What a difference a year makes.

Draft saved Monday, September 26, 2011

Matthew:  that kinda sounds like a perfect weekend.   what movie
Sent at 2:27 PM on Monday
me:  lion king friday…and saturday…the one with sarah jessica parker “I dont know how she does it”
Sent at 2:30 PM on Monday
me:  i had actually sent you a text just before you messaged me on here
Matthew:  internet restarted.  resend your last
me:  me:  lion king friday…and saturday…the one with sarah jessica parker “I dont know how she does it”
Sent at 2:30 PM on Monday
me:  i had actually sent you a text just before you messaged me on here
Matthew:  once more
me:  its not important
Sent at 2:37 PM on Monday
me:  this is the slowest conversation ever
Sent at 2:41 PM on Monday
Matthew:  im sorry…. i head out of town of the redeye and am finishing things up
me:  oh ok
Sent at 2:42 PM on Monday
Matthew:  so… im going to come in next week to see you.
im really missing you
Sent at 2:50 PM on Monday
me:  you are?
Matthew:  i really am
me:  alright
Matthew:  wanna just make something up… like next wednesday night?
me:  i mean…i dont want to plan on that if you aren’t going to be there
Matthew:  i plan to be there
me:  ok
Sent at 2:56 PM on Monday
me:  were you mad at me saturday night?
Sent at 3:00 PM on Monday
Matthew:  no… why did you think that
me:  I wasn’t sure
Matthew:  im not mad at you and need kisses from you.   pretty much sums it up!
me:  yeah yeah
Sent at 3:05 PM on Monday
Matthew:  i do babe
me:  i know I am annoying and I am always mad, but this arrangement we have just really sucks
Matthew:  agree
me:  I don’t even know if I could date you again, but the fact that we can’t seem to have a normal relationship makes me cry
Matthew:  but it is what it is as they say
me:  well, honestly, I don’t know how much longer i will last
just FYI
Matthew:  what do you mean
me:  I’m really close to just pulling a Bonnye and bowing out
and I’m not saying that to pick a fight
Sent at 3:11 PM on Monday
Matthew:  well what do you want me to do babe
me:  I mean if you’re happy how things are, then that’s a problem and I should leave you be
Matthew:  no… i wish we had more contact
me:  but there are things that really hurt me, like when we have sex I don’t see you for at least a month. Or, how I’ve asked to visit you in new orleans, yet have never been invited.
i can’t expect you to change, so i feel like it’s up to me to take it or leave it
Matthew:  i know there needs to be give and take
me:  I just think it’s really weird
Matthew:  holly…. i understand
me:  not to be rude, but I don’t think you do…I feel like you have pushed me away so much
and I have really tried so hard to be good to you
I know I can be alot sometimes, but I’ve really really tried. I just don’t get it…like are you afraid of getting close to me?
Sent at 3:18 PM on Monday
Matthew:  no… im not afraid of that atall
me:  then what is it?
Matthew:  well i dont know
i mean…  i cant pinpoint exactly why i act like i do
Sent at 3:22 PM on Monday
me:  well neither can I
but it’s very tiring for me; trying to figure it out
Matthew:  and you want to kinda back off and not see each other/kiss/ect till i feel different?
me:  I don’t think you ever will feel different
and that is okay. I hope you find someone who can put up with it better than me, I suppose
Matthew:  holly
me:  yes
Sent at 3:25 PM on Monday
Matthew:  lol…. i was saying to quit saying that
me:  well, I just don’t know what i can do anymore
I am attractive and smart, I am good with money, I have a nice place to live, I am nice to your family even when I never get to see them, I am a great cook
and I don’t know if that will ever be good enough for you to make an effort for me
Sent at 3:28 PM on Monday
Matthew:  i LOVE all of that about you… plus another hundred things.  i started this conversation off saying i am going to make an effort by coming in to see you
me:  yes i know
Matthew:  so im trying
me:  we’ll see
Matthew:  we will
Sent at 3:30 PM on Monday
Matthew:  can we have a phone date this week?
me:  sure
Sent at 3:32 PM on Monday
Matthew:  sweet!!!!
well i do miss you babe
i am going to finish some stuff here before heading out….
me:  okay
Matthew:  DAMNIT!!!!!
just realized the pictures i had on my phone are all gone because the memory card is wet too
i had two pics of you that i loved!
me:  you did?
Matthew:  well yea.   conick was the best one on there
me:  i have that one
Matthew:  the other was not for public viewing ;)
me:  oh christ
Matthew:  im gonna have to be super extra kisses on top sweet to get anyof those back i guess
me:  you guess?
Matthew:  idk….   would asking nicely work?
me:  no
Matthew:  dang
me:  well!
i just told you some serious stuff
it made me cry to write it
and you’re worried over some picture of my tits
Matthew:  NOT AT ALL
me:  BLAH
Matthew:  lets talk later.    your hearing what you want to hear
me:  don’t make me feel bad
I’m just not feeling your pain
Matthew:  well i didnt start a conversation with you 45 minutes ago to get a picture of your tits
me:  haha
I never said you did
Matthew:  i do miss you. meant the things i said too
me:  okay
Matthew:  well i love you holly.    talk to you soon
me:  later
Sent at 3:43 PM on Monday

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