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Watching: ‘Floribama Shore’.

The cast of MTV’s “Floribama Shore”.

I know I’m probably one of ten people still watching reruns of “Jersey Shore”… so, when MTV announced an answer to our prayers for new material, I was pretty excited! That answer is none other than “Floribama Shore”.

“Floribama Shore” is supposed to be similar to “Jersey Shore” in that cast members are filling up a single house in Panama City Beach, Florida, but are locals from the Floribama Coast.

Having been to Floribama a handful of times, I can testify that its known for its uncanny ability to embrace the tacky side of Americana, while also celebrating the fruits of summer and beach life in the form of denim cutoffs, cold bear at any hour, and bare feet at all times.

And so, MTV has rounded up a cast of locals to celebrate this portion of the country and likely, humiliate them and everyone they know for our complete enjoyment. Here’s how MTV describes the show:

Set in the Florida Panhandle along the beach that stretches all the way to Alabama, Floribama Shore is the story of eight young adults who come to spend the summer in the hottest beach town on the Gulf Coast, Panama City Beach, to party it up and put the real world on hold for just a little bit longer. But each is armed with incredible life experiences and standing at a crossroads, whether it’s ending a relationship, tasting independence for the first time, or trying to escape the past.This coming of age story captures the very real thrill and angst of being young and trying to figure out the future with a group of people you’ll come to call family.

So, the cast!

There’s Aimee, who might be my favorite so far. She’s from Alabama, admits to always going barefoot and never getting a pedicure, and she is NOT going to play games. She’s a spitfire and I’d imagine we’ll see a fight with her at some point this season.

There’s Candace, who, so far, is pretty quiet. She seems to be the old soul of the bunch, but I’m not counting her out of any shenanigans just yet. Next is Codi, who has been quiet so far… And then there’s Gus, who is pret-ty full of himself, and I don’t think he’s ever been rejected. This is already causing drama in the house.

Okay… Jeremiah. He’s the pretty boy, and although a few of the ladies love his looks, his attitude is not attractive. I’m not a fan of him as a person, but his douche-baggery is much-needed for a show like this.

Kirk has yet to say much, so we’ll see what happens with him. But finally, there’s Kortni and Nilsa, who are friends and both Panama City Beach locals. Kortni fires off episode one by pissing the bed, and Nilsa is a flirtacious force to be reckoned with!

So far, there’s been two episodes of the show, which airs Mondays at 10/9 central (although they aired one episode on Sunday night…).

It’s good stuff, y’all!

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‘Siesta Key’: ‘Garrett Gets a Girl’.

Garrett is SO fine!

You guys. I have been dreading and looking forward to this episode of “Siesta Key” the entire week. I do NOT want Garrett to get with Juliett!

Ugh, ok let’s get into it. At the start of the episode, Alex is helping Kelsey at work while Chloe packs her stuff to move into her own apartment. Chloe was planning to have a party and Kelsey is worried about seeing Garrett there… So Alex suggests he and Kelsey skip the party and go line dancing instead.

Later, Madisson and Kelsey are talking and Madisson says she saw her and Alex kissing. Kelsey admits it, but says she doesn’t know if she should tell Garrett or not. Madisson says she doesn’t owe him that since they’re broken up, but Kelsey knows this will be the end of her and Garrett. For good.

Back at the mansion, Pauly Paul is in the slammer. Alex asks his dad to bail him out, and his dad agrees to, but ONLY because he doesn’t have a father or a mother. And he’s waiting until morning to do it.

Brandon invites Madisson over to his studio and plays a song for her, and it’s basically about fucking hoes. She’s not really impressed… But it sounds fantastic, if I say so. She tells him people will probably enjoy the softer side…

Brandon brings up her ex, and she tells him that Grant asked her to come to New York, but she likes Brandon… So he was relieved by that.

Meanwhile, Pauly Paul gets bailed out and Alex’s dad picks him up and is like WHAT ARE YOUT HINKING?

