The following was written in 2010; nothing has been changed. Like what you’ve read? Enjoy my #tb (throwback) blog series as I count down the days until my second book, How to Make Lemonade, is released on December 2nd!
DAY 23: LOOK AHEAD
Friday, May 14, 2010
I just had a breakdown.
My day was going good, in fact, this whole week has been good. That is until I walked into my apartment and just collapsed in my foyer, crying. There was nothing to trigger it, but it was not good.
I know bad times will sometimes come out of nowhere and I just have to deal with them accordingly. I’m not sure what brings it on…but I feel like I’m in limbo—between moving on a missing. As I mentioned briefly, these last few weeks I have been crazy busy. Don’t get me wrong, I like being busy. But sometimes I wonder if that’s forced me to hold in my feelings.
Right now, I don’t think the source of my sadness is necessarily missing my ex—the last memory I have of him is him saying, “I can’t change my feelings.” I just keep repeating that over and over, because if he didn’t love me, then he never will. And that’s just so hard for me to believe because I’m so amazing… (I’m feeling better already).
I think my feelings of sadness are a sadness over how we can simply cut people out of our lives. In general, I think it’s sad—I know, I know it’s necessary sometimes. However, this person that’s been such a huge part of my Louisiana life is now someone off-limits to me, and that’s hard.
Obviously, I managed to pick myself up off the foyer floor and do something to cheer myself up; I fixed myself a Kevin McCallister-sized bowl of strawberry non-fat yogurt (just because I’m sad doesn’t mean I have to be unhealthy…I am still hoping someone finds me attractive).
My assignment today was similar to yesterday’s—observe other women. I was to think about their jobs, their lives, what their apartments look like. And then, I was supposed to think about my future.
Naturally, I went to the mecca for women—the shoe store. Sure, I saw lots of ladies there. But I really don’t need to observe other women to know that my future will be bright and full. I have worked hard to get where I am and I will continue to do so. I am excited for what the future holds, and that is what keeps me going through this.
I promised you and I promised myself that I would not lose hope that I will find love and someone who loves me for real. I always hold my promises. I know that this is a bump in the road and the things I do today, affect my tomorrow. And tomorrow, my friends, is a very big day for me (I will explain later).
Anyway, I’m sorry today’s post is so Debbie Downer, but I also told you I would stay honest through this process. And as you all know, it ain’t always glitter and gold.
PS. I read an article this week that said 85% of men get depressed after a breakup. So I hope he’s rocking back and forth on his bathroom floor right now. Bastard.
DAY 24: GO IT ALONE
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Ok, after I had my mini-meltdown last night, I’m feeling ok and ready to go today. I have a HUGE (and by that I mean, very fun-filled) weekend planned…which I’ll have to explain later…I know, cliffhanger!
However, I had a dream last night that I sent HIM a text. Now…I want to make it clear that my ex hasn’t tried to contact me nor have I tried to contact him since the breakup. So in my dream I texted him asking him something like…why did you do this to me? He wrote back something that OF COURSE I don’t remember. But in my dream I completely regretted sending the text. But I ended up sending him another text that said “sorry for texting you.” And his response was something about how it was important that we talk or something.
Whatever. I am glad I got out any urge to contact him in my DREAM and not in real life.
So, moving on. Today’s assignment was to go to a movie alone. Now, because of the exciting plans I have to today, I didn’t think it would be fair to see a movie at 10 am. So I cheated a little and saw the movie last night.
Here’s the deal. I go to movies alone more than I go to movies with people. In fact, I never went to the movies with my ex. So this was a perfectly fine assignment—the hard part was picking out the right movie because there isn’t much out there right now.
I know it’s difficult for most people to see a movie alone, but if you haven’t done it, you really should! It has its perks…you get to see whatever you want, whenever you want, you can sit wherever you want…and there’s no planning involved (and you don’t have to share the popcorn).
After much thinking, I decided to see Letters to Juliet. It looked like a standard romantic comedy, but it takes place in Italy so I figured why not? The basic story is Sophie (played by Amanda Seyfried—the girl from Mean Girls whose boobs can tell if it’s raining, when it’s raining) and her fiance Victor planned a trip to Italy as a pre-wedding honeymoon. Sophie works at the New Yorker as a fact-checker, but she really really wants to be a writer (ah, dream big sweetheart) and Victor, who is a complete douche, is a chef and is opening his own restaurant.
So the trip to Italy results in them spending time apart—Victor goes off to wine auctions while Sophie does some sightseeing. She stumbles upon the courtyard of the fictional Juliet to find women gathered, writing letters and leaving them along the wall. Sophie discovers a group of women who call themselves the secretaries of Juliet…they reply all of the letters in the courtyard. The women ask Sophie to join them and she discovers a letter written 50 years ago, by a women searching for her lost love.
As you see in the previews, Sophie helps the woman search for him. Along the way, they come across many adventures…and drink lots of wine (no seriously, the shots of the Italian vineyards are worth the $9). In the beginning, it’s a little slow, but it’s really a good movie! If you have any interest in seeing it, go for it.
I was happy I picked this movie, not only because I ended up liking it, but because the theatre was all women. So at every romantic moment there were “aaawwwwww”s and at every kiss there were applause…it was nice to know I wasn’t the only one in there hoping for her Romeo.