All my exes live in texts?

Over the summer, Maureen O’Connor wrote an article for New York Magazine, “All My Exes Live in Texts: Why the Social Media Generation Never Really Breaks Up.”

Hmmm. Even the title had my gears turning.

For starters, O’Connor states in the article that out of her 700 friends on Facebook, 36 she considers to be ex-somethings (flings, hookups, boyfriends, casual daters, etc.).

Problem #1: Keeping your exes as Facebook friends. 

Delete that shit.

There is no sense in torturing yourself with all of the dumb pictures they are going to post with their new-awesome-fit-fun-perfect-significant other.

More importantly, they don’t need to see what you’re up to, which is clearly kicking ass in this world of ours.

She writes:

“Cutting ties is no longer so easy—nor, I guess, do we really want it to be. We gorge ourselves on information about the lives of our exes.”

Umm, speak for yourself, girl. I can think of about a million other things I’d rather be doing than seeing what my drunk-ass-loser-ex-boyfriend is up to. And if I ever got curious, I don’t need a Facebook page to figure it out (I can just dial the local sheriff’s office).

Instead of wasting your life away spying on your ex, why not get busy improving your life? Volunteer. Hit the gym. Get a hobby. Shoot heroin. Anything but stalk your ex.

O’Connor quotes a friend, Celia, who seems to have the right idea:

“So I tried a few different things—the best is MuteTweet, which for the most part keeps him out of my timeline.” Celia blocked him on Gchat, removed him from her Facebook feed, and installed a web-browser plug-in called Ex-Blocker, which makes sure no reference to the supplied names appears in Firefox or Chrome. For those who want to erase history, KillSwitch crawls your Facebook photos, videos, and wall posts, systematically deleting anything that mentions your ex. For those who lack willpower, Ex Lover Blocker activates a phone tree of your best friends when you call your ex. (If you try to work around it, Ex Lover Blocker resorts to public shaming on your Facebook wall.) There’s even something called Eternal Sunshine, which removes unwanted status updates from your Facebook feed.

Hells yes!

I don’t have any of my exes in my cell phone. I have one as a friend on Facebook (now that I think about it, I don’t know why or how) and one on my Gchat list.

So, I can honestly say that no, my exes do not live in texts, or online. They are dead. Dead. Dead.

I was actually a little annoyed when I finished reading this article, until I saw the comments and realized that I wasn’t alone:

  • This is completely nuts. Delete people from facebook you don’t intend to communicate with. Delete their phone numbers from your phone. If you break up make it clean. This is all baggage.
  • They are called exes for a reason. It belongs in the past. You had your time together. Better to live in the present and hope for the future!
  • I can relate with the girl that tried to block someone from all her media.
  • You don’t want to your Ex “liking” your photos on Facebook. Unfriend him! You don’t want to accidentally gchat or email an Ex? Delete him from your contacts!

What about you? Do all of your exes live in texts?

“All my ex’s live in Texas
And Texas is the place I’d dearly love to be
But all my ex’s live in Texas
And therefore I reside in Tennessee” —George Straight 

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Posted on September 26, 2013, in The Squeeze and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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