’s last night in Baton Rouge. I guess he read my letter this afternoon because when I got home from work there were roses on my doorstep (3 red, 2 pink). There was also a thank you card with it and he […]

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A Goodbye.

I ended up rewriting the letter and giving it to Austin on our last night together, in Baton Rouge. June 13, 2007{11:42 p.m.}: Okay so I just got home and into bed from saying goodbye to Austin. Needless to say, I cried my eyes out—ugly girl style. The night was awkward and short. We didn’t […]

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A Poem.

After Austin graduated, I went on vacation to St. Thomas with my mom and best friend. Austin was still in Baton Rouge looking for jobs. In my journal, I wrote a poem: This morning, I forgot where I was I looked around. All beige. Was this my home? What city was I sitting in? My […]

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Congrats, Grad.

A month later, Austin was celebrating his graduation from LSU. To celebrate, we went out to dinner at the same place we had our first date. I gave him a gift—a pair of silver Prada sunglasses, along with a card: Congrats, Austin! I know you’ve been waiting and ready to graduate for a long time […]

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With This Ring.

I tricked him into being my boyfriend. One morning before class began, I took a ring I’d gotten in one of those clear plastic bubbles and placed it in my mailbox. The mailboxes were in our classroom; merely constructed of cardboard shaped into rectangles. I’d put a tag on the ring: “To Holly, From Andy.” […]

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Folding Shirts.

I didn’t see or speak to Eddie in months. In January, when I returned back to Baton Rouge after winter break, Kirk and Nicole and I went shopping in the mall. Kirk walked by American Eagle and saw Eddie inside. We went in as a group and messed up a few shirts, acting like we […]

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October Journal.

October 21, 2006 {12:03 a.m.} Well here I am in this trusty heartbreaking journal of mine. First, it was Adam, then Austin, and now it’s Eddie. So we went to Indiana over fall break…and before and during the trip I was under the impression we both really liked each other. Both of us always told […]

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The Last Supper.

Thankfully, the spider was in plain sight when my dad came down the stairs. He killed it, I said thanks and tucked myself back into the air mattress. The next morning, I woke Eddie up, we ate breakfast with my dad and we were off to lunch with Angela and her mom. I remember lunch […]

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Spider Wish.

The next morning, Eddie and I drove to Ohio to visit my dad and his girlfriend. We got to their house in time to head to the river for the annual balloon festival—a beautiful sight to see all of the colorful hot air balloons lined up along the water at sunset. There was food and […]

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Indiana.

Once we arrived in Indiana, it was late. We got to my mom’s house, she met Eddie, and I showed him to my room where he could sleep. The next day, we had plans to meet up with Sheena for dinner, drinks, and hopefully hop over to a comedy club. We had plans to meet […]

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Cookie Dough.

Eddie was ready to meet my parents. We’d been seeing each other for two months, but it felt like a year. Since we both had fall breaks coming up with school, Eddie suggested we drive back to the midwest and meet everyone. I was ecstatic! I called my family and told them Eddie and I […]

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Pretty Sure.

I stayed at Eddie’s that night, and when I left in the morning, I was pretty sure he would never call me again. I didn’t know the status of his girlfriend, and it definitely didn’t help that he was my manager. So I tucked it away in my mind as a great night, and left […]

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Black Box.

After work, we went to a restaurant just across the street from American Eagle. We ordered beers—I got mine on draft and he made a weird comment about how draft beer was cheaper and wondered if that’s why I got it. No. During our conversation, it came out that I had a male roommate. I […]

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Cleaning House.

As part of my Lifelong Project, each week I am supposed to reflect on the work I’ve done and look at my assignments for the week ahead. Well, I’m way ahead of the plan I created, which is good, but I need to do some evaluating before I move along any further and become unorganized. […]

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The Digits.

So, Eddie had a girlfriend. He never talked about her, but I had put the clues together at left it at that. One Sunday night, I joined a few of my sorority sisters and their boyfriends at this bar that overlooked a swamp. It was at the end of a short pier, and basically stood […]

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Make Me Invisible.

In August, A&F was cutting my hours, so I looked elsewhere for work. Naturally, I decided to go to the dark side and put in an application at American Eagle. When I went to drop off my completed application, there was a hot guy working the counter. His name was Eddie. I dropped off my […]

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July Journal.

July 24, 2006 {1:00 pm} Okay, so here I am again back in the journal writing about what I know best: how someone else has broken my heart. It’s been nearly 8 months since I was here writing about my issues with Adam. Today, it’s Austin. Yesterday, he told me he doesn’t have an emotional […]

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Surprise, No Party.

