Holly, Party of One.

Editor’s Note: The contest winner from Tuesday’s Tattly give away is below… 

Tomorrow around 5 am marks one entire year that I’ve been single.

A party of one.

I know that when my ex, D, and I broke up, I was miserable. Even though our relationship was not anything good, I had no idea how I was going to make it through.

Yet, here I am.

I have been through a ton of breakups, and at the time, of course it felt like my life was over — how is it that a person comes into our lives, changes things, and then leaves, and we’re just supposed to come back like nothing happened?

Well, after many dating disasters, I’ve learned that it’s okay to be changed afterward. If my heart has broken a dozen times, then I’ve sewn it back together 13, and it would probably look like a Pinterest failure, but it’s in one piece.

The other day, I got a text message from a guy in my past. He said, “Not that this probably matters to you, but I really hope that you find someone that treats you the way you deserve to be treated. One that can satisfy you and make you feel beautiful.”

Yeah, I hope so, too.

I was thinking about it, and no matter what happens to me, I’m still certain there’s someone out there for me. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not The Bitter Lemon for nothing — there is still a huge part of me that thinks maybe I’m just a dreamer.

But I’m not ready to shut myself off. For all I know, there could be a guy out there having just as terrible luck as I’ve had.

When anniversaries like this roll around, it’s easy for me to sit here and say that I’ve had it rough. Because, sometimes I have. But at the same time, I know there are reasons why I’ve found myself in less-than-perfect situations.

Sometimes I don’t know if it’s because I’m still learning; about myself, those around me, and this world we live in. Or maybe it’s because I have such a big mouth (or fast fingers for typing purposes) and people can learn from my stories. If that’s the case, I’m happy to be a pawn in this game, really.

There is a line in the beginning of “The Grand Budapest Hotel,” that keeps sticking with me: “…After a modicum of fame, you don’t have to think things up anymore. People offer you stories unbidden.”

And it’s true; I’ve always got stories. Granted, most of them are mine, but that’s not my point.

When I think about my past, I noticed I always get this fabulous sense of freedom after a breakup. I celebrate the fact that I can have ice cream at 3am! I can go to the gym after work! I can go to work without makeup!

And, yes, all of these things sound really stupid, but I’ve been put in relationship where those things weren’t okay. But they’re always okay with me, and so until someone comes along that’s down with my rules, I think I’ll just stick with me. It’s taken me years to see that a relationship doesn’t mean I can’t be me. Because after years of being single, I think I’m pretty cool.

So, until then, it’s Holly, party of one.

…And, oh yeah, the Tattly gift card winner is…

So, first commenter, Melissa! Let me know what email address you’d like me to send the e-card to, and I will send it your way. As always, be on the lookout for more giveaways!