What a difference a year makes.

Matthew:  that kinda sounds like a perfect weekend.   what movie

me:  lion king friday…and saturday…the one with sarah jessica parker “I dont know how she does it”

me:  i had actually sent you a text just before you messaged me on here

Matthew:  internet restarted.  resend your last

me:  me:  lion king friday…and saturday…the one with sarah jessica parker “I dont know how she does it”
Sent at 2:30 PM on Monday
me:  i had actually sent you a text just before you messaged me on here

Matthew:  once more

sorry

me:  its not important

me:  this is the slowest conversation ever

Matthew:  im sorry…. i head out of town of the redeye and am finishing things up

me:  oh ok

Matthew:  so… im going to come in next week to see you.

im really missing you

me:  you are?

wow

Matthew:  i really am

me:  alright

Matthew:  wanna just make something up… like next wednesday night?

me:  i mean…i dont want to plan on that if you aren’t going to be there

Matthew:  i plan to be there

me:  ok

me:  were you mad at me saturday night?

Matthew:  no… why did you think that

me:  I wasn’t sure

Matthew:  im not mad at you and need kisses from you.   pretty much sums it up!

me:  yeah yeah

Matthew:  i do babe

me:  i know I am annoying and I am always mad, but this arrangement we have just really sucks

Matthew:  agree

me:  I don’t even know if I could date you again, but the fact that we can’t seem to have a normal relationship makes me cry

Matthew:  but it is what it is as they say

me:  well, honestly, I don’t know how much longer i will last

just FYI

Matthew:  what do you mean

me:  I’m really close to just pulling a Bonnye and bowing out

and I’m not saying that to pick a fight

Matthew:  well what do you want me to do babe

me:  I mean if you’re happy how things are, then that’s a problem and I should leave you be

Matthew:  no… i wish we had more contact

me:  but there are things that really hurt me, like when we have sex I don’t see you for at least a month. Or, how I’ve asked to visit you in new orleans, yet have never been invited.

i can’t expect you to change, so i feel like it’s up to me to take it or leave it

Matthew:  i know there needs to be give and take

me:  I just think it’s really weird

Matthew:  holly…. i understand

me:  not to be rude, but I don’t think you do…I feel like you have pushed me away so much

and I have really tried so hard to be good to you

I know I can be alot sometimes, but I’ve really really tried. I just don’t get it…like are you afraid of getting close to me?

Matthew:  no… im not afraid of that atall

me:  then what is it?

Matthew:  well i dont know

i mean…  i cant pinpoint exactly why i act like i do

me:  well neither can I

but it’s very tiring for me; trying to figure it out

Matthew:  and you want to kinda back off and not see each other/kiss/ect till i feel different?

me:  I don’t think you ever will feel different

and that is okay. I hope you find someone who can put up with it better than me, I suppose

Matthew:  holly

me:  yes

Matthew:  lol…. i was saying to quit saying that

me:  well, I just don’t know what i can do anymore

I am attractive and smart, I am good with money, I have a nice place to live, I am nice to your family even when I never get to see them, I am a great cook

and I don’t know if that will ever be good enough for you to make an effort for me

Matthew:  i LOVE all of that about you… plus another hundred things.  i started this conversation off saying i am going to make an effort by coming in to see you

me:  yes i know

Matthew:  so im trying

me:  we’ll see

Matthew:  we will

Matthew:  can we have a phone date this week?

me:  sure

Matthew:  sweet!!!!

well i do miss you babe

i am going to finish some stuff here before heading out….

me:  okay

Matthew:  DAMNIT!!!!!

just realized the pictures i had on my phone are all gone because the memory card is wet too

shiznit!

i had two pics of you that i loved!

me:  you did?

Matthew:  well yea.   conick was the best one on there

me:  i have that one

Matthew:  the other was not for public viewing 

me:  oh christ

Matthew:  im gonna have to be super extra kisses on top sweet to get anyof those back i guess

me:  you guess?

Matthew:  idk….   would asking nicely work?

me:  no

Matthew:  dang

me:  well!

i just told you some serious stuff

it made me cry to write it

and you’re worried over some picture of my tits

Matthew:  NOT AT ALL

me:  BLAH

Matthew:  lets talk later.    your hearing what you want to hear

me:  don’t make me feel bad

I’m just not feeling your pain

Matthew:  well i didnt start a conversation with you 45 minutes ago to get a picture of your tits

me:  haha

I never said you did

Matthew:  i do miss you. meant the things i said too

me:  okay

Matthew:  well i love you holly.    talk to you soon

me:  later