Reasons Why People Hate Holly.

Cyber bullying—pre-Burn Book.

Cyber bullying—pre-Burn Book.

As I’ve mentioned all year, 2014 has proven itself to be the year of my past. Over the weekend, a friend from high school messaged me, and wanted to tell me about his latest “epic” breakup. But when I tried to call him, I got no reply—a pattern I’ve noticed with this old “friend.”

And then, I was reminded of something this “friend” did to me in high school. He wrote a list of reasons why he, and his friends—all of whom I thought were my friends—hated me. And my friend Sheena somehow  still had the email where he kept this list.

He tried to play it off like it wasn’t him that made it, but as you’ll see, it’s pretty obvious that he did. And, I’ll warn you, the list is very mean—a 2002 version of a Burn Book. It was written just before my senior year in high school.

> From: porkchicken@hotmail.com
> To: sheenahall@hotmail.com
> Date: Thu, 23 May 2002 22:32:39 -0500

> >From: “jack The ripper” <wehateyou642@hotmail.com>
> >To: porkchicken@hotmail.com jorgensen_adam@hotmail.com sparkle_3star@hotmail.comsheenahall@hotmail.com and others…
> >Subject: you have been selected
> >Date: Fri, 24 May 2002 01:13:54 +0000
> >
> >this username is maintained by an army of assholes who got a brilliant idea one day ever wonder what you’re friends find annoying about you well we did and now we know the way this works is someone sends us an e-mail with someones name and information and we target them and their friends we have their friends contribute to a massive chain letter each person can add anything to it nothing will be edited and then we will send that letter to that person don’t be pissed that u got choosen its probably just some friends playing a gag on you for security purposes and because this is not exactly legal there has been a virus that has been imbedded in this document that will self destroy this letter and take up residence in your computer wreaking havoc if you yourself do not delete this e-mail within 20 minutes of opening it if the print command is detected once again you will be infected so don’t try and reproduce this document this isn’t exactly matrix but it still works pretty damn well
> >
> >

