Coping With the Split: Blake & Miranda.

THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER!
THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER!

It’s only been a week since the news broke that our favorite country powerhouse couple, Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton, divorced. I don’t know about you, but I’m still trying to figure out how to cope with all of this?!

For starters, they didn’t just file for divorce; they straight up finalized that crap and got the DEEVORCE (after Blake filed on July 6, 2015). The thing is where were the telltale signs??? Where was Perez Hilton?? We cannot just be ambushed by this news, people!

Since the announcement, I’ve been going through a wave of emotions: one day, I hear Miranda is the one who cheated (supposedly with fellow country singer Chris Young), and then the next day, Chris Young says he’s got nothing to do with it, and then Miranda’s camp says Blake is actually the one who cheated (let’s face it, Miranda was his mistress during his previous marriage), and then both parties are sad, then they’re “amicably Tweeting” and now? They’re just happy.

I can’t take it! What about us? They were the couple that made it seem perfect. They were whiskey and shotguns; dog rescuers and camo-wearin’ country singers. They were gritty and glamorous all at once. They were the Brad and Jen of country music; and the divorce was a damn bearskin rug pulled out from every single one of us that believed the curvy badass chick could get the guitar-slinging comedic crooner.

And it’s over.

According to Us Weekly, the couple already had a prenup, so their properties were already divided, with no financial questions. E! News has also reported that the cause for the split was not because anyone cheated on anyone, it was because of their busy schedules — as time went on, they grew further and further apart.

I will never be able to understand the inner-workings of celebrity relationships. I can’t imagine the constant scrutiny; the rumors, and the pressure. But to hear it was their careers that got in the way; that almost breaks my heart more than any cheating rumor.

These are two people who are wildly successful, and they can’t find time for each other? I know, it takes more than a redeye flight and album collaborations, but if anyone was going to make it work, couldn’t they?

Le sigh. But, the divorce isn’t changing, so let’s figure out how to cope, okay?

  1. Realize it’s okay… to have all sorts of different feelings. One day, you may feel sad about Blake and Miranda, the next day you may be mad, or even glad. With any of these reactions, I say solve it by blasting Miranda’s “Gunpowder & Lead.”
  2. Take a break… and give yourself time to heal. You should probably call in sick to work — after all, how can we be expected to get things done when all you ever knew of love is… OVER?!? You can’t. You just cannot. So instead, you should watch this: The Love Story of Blake & Miranda.
  3. Don’t do it alone… which means, have a drink. And if you’re going to drink, drink Blake’s favorite drink, a “Blake-arita,” which is Bacardi mixed with Sprite Zero.

About three years ago, I had the pleasure of interviewing Miranda for Dig magazine as she was heading to Baton Rouge on tour. I asked her about married life, as she was a newlywed to Blake at the time.

“It’s fantastic, especially since Blake is also an artist. We both understand what the other is dealing with when it comes to our jobs,” she said.

I digress. Whatever you do — don’t even attempt to analyze Miranda’s “White Liar” lyrics… it’s just not going to end pretty. Until next time, I wish you all luck in surviving the week amidst this tragic heartbreak.

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