I swear I didn’t intend for these “coping” posts to become a series, but what the hell, Hollywood? Why is everyone I love breaking up? I cannot take it!
Yes, I was sad and disappointed when we heard the news about Blake and Miranda (read the guide on How to Cope), but this — Gavin and Gwen?? — I refuse to accept this. Sure, I know that statistically, rock ‘n roll relationships don’t last, but hello! I feel like Gwen and Gavin were Made. For. Each. Other.
When the news broke, the first thing I heard was that Gwen’s “camp” was saying it was because he was cheating on her. Later, I heard no one was cheating, it was more about the fact that he was touring and couldn’t spend time with the family.
Then, I see an article pondering the idea that Gwen is paying Gavin in order to keep her fortune… huh? Because of her fashion line and work on The Voice, it is reported Gwen is worth $120 million, while Gavin is worth $20 million. Ouch. In California, everything is split 50/50, but supposedly, Gwen is offering to “pay Gavin off” in order to keep a higher amount of her earnings (The Inquisitr). The same article also covers the idea that perhaps Gavin had a little something going on with the nanny… okay, Ben Affleck.
Again, what the hell, Hollywood?
In February of this year, Gwen was on the cover of Cosmo, and said it was a “miracle” her and Gavin were still together — noting their 12 year marriage, on top of 6 years of dating.
How can we be expected to get over this monumental breakup; the split of all times; the complete crash of 90’s rock ‘n roll all at once? Below, a step-by-step guide:
- Watch the video of the “Rise & Fall” of their relationship (see it here) and then plan a trip to the French Quarter, since that’s where they had their first date. Enter: copious amounts of Hurricanes.
- Sing along to two songs, repeatedly: 1. Don’t Speak — as this was the song she was admitting her love for Gavin, and 2. Hollaback Girl — because this shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.
- Wear all of your favorite 90’s clothes, because at this point, it’s really just about doing what makes YOU happy, if Hollywood couples aren’t going to get it together. So, bring on the pleated minis, pigtails, and platforms.
Le sigh. Despite this terrible news, I hope y’all can still have an ok week. See you right back here, tomorrow!