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How to celebrate the royal wedding!

Photo from: The Cut.

The royal wedding – between Meghan Markle and Prince Harry – is May 19th, meaning it’s just 10 days away and I’m so excited!

I will admit, I haven’t been following this couple as much as I did when Kate Middleton and Prince William were getting married in 2011. I just love Kate Middleton – I’m not quite as into Meghan, but I also haven’t been paying much attention.

That may all change when I settle in to watch “Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance”, which premiers Sunday night on Lifetime (8pm/7pm CST). This is a 2.5-hour drama (but of course) on the history of the couple and their relationship. THANK YOU, LIFETIME – even though it’s hard-telling how much of what will be shown is true.

Who cares. I’m here for it.

So, after we all watch the Lifetime movie, then we’ll just have a few days before the actual wedding. BBC put together a “Non-Brit’s Guide to the Royal Wedding” – and dropped this useful nugget:

The ceremony will take place at St George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle, 21 miles (34 km) west of London, at noon local time on 19 May. That means that if you want to watch from North America, you will have to tune in at 7:00 EDT.

…That means 6am central time.

But, early mornings call for coffee… or perhaps English tea in your fanciest teacup! Don’t worry, I’ll get to the festive foods and snacks in a moment… but first. How to watch the wedding and all the coverage:

CBS

Gayle King and Kevin Frazier will kick things off at 4 a.m. ET and a two-hour special, Royal Romance: The Marriage of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, will air later that night at 8 p.m. ET/PT. You can also watch a live stream on CBS.com

NBC

The Today Show will have hosts Savannah Guthrie, Hoda Kotb, Megyn Kelly, and Kathie Lee Gifford positioned at “a special vantage point” overlooking Windsor Castle for coverage beginning at 4:30 a.m ET.

ABC

Good Morning America will start special coverage at 5 a.m. ET with co-anchor Robin Roberts and World News Tonight‘s David Muir. The network will also stream the five-hour broadcast online on ABCNews.comGoodMorningAmerica.com, their mobile apps, and social platforms.

…You may also check at your local movie theatres, as many are showing all of the coverage and the wedding at 10 am. You can visit this website and type in your zip code to see if there’s a showing in your area.

Now let’s talk food. The actual meal being served at the wedding is being kept under wraps, but salmon was a part of the meal at William and Kate’s wedding, and has been a part of royal weddings in the past. So perhaps a bagel and lox would be in order while watching.

It is a well-known fact that Harry proposed to Meghan while they were making a roast chicken (!), so perhaps the menu will include a nod to that moment.

They have said the cake will be an elderflower cake with buttercream.

Thinking of throwing a viewing party? I found a complete guide here, that includes where you can buy edible cupcake toppers of the royal couple, royal masks, themed tea bags, and even t-shirts, among many other things.

After all my research, I think I am going to watch the live coverage at home, in my pajamas. I’ve considered having a viewing party, but I’m not sure how many people want to join me at 3am. I will, however, have coffee or tea out of a real teacup, probably make some mimosas, and will definitely be getting some croissants or other fancy pastries to eat.

What are you all planning to do for the wedding? I am looking forward to it and would love to hear how you’re thinking of watching it.

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Fall wedding guest looks (I don’t need).

Love the mustard skirt.

Love the mustard skirt.

A few months ago, I was invited to be a +1 at a fall wedding. I quickly said yes, as it was a guy I really liked, and I also realized that I’ve never been asked to be a serious +1. Sure, I’ve gone with girlfriends and guy friends, but never as a real date.

Given that was wedding is in the fall, and in Indiana, I quickly started looking up ideas on what to wear. Sure, it would be chilly out, but not quite cold enough to constitute tights, so I needed something chic (the bride is super gorgeous and sure to have quality taste) and of course, sexy.

The guy and I have since stopped talking, so I have no need for these looks anymore. However, some of them were so adorable, I had to share. If you’re going to a fall wedding in the coming months, maybe you can snag one of these looks and tell me how it goes!

Of course, the look you choose depends a lot on the time of day of the wedding – day or night wedding – and the location, an outdoor look will be different than an indoor one. But I’m all about finding a fabulous coat!

So, I saw a lot of these looks (above) with the flowy, tule skirts and a more fitted top. I know these are more fun and whimsical than sexy, but I love them! I especially love the gray and taupe on the far left; I would never dare to wear white to a wedding, but if you know the bride well enough, I saw do YOU.

I’m also glad to see some cute pumps here – love the beige, and of course, the metallic ones, too. Of course, I found some great clutches, too – check out these detailed ones.

Love this!

Love this!

Given that I will find any excuse to wear sequins or sparkles, this look (left) was my top choice. I am definitely a fan of choosing what you want to show vs. what to keep hidden, and this look balances that perfectly – shows off the legs, accentuates curves, but hides the arms.

I probably would have gone for more of a beige shoe, to keep the focus on the dress. Here’s a cute gold dress I found, that has back detail and shows off the arm – if you’re into that (I’m self-conscious about my upper arm). I also found a cute black dress that is long-sleeved, but just has sequin detailing, instead of solid sequins.

