thebitterlemon

12.2.13

Announcing: my second book! My second book, How To Make Lemonade, is my story from the beginning—as far as dating goes, anyway. I tricked him into being my boyfriend. One morning before class began, I took a ring I’d gotten in one of those clear plastic bubbles and placed it in my mailbox. The mailboxes […]

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Tough Love {Co-Ed}.

Tough Love is baaaaack! It’s no secret that I’ve had a MASSIVE crush on professional matchmaker (and VH1’s Tough Love host) Steve Ward ever since I set my eyes upon him through my television. Don’t even get me started on his adorable Philly accent! Feast your eyes… Anyway, in the previous 4 seasons of Tough […]

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Creative wedding.

Saturday at sunset, my coworker and friend, Ashley, got married! October 19, 2013 marked the 10-year anniversary of her boyfriend turned fiance, and now husband, Barry. And their wedding was beautiful. And yes, I know, that’s what everyone says about every wedding. But this one was different, I swear. Ashley & Barry are dedicated travelers. […]

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Pookie got married.

If you kept up with my shenanigans on Match.com, you might recall a guy named (or, usernamed) Pookie. He was one of the first people to message and “wink” at me on Match, but despite our 100% compatibility rating, I wasn’t feeling it. Later, I noticed him working out at my gym…like every time I […]

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City love.

Is it possible to fall in love with something other than a person? I certainly hope so, because I’ve fallen in love with Los Angeles. This love affair has been going on since about 6th grade—before I’d ever even been to the city. But I dreamed about the streets, lined with palm trees and lights, […]

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The Don (Jon).

Last weekend I saw (hottie) Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s movie, Don Jon. Watch the preview: The flick is about a guy named Jon, who loves his family, friends, church, working out…and watching porn. In fact, he likes watching porn so much, he says he likes it more than actual sex…with a human. Seems a little, wacky, right? […]

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On anniversaries.

Yesterday marked three years that I’ve been registered with WordPress.com. Three years ago, I registered this blog space so I’d have a place to keep all of the stories running through my head. I thought I would eventually weave them into a memoir. As you probably know by now, that’s not quite what happened. But […]

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My Match.com profile.

Match.com lets you create your entire profile before you subscribe (ahem, pay). So, I uploaded 8 pictures (you can upload up to 25) and filled out my profile: DETAILS: Relationship: Never Married Have kids: None Wants kids: Not sure Ethnicity: White / Caucasian Body type: About average Height: 5’3″ (160cms) Faith: Spiritual but not religious […]

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Many thanks.

Before I go back to normal blog business, I wanted a chance to really thank you all for reading my entire 19-part series, How I Fell. During the month of August, when I was posting the series, 5,987 of you visited this blog. That blew July’s numbers out of the water—218. But that’s not why […]

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How I fell, part nineteen.

“Oh?” I asked, not surprised that my suspicions were confirmed. She nodded. “She was checking up on him, figured out you were his ex, and then found your blog,” she said. “Interesting,” I said. “Well, what’s interesting is the timing,” she continued. “They started hanging out around Easter, which…from reading your blog, that’s when you […]

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How I fell, part seventeen.

June 27, 2013 Note: the following was written word-for-word, character-for-character, from Facebook messenger. Typos, misspellings, and other nonsense are due to the present drunk-ass.  ME (3:56 a.m.): What? I’ve been asleep. D (3:56): u suck] ME (3:57): Okay thanks. D (3:57): really? ok bye ok t;hanks bye. im sure ur man can deal with it […]

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How I fell, part 8

A few weeks later, D arrived at my apartment one night and made an interesting comment. “You know, staying at your place every night is really KILLING my hygiene.” Oh? The standard routine had been that he came over after work (which was usually late at night) and slept until it was time to get […]

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How I fell, part two.

I wasn’t even half-finished with my glass of wine when D appeared, plopping down in the bar stool beside me. “I didn’t think you’d come,” he said. He looked more handsome than I recalled the night before. He was dressed in a collared, button down shirt, jeans, and Chucks…I love Chucks. “I thought about not […]

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The tie story.

Last week, I was flipping through the radio stations on my morning drive to work. I stopped on the local country station (101.5 WYNK) as the two male DJs were talking.  One of them, Patrick (if I remember correctly) said he was guilty of doing something sappy. It was a Thursday morning and he’d gotten […]

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The return of me.

