The Column: Dating in the ER.
Posted by thebitterlemon
I was about two months into dating this guy I met through some friends, when he started acting distant toward me. He stopped answering my calls, it took him longer to respond to text messages, and instead of multiple dates a week, we barely saw each other.
I called him out on it, and he sent me a text message saying he was “Not in good health” and that he had to have surgery the next morning.
Being me, I freaked out wondering what was wrong — did his appendix rupture? Was there a previous health issue I didn’t know about?
I called him, and he answered the phone, whispering. He told me he didn’t want to discuss it while he was at work, because it was something “disgusting.”
I was confused, and quite pissed. It’s never a good idea to tell someone you’re having surgery and then not tell them why, or any details.
Later that night, he told me he was having some sort of surgery on his ass. His roommate was going to drive him to the hospital in the morning.
I was suddenly in this sort of gray area — I didn’t know how much attention he wanted from me during his recovery.
Everything he said about the surgery and recovery was that it was gross and he didn’t want me to be a part of it, so I really wasn’t, aside from just telling him I hoped he felt better soon.
About a week after surgery, he invited me over to his place to watch a movie. I accepted the invite, but our visit was distant. No real flirting, no cuddling, and only a few innocent kisses.
I noticed he had his hospital bracelet on his bathroom counter.
“Are you keeping this for your scrapbook?” I asked him.
“It’s just a reminder to me that I was in the hospital and I need to take it easy,” he said.
From what he told me, the surgery was very minor — no organs were involved. So, I was even more confused. Was there something more serious he wasn’t telling me?
He continued to be distant, and frankly, it was getting on my nerves. So, a few days later I told him I was confused and didn’t know what to do about his attitude toward me.
He called me and simply said, “You’re right. Now is not a good time for me to be seeing someone.”
We hung up, and that was it. Over.
I was upset for about 10 minutes when I realized something: I’m continually getting stuck in patterns that force me to throw pity parties for the men I’m dating.
I’m not a party planner, and I’m done pretending to be one. I wish he would’ve told me sooner that he wasn’t interested, because I could’ve saved myself a few months and some feelings.
I hope he has a blast, hanging out by himself, ignoring those who care, and mending his ass wounds.
Posted on January 24, 2015, in The Ingredients and tagged authors, breakup, college, dating, ex boyfriends, family, fighting, first date, getting published, heartbreak, Holly A. Phillips, hospital, How to Make Lemonade, relationships, sex, single, surgery, The Bitter Lemon, twenty-something. Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.