Too afraid to go all out with the sequins? Understandable. You could still wear a sparkly pencil skirt, or any skirt, and then pair it with a simple, plain top, and/or a jacket that will tone things down a bit. Here’s a longer pencil skirt that comes in silver or dark green sequins, and I also found a floor-length gold sparkly skirt that would be SUPER chic!

Structured & chic.

Structured & chic.

I stumbled across these next two looks (right), which are both more structure, but look incredibly cool, and I think you could wear either one at a day or a night wedding, depending on how you did hair and accessories.

Given that we’re all voting for Hillary this November, why not give a nod to her pantsuit look with this chic little number? The pants hit the floor, so simple shoes would work, and I love the way the hair is styled in this picture. You could also go for a colored blazer if it’s an outdoor wedding.

The dress? I really just love the blazer-like neckline and sleeves, and the gold belt. It looks really put together, minus the massive bag she has. Always go for the clutch – the giant bag looks more like an office look, and weddings are not for work.

So, there you have it – some fall wedding looks for guests. Maybe I’ll still get a sequined dress for myself and hop on over to a martini bar with a friend. It’s been a minute since I’ve been to a wedding – it seems as though everyone is already married. But, I’m a fan of weddings, mainly because there’s cake and champagne involved. So, cheers to fall weddings!

Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates.

Helloooooo Zac Efron!

Helloooooo Zac Efron!

I’ve adopted a new rule: from now on, I’m only seeing movies that star Zac Efron. If that means my movie life will be dwindled to frat boy flicks and rom-coms, then so be it!

So, I had “Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates” on my to-see list for a while; truthfully, it was my budget that was keeping me from the theatre. But, thanks to one of my Twitter followers, I found out I got a free movie ticket for my birthday, courtesy of the Alamo Drafthouse!

What?! This was the BEST news ever! The Alamo was slowing their showtimes for “Mike and Dave”, so I went to see it on Wednesday night – something I haven’t done in a very long time. But, it was a nice change of pace to get out of the house mid-week, take a break from the TV-Couch routine, and do something fun.

So, I got my free ticket (worth $10.25), and treated myself to an overpriced Diet Coke and parmesan fries; I was in my pajamas, sitting between two couples on dates.

….And I laughed so much during this movie!

Mike (Adam Devine) and Dave (Zac Efron) are brothers, notorious for partying hard, especially at weddings and family functions, which usually ends up in disaster for everyone involved.

When their sister announces she’s getting married in Hawaii, their parents make Mike and Dave promise to bring sensible women as dates to the wedding, as to not ruin their sister’s big day. The guys agree, and set out to find dates, using Craigslist.

While their Craigslist applicants don’t really pan out the way they’d hoped, their odd ad got the attention of Wendy Williams, putting them on national television, and also in the eyes of Alice (Anna Kendrick) and Tatiana (Aubrey Plaza).

Alice and Tatiana, roommates and friends, are also overcoming hardships of their own: they were both just fired from their jobs, and Alice is still heartbroken after being left at the altar. On account they need a vacation, the women set themselves up to win over Mike and Dave.

And as you’ve probably guessed, hilarity, along with absolute ridiculousness, ensues.

I can’t quite pinpoint exactly what it was about this movie, but I laughed SO much! I think part of it is just the sheer ridiculousness of it – pretty much none of it makes sense, but it’s all good, because Zac Efron is fine as hell, and Adam Devine is pretty cute, too.

This movie also made me feel a little sorry for Efron, because… let’s face it, he’s been typecast. Like big time. Let’s take a look at his list of work: “High School Musical”, “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody”, “Hairspray”, “17 Again”, “Charlie St. Cloud”, “New Year’s Eve”, “The Lucky One”…

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed seeing these movies, but I have to wonder how he feels about always playing the same type of character: hard exterior + incredibly good looking + softie on the inside.

I know on the one hand, actors are excited to make money doing what they love – and probably for Efron, he’s lucky to have gotten out of the whole Disney thing. But still. Will he ever have a serious or adventurous role?

This movie, “Mike and Dave”, also introduced my to Aubrey Plaza, probably because she’s known for “Parks and Rec” and a bunch of other things I’ve never seen. But nonetheless, I thought she was hilarious, and I have a feeling her work in this movie will only help her career.

 So, if you still have a chance to see “Mike and Dave”, I’d definitely recommend it – you’re in for some laughs.

In other brief news, good luck on this Monday. I was so, so lazy this weekend, and really sad to see that come to an end. I can’t remember the last time I laid in my bed as much as I did this weekend, and it was quite nice.

I still watched some good TV, finished reading a book, and took a trip to the library (per usual). This week, I’m looking forward to my dance classes, and counting down the days until the Olympics! I’ll have more news on that front as the week continues. See you all here, tomorrow!

BBC: ‘Girls In White Dresses’.

Whoop! Blanche’s Book Club runs a tight ship! …Just kidding, the book club run by my cat is full of watermelon wine spritzers and requires pajama pants. After reading such a fun memoir by Andy Cohen, I was ready to continue down a path of simple, summer reading.

