#tb: feel something

The following was written in 2010; nothing has been changed. Like what you’ve read? Enjoy my #tb (throwback) blog series as I count down the days until my second book, How to Make Lemonade, is released on December 2nd!


Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I’ve been looking forward to today’s assignment since day 1—get a massage. Oh how I love getting pampered, in any sort. Since I have been running ragged lately, the massage was much needed. But I didn’t get just any massage, I got a sea salt scrub, which is double the pleasure.

When I got to the spa, I slipped into the comfy robe and fixed myself some hot tea. While I was waiting for my turn, I started to relax a little. But before I knew it, the ball and chain was back on my ankle, dragging me into a sea of guilt. Guilt for my Day 26 assignment.

I told the truth, and I know the exercise was very important. But, as I said on Day 26, it’s embarrassing for me. I have tried my hardest to write these entries with complete honesty. The most difficult part is trying to write them without wondering if he’s sitting on the other side of his computer, reading my ups and downs, calculating my next move. But that’s the tough part about breakups—there are so many unknowns. I don’t know if he reads this. I don’t know if he ever thinks of me or gets sad. I have no idea if he’s moved on and already found someone new.

Regardless, I do not want my ex to have any ammo on me—what I said on Day 26, is ammo. I feel like it will simply be read as bitterness and jealousy, instead of hurt and sadness.

But, there is a growing part of me that thinks the feelings of guilt are simply a part of the baggage. I was clearly manipulated to believe he had good intentions and things would get better. Obviously, they didn’t. I absolutely do not regret what I wrote; those events did occur, no matter how embarrassing they are for him or for me to admit. They happened and they are perfect reasons to keep moving forward.

Once my masseuse Danielle arrived, I was relieved. This was my first sea salt scrub, and it was amazing. If you have never had one, run to your nearest spa! The treatment starts with a rub down from a dry brush. Next, Danielle applied a thick sea salt scrub all over. Then, I took a hot shower, to rinse off all the salt before she applied an almond-honey moisturizer by way of massage. Ahhhhh…so amazing. Not only was it relaxing, but my skin is glowing and soft. Not to mention I got to wear these awesome disposable panties.

Slowly, I’m learning that many things I enjoy don’t have to come in the form of a boyfriend.

Now that I’m home from the spa (continuing the relaxation process with a glass of merlot), I feel much better. I’m relaxed and I know I am still making progress—Day 30 is just around the corner.


Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I got a little dirty today. Dirty, as in dirt under my hot pink fingernails, not dirrty. My task from The Frisky was to buy a plant. Well…since I have been cooking up a storm lately, I decided to use this assignment to my advantage (as if the other ones weren’t).

I bought myself seed packets of herbs! There is sweet basil, rosemary, and thyme. Uh, yumm!

I got a set of three magenta pots and a matching tray. I wasn’t kidding about the dirty thing; the soil I got was compressed, so I had to add water and mix it with my hands in a bucket. I planted the seeds (following the directions), labeled each pot, and gave them a little drink…herbs like merlot, right?

According to the directions, the herbs will sprout in six weeks…but I’m hoping with a little extra love and care, they will speed it up a bit. I want a fresh tomato-basil salad, dammit! Okay and some rosemary potatoes wouldn’t hurt either.

I enjoyed this task—and Orange Julius enjoyed helping me. Speaking of ole Orange Julius, this task is supposed to teach me to care for something other than a boyfriend…or a relationship, I guess. But I think I am a good friend for my kitty OJ!

In other news, I’ve totally gotten over Day 26. What happened, happened, and it wasn’t my fault. I dated someone who wasn’t ready for the same things I am, and now I’m trying to heal from it. Nuff said!

Looking forward, ideas are creeping in for what to do on Day 31. A friend in DC has a plan for Day 31—changing gender roles and asking out a guy myself.

What do you think? Say the word, I’ll do it. Even though it scares the piss out of me. Okay, so not completely. After all, I’m a confident women. And if he says no, I’ll slap him across the face.

Friday is the 30th, and last, day of this project and I’m hosting a celebration in honor of the occasion! So clear your calendars, everyone!


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