Oh, there goes my self-esteem.
Posted by thebitterlemon
I know that everyone has their “thing” — the thing that makes you insecure in the blink of an eye. Chances are, it’s illogical, it’s all mental, whatever it is. But it’s there, and mine has been bugging me for years.
My thing? It’s those perfect girls. The ones that seem like they just have everything, or everything that’s good in this world. They’ve got money, looks, friends, family, a great job (or better yet, no job and a trust fund)…
In the past, I’ve dated guys whom I thought were attractive, and it made me feel confident and sexy to have a good-looking man by my side. But the second we stepped into a bar with a cute little waitress, or a fancy restaurant with a class-act hostess, my confidence deflated. Would he think she’s prettier than me?
In general, I think I’m an attractive person. Not necessarily because of the way I look, but I do think I have a lot to offer someone, as a friend, and as a partner.
But it doesn’t matter how great I feel walking out the door in the morning, if I cross paths with one of these perfect chicks, I all of the sudden feel defeated. Why does this happen?
A few years ago, my girlfriend and I went out on a Saturday night. I felt great, I was working some new, black hot pants and a cute top. And then, she ran into a group of girls she knew. They gave us both the once-over, and continued on their way after a short conversation, mentioning they were out looking for guys.
They were done-up, although in jeans, their hair looked professionally done, makeup full-blown, finished with crisp, white teeth.
“I always feel insecure when I see girls like that,” I told my friend.
“Yeah, but they’re single,” she said.
And she had a point. So why was I so torn up about it? Whenever I get the chance, I poise this question to guy friends, pointing out the most-perfect girl in the room.
“She’s on that level of hot that I just can’t get to,” I’ll say.
“Yeah, but no one’s taking her home to mom,” is usually the response I get.
So why does it still bother me? Actually, you know what bothers me? When these girls look perfect at the gym. It’s like they don’t even sweat.
Most of the time, I attempt to rationalize and talk myself down from my nearly-unstoppable jealousy. Because most of these perfect humans I see aren’t natural — hair extensions, false eyelashes, professional makeup, fillers and surgeries… when I’ve got nice, natural hair, real lashes, real boobs, and if I can get to the gym four times a week, my stomach is pretty flat!
The only thing I can really blame this on is that somehow, at some point, I got this insecurity rooted inside of my brain. And I know, that there’s a guy out there (somewhere) who thinks I’m perfect, and no one else.
And deep down, I know that no one is perfect, and that everyone has something in their life they wish they could change… it’s all just a matter of how you feel on the inside.
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Posted on November 3, 2014, in The Squeeze and tagged authors, breakup, college, dating, drinking, ex boyfriends, fighting, first date, heartbreak, Holly A. Phillips, How to Make Lemonade, life, love, motivation, online dating, relationships, sex, single, The Bitter Lemon. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.