#tb: get famous.

The following was written in 2010; nothing has been changed. Like what you’ve read? Enjoy my #tb (throwback) blog series as I count down the days until my second book, How to Make Lemonade, is released on December 2nd!


Thursday, May 13, 2010

I had a baggage issue today. I was doing my daily Facebook check, when the newsfeed popped up a girl…but not just any girl. She is a girl my ex slept with while him and I were on a break.

She has been an acquaintance of mine this entire time. I’ve always tried to be the bigger person, be polite to her and act like it didn’t bother me. But damn, I’m not into games anymore. Welcome to reality, slut (not me, her).

And hey, I do not blame her at all. She is simply a piece of baggage that reminds me of something bad involving my ex. And I’m done dealing with it. Every time her name was brought up in conversation or I saw her on Facebook, it made me ill. I kept thinking SHE slept with HIM. HE slept with HER.




So, today, I was sad for about 30 seconds. Then, I blocked her. End of story. I am done with anything negative. Anything that doesn’t make me feel good about my future does not belong in my life. And it starts with things like Facebook…so if you’re reading this, and you can’t find me on Facebook, it’s because I blocked your ass, a-thank-you-very-much.

In other news, my assignment today was to find famous women I admire and see how they handled a breakup, or channel how they would deal with my situation—probably with grace and not by calling people sluts on their blogs.

But it’s my style, and I’m sticking to it.

If you didn’t know already, now is the time to tell you that I love Carrie Underwood. And the girl has been through some breakups like nobody’s bid-ness. But she did it with class and I admire her more for it.

Let’s start by discussing the breakup everyone knows her for—the 2007 split from douche Tony Romo. Seriously, I hope this guy never gets any for the rest of his life. I’m no Jessica Simpson fan, but he seems like a real tool.

Although no one has confirmed why they broke up, Romo’s statement was something along the lines of him needing to focus on football. I’ve been dumped for a job before and it ain’t a walk in the park. Saying work is more fun than me is a complete dis. But I guess it happens to the best of us.

When Carrie’s hit, “Before he Cheats” came out, everyone thought it was about her breakup. To that, she merely said: “I would never immortalize a guy that did me wrong. I would never give him that much credit.”

Daaaaamn. You go, girl!

In an interview after the fact, she said, “The best revenge I can think of is becoming famous.”

Well Carrie, it’s not as easy for everyone else as it was for you…and I mean, I love you, but everyone knows you don’t write your own music so why would we assume you wrote one for your ex? Sigh.

Later, Carrie was in the tabloids for yet another breakup—Chace Crawford (total hottie), This happened in April 2008 nd made headlines because of the way it happened. Carrie told People Magazine, “We broke up over text so…it’s like peace out.”

I love her!

And to think no she’s ENGAGED to Mr. Mike Fisher, the hockey player…so hot. And not to mention her ring (said to be worth $150,000). Hello luvah!

While we’re at it, I wanted to mention a few other celebrity breakups where the women I admire ended up better off after the splits. They are:

March 2010: Snooki dumpd Emilio Masella—She believed he was using her for fame and it was said she caught him on Facebook messaging with other women.

April 2010: Sandra Bullock divorces what’s-his-face

March 2009: Jennifer Anniston & John Mayer—said to end over “disagreements” but we’ve all heard the rumors that she thought he was immature and spent too much time on Twitter. It’s hard for me to take sides here, because I love them both (John, call me), but of course, I have to lean toward Jenn because she is just a woman looking for her good man just like all of us.

November 2009: Reese Witherspoon splits from Jake Gyllenhaal—he’s hot, but she’s hotter.

April 2009: Kathy Griffin and Steve Wozniak—Kathy was looking slim and trim after this breakup; she didn’t seem phased.

April 2008: Mary Louise Parker and Jeffery Dean Morgan—They were engaged…I just love her!

2001: Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman—Hey crazy!!!

And I guess it has to be mentioned, probably the woman I love most in a breakup—Amy Winehouse. I know what you’re thinking! She didn’t really end up better after her crazy split from Blake (my blaayke incarcerated) but hell, she made an amazing album from it that won her some five or 40 Grammy Awards. I. LOVE. HER. I find myself wishing two things when it comes to Winehouse: 1. That her and Blake breakup again so she can make another amazing album, and 2. that she does not die in the near future so I can hear said album and possibly see her in concert during my life.

With that, my friends, I leave you with the inspirational words of Wino…

“I don’t understand, why do I stress the man, when there’s so many better things at hand? …Even if I stop wanting you, a perspective pushes through, I’ll be some next man’s other woman soon.”

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