Where’s my Hallmark Boyfriend?

I can fluff a few pillows for a man on crutches

I can fluff a few pillows for a man on crutches

About a year ago, I fell into a relaxing (okay, more like lazy) routine of laying in bed all Sunday and watching Hallmark movies (on the Hallmark Channel). They are simple and fun, and I enjoy them in the same way I enjoy curling up with a Nicholas Sparks book.

But the ultimate perk of watching a chain of Hallmark movies is the fantastic collection of hunks as the starring male role. Yummers.

The downside? Wishing you had said hunk to make you coffee in bed while watching strings of Hallmark movies. Le sigh. So, I want to know: where is my Hallmark boyfriend?

Last Thanksgiving, I was at my best friend’s house and, in attempts to get into the Christmas spirit, we were watching Hallmark’s, “A Very Merry Mixup,” in which shop owner Alice travels to meet her future in-laws during the holidays.

She runs into disaster, losing her luggage and ruining her phone, but luckily running into her future brother-in-law at the baggage claim and hitching a ride to the family home. While she waits for her fiance to arrive, her and the brother (who is hot) stay up late, talking, and baking cookies, which results in a rather flirtatious flour fight.

“Aww, I wish I had a guy like that,” I told my friend.

Her husband looked at us both, and broke the news, “There is no such thing as a guy like that.”

Wamp, wamp.

Though he is probably right, a girl can still dream — so I keep to my Hallmark flicks.  Aside from late night, impromptu baking, other traits I’m looking for in a Hallmark boyfriend include:

  • Says all the right things (…like, Hallmark card-worthy)
  • Leaves voicemail messages
  • Buys/makes creative (not necessarily expensive) gifts
  • Is cool with compromise
  • Is handy
  • Won’t ditch me for work or friends
  • Has very little-to-no baggage
  • Looks perfect with a little scruff
  • Funny (duh)
  • Is a family man

The idea of me looking for my Hallmark boyfriend has been kind of a joke among my friends and I (and my cat, Blanche). When times are tough, say if I have a bad date, I merely say, “Well, my Hallmark boyfriend wouldn’t have done that!”

It’s the catch 22 of romantic comedies — am I setting myself up for failure by putting my hopes to high? Or am I actually giving myself hope that there’s a Hallmark-worthy guy out there, for me?

I guess only time will tell, and until then, I’ve got plenty of Hallmark movies to watch.

I want to be in love, and not just in the pages of my book.

—Looking for Mr. Right, a Hallmark Channel Original Movie

See what Hallmark movies are coming up here

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Posted on May 29, 2014, in The Squeeze and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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