Is THIS why I can’t get a husband?

A reader in San Francisco brought to my attention an article in the New York Post, “8 Reasons Why New York Women Can’t Get a Husband.” Obviously, I don’t live in New York, but I’m always willing to consider ANY reason as to why I don’t have a boyfriend/fiance/husband, etc.

The article is based around an old-fashioned dating manual that was recently published, authored by Susan Patton, aka “Princeton Mom.” The book, “Marry Smart,” basically says that college is the prime time to find a mate (no argument there), but after 35, you’re SOL.

Here are 8 reasons Patton thinks you’re still single:

1. Too much drinking. Patton says women who are sloppy are a turnoff (no shit), and bars are not the proper place to find love. Yet again, no shit. Rarely do I find myself in a bar, and while I can party with the best of ’em, I usually only drink one night a week.
2. You’re married to your phone. This very well could be true. Patton suggest that instead of having your nose buried in a phone or an iPad during our lunch breaks, we should look up and make eye contact with people.
3. Wearing too much black. Umm hello, black makes us look skinny and everything black matches everything black. NEXT.
4. Dating too many guys at work. I have never dated anyone at work, so this need not apply.
5.  Spending too much time with your gay best friend. I have many-a-gay-guy in my life, but I don’t think we spend too much time together. Patton says we need to be reminded that we can’t marry our gay best friends. Um, yeah, no shit, that’s why we hang out with them!
6. Ignoring the biological clock. “You’re not getting any younger,” Patton says. This lady is really starting to piss me off.
7. You hook up too much. While I don’t think I’ve ever hooked up “too much,” I do have a past of being okay with just physical relationships. But I have recently given this up (just ask my latest crush and he’ll tell you all about his blue balls).
8. Relying on convenience. Food delivery. Wireless movies. It’s easy to stay-in at the end of a long day. I’m definitely guilt of this, but who says the delivery guy won’t be the one getting on one knee (just kidding, Patton)?

Okay, so maybe I could stand to put my electronics away for a second during lunch, and make an effort to get out of the apartment every once in awhile. If this nabs me a husband, I guess I’ll have to send Patton a thank you card!