Dear Siri…

I’ve been living in Austin for two weeks now, and of course, I don’t know where ANYTHING is. I have to rely completely on Siri to get me anywhere.

At first, I was really thankful for Siri. What would I do without her? Use MapQuest? No. So yes, at first, I was so thankful for Siri, but… lately our relationship has gotten a little rocky.

After about a week in town, I figured out my route to work. However, I would keep Siri on in the background in case I needed a crutch. One morning, she decided to take me through a new route. I went for it, and completely regretted it.

So, the next morning, when she suggested the new route, I told her no and went on with the original route. She seemed a little irked by this, but nonetheless, things were fine.

But since then, if I miss and turn or an exit, she gets this tone in her voice like she actually wants to jump into human skin and murder me in the worst way possible.

Sometimes, she even has these little “freakouts” where she just tells me to take several u-turns, even when I’m going the right way. Finally, I wanted to set the record straight, so I simply asked her, “Siri, why are you SUCH a bitch?”

“Is that what you really think?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said.

“I figured as much,” she said.

Huh? Okay little sassy ass. The next time she got me to my destination, I told her “Thank you,” thinking we could mend our relationship.

“I aim to please,” she said.

The tone was kind of bitchy, too. What gives?

Apple doesn’t really offer any explanation as to Siri’s attitude, but if you Google, “Why does Siri have an attitude?” it’s pretty obvious that a lot of users have been asking this same question.

In return, I found an article on 16 things you can ask Siri — including if she has a girlfriend. I asked her if she had a boyfriend and she said, “I think I’d be hard to date. I’ve been told I’m a workaholic.”

This made me a little sad.

In 2013, Business Insider published an article highlighting Siri’s attitude problem, but doesn’t offer any solution to it.

For now, I’m pretty much at Siri’s mercy and I’ll have to continue to deal with her attitude until I can find my way around on my own. But… don’t tell Siri how desperate I am — she could easily send me on a goose chase with no end.