So, I was really excited to pull “Girls In White Dresses” by Jennifer Close off my shelf – because it’s been there for awhile, admittedly! A description of the book from Amazon.com:

Isabella, Mary, and Lauren feel like everyone they know is getting married. On Sunday after Sunday, at bridal shower after bridal shower, they coo over toasters, collect ribbons and wrapping paper, eat minuscule sandwiches and cakes. They wear pastel dresses and drink champagne by the case, but amid the celebration these women have their own lives to contend with: Isabella is working a dead-end job, Mary is dating a nice guy with an awful mother, and Lauren is waitressing at a midtown bar and wondering why she’s attracted to the sleazy bartender.

With a wry sense of humor, Jennifer Close brings us through those thrilling, bewildering years of early adulthood as she pulls us inside the circle of these friends, perfectly capturing the wild frustrations and soaring joys of modern life.

It’s been awhile since I’ve been to a wedding, but there was a section of my life where it seemed like I was either in, or going to, a lot of marital-related events – I’m sure many of us have been there! Weddings, I’m sure at any age, bring about a mix of emotions: of course there’s happiness for the couple of the day, and there’s all the people there to celebrate (new friends and old), and then there’s the introspection. For me, I am always at a wedding wondering if that is ever going to happen to me – so if you see me crying at a wedding, you know why!

But all of these reasons made me really excited to read this book, as it seemed to touch on that interesting point in all our lives when we’re celebrating the future of our friends, while feeling the pressure to sort out our own.

I liked the fact that this book didn’t have too many characters, and they were all different enough to keep the story entertaining. I could relate the most to Isabella with her job woes, and also Lauren, as I’ve dated many a sleazy bartender. Yuck.

After I read a book, I’ve started getting into the habit of checking it out on Good Reads to see what other people thought of it. This book had VERY mixed reviews – the people that hated it said it had no plot, and it shined a light on everything women “today” do to sabotage relationships.

In a way, I can see how these readers felt this way – but, I also think that’s why the book is so relatable. We’ve all messed up in dating, or made mistakes as we learned the way, or hell, dated the wrong person for years.

One thing many of the reviewers on Good Reads could agree on, was that Jennifer Close has a voice that’s very readable. And I will say, YES – I read this book quickly – it seemed to fly by without much of a notice.

While I’d hate to recommend a book with such mixed reviews, I will say this may not be the book you fall in love with, but it’s full of these little moments that are very illustrated, and I just love that.

One of those moments is with Lauren and her friend Shannon, and she’s dating a man who is very, very into politics. In fact, he’s so into politics that he quits his job and volunteers to help the current presidential candidate and his campaign (which is never named, but it seems blatantly to be President Obama).

Anyway, Close creates a fantastic dialogue and scene when Lauren is out walking with Shannon one night, and a boy with a clipboard stops them and asks them if they have a minute for the candidate:

“I have given the Candidate weeks-no, months-of my life. No, I don’t have a minute for him. You want to know why? My boyfriend has left to travel around with him. He quit his job to work for the campaign, and I haven’t seen him in a month. A month! I’m not sure if he’s ever coming back, and the thing is, he doesn’t even care! He doesn’t care because all he wants is to work on this godforsaken campaign that is just so important. More important than anything else, including me!” 

…The rant continues for nearly two pages, and it’s equally sad and hilarious, and it was one of my favorite parts of the book. The cool thing is, when I looked up other books by Close, I found that her other one has a premise that seems to be based off this very idea! The book is “The Hopefuls“:

A brilliantly funny novel about ambition and marriage from the best-selling author of Girls in White Dresses, The Hopefuls tells the story of a young wife who follows her husband and his political dreams to Washington, DC, a city of idealism, gossip, and complicated friendships among the young aspiring elite. 

When Beth arrives in DC, she hates everything about it: the confusing traffic circles, the ubiquitous Ann Taylor suits, the humidity that descends each summer. At dinner parties, guests compare their security clearance levels. They leave their BlackBerrys on the table. They speak in acronyms. And once they realize Beth doesn’t work in politics, they smile blandly and turn away. Soon Beth and her husband, Matt, meet a charismatic White House staffer named Jimmy, and his wife, Ashleigh, and the four become inseparable, coordinating brunches, birthdays, and long weekends away. But as Jimmy’s star rises higher and higher, the couples’ friendship—and Beth’s relationship with Matt—is threatened by jealousy, competition, and rumors. A glorious send-up of young DC and a blazingly honest portrait of a marriage, this is the finest work yet by one of our most beloved writers.

I am definitely adding that book to my list! However, the next book Blanche’s Book Club will be reading is “The Friday Night Knitting Club” by Kate Jacobs, which is my first check-out from my local library! Want to read it with us? We’d love to have you! Share your thoughts on the book with us via the blog comments, email (holly@thebitterlemon.com) or on Twitter & SnapChat @OrangeJulius7.

Love Blanche’s Book Club? Me too! You can keep up with all of our past reads right here, or by clicking on Blanche’s selfie in the right-hand column of the screen. Happy reading!

Commitment: Yes, We Can.

Take 'em down!

Take ’em down!

As much as I hate to admit it, I’ve become addicted to watching “Vanderpump Rules” on Bravo each week.

I’ve watched this show since its first season (season four just finished airing) and it’s a show that follows the very petty drama of the employees at an upscale Hollywood restaurant called SUR.

One of the employees, Katie, has consistently complained – during each season – about how her boyfriend-turned-fiance has a problem with commitment.

It took years for her to coax him into proposing, and he’s constantly moving from one job to the next.