My 21st birthday was in July. Around work, I heard rumors that Austin was trying to set up a surprise party for me. So, when he invited me to dinner one night, I was fairly certain it was going to be a party. I got ready and drove to his place. Where there was no […]

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That’s Team Work.

I managed to survive my time at work, even when Austin was around. He wasn’t dating anyone else, and neither was I. In June, he told me he wanted to take me to the Marc Broussard concert that I’d bought him tickets for when we were still together. I liked Marc Broussard, but I wasn’t […]

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My Turn.

After Austin returned from his trip, I wanted to plan a date for us. I felt like he had been great at making plans and taking me to nice places, so I wanted to do the work for once. I told him to show up at the sorority house, but the rest was a secret. […]

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All Mixed Up.

Austin and I didn’t go on many dates before we decided to be exclusive. Our first two dates went very well, and I remember wondering if things were moving too fast. I didn’t know if I was really ready for another relationship—I was still feeling the baggage from Adam. But I felt like Austin and […]

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The First Date.

I agreed to go to dinner, despite Austin’s very lame attempt at asking me. We were in the stockroom, trying to reorganize clothes, when Austin came in complaining about a recent date he went on. The girl he went with worked at A&F with us, just like all of the girls Austin took on dates. […]

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The Connecting Flight.

Of course, after I got rid of my physical baggage from my relationship with Adam, it took months before he was out of my mind. At the time, sorting through my emotions was one of the most difficult things I had to go through. But looking back on it now, it was just one step […]

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Rage Sets in.

After the journal entries, and after Halloween, the anger portion of my grief set in. The lovely Facebook showed me pictures of Adam in a frat boy costume for Halloween. He was with a girl who was dressed as a pirate wench. She is now his wife. Although I had declared my single status on […]

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It’s Baaaack.

Remember when my laptop had “an incident with gravity” more than a week ago, and it had to go for a stay at the Apple Genius Bar? Well it’s back, better than ever, and I’m so glad to have it. When I dropped it off at Apple two Sundays ago, I was certain they were […]

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The End.

When I flew back to Louisiana, I had just as much trouble as I did getting to Indiana. My luggage was lost, again. And I could tell something was very off with Adam. I hadn’t talked to him all day, and even when I called him to tell him I made it home safely, he […]

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The Fall of it All.

As you can tell from a few of those previously posted columns, things were going pretty well with Adam and I, even though we were 15 hours away from each other. When I got back to school in August, for the fall semester, I booked a flight to visit Adam for my Fall Break—basically a […]

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Sweet Summer of Love.

After the night in Adam’s dorm over winter break, and returning to LSU for the spring semester, I was ready to go home and see my friends for the summer. That was when Sheena and I nearly got arrested. No more than a few weeks after that, Adam invited me over for dinner at his […]

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Half of My Heart.

I wrote this column for the LSU newspaper. It’s about my relationship with Adam. It was published about two weeks before he dumped me. Relationships with Holly A. Phillips {published Tuesday, September 27, 2005} I miss my single-self. My single-self is laid-back, strong and independent. But I lost her somewhere in the midst of my […]

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My Subject.

During winter break of my sophomore year, I was making notes for a relationship column I was writing. I wanted to write about Adam. Here is the notebook page I kept: Holly A. Phillips 1.8.05 Column idea: Adam makes the move. One of my best friends, Adam is finally coming onto me. Several of my […]

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Where It All Began.

Looking back, it’s difficult for me to say exactly when my friendship with Adam melted into a relationship, with full-blown feelings. But since it’s my responsibility to figure it out, I would say it all started in Adam’s dorm room. ‘Twas the night before winter break at Indiana University. I drove into town, heading home […]

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The Love Train.

It’s difficult for me to pinpoint the first time I realized I wanted to write a book. And it’s a pretty weird thing to tell someone when they ask what I do in my spare time {what spare time?}: “I’m writing a book.” It’s a hefty project, but so far, I’m enjoying the journey. In […]

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Mr. Officer.

The summer before my junior year in college, I was 20 years old. I was home in Indiana for a few months, and Sheena and I were headed out for a typical summer night—out to a lake house. This was Evan’s family lake house—a notorious hotspot for partying in high school. Once we arrived, it […]

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Winter Formal.

I keep a giant, expandable folder of notes, journal entries, cards, ticket stubs, and all things that might jog my memory as I attempt to write this book. Over the next few weeks, my assignment is to write and organize all of my “Adam” information—my first love. I can hear the singing from the angels […]

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Bump in the Road.

When I started this blog a week ago, I was behind on my Lifelong Project schedule. However, since I have been writing more for the blog (which in turn means writing more for the memoir), I was actually ahead of schedule by a week. But then something horrible happened. My laptop fell off my bed, […]

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