When I returned to LSU for the fall semester of my junior year, I was on a high. I was in love with someone who loved me. When I left Indiana, we were certain we could make it work, despite the 14 hours between us. I was confident in our relationship, feeling like it was the first time I had done something right in the relationship department.
But a month later, I wasn’t feeling confident in myself. I became a person I didn’t know—I felt needy and emotional. I was getting worried and jealous over Adam going out to bars, thinking he was going to meet someone else and leave me behind, alone.
I remained close with Adam, and told him how I felt. He assured me that he still loved me and that I was only acting this way because I cared about him, which was true. I just had to survive a few more weeks. Then, I had a few days off from class and had booked a flight back to Indiana to visit Adam.
It was the light at the end of the tunnel.
When the day of my flight came around, I couldn’t have been more anxious to get to Indiana. I remember packing everything just right, and bringing my makeup aboard the plane with me so I could touch-up before I saw him.
But, aside from the plane crashing to my death, nearly everything that could’ve gone wrong did. When I was on my first flight, my connecting flight left without me. When I landed and tried to get another flight to Indiana, they said the next one wasn’t until the next morning. I cried to the airport employees.
I had to see Adam that night.
I was able to get a flight to Cincinnati, and my mom said she would pick me up, if Adam met us halfway. He did. I will never forget jumping out of the car, into his arm. I had missed him so much.
Adam drove us to IU, it was very late, cold, and all I had was my makeup bag that I’d taken on the plane. My luggage was lost.
I finally got to see Adam’s house. It was white, with a large front porch. It was old, with creaking wood panels for floors. But I loved it. By the time we arrived there, his roommates were asleep, but I was excited to meet them in the morning.
I slept in Adam’s clothes that night. The next day, I made plans to visit my friend Ale, while Adam went to class and studied. I wore the same outfit I had the day before, since I still had no luggage. I was quite cold in my frayed denim mini skirt, sequined slippers, and tank top with a green cardigan, in the cool October weather.
But when I returned to Adam’s house, he was done studying and he had my luggage.
Adam had planned for us to go out that night, so we had a few beers at the house before hitting the bars. It was a typical visit. Sheena came up one night to go out with us, which resulted in a few hilarious moments. And we played a round of beer pong in Adam’s basement. That night, more of Adam’s friends joined us, a few girls I didn’t know and didn’t make an effort to know.
Everything was going great, until my last night in town.
We were out to dinner, and Adam told me that his parents weren’t too happy about us dating. He said they thought it was silly of us to date, being so far away, and they didn’t want him to get distracted from his school work.
I was upset, nearly crying on the ride back to Adam’s house.
In the months prior, Adam’s mom told Adam she didn’t understand why I wasn’t making an effort to get to know her and the family more. So I made my best effort—calling her on random nights of the week to see what she was up to. Often, when I called, she told me she was busy and would ask to call me back. She never would, so I would call again.
I remember she asked me how often I talked to Adam, which shocked me, since I thought she knew we were together. When I said, “oh, we talk everyday,” she was as equally stunned.
As upset as I was on the car ride back, I was still dreading the alarm clock’s buzz. I didn’t want to say goodbye to Adam the next morning. But I did, and he told me not to cry, not to be sad.
But it was the last time I ever saw him.