But I feel like men are always getting pegged for not being able to commit. Is it all men in general? Perhaps it’s just a personality type that’s scared off by promises.

I often see lots of articles based around, “How to get him to commit” or “The types of women a man will commit to”, and all of these seem pretty misleading.

I’d venture to guess that different types of men will commit to different types of women – and vis-versa, depending on their respective personalities. Right?

When you take a step back, it’s pretty obvious that our current societal situation isn’t really big on following through with commitments.

Right now, everything is offered to us quickly, and if we don’t get it fast enough, then we’ll just punish the world by staring at our phones every chance we get.

Dating apps, social media, and even reality television (all things I’m a fan of), promote a lifestyle that’s fast-paced, fleeting, and often self-gratifying.

So, I’ve got three reasons why all of us may be just a little terrified of committing:

  1. We’re looking for the bigger, better deal. We all have expectations for how our lives are supposed to turn out. I’m definitely a fan of having standards, and not settling. But there’s also something to be said about giving something a chance long enough to see what it could be. Perhaps we’re too focused on what’s next, that we can’t see what’s right in front of us, which could be something good.
  2. We self-sabotage, and/or are masochists. Whether your parents are divorced or every guy named Matt has screwed you over, there’s something in your blood that must be ruining dating for you, right? Not necessarily. If we’d get out of our heads (and believe me, I’m so guilty of this) every once in a while, maybe we could see that we’re not destined to fail. If I’m being super optimistic, I’d say that things are probably designed to work out for us all, we just have to let it happen.
  3. We just haven’t met the right person yet. As cheesy as it sounds, I truly believe that once the right person comes along, all of this commitment horseshit is going to go right out the barn window. That person, whomever they are, is going to make us stop saying we’re too busy, make us stop saying “I’m cool doing me”, and possibly make us stop asking, “Why does this keep happening to me?”

Instead, the past will not matter, and the future will look certain. And for once, perhaps only once, that certainty, that commitment, won’t be something to fear.

It will finally be something to embrace.

Pic of the Week.

It’s quite possible I’m still coming off a high from such an incredible weekend.

I took my first paid-vacation day at the new job on Friday to travel to Kansas City, Missouri. A little random? Kind of.

My reasoning was, I got invited to a wedding there. The groom has been a longtime blog reader, turned friend, but we’d never met in-person. What better way to meet someone than on the day of his wedding?

And so, I packed my Jeep and drove. I invited my friend Sheena to be my plus-one, so she did the same, only she was coming from Indiana, and I from Texas.

I’ve been traveling and driving a lot lately, but I waited too late to get a flight, so I hit the road. And honestly? I’m really glad I did. It was one of the most beautiful drives I’ve ever taken.

Most of the route was on I-35, stretching over miles of fields, wind farms, and cows. I even saw an old pickup racing down a dusty trail. It was completely glorious and I felt like I was in a Nicholas Sparks’ book for a few hours.

And at the end of the long, long road, was one of my best friends. We enjoyed wine and food and caught up on our first night in town.

Saturday, we had to taste what Kansas City was famous for: the BBQ. It was sweet and sticky, and insanely delicious. If you ever find yourself in KC, stop by the Smoke Box, order the beans, and eat all of the hunks of meat in them. They’ve been simmering in that damn pot since before you were born and it is melty, meaty goodness.

And then, it was nearly time for the wedding! I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t anxious all day for it.

You see, the blog reader, my friend, the groom, Matt, is also a blogger. That’s how we connected. While I’ve been sitting over here getting off on cynicism, Matt created a blog following on being a “Nice Guy.” He was on a mission to prove that being a nice guy really puts you in the winner’s circle.

After a few years of reading each other’s blogs and exchanging writings, we traded numbers, and in what was probably one of the lowest parts of my life: I reached out for his advice.

I was about two months into my relationship with D. He was drinking every night and we were fighting. “Is this normal?” I texted Matt.

Of course, it wasn’t. And he told me to move on. But, I figured Matt just didn’t know me. Turns out, I should’ve taken his advice, as what followed was enough drama that created my first book: How I Fell.

About that same time, Matt setup to meet a girl he’d been talking to via an online dating site. They met in-person at a dog park, where Matt debuted the love of his life, O’Malley, his rescue dog.

Matt told me the girl, Becca, brought a ball for “Mals,” and that was a major point-score. They saw each other again and again, and they even started dating.

And I? I was dating a jerk and rolled my eyes at Matt and Becca’s smooth sailing. Something had to be less than perfect, right? No.

Matt told me many months later that he was planning to propose to Becca during their vacation trip to Los Angeles.

I was so, so happy and I kept texting Matt, “Has it happened yet?!”

It did. She said yes. And there we we were, about to see the whole thing through.

Matt and Becca got married at an old, yet still-functional, movie theatre in Kansas City. Their names were on the marquee, there was popcorn, arcade games, and traditional theatre seating. There was even a little preview: the Mupetts. Because… Of course.

While the attire was semi formal and the bride and groom were completely decked, the bouquets were made from paper (some of the flowers were made of comics) and they were wearing chucks (I completely called this).

It was so personalized and unique; I absolutely loved it!