Reasons why people hate Holly

  1. She can’t drive and on top of that she drives a Daewoo if only she knew…
  2. She overpaid for a car that is ranked lowest in everything by consumer reports no one likes a Daewoo and she honestly does
  3. She just sorta showed up one day after Michelle stole a table from tropical snow
  4. They didn’t give her a ride to lunch last year where the fuck did she come from this year
  5. She wears pants that has money printed on it terrible style
  6. Pepsteppers are gay and we’re sick of hiding the fact that dancing is not a sport and the thought of a whole squad of girls doing syrchonized hip hop dance is unbearble unless they are naked, topless will do but even that is painful to watch
  7. She shows up uninvited while others are drinking their beer and playing classic video games and does not udder one audible intelligent thing
  8. Your writing sucks and its like your pride and joy
  9. Holly starts a lot of shit she has never kept one secret
  10. She backstabs more than the Linda Tripp could do with a tape recorder during the Lewinsky thing and we’re suppose to trust you hell no!
  11. You are blind and more than likely will be blind legally real soon then hopefully the goverment can refer to reason number one to why not to like you and take away your rights to drive for that sake of the rest of us
  12. You call and us guys hate to fucking hear that you called for no reason you have nothing good to say. Eveyone but you seem to know guys do not talk more than 5 seconds on a phone at anygiven time. You even make sounds on the phone such as breathing and sighing to indicate you are bored and expect them to carry a conversation and gossip like a girl you do enough of that to make up for a 100 girls.
  13. Did we mention you could not be trusted Sheena knows eveything how could that be possible stick your own ass in your own business.
  14. You have told us shit about everyone we know
  15. You try and hangout with the guys this presents a problem since you have a vagina and you are not a beer or attactive to them therefore unable to grab their attention
  16. You have no friends or at least none that can fit into the category of being 1. A girl 2. Being hot and even if you did you are to preoccupied thinking you could ever be with Will and Adam to do them some good and bring hot girls over.
  17. You hangout with *** ****** fatasses that are like 4 grades to immature.
  18. You walk with your ass sticking so far out because you know your ass is the only thing that a guy will look at only you stick it out to far.
  19. Somehow it could be 90 degreees and you will still have THO how is this possible or are you really this arroused all the time surely you have noticed your little problem its constant.
  20. You never dated until you’re junior year.
  21. You make list like this one and then not get one back but its been in the works for a long time
  22. You actually thought that at one time Will Emiling was attracted to you when really he was just letting you down easy and is terrified of you and even now just offers you hope on one condition of you making the first move knowing he is safe since you’re to chicken shit to do it so I think he hasn’t admitted it yet.
  23. We see you and for some odd reason we want to go throw a football or go watch “Hey Arnold” on nickelodean
  24. You take advantage of guys by leading them on with no intentions like agreeing to go on dates and then leaving them
  25. You actaully took the time to talk to this Brent Gordon
  26. You read to this point
  27. Your house has such a bad smell to it that it induces vomiting.
  28. Your cat is ugly
  29. You work in a gym and yet you still are out of shape
  30. You have almost zero or very little work ethic you are a lazy piece of shit lucky to still have a job
  31. You keep a cat that you call your pussy whoa amusing.
  32.  You are boring and plain as fuck
  33. You enjoy shopping but we can’t say that you own one material thing that stands out as being cool therefore making you a suck ass shopper
  34. Holly Ann can be the biggest wise ass at times
  35. You include your middle name in everything its everywhere it might as well be part of you first name.
  36. She follows that Will guy around as if she is attached to him with a umbellical cord
  37. Holly lets people think that her and Will are going out this I’m sure annoys the fuck out of him ruining all his chances with other girls well if there were other girls.
  38. She can’t place a simple Dave sticker on the back of her car without it looking like shit and then leaves it as it is.
  39. Her familys networth seems to be considerably lower than those she chooses to try and follow.
  40. She thinks she is black saying things like aight and my nigga even though that stopped being funny like 4 months ago when everyone else stopped doing it.
  41. You are seemingly bland boring unattractive and unitelligent and you for some reason have a Miami U sticker in your car even though you haven’t even been accepted there yet since you’re only a junior and you park in the lot only after you discovered that Will parks there pitiful.
  42. You worked at Outback only because it was the thing to do then. 
  43. She never turns down a date she even went out with 4 guys in one weekend because she said she didn’t know how to turn them down.
  44. She managed to carry her annoying habits over to msn
  45. Holly could superglue that ugly little cell phone to her head and coundn’t be happier
  46. She says she can’t stand missing school but she missed a day during finals to go to Indy qualifications something she doesn’t even like.
  47. She doesn’t drink.
  48. Holly is in a lower English class even though she writes for the triangle
  49. She writes for the triangle and even goes to “J-Camp”
  50. You expect your friends to watch you walk into prom when they decided already not to go the flowers and cards had to have scared them bad.
  51. She forces people into uncomfortable situations sometimes people can’t even tell if she realizes what she is doing.
  52. Holly thinks she is hot shit because she got a french book from a used book store and figured out how to cheat even though everyone has been doing this sorta thing all along.
  53. She honestly thinks that a lot of people if not everyone genuinly likes her she thinks that she can get along with everyone.
  54. She has almost triple as many reasons to hate her then anyone else.
  55. Holly will say she feels sorry for Mark and hopes he doesn’t die but yet she will still talk shit about him
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Posted on April 23, 2014, in The Squeeze and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. I’m speechless! This is horrible. Being successful is the best revenge. ZLAM!!

  2. Ugh. How did anyone ever make it through high school?!

    Take solace in knowing that most of these people couldn’t get through their mediocre insults with any semblance of proper grammar, creativity, or something that suggested anything more than an ape-like ID. They are probably wallowing in hazy memories of high school so intertwined with hops and bong resin that they couldn’t remember half of what they really liked about it in the first place.

    I love your writing. It does make you special.

  3. WHAT A DOUCHE TARD. UGH HIGH SCHOOL

  4. Seriously these aren’t even real reasons to dislike someone. And I loved your money pants….. and Pep-steppers. So whoever this was needs to suck on your bitter lemon!

  5. That’s disgusting!

    Reason why people love Holly:
    1. She’s awesome!

  6. Wish you would’ve saved this for Mean Girl’s 10 year anniversary next Wed.

  1. Pingback: Baring it all, in business? | The Bitter Lemon

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