If you kept up with my shenanigans on Match.com, you might recall a guy named (or, usernamed) Pookie.
He was one of the first people to message and “wink” at me on Match, but despite our 100% compatibility rating, I wasn’t feeling it. Later, I noticed him working out at my gym…like every time I was there.
To this day, he hasn’t said a word to me, which makes the situation more awkward than it probably needs to be.
A few weeks ago, I was at the gym doing my usual kickboxing class. Pookie was in the row behind me. During a set of pushups, I looked between my arms, and saw Pookie’s hands.
His left ring finger sported what appeared to be a wedding band.
My stomach churned.
Either he met, got engaged, and said vows in the last month, this bastard was totally married and had a profile on Match.com!
Of course, maybe it was a vow of abstinence.
But I was doubtful.
I didn’t like this guy, so why was my stomach in knots?
Because it wasn’t the first time a married guy hit on me.
It happened before, and it’s not a good feeling. If you’ve never had it happen to you, consider yourself lucky. It’s like someone openly telling you that you don’t deserve an entire relationship.
Instead, you only deserve half of one, or part of one; a part that happens in the dark, without anyone knowing about it. It’s dating without the giddiness; the PDA, the analyzing with girlfriends.
It’s a relationship where respect is not a priority.
Although I am not ready yet to share the entire story of that instance—know that it’s not an unfamiliar happening when a guy that’s taken hits on me. It’s happened more times than I can remember.
So I talked it over with my counselor.
“Is there a sign on my forehead that’s telling these men to approach me?” I asked him.
My counselor said there is something about me that shows my willingness; my vulnerability…and whatever that is, people pick up on.
I haven’t figured out what that is yet (although I think it might be my favorite gold-beaded headband), but for now, how about we put the blame on the married dudes?
I mean what the hell is/was Pookie doing with a Match.com profile if he was married??
Sure, there were some profiles I saw on there where people said they were in relationships and looking for threesomes, or whatever, but Pookie’s didn’t say that.
Sadly, a quick Google search revealed I’m not alone. Take this story I found on Yahoo!:
I should say something about married men on dating websites because they’re everywhere. The first time I tried Match.com when I was thirty years old I met someone who turned out to be married. Two years later I tried eHarmony and I got into a relationship with someone who turned out to be engaged and his fiance was five months pregnant.
Umm, yeah…check, please! I even found an article on ways to spot a married man online. So, about that online dating thing…I think I’m good for now.
Before, it was just awkward when I saw Pookie at the gym. Now that I know he’s a total sleezeball; it’s got me perfecting my roundhouse kick to the face!