Hello out there! I realize I’ve been MIA for months; and when that happens, I really hate doing these “apology posts” regarding my absence. Truth be told, I don’t think there is one specific reason why I was silent on the blog these last few months—I suppose life just got in the way. Most of […]

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DDM

I was the proud owner of a dashboard decision maker At least that’s what we called it I found it at the bottom Of a Lucky Charms box   It was made of clear plastic A bubble revealing a die inside Six sides that held our fate   Yes, no, maybe so   I shoved […]

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#30

Birthday #25 2am visit to your house High heels Trench coat Confetti cake November cold Kitchen table sex Front yard cigarettes A late night connection Or confused confections I fell for you Fast Mistook Lust for love Empty Shot glasses Cashed Mansion in College park Stability In Secrets A paved Path I Wish I Could […]

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What a difference a year makes.

Draft saved Monday, September 26, 2011 Matthew:  that kinda sounds like a perfect weekend.   what movie Sent at 2:27 PM on Monday me:  lion king friday…and saturday…the one with sarah jessica parker “I dont know how she does it” Sent at 2:30 PM on Monday me:  i had actually sent you a text just before you messaged […]

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22 photos.

I saw this story on the news the other morning, “A love story in 22 photos”—a story that had gone viral. I had to see it for myself. The story, told in only 22 pictures and no words, is a love story of a naval officer and his girlfriend-turned-fiance-turned-wife. The pictures say it all; go […]

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When You Just Know…

I’ve never claimed to be psychic, and sometimes I’m not certain I believe in the ability to predict the future. However, during the summer before my junior year of high school, a girlfriend of mine, Julie, wanted to have her palm read. As I’m usually up for anything, I went along with her. The psychic […]

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My Introduction

I’ve mentioned here before that I’m working on a book with a fellow writer, Gina. Slowly, but surely, we are working through our draft. While I won’t bog you down with all of the details, I thought my part of the “introduction” would be worth sharing, just to give you a taste of my story. […]

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Things Justin Bieber taught me.

In honor of Justin Bieber’s new album, “Believe” release today, I found it only necessary to share with you things The Biebs has taught me, in love and in life —of course. Good hair matters. It’s no surprise that The Biebs’ locks have been their own form of celebrity. Next time you’re skipping out on […]

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My Week With Marilyn

Over the weekend, I rented a movie I’ve been wanting to see for months: My Week With Marilyn. It was only released in theatres in certain cities, and Baton Rouge was not one of the lucky ones. My Week With Marilyn, starring Michelle Williams as Marilyn and Eddie Redmayne as Collin, is the true story […]

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Catching cliches.

I saw this commercial for Kraft “Anything” Dressing last night. Can you count how many dating cliches are in it? “Kraft has rebranded its salad dressing as ‘Anything Dressing’—a smart change that allows it to justify pouring its fattening Ranch over anything from asparagus to pizza. To promote the new branding, ad agency Being created […]

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Guy code?

A few days ago, I was chatting with a girlfriend on Facebook when a random guy popped up in the chat box with a “Hey!” This guy is the friend of someone I dated around three years ago. Me and his friend broke up because he was mean, argumentative, and a drug addict. Over the […]

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The Lucky One II.

Last night, I ventured out around 11:30 (in my pajamas) to catch the midnight showing of The Lucky One…this is when living on top of a movie theatre really comes in handy. I had been counting down the days until the premiere, for many reasons. 1., it was the first time I’d actually read a […]

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The silence.

About a year ago, a former coworker of mine said he was coming in town for a weekend and thought we should see a movie together. I agreed, and was looking forward to catching up with an old friend. When the weekend neared, he asked me if I wanted to grab dinner before the flick. […]

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These days.

During a drive this weekend, I popped in a random CD and came across one of my favorite country songs, “These Days” by Rascal Flatts. The song, which is the story about a man running into a girl he’s loved for years although she’s married, is a little cheesy (and so is the music video), […]

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The Lucky One.

Last September, I read “The Lucky One,” by Nicholas Sparks. It’s a romantic love story about a soldier in Iraq, who is on a mission to find his lucky charm: a girl in a photo. After crossing the country to find her, she’s got serious emotional baggage tying her down. Like many other Sparks fans, […]

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Memories out back.

Last night, I joined a girlfriend for dinner before an event we had tickets for. The event, an MMA fight, was in an area of town that doesn’t have much going on. The best we could find was an Outback Steakhouse. Outback Steakhouse was the first job I ever had. I was 16, had just […]

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A Place of Yes (part II).

I just finished reading “A Place of Yes” by Bethenny Frankel. I was taking my time with this one, because it has so many great takeaway lessons and I often took lots of notes while reading it. If you are a Bethenny fan already, I don’t need to explain to you how amazing she is […]

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Dating lately.

Until recently, it had been more than a year since I’d been on a proper date. I know, right? Truthfully, I don’t often meet men that are worth my time, and even more so, I don’t have much time to spare for others. Between maintaining FIVE (!) blogs, a full-time job, three freelance gigs, a […]

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