I know every wedding is full of love, but I’ll be honest, sometimes there’s so many flowers, and crystals, and people that it’s hard to see it. This was the first time I’ve been to a wedding and could honestly see just how much every single person wanted the bride and groom to be together.

There were lots of happy tears, well-wishes, and congratulations. Everyone was so thankful that these two, who were clearly made for each other, had finally found each other. It was very sweet.

Aside from getting to meet Matt and Becca, there were also a few other blog fans there and it was flattering and humbling and just so fun all at once!

I started my blog (and many others) because I’m always writing and thinking and analyzing. Never did I ever think that one, or two, or from what WordPress tells me, hundreds of people across this globe would read my words, or care about my life.

But there I was, in Kansas City, toasting to two of my very own. To Matt and Becca, I cannot imagine that in my years of blogging (read:over sharing), I’ve given you what you gave me in a single weekend.

You gave me hope that no matter how you meet someone, and even if you’ve got some weird obsessions (ahem, Halloween), there’s still a possibility that a match is out there. More importantly, you proved what I’ve always wondered: that fate is real.

And to that, I say congratulations and thank you!

To the rest of you, take a lesson from Matt and Becca: invite me to your wedding. I will bring gifts but I’ll drink you dry.

Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and SnapChat @OrangeJulius7

Why you should probably elope.

Runaway bride.

Runaway bride.

Is it just me, or does it seem like ever since Facebook happened, everything surrounding weddings has to be big, bigger, biggest, and frankly, better than yours? Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to keep up with so many people and their happy life moments — those that I would definitely know nothing about if it weren’t for social media — but there are times when it seems disingenuous.

What happened to the art of eloping? The destination weddings? The backyard BBQ nuptials? Or even the Carrie Bradshaw-esque, courthouse “I do”? Dare I say it, but I think we’re missing the big picture. In fact, we’re thinking of pictures — Instagram posts and Facebook albums — instead of just that one other person.

Which is why I say, we should all elope.

An article from Marissa Higging on Huffington Post listed five reasons to elope: 1. Only consulting one other person when it comes to making decisions, 2. Saving money, 3. Leaving out unreliable factors; i.e. other people, 4. Avoiding family feedback, and 5. Having the intimacy of a small wedding.

An article in The New York Times (2012) suggests that while many think of eloping as running off to Vegas, there is always an option of making it extravagant and personal, just without guests. Many people are choosing these types of wedding mainly to avoid 12 months of planning and stress.

The answer: arrange an elopement with all the production values of a fairy-tale wedding. The couple hired a wedding planner, Andrea Eppolito, who booked them a corner suite of the Cosmopolitan hotel, with a wraparound balcony overlooking the Bellagio Fountains. She found the location, a private garden located on a nearby lake, hired Your Beauty Call — a company that provides hairstyling and makeup for celebrities like Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton — to style Ms. Tombalakian. And she reserved them a window table at the Eiffel Tower Restaurant, which served a miniature three-layer cake for two.

I’m not suggesting to ditch your dreams if you want to be Heidi Montag in a fru-fru cupckae gown and waltz down the aisle in front of 400 guests and a slew of cameras. It’s your wedding you can waltz if you want to!

But don’t get sucked into the machine. Sure, weddings are about making memories. But they’re also a crap-ton of money, and frankly, whether you’ve got it or not, wouldn’t you rather slap that on a house or a bomb-ass vacation? I know I would.

Because I’m not the only person thinking this way, many hotels and resorts are now offering wedding or eloping packages for couples looking to tie the knot in style. So, where should you elope? Here’s a few ideas:

  • Have a reception-style party once the wedding is over
  • Pick a destination that means something to both of you
  • Plan to marry in a place that’s the vacation of your dreams
  • Get married in a hot air balloon
  • Customize the vows

It all sounds cool, I kind of wish I had a boyfriend (or hell, even a crush on someone aside from John Mayer) to fantasize with. But that’ll come one day. Until then, I hope to see more small weddings, less showing-off on my home feed. Yep, went there.

Exes: Married With Children.

When your ex straight up moves on... with a wife and a kid.

When your ex straight up moves on… with a wife and a kid.

Sometime last week, I wandered over to my ex-boyfriend’s Facebook page. It’s something I do when I’m feeling rather low about myself, even though looking at his page usually makes me feel worse. Call me a masochist.

Right away, I saw what I figured would be there: his profile picture was a tiny baby. His baby.

Because that is what people do; they get married, and within two years of being married, they have a kid.

When I found out my ex was getting married two years ago, I also found out via Facebook. I was stunned, to say the least, because we’d just broken up a year before.

It was a shitty way to confirm he was cheating on me for the greater part of our four-year relationship.

When I confronted him about it, he lied of course, saying their relationship just moved very quickly.

Finding out an ex is getting married is different for everyone; the reaction is probably relevant to how things ended.

Almost all of my exes are married, and as pathetic as it sounds, my heart broke a little when I found out about each one getting engaged.

I don’t believe any of my exes were “meant” for me, I think it’s more of admitting to myself that they found some sort of happiness with another person that I’ve yet to discover.

But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified that maybe I’ll never find that level of love, commitment, and happiness with someone.

This particular ex isn’t the only one of my exes to have a child. I think the nature of our relationship is what makes it sting a little, even years later.

