Why I Kept My Move A Secret.

When I announced that I’d moved across the country, I think a lot of people were surprised. That’s because, for the first time in my life, I kept the details of my move pretty quiet.

I wasn’t broadcasting where I was going or when, and I only told a handful of people out of pure necessity.

Why? Because I’ve learned that whenever you share a big life change, people love to share their unsolicited opinions. And unfortunately, those opinions are often negative.

Past Experiences With Unsolicited Opinions

This isn’t new to me. When I left Indiana to attend LSU, people told me I was “ruining my life” because “people in Louisiana can’t read” and there would be alligators roaming campus. (Spoiler: my life wasn’t ruined, and I never once had to wrestle an alligator.)

Later, when I moved to Austin and started eating less meat — even trying out a vegan diet — people had endless things to say about my food choices, despite the fact that it literally had nothing to do with them.

So, when I started planning my recent move to Buffalo, I braced myself. And sure enough, the minute I shared my plans, the commentary came flooding in.

What People Said About Buffalo

The few people I told about moving to Buffalo had some… interesting takes:

• One person told me winter in Buffalo starts on August 1. (Fact check: Buffalo has never had measurable snow in August.)
• Another said I was making a mistake renting a second-floor apartment, because the snow would “cover my windows.” (Again, not how snow works.)
• A coworker argued with me that Buffalo wasn’t really a Democratic city (for the record: it is — Buffalo and Erie County vote blue consistently in state and federal elections).
• Someone else claimed the city was “all hills” — when in reality, Buffalo is mostly flat, making it a very walkable city.

And then there was the Lyft driver. I mentioned I was moving to Buffalo while he was driving me to do something on my Austin bucket list, and he absolutely lost his mind.

He told me I needed to see a therapist, warned that I’d “find myself around not a lot of people,” and even asked if “other people live in the building” I was moving into.

For context: Buffalo is home to around 275,000 people in the city proper, and nearly 1.2 million in the metro area. So yes, plenty of people live here.

The whole interaction was absurd — a total stranger telling me I was ruining my life.

Why It Bothered Me

What upset me the most wasn’t just the negativity — it was the assumptions underneath it:

• That I hadn’t thought this through.
• That I didn’t know what snow was.
• That I wasn’t capable of deciding what kind of environment I want to live in.

And here’s the thing: even if I hadn’t thought it all through, that would have been okay. Because this choice affects no one but me.

I spent my own money moving. I used my own energy driving a moving truck across the country. I’m the one who just hauled my own couch down the hallway.

Moving is not permanent — if it doesn’t work out, I can always change direction. Most choices in life aren’t fixed; they can be reverted, revised, or evolved.

Sure, moving is expensive and a pain in the ass, but at the end of the day, it’s my pain in the ass.

Why Do People Do This?

I’ve thought a lot about why people react this way when someone makes a big decision:

• Projection. They imagine themselves in your situation and respond with their own fears.
• Jealousy. Maybe they wish they could make a bold change but feel stuck.
• Social scripts. People expect “acceptable” reasons for moving — like love, family, or a high-paying job. When you say, “I moved because I wanted to,” it doesn’t fit the narrative.
• Habit. Some folks just default to pointing out the downsides of everything.

Whatever the reason, their opinions didn’t actually change my decision — they only made me less likely to share openly next time.

How to Respond When Someone Shares Big News

This whole experience has made me more mindful of how I react when other people share their plans. A few better responses:

• Congratulate them. “That’s exciting!” goes a long way.
• Ask with curiosity, not judgment. “What are you most looking forward to?” is different from “But why would you do that?”
• Offer support. “Let me know how I can help,” or “Can’t wait to hear how it goes.”

Life is already hard enough. If someone is trying to make a decision for a better life, our job is to cheer them on — not yuck their yum.

Quick Buffalo Facts (to bust the myths)

• Snow in August? Never. Buffalo’s earliest recorded snowfall was September 20, 1956.
• Buried windows? Average annual snowfall is about 95 inches — less than some upstate NY towns — and the city is well-equipped to handle it.
• All hills? Nope. Buffalo is largely flat, with a compact street grid that makes it one of the most walkable mid-sized cities in the U.S.
• Population? Around 275,000 in the city and over a million in the metro — so yes, other people live here!
• Political leaning? Buffalo and Erie County lean blue, with Democratic leadership at the city level.

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, I kept my move a secret because I didn’t want to spend my time defending my choices to people who weren’t affected by them. I wanted to protect my excitement and my peace.

And here’s the pleasant surprise: there were a handful of people who were genuinely excited for me, and their support meant the world. It’s funny how a move reveals who’s really in your corner — and who isn’t.

Now I’m here, and I don’t regret keeping it to myself.

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