Are All the Good Ones Taken?

He's great, but... he's got a girlfriend.
He’s great, but… he’s got a girlfriend.

About a year and a half ago, I was on-assignment for the magazine I write for. I watched a performance, and then hit up the after-party to interview some of the performers.

While I was there, I met this guy… Mark. He was incredibly attractive, funny, and was wearing one of those blazers with the elbow patches — love those.

We chatted about casual things; work, life in Louisiana, favorite foods… this went on for a solid hour, before he just mentions, “Oh yeah, my girlfriend and I did that…”

Ahem, excuse me?

There I was, getting this awesome, flirtatious vibe, plus that amazing conversational click, when he decides to let me know he’s in a full-blown relationship? That’s fucked up.

As most of you probably know, this was not the first time I’ve been approached, and/or attracted to a man who was in a relationship. What’s the deal with that?

I’ve heard before that men in relationships are more attractive to single women, because then you know the guy is at least capable of dating. Really? That seems kind of sad.

But naturally, Mark and I kept in touch via Facebook (which never leads to anything good) for a few weeks post-meeting. While he never totally crossed the line (there was no sexting or anything), he probably shouldn’t have been talking to me, and vis versa.

Eventually, we both realized it was best to drop it, and just move on. That was that.

Through the grapevine, I heard he was single about a year later, and shortly after that, I received a text message from him. I was really excited — perhaps something could happen in our favor; after all, we’d had such great chemistry.

So, I went out on a limb and invited him to join me at a friend’s birthday party in January. He gave me a weird excuse, and I backtracked, feeling embarrassed, and asked another friend to be my date.

Shortly after Mark rejected me, he mentioned something about coming over to watch a show on TV with me. Wait… so you’re more than willing to come over and hang out just the two of us, but going to a casual party with me is too much?

I spy a red flag. And an asshole.

I met Mark for coffee a few days later and was honest with him — he was playing me and looking for a fuck buddy. He, of course, denied it, but hasn’t talked to me since then.

It’s interesting how, when I met him, I was so convinced a greater power needed to step in and put us together. But when that’s what actually happened he turned out to be the person I pretended he wasn’t: that guy who talks to a woman for an hour before mentioning he’s taken.

No, thanks. I’m looking for a solo man.



  1. smalltwnfashion

    Yeah. I feel like all the good ones are gone too. I think it says a lot that you spy a red flag and pay attention to it, instead of ignoring it (which I have been very guilty of in the past). I know that there are still good guys out there – but it’s SO hard to feel that way.

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