We met in college; we were both bartenders at a place under the overpass. Our relationship was fun-loving from the start. It didn’t take long for me to sleep with him, and because of that, I fell for him very quickly.

Although he told me he loved me, his actions showed me that we weren’t on the same level. I loved him more than I’d ever felt for anyone else. And that’s still true today. Enter: the bitterness.

He always told me marriage wasn’t “for him,” and he never talked about wanting children. Those are things I wanted, and to see him married, with a child… it feels like everyone around me has moved on and up, while I’m still here. And still single.

As a singleton, I constantly have to remind myself that just because someone is married, doesn’t mean they’re in a perfect relationship. And just because I’m single, doesn’t mean I’ll never find someone.

Perhaps seeing an ex move on is just a refreshing sign that people can change. Or maybe it just proves that he/she is great at living one giant lie after the next. Now, who wants to hit up happy hour?

Popping the question.

Puppy love.

Puppy love.

Every year around the holidays, it seems like everyone I know — who’s not already married — is getting engaged. Of course, if it wasn’t for social media, I probably wouldn’t know about 85% of these said proposals, but it’s 2015 and I guess I’ve got reality to deal with.

The thing is, I’m not quite sure which came first: social media or the extravagant proposals? It’s the tree in the forest question — if there’s not 1,000+ people around to see him pop the question, did it actually happen? And my other question: what’s with everyone’s perfect outfits and freshly-mani’d nails? Do you always dress like that or did you have a hunch something special was coming? Because, as I type this, my nails are chipped and my hair is still sweaty from the gym. Not cute.

I will say, that of all these crazy-cool big production proposals, one stands out from a few years ago:

No, seriously, I cry every time I watch it. I don’t know if it’s because I’m just a sap, or what — I really think knowing how much work and time that took on everyone’s part is just incredible and very, very sweet.

My views on proper proposals have changed over the years; much like my views on relationships and marriage have changed. At a young age — when I thought I’d be married by 25 — I dreamed that a guy would totally embarrass himself in order to pop the question. As in, do it in front of some monumental crowd and recite a speech about how amazing I was.

Meh. These days, I try not to think about a proposal in my life. Truthfully, I’m beginning to think I’ll never be quite that lucky — and at some point, I’ll come to terms with that.

But, if I had my way, I’d really want a proposal that reflected our relationship. Perhaps he’d ask me over our morning coffee (I’d be in my sparkly, plaid slippers), or maybe he’d get down on one knee during an evening walk. Maybe, he’d ask me over delivered pizza — as we sat on the floor of our first home, just before moving in.

It’s such an intimate moment, and a very big question, that I’m not sure I’d want many people (if anyone) around. But hey, I probably need to focus on a different kind of question from a guy before I think about a proposal… like, “Wanna grab dinner Friday?”

Tsk.

When you’re not invited…

Here comes the (bitchy?) bride...

Here comes the (bitchy?) bride…

Over the years, I’ve been to some really great weddings… and I’ve been to some not-so-great weddings, of course. But now that we live online — we can see everything anyone we even slightly know does — it’s easy to see when someone gets married.

Which, in turn, makes it easy to figure out when you’re not invited to a wedding. Now, I know a lot of people who’ve gotten married in the last five years, most of whom I don’t know well-enough to be considered on their guest list. But there have been a few weddings I was disappointed I didn’t get to attend.

Of course, there are reasons a bride and groom can only invite a certain number of people to their wedding. Such as:

  • Finances. Small budget = small guest list.
  • Wishes for a small wedding. Intimate wedding ceremony means only close friends and/or family are invited.
  • Location. Destination weddings are often planned for a small amount of people, unless the couple honestly thinks a bunch of people will be flying around the globe.
  • Tit for tat. You didn’t invite them to your wedding (or other events). This is debatable (more on this later).
  • Acquaintance. Are you just an acquaintance of the bride or groom? A coworker? If you’re not talking to/hanging out with this person/couple on a regular basis, you might not make the cut.
  • Past issues. Have you gotten in a fight with this person and they’re holding a grudge?
  • Party animal. Maybe you’re a crazy loud drunk and you’ll cause a scene. Just saying.

According to Martha Stewart Weddings (!), you don’t HAVE to invite someone to your wedding just because they invited you to theirs. However, if it was a recent wedding and you are close friends, of course you should.

So, what do you do when you’re not invited to someone’s wedding that you felt you should have been invited to?

If you’re really upset, you could ask the person why you weren’t invited — no, seriously, New York writer Chris Chafin did.

I think it depends on the situation. If you’re REALLY close, then hopefully the person will be able to tell you upfront why you can’t attend their special day. If you don’t feel close enough to discuss the matter, then perhaps that’s why you weren’t invited.

In the cases where I’ve felt upset that I wasn’t invited, I brushed it off as thinking me and that person just aren’t close enough. And that’s okay.

After all, Justin Timberlake didn’t invite ANY of his NSYNC band mates to his wedding. Rude much?

I want your love (story).

It wasn’t long ago that I obsessed over Lauren Conrad’s wedding, and purchased all of the magazines that mentioned it so I could get all the pretty details. One of those magazines was Martha Stewart Weddings — my first time purchasing a wedding magazine — and I found that it was filled with non-traditional stories of love.

And I absolutely loved it.

