The Friend Zone (as we know it).
Posted by thebitterlemon
But, the friend zone is a real thing, and one thing’s for sure about the friend zone: it really sucks. Aside from my faux friend zone instance, I’ve been friend zoned one time, and it was brutal.
Perhaps there have been other men who put me in the friend zone, but if I never had a crush on them in the first place, then it doesn’t count (see how that works).
Many blogs, websites, and magazines, and perhaps even your friends will tell you reasons why you’ve been friend zoned. Usually they are something like the following:
- You’re just not a match with your crush
- You weren’t bold enough
- You’re too nice
- You didn’t make your crush work for “it”
- You never set the mood, i.e. happy hour instead of dinner
- You gave favors for nothing in return
- You are too available
I’m gonna go ahead and say, that’s all bullshit. Because I’ve dated guys who were absolutely not a match, who weren’t bold, etc.
It’s not any of those things — it’s simply a lack of spark. For one reason or another, it just doesn’t click.
That doesn’t mean it won’t happen eventually; I dated my best friend in college (and then he cheated on me and got married to the other woman), but who’s really paying attention here?
So, instead of taking quizzes and reading books about how to get yourself out of the friend zone, the real issue is this: once you figure out you’re in the friend zone, can you maintain your friendship with this crush-friend?
This is often questioned on MTV’s show, Friendzone — have you seen this? Basically, it’s two friends and one of them has a crush on the other. The one with the crush helps the other one get ready for a monumental blind date… only to find out the blind date is actually the friend.
And there’s that moment where the friend either says, yes, I’m into you too, or nah, bye.
When I was friend-zoned, I was in high school and the guy I liked was one of my best friends. He was cool and we did most things together. I liked him so much. But he liked other cool girls, and I wasn’t one of them.
It was really difficult being his friend, watching him date other girls. We’ve kept in touch over the years, and I even admitted to him later that I always liked him, and he’s always given me some excuse as to why we didn’t ever date — but it’s essentially bullshit.
Of course, everyone is different, but I think staying friends with someone after you’ve broken the news can be really tough. Sure, it would suck to lose a friend, but it might be more painful to sit back and watch the person you like, like others.
So, fuck the friend zone — go find someone you spark with instead!
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Posted on June 2, 2014, in The Ingredients and tagged Adam, authors, breakup, college, dating, ex boyfriends, first date, heartbreak, Holly A. Phillips, How to Make Lemonade, life, love, relationships, sex, single, The Bitter Lemon, writing. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.