Pauly Paul says he’s been locked up 10 times and he doesn’t have anyone over him to tell him right and wrong. Eehhhh…

Chloe is getting ready for her party with Juliett, and Chloe says she didn’t invite Alex because she’s still upset about his comments he made in Bimini. Go girl!

Chloe’s party is at the pool and Garrett rolls in with flowers like a gentleman. Garrett is talking to Juliett about how he’s moving on and ANYWAY he’s busy making his personal training website, and if Juliett wanted to be in a video, then ok. She does. And then she drops the bomb that actually Kelsey is on a date with Alex right now.

Bluhla-bluhla-bluhla!!!

At the line dancing bar, Kelsey and Garrett are laughing and dancing and seemingly having a perfect time. And then he walks off and talks to another chick.

Word eventually gets back to Kelsey that Juliett and Garrett are into each other, so that basically serves as her justification for seeing Alex. It’s a giant catch 22 because their using each other to see other people.

Juliett just keeps drilling it into Garrett’s head that yes, Kelsey and Alex hooked up WHILE they were dating, after the gala. This gets Garrett so worked up that he calls Kelsey, tells her she’s full of shit, and says they can’t even be friends anymore.

NOOOOOOO!!!

The interesting thing here is that in the last episode, Kelsey completely DENIES she and Alex hooked up after the gala. But when Garrett asks her straight out on the phone, she doesn’t give him an answer and that’s what sets him over the edge.

Ugh! In the preview for next week’s episode, it looks like Juliett and Kelsey finally have a face-off, right after Garrett and Kelsey make out in Kelsey’s company. Ouch.

Yeeeeeep! Until next week…

‘Siesta Key’: ‘Kelsey’s New Crew’.

Another installment of ‘Siesta Key’.

Let me just start this by saying I’m writing this after having just gotten home from WINNING “Saved By the Bell” trivia! After years and years of watching the same episodes on repeat, I finally have something to show for it: $1oo in giftcards, fools! Okay, I owe a lot of it to my teammate, but we kicked BUTT.

Anyway, onto “Siesta Key”! The teaser is making it look like Kelsey is going to join the gaggle of whores going after Alex. She’s out to lunch with Chloe and basically shit-talking the gift he got her for their anniversary. Ugh.

Alex Facetimes Madison and apologized for talking so rudely to her at the bonfire. Later, Chloe is out to lunch with her mom and they’re talking about how “great” summer is in Siesta Key? Umm really, cause you literally JUST had surgery for getting your face beat in. It cannot be that great.

Later, some of the group joins Alex on his boat and I can’t help but wonder if it’s the same boat he’s committed all these crimes on. Ew.

Amanda is on the boat, in a thong, and she’s basically all over every guy, because of course. In his defense though, Alex encourages her to squash her beef with Chloe and she says she will (maybe in the season finale).

Later, Alex is “teaching” Kelsey how to drive the boat and you can tell Garrett is jeaaaaalllous.

Next, Madison (I realized I’ve been spelling her name wrong this entire time, it’s Madisson) is prepping for her interview with Alex’s dad’s company. But basically right when she walks in, the guy tells her she really has nothing on her resume compared to the other candidates. Awesome.

Then, Chloe is visiting with a therapist and is telling her about the altercation she had with Amanda. The therapist tells her to consider the role of alcohol in the fight, and how she reacts to situations. Chloe also tells the therapist that her father is aggressive and has been in and out of jail – she has never met him.

Kelsey and Garrett are paddleboarding and she is talking about how much fun she had on the boat the day before – and he’s not really into it. I’ll admit, this scene was a little sad – I felt bad for Garrett. He was like, “Alex has a lot of money and I’m sure he thinks he can just do whatever he wants and date whoever.” Aww… Kelsey reassures him she’s not interested in Alex, but the entire situation is just weird.

Back at Alex’s house, he finds out he’s been waitlisted for law school. So… yeah.

At Juliette’s she’s recovering from having her wisdom teeth removed. She says she’s under the influence of pain killers, yet she seems exactly the same as how we’ve seen her all season. Hm.

Alex and Madisson meet up and talk about their recent failures, and Alex says he is dead-set on wanting to be a lawyer because he likes the water and “that shit costs money”, so he’s going to work his ass off, be a lawyer, retire, and then own a marina.