So, why not continue with the theme and feature YOUR love stories here? After all, ’tis the season of joy.

Got a story you want to share with me & my readers? Write it and send it my way by emailing it to: Wittywriter7@gmail.com

Here’s a few story ideas to get you started:

  • How you met
  • The proposal
  • Your first date
  • The moment you fell in love
  • Planning the wedding
  • Meeting the parents

Or, maybe your love story didn’t end so great. You know me, I’m down for the breakup/divorce/scandalous stories, as well!

Worried you’re not a good writer? You probably are, so stop worrying and get to typing. Seriously, I will help proofread and correct any mistakes. Or, if you really don’t trust yourself, shoot me an email and I’ll send you some questions to answer so I can craft it myself.

I will feature one story per week on the blog, starting… as soon as I get my first submission!

Cheers to love, and to you telling me all about it.

Is THIS why I can’t get a husband?

Oh, don't mind me...

Oh, don’t mind me…

A reader in San Francisco brought to my attention an article in the New York Post, “8 Reasons Why New York Women Can’t Get a Husband.” Obviously, I don’t live in New York, but I’m always willing to consider ANY reason as to why I don’t have a boyfriend/fiance/husband, etc.

The article is based around an old-fashioned dating manual that was recently published, authored by Susan Patton, aka “Princeton Mom.” The book, “Marry Smart,” basically says that college is the prime time to find a mate (no argument there), but after 35, you’re SOL.

Here are 8 reasons Patton thinks you’re still single:

  1. Too much drinking. Patton says women who are sloppy are a turnoff (no shit), and bars are not the proper place to find love. Yet again, no shit. Rarely do I find myself in a bar, and while I can party with the best of ’em, I usually only drink one night a week.
  2. You’re married to your phone. This very well could be true. Patton suggest that instead of having your nose buried in a phone or an iPad during our lunch breaks, we should look up and make eye contact with people.
  3. Wearing too much black. Umm hello, black makes us look skinny and everything black matches everything black. NEXT.
  4. Dating too many guys at work. I have never dated anyone at work, so this need not apply.
  5.  Spending too much time with your gay best friend. I have many-a-gay-guy in my life, but I don’t think we spend too much time together. Patton says we need to be reminded that we can’t marry our gay best friends. Um, yeah, no shit, that’s why we hang out with them!
  6. Ignoring the biological clock. “You’re not getting any younger,” Patton says. This lady is really starting to piss me off.
  7. You hook up too much. While I don’t think I’ve ever hooked up “too much,” I do have a past of being okay with just physical relationships. But I have recently given this up (just ask my latest crush and he’ll tell you all about his blue balls).
  8. Relying on convenience. Food delivery. Wireless movies. It’s easy to stay-in at the end of a long day. I’m definitely guilt of this, but who says the delivery guy won’t be the one getting on one knee (just kidding, Patton)?

Okay, so maybe I could stand to put my electronics away for a second during lunch, and make an effort to get out of the apartment every once in awhile. If this nabs me a husband, I guess I’ll have to send Patton a thank you card!

‘Scuse me, while I drool over LC’s wedding.

Oh, so pretty!

Oh, so pretty!

I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t spend the greater part of my Sunday in bed, pouring over all of the magazines that featured inside info about fashion designer and reality star, Lauren Conrad, and her wedding with the sexy-musician-lawyer, William Tell.

Why am I so obsessed? Honestly, I’ve always been a little fascinated by Conrad, she’s remained to be pretty down-to-earth despite all the fame from the MTV show. She’s got grace, class, and a touch of style that I kind of die for. As far as her love life, I feel she’s a kindred spirit — she’s dated an alcoholic, she’s swooned over her high school crush, she’s had the heartbreaks, and in the end, she found a great guy.

It gives me hope. And as sad as it sounds, that’s something I always need — reminders that he’s out there, somewhere.

And superficially, let’s just say it: we all knew her wedding was going to be fab-u-lous.

Before the wedding, LC released a few pictures on her Instagram account — a picture of her engagement ring (simple, elegant, thin yellow-gold band with a princess-cut white diamond), and a picture from her bridal luncheon (complete with embossed cocktail napkins that said, in gold, “Almost Mrs. Tell).

She was also featured on the cover of Martha Stewart Weddings (Fall 2014, the style issue), along with three of her bridesmaids. Inside the mag, she says she designed a line of Paper Crown (her upscale line) bridesmaids dresses that really are dresses meant to be re-worn. She let her bridesmaids pick the dress they wanted, and they could choose from two colors, in order to keep things coordinated, but not so exact.

Other facts about the wedding:

  • The ceremony took place at a winery in Santa Ynez Valley, California
  • Her ceremony dress was a custom Badgley Mischka couture gown (white, with long train, all lace, with small crystals, beads, and pearls)
  • Her reception dress was Monique Lhuillier
  • She asked her bridesmaids to be in the wedding by sending them custom necklaces (made by her jewelry team at Kohl’s) along with cards… because of course
  • Tell wore a Jonathan Behr tuxedo and bow tie
  • 230 guests attended

Le sigh. Love it all!

What are some celebrity weddings you loved to obsess over (or am I the only one who does this)?

Here Comes the (Amazon.com) Bride.

I love Amazon, so I decided to marry it.

