Why am I single?

When you ask me
“Why are you single?”
What I want to say is,
“Why are you so fucking nosy?”

But instead I put on a jacket of societal norms
And I just
Shrug my shoulders
And tell you
“I just haven’t found the one yet”

But if you want my honest opinion…
I don’t fucking know why I’m single
Maybe it’s because I’m Fratastic
And love to do keg stands
Maybe it’s because
I feel a spiritual connection
To Gangsta’s Paradise
Maybe it’s because
I have a history of being a side chick
Or because I cancelled my subscription to Match
Maybe I’m too picky
Or not picky enough

But you ask me
Why are you single
Like you’ve never been there
Like you don’t know what it feels like
And it feels like
Not knowing the rules to a football game
Like Riding your bike through a sleeping neighborhood
It feels like the Delta Clinic on a rainy April morning
Feels like a giant game of dress up
like a party that I’m not invited to
Tastes like takeout Chinese for one,
Even though I ask for double chopsticks
It’s cat hair on all of my clothes
Because you’ve labeled me as such

It feels like living one giant lie
Of telling yourself that you’re cool
With being single because that’s what I am
And if I’m not cool with it
Then I’m crazy,
Which is probably why I’m single
Because I’m starting to convince myself
That I never wanted what you have
Boyfriends are bullshit…
I don’t need a guy…
Weddings are a waste of money…
I’m too busy for kids…
And maybe the one that I
Gave up
Was my only shot
And this is just my Karma

Maybe this tradition of people
Living in pairs
Is so elite that I shouldn’t even try
Because my world
Filled with bon bons
And freedom
And meaningless hookups
Is really what it’s all about

when you ask me
Why I’m single
I don’t know if you want me to say
That what it really boils down to
Is that I had love once
And I gave it away
it was stuffed inside a mason jar
And I gave it to him
And he took it,
Without paying for it
Maybe he has a collection of jars
That he’s about to sell on EBay
But I can’t buy it back
And sometimes it feels like
That’s all I had to give
and maybe there’s nothing left for
Someone new

And so when you ask me these questions
I know you’re not built
For my truth
So I’ll give you ignorant bliss
With a giant, pink bow
And Tell you
I don’t know


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