Umm, ok. I feel like law is a job you actually have to have a passion for and not just want money, but I could be wrong. Two, how is someone BREAKING THE LAW going to get into law school and be successful? Is this a thing?

Juliette finally gets to hang out with Alex again, and they are trying to work out a meeting between Amanda and Chloe.

Juliette agrees to meet up with the two of them to try and mediate. Chloe immediately starts crying and apologizes for her part – basically, her mouth. Amanda apologizes, too, and says she wants to move on from it, but she still has to see it to believe it.

Aaaaand then the fact that Brandon wants Amanda comes up, and shockingly, Chloe is cool with it. Wow. WAY TO GO LADIES!

Butttt then Pauly Paul shows up at the bar during Chloe’s shift and he tells her about Amanda hooking up with Alex. And thisssss goes over poorly.

Next week? It’s another party at Alex’s! Go figure!!!! I’ll see you then…

You Got it, Dude: The ‘Fuller House’ review.

Netflix has signed "Fuller House" for season 2.

Netflix has signed “Fuller House” for season 2.

My great friend Sheena agreed to write a review of “Fuller House” for The Bitter Lemon in trade for SnapChats of me singing the theme song. So, I present to you, a complete review of “Fuller House”:

I know I can’t be the only one that rushed home Friday evening (read: left work early) to binge watch all 13 episodes of “Fuller House” that were released on Netflix earlier that day. Prior to watching I had read several reviews by critics and they were not good, at all. Like many of my fellow 80’s babies, I didn’t let it get me down or spoil the sequel-series to one of my all-time favorite shows.  To sum up the first season in a few words, it did not disappoint.

The first episode was completely nostalgic, satisfying, and kind of painful to watch; everyone (but the Olsen twins, who got thrown some serious shade in episode 1) was there, even The Rippers and Comet’s grandchildren.  We heard all of the famous catch phrases, old stories, a performance from Jesse and The Rippers of “Forever” and Danny took it home with “Wild Thing” – it was the reunion of all reunions all crammed into about 10 minutes.

By episode 2 the circus subsided to make way for the start of the new story line and we were quickly brought up to date on what happened in the main characters lives these last 20 years. I’ll say this much, it seems like Stephanie never stopped hanging out with that bad influence middle school friend, Gia. Now in her mid-thirties, she’s single and childless, wears leather and sequin during the day (Editor’s note: Judgey Wudgey was a bear…), and is a world famous DJ that goes by the name “DJ Tanner” – this is my favorite running joke of the new show. Of the 3 girls, her character is sarcastic and witty and is, by far, my favorite.

Kimmy, who owns her own party planning business, hasn’t changed in 20 years and still provides the more obvious humor; while DJ Fuller (get it?), the veterinarian, is now a widowed, level-headed soccer mom.  The 4 kids on the show aren’t lacking in personality either; the oldest boy, Jackson, is a rule breaking delinquent (in Full House terms), Max is hilarious and charismatic, baby Tommy is too little to talk but still provides some good laughs, and Ramona Gibbler is a sassy bilingual mean girl.

The show is still pretty cheesy (but wasn’t that why we all loved it?) and the lessons being learned don’t seem to dominate the episodes as much as comedy now does, thank God. They are taking the time to slowly introduce new characters, which I appreciate mostly because those characters are hot dudes, but the familiarity of the old “Full House” still reigns true with at least one of the old characters (aside from the 3 girls) appearing in each episode.

DJ’s high school boyfriend, Steve, is a recurring guest on the show and Stephanie’s old friend Harry, who she calls her husband because of their childhood wedding ceremony, even makes a guest appearance along with the likes of a few celebrities.  Along with new characters, they are also introducing new catch phrases and on-going jokes even more ridiculous than the originals.

If you were a true fan of Full House and can get past the fact that Carly Rae Jepson sings the theme song on the opening credits, you’ll likely find the show enjoyable. Netflix has already signed on to season 2, so Fuller House isn’t going away anytime soon!