I love Amazon, so I decided to marry it.

I buy just about everything on Amazon.com. Cat food, clothes, books, gifts, protein powder, makeup — I don’t know about you, but with the bargains, plus free shipping over $35, shopping in the store just isn’t worth it to me…especially with Baton Rouge traffic.

So, I thought, wow I love Amazon… but do I love it enough to get married in it?

And no, I’m not getting married. I probably won’t be married for another 36 years.

Any of my men readers might think I’m crazy for thinking about my wedding pre-boyfriend, but I can’t help it — I’ve warned you all that I’ve got a wild imagination.

So, Amazon.com has everything, but do they have everything for a wedding day? That’s what I went hunting for. This is what I found…

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3c Canary Diamond Ring

For starters, I’ll need a ring (we’re already pretending that I have a boyfriend who reads my mind and gets me the ring I want), and I’ve wanted a canary diamond since I was a little girl. But everyone knows that if you go for the colored diamond, it’s got to be big.

My jaw dropped when I saw this 3 carat Canary Yellow Round Diamond Engagement Ring from Chance Diamonds. The Canary stone is 1c, while the white diamonds surrounding it makeup the other 2 carats. So gorgeous!

Here is what the description says, “Striking design with split-shank, this diamond engagement features a 1.0ct very well cut Canary Yellow center stone, and is set with over two hundred brilliant round side stones. Stunning when worn, this 3.0 ct tw beauty is sheer elegance. She will absolutely melt when she sees this ring, & she’ll truly be the envy of all her friends. We fabricate this ring in our own workshops to our exacting specifications, carefully choosing each stone to be set by our skilled diamond setters. The shank as shown is 14k white gold, with your choice of gold colors and upgrades available as well…

Pretty lace.

Pretty lace.

I actually saw several rings that I liked (and might consider purchasing for myself), including a Cognac diamond, and several rose gold rings (I am always on the lookout for something different).

As for a dress, well I have probably thought of about 25 different styles that I’d wear over the years. It changes often. It also depends on the guy, of course, and the kind of wedding. I really want to get married in Vegas, and if that happens then I NEED a gold sequined gown.

I also think it would be cool to get married at a vineyard, and the dress I picked today would be pretty for that. But I have always wanted my wedding to be fitting to me and my groom-to-be, so perhaps we’d be married somewhere meaningful to us (like Montana, if it’s John Mayer…).

I like the simple elegance of this one, despite the straight hem across the top. But I love how it was styled with the short veil and the sexy fingerless gloves. BLOOP!

The shoes pretty much fall under my same thoughts as the dress — the shoes depend on the dress and the location. However, I’ve always loved it when brides choose their shoes to be their “something blue.”

Pretty.

Pretty.

I chose these Badgley Mischka pumps, because I love the open sides and the rhinestone detail over the toe. While I love the blue, these also come in a gorgeous taupe that would be beautiful for a wedding, or hell, any day!

And while yes, I realize there is much more to planning a wedding than just browsing for the ring, the dress, and a pair of shoes online, it’s pretty cool that you COULD one-stop shop it, and for a pretty affordable price, if I might add.

I may never have the chance to get married, but if I do (teeheeeee), I might have to look on Amazon.com first!

When an Ex Gets Married.

Poor girl.

Poor girl.

Ugh. Getting the news about an ex getting married (especially when you’re still single) can be a bitch. I can’t speak for everyone, but even when I didn’t have feelings for the person anymore, it’s still rough news to get.

All of my exes are married, except my most recent (although he might be, who knows?). My very first boyfriend, Adam, was also the first one to get married. He proudly married the woman that he cheated on me with — lucky her, right?

Even though it had been years since we dated, I was devastated when I got the news. He was my best friend in high school, before we finally dated in college. He was my first love, and I definitely pictured us walking down the aisle. It was difficult for me to picture him sharing that moment with anyone else.

But he did, and I of course, stalked all of the photos online when I was ready. And as hard as it is for me to admit it, the pictures were beautiful.

After that initial pain, other exes that got married hurt me less. I don’t know if it’s because I cared less about them, or because I was older, and now it seems like everyone is getting married.

A guy I dated for years got engaged just a few months after we broke up — and my jaw hit my office floor when I got the news (I saw it on Facebook and then Googled it). Not only did I find out he’d been cheating on me for years, but now he was getting married. I wasn’t jealous — the poor girl was marrying an asshole.

But I did feel like a failure. I really wanted to marry him when we were together, and he kept telling me marriage wasn’t in his plan. Little did I know that it was in his plan, he even had a ring, but the plan didn’t involve me. I felt like an idiot.

So what do you do when you find out an ex is getting married and you’re pissed? The first thing you should do is figure out why you’re upset. Did you really want to marry him? Was he truly the right guy for you (hint: he wasn’t)? Or are you actually mad that he’s happy and you’re not (he’s not really that happy)? Are you worried you’ll never get married or find love?

Chances are, you’re upset at something that has very little, or nothing to do with your ex. Now is the time to figure out what it is and how to change it. In the meantime, it’s totally okay to grab a bottle of wine (or three) and host a chick flick marathon and/or burn all remaining photos of him you’ve got stashed under your bed.

Living well is the best revenge.

—George Herbert