How to fight right.

This guy looks like a tool.
This guy looks like a tool.

I really hate fighting. And, over the course of my years in the dating game, there have been many-a-time when I’ve simply ignored things that were probably worth a fight, simply because I just wanted to play it cool. But, no matter how cool you are, something is likely to piss you off.

And sometimes, a fight is just plain necessary. But there’s a right and a wrong way to do just about anything, including a big ‘ole fight. Here’s a few feud rules:

  1. Stay focused. Usually, a fight about laundry isn’t a fight about laundry (or sometimes it is). But whatever the issue is, stay focused on that and not his/her cellphone ringtone.
  2. Don’t get nasty. The more you know someone, the more you have the ability to hurt them. Don’t go below the belt, unless it’s makeup sex, or unless you’re trying to get dumped.
  3. Don’t blame. This is the tough part (for me, anyway), but don’t point fingers, and don’t attempt to simply “win” the battle.
  4. Apologize, when necessary. If you know you’re in the wrong, just fucking apologize.
  5. Take a breath. While fights shouldn’t be screaming matches, step back if needed. You don’t want to say something you’ll regret.
  6. Be kind. When you’re not fighting, be sure to share the love. Your partner will remember your random acts of kindness when an argument arises.

When it comes to fighting, I don’t like to yell. I especially don’t enjoy passive aggressiveness. But I’ve been in a few relationships where screaming and flinging cuss words across the room becomes the norm. And it’s not fun.

As I continue venturing into the dating world, I’m learning how to fight in a way that could actually improve a relationship, and not leave scars.

What’s your fighting advice?

One Comment

  1. meccasanwick

    These are my typical standards for fights:

    1.) Keep things on topic, as you said. Keep the fight/argument focused on the catalyst at hand. Don’t bring up random things as “ammo”. Above all else, don’t bring up past arguments, or even things that have been slowly eating away at you but you never bothered to bring them up until the fire is already burning.

    2.) Don’t say anything out of anger. Once it’s said you can never (NEVER) take it back. My ex and I fought ALL the time. During our 16-ish months together she said during three different fights that she hated me. From the first time she had said that…I never forgot it. *This pretty ties in with no below the bent punches.*

    3.) Don’t go to bed angry. I refused to go to bed without resolving whatever issues, even if it meant getting no sleep on a work night. This doesn’t completely push away the idea of taking some time apart to cool off (like going on a quick walk, or giving each other 15 minutes in a different room), but putting off the fight for the next day just keeps things from being resolved.

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