Ah, making the first move. This is something I think about often. Should I, or women in general, make the first move? I know, the men out there are shouting from the rooftops, “YES! Make the first move, already!”
But, I’ve had some failures in the past with doing just that — so, what gives?
There’s not some mile-long list of pros and cons when it comes to making the first move. The pro, for the woman, is that the guy knows you’re into him, and you can get this party started. The con is, you could get rejected.
Sounds simple enough, right? Well, rejection isn’t fun, and depending on your current relationship with the person, you could risk losing a friend, or creating an awkward situation for yourself.
I don’t want to reiterate my gym story (you can read all the details here), but basically this is what happened:
- Met a hot guy out
- Found out we went to the same gym
- Talk to him several times at said gym
- Flirting happens (or so I think)
- I consider CASUALLY mentioning that we should hang out
- He introduces me to his girlfriend
And so, I am now left with the often-awkward moment of seeing him at the gym, and ignoring me like he’s paid to do so. I mean, really, it could have been worse, say if we would have been friends, or something.
But still, gathering the courage to ask someone out is tough — especially if you’re not sure how they feel about you.
There’s one thing I worry about more than rejection though, and it’s based around the entire relationship. Let’s say I ask a guy out, and he takes me up on my offer, and things go great. We go out several times, and things might even start to get serious.
Is the ball still in my court because I initiated our relationship? I have always been afraid that a woman making the initial move would result in the man taking a backseat for the ENTIRE relationship.
And, not to get all scientific here, but that goes against nature. Men are supposed to be the hunters, right?
One of my guy friends assured me that this was not the case, that even if a woman made the first move, the guy would take the lead thereafter.
But I haven’t been in a relationship where this has happened, so I sadly cannot support this claim with evidence.
I was going to include a list of “ways to tell if he’s into you,” but most of the ideas I found were stupid, i.e “He sends you emails” — Who does that? Never email me. Or, “He laughs at your crappy jokes.” Hrmm okay.
Truthfully, there’s no surefire way to tell if a guy’s into you… unless, of course, you ask.