All Blanche wants for Christmas…
Posted by thebitterlemon
When you are a cat lady, said cat (or cats) is a large part of the holidays (well, and every day). That is no different in my home, where one Miss Blanche E. Devereaux pretty much runs the plantation. This was made pretty obvious last year, for Blanche’s first Christmas, when her stocking was overflowing, while mine had a few cookie crumbs and a half-eaten candy cane in the bottom.
This year, the tiny beast has taken it upon herself to not only skip rent payments (her share is $10/month) to buy gifts for others, but she figured out my computer password and TYPED a wish list. Cats these days. And so, I present to you, All Blanche Wants for Christmas:
For starters, Blanche would like a tipi. Because the floor, Holly’s bed, nor the couch are good enough places for a Southern Belle to rest her tired paws. In with the Aztec, out with everything Holly has already purchased.
Blanche dreams of sleeping in her tipi, day or night, perhaps looking out of its flap-door and gazing up and the stars (add: glow-in-the-dark stars to list).
Blanche would also like endless amounts of metallic pipe cleaners — seriously, she goes nuts over those things.
Add to the list, a scratching pad for Blanche to sharpen her claws (which in-turn shred all of my furniture and any important documents), but not just ANY scratching pad, why not a cat DJ scratching pad?
Truth-be-told, I was scared to get Blanche a scratching pad because it would promote the whole scratching thing. But actually, purchasing one (a boring, square one) kept her from scratching my furniture, and she takes to the scratching post! So, if you’re on the fence about purchasing one, do it, for the sake of your furniture.
And finally, Blanche would like a water fountain to replace her standard (read: boring) water bowl. If you’ve never been to my apartment, you need to know that it is a common occurrence for Blanche to hang out on my bathroom sink and meow until someone (me) comes to turn on the faucet for her to drink from. No, seriously.
This concludes Blanche’s Christmas wish list. Perhaps it gave you a few gift ideas for the feline friend in your life… or maybe it just solidified my place in this world as a cat lady.
Posted on December 22, 2014, in Light Pulp and tagged authors, beauty, cat lady, cats, college, dating, drinking, ex boyfriends, family, first date, getting published, heartbreak, Holly A. Phillips, How to Make Lemonade, humor, life, love, relationships, The Bitter Lemon. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.