Things you should know about me.

I sometimes get a thrill out of 3am ice cream

standing alone in my kitchen

just because I can
What thrills those around me
often chills me
terrifies me into sleepless nights
sending me into a chain
of unpleasant days
I sometimes find myself
living in the past
romanticizing what has hurt me
I don’t know if it’s the writer
in me
or the psycho in me
An escapist trying to work the craft
I look at the pictures
the pieces of those years
I wonder about the
string of days that lead me there
the actions I did to find myself
You dwindled down the dance
that only couples do
into a mere set of hours
10 hours
is all it would take to
get me
where you wanted me
you got me
you let me go
but I’m still wearing your watch
i don’t want to be a part
of this time travel
i need a minute to myself
i get scared
of being alone
or even being together
I’m terrified
of putting hours on a shelf for you
only for them to gather dust
while i tell myself
to make those 3 am thrills
seem pleasant
and not a ben and jerrys
therapy session
I swallowed a bottle
of feel good so I could
My white wedding dreams
and toss them  into
a black ocean of
lost minutes
drowning moments
And you showed up
without the weight
of a clock
a past
nightmares creeping into the sunlight
I don’t know if
I can get the bottle back
or if you are a good swimmer
or if you can help me clear the shelf
or maybe you’ll just be there
for my 3 am thrills
so